BFF + Upcoming Nuptials + My EX = LONG ????
- Thread starter QueenHav
- Start date
sunshinelady
New Member
Wow, what she said was harsh. Don't answer here, but are you co-dependent? Scared to make progress on your own?
If you cannot acquit your maid of honor duties faithfully, then I would back out.
If you cannot acquit your maid of honor duties faithfully, then I would back out.
WOW, if you have issues with her then you need to bail. Tell her ASAP that you can't be her MOH. Do it now because you are an admitted procrastinator.
ETA: Me thinks that she has always been like that and now you are just focusing on it. It is very hard for me to believe that she just flipped the script on you. Sorry I am not buying it.
ETA: Me thinks that she has always been like that and now you are just focusing on it. It is very hard for me to believe that she just flipped the script on you. Sorry I am not buying it.
QueenHav
New Member
I have backed out of the wedding and this was the reply "I ain't gonna beg anyone to be my friend or in my wedding"
@ PoohBear: She suggested the time to myself after the breakup. The changes made were in a positive direction. But not at my speed. Hence, why I have a feeling of disconnect with my present life.
@ SunshineLady: Not co-dependent but very cautious about the changes. I was dragging my feet for years with some of these things.
@ PoohBear: She suggested the time to myself after the breakup. The changes made were in a positive direction. But not at my speed. Hence, why I have a feeling of disconnect with my present life.
@ SunshineLady: Not co-dependent but very cautious about the changes. I was dragging my feet for years with some of these things.
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
Oh okay. Well, maybe she was annoyed by your question or something and said that harsh statement without thinking first. If she suggested for you to focus on yourself after the breakup, I think she was trying to be a comforting friend there. And then when you come back at her about Kevin again, it's showing that you're still focused on that Kevin situation and not yourself. And you somewhat pulled her in the mix by starting off your question with "If you take away the fact that Kevin is your friend..." You were somewhat asking her to take sides between two of her friends: you and Kevin. So without thinking before she spoke, she just flew off at the mouth with that harsh statement.
QueenHav
New Member
Thanks PoohBear. The reason why I even asked the question is because I needed some sign of support or loyalty. Her response ripped the scab off of the whole situation. I felt like she thought it was ok that her boy mistreated me. Shoot, she was there encouraging me to "work hard on the relationship and be submissive" the whole time!
So, to hear that "he's still a good man" and "you're damaged goods" all the time from her, it really hurt my feelings. I just wanted some support or some "girl, he wasn't good enough for you/he's a loser/he doesn't know what he's missing".
So, to hear that "he's still a good man" and "you're damaged goods" all the time from her, it really hurt my feelings. I just wanted some support or some "girl, he wasn't good enough for you/he's a loser/he doesn't know what he's missing".
sunshinelady
New Member
Sounds like you made the right decision.
mscocoface
Well-Known Member
So, to hear that "he's still a good man" and "you're damaged goods" all the time from her.
Not sure what your definition of a BFF is but I am not sure a BFF would KEEP saying this to you.
If you cannot handle the responsibility of being MOH due to this situation and the fact the people who hurt you the most will be at this event I would let her know now that you cannot do this.
Time to heal, forgive and be about your life.
Not sure what your definition of a BFF is but I am not sure a BFF would KEEP saying this to you.
If you cannot handle the responsibility of being MOH due to this situation and the fact the people who hurt you the most will be at this event I would let her know now that you cannot do this.
Time to heal, forgive and be about your life.
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ETA: whoa I didn't know she said "you're damaged goods" more than once. Okay well...time to find new friends!
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Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
Oh! She said this crap more than once? That's strange if she's suppose to be your BFF. I see why you feel hurt.
I knew that this wasn't the first time, it just really got to you this time. From your original post IMHO you were shocked to hear those words like she never said them before.
sunshinelady
New Member
Queen, did she say all that to jumpstart you? I just can't understand why she would say that.
QueenHav
New Member
@ Thick Hair: Yeah, I wasn't prepared for it this time. The other times she's said it, I kinda expected it. From where she stands, (super sheltered and highly religious) I understand how she can say it. I don't LIKE it but I understand.
@ SunshineLady: I don't know why she'd want to jump start me.
BTW, her mother just called me to say that "she's always been a true friend to you", "you should be happy for her", "she's gonna be alright and we don't need you in OR at the wedding"
Womp Womp
@ SunshineLady: I don't know why she'd want to jump start me.
BTW, her mother just called me to say that "she's always been a true friend to you", "you should be happy for her", "she's gonna be alright and we don't need you in OR at the wedding"
Womp Womp
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
She's "highly religious" and making such comments like that over and over without any care of how you feel about it? That's not right.
What is it about you that makes her think you are "damaged goods" and that "lot of people will not want to be with you once they get to know you"? All because of that one experience with Kevin? Besides changing your life for him, what did you do so wrong with Kevin to make her think so harshly against you?
I just wonder what Kevin has been saying about you to her...
And what is it about her that makes her think she is so-called "better" than you? Is it because she's getting married or something? Marriage doesn't make you better than someone else.
What is it about you that makes her think you are "damaged goods" and that "lot of people will not want to be with you once they get to know you"? All because of that one experience with Kevin? Besides changing your life for him, what did you do so wrong with Kevin to make her think so harshly against you?
I just wonder what Kevin has been saying about you to her...
And what is it about her that makes her think she is so-called "better" than you? Is it because she's getting married or something? Marriage doesn't make you better than someone else.
WOW, he mom pulled the teenager move. That was SOOOOOOOOOOO unnecessary and immature. Don't be surprised if you hear that you are just jealous that she is getting married and you aren't. That's coming next, I promise you.
sunshinelady
New Member
Sometimes people say harsh things to wake you up. I've been guilty of that.
I can't believe her mom did that. She must have gone crying to her.
MahoganyJazz
Well-Known Member
She's not your friend for telling you that you're damaged. Point.Blank. Period. No one, not a family member nor associate should belittle you in that way.
You don't need HIM, and you don't need HER. No one has the right to talk to or treat you that way.
Take this time to do some soul searching of your own. Figure out what you want in a man, and what you want in a friend as well. And although no one is perfect, stand your ground in who you will allow in your life.
You don't need HIM, and you don't need HER. No one has the right to talk to or treat you that way.
Take this time to do some soul searching of your own. Figure out what you want in a man, and what you want in a friend as well. And although no one is perfect, stand your ground in who you will allow in your life.
*~*Afrolicious*~*
Well-Known Member
What the hay-ell kind of BFF is that?!?!?!? You need to give her one of these: :hardslap:
brownelovely
Well-Known Member
Well, I am sorry for your situation but in this case I think she was right.
I think that she may have handled it wrong but she was telling you what she felt honestly. There are times when people want their friends to be honest with them and then when they are it hurts because it's not what they wanted to hear. 
erplexedETA: Scratch some of what I said....her moms was a straight punk for calling you about this mess. Drop & block her arse with a quickness. I still think she was right for telling you the truth about how she felt about him BUT I didn't realize the "used goods" crap she was spewing. Tell her to get a life and find you another BFF cause she AIN'T it.
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QueenHav
New Member
@ PoohBear:
She says this because I come from a non-traditional family (bounced around the family vs. her 2 parent with a deacon daddy + Granny was in the house, too) and I've made some mistakes. I am not a saint and have never claimed to be. However, I have been in some unsavory situations (when I was young, dumb and immortal
). I have always been upfront and honest about all of this. And I had to learn some lessons the hard way. Right now, I think I'm a cool person because I can relate to a variety of people and I've had life experiences.
I'm pretty sure it wasn't Kevin. She's said things like this before. Plus, he ain't got no room to talk!
I don't think she thinks she's better than me, I'll give her that. But I know that she doesn't understand my views about life, love, men, sex and God.
She says this because I come from a non-traditional family (bounced around the family vs. her 2 parent with a deacon daddy + Granny was in the house, too) and I've made some mistakes. I am not a saint and have never claimed to be. However, I have been in some unsavory situations (when I was young, dumb and immortal
). I have always been upfront and honest about all of this. And I had to learn some lessons the hard way. Right now, I think I'm a cool person because I can relate to a variety of people and I've had life experiences.I'm pretty sure it wasn't Kevin. She's said things like this before. Plus, he ain't got no room to talk!
I don't think she thinks she's better than me, I'll give her that. But I know that she doesn't understand my views about life, love, men, sex and God.
Marley4920
Well-Known Member
Although her words were harsh, I think she was trying to be a good friend to you. Sometimes the truth hurts. I would take the time to determine whether she is a good friend who is trying to help you see something in yourself you can't see or whether she is a straight hater who was just trying to hurt your feelings. She doesn't sound like a hater to me, but only you can determine that. Besides, you did ASK for her opinion .
re: the Maid of Honor thing. If she still wants you in the wedding (what's up with momma ?!?), I would push this issue to the back of my mind and be a good friend to her during her wedding. I would hate for you to regret missing this important day/time in your friend's life. It's not about you this time so I think you should find the strength and humilty to be there for her despite your personal feelings at this moment.
. re: the Maid of Honor thing. If she still wants you in the wedding (what's up with momma ?!?
), I would push this issue to the back of my mind and be a good friend to her during her wedding. I would hate for you to regret missing this important day/time in your friend's life. It's not about you this time so I think you should find the strength and humilty to be there for her despite your personal feelings at this moment.
ang3lface816
Well-Known Member
No offense, but it does sound a bit co-dependent or unmotivated. I know that I have met ppl, who are otherwise GREAT ppl, but they do not have goals. And to be in my life (in a relationship) we need to be heading in the same direction.. So that's what it sounds as if the Kevin guy meant. He was giving you assigments thinking it wld help you make some progress.. the witholding thing is a little severe.
But with the friend also saying you are damaged, makes me wonder if there are some underlying issues that need to be addressed that perhaps you don't acknowledge? She could have gone about it a better way, but if she is your friend.. then maybe she has witnessed a pattern of this and finally felt compelled to speak up.
Either way, if you still think they are bothing just being rude and ridiculous, just get your life together and consider getting some new friends.
But with the friend also saying you are damaged, makes me wonder if there are some underlying issues that need to be addressed that perhaps you don't acknowledge? She could have gone about it a better way, but if she is your friend.. then maybe she has witnessed a pattern of this and finally felt compelled to speak up.
Either way, if you still think they are bothing just being rude and ridiculous, just get your life together and consider getting some new friends.
i don't know the whole situation but to me a friend is not worth losing esp. over some guy. usually friends try to tell you the truth about urself to help. is there any truth at all to what she's saying? is there any way you guys can talk it out and come to some sort of understanding? how long have you guys been friends? is she the kind of person who would try to intentionally hurt you? if not, even if she said it the wrong way, try to look at her intent for saying it, even if you don't particularly agree, her intent may have been pure.
did you want her to lie to you? maybe this is not the truth to her.
QueenHav
New Member
Hi Ladies,
Thanks so much for your input on this situation. And brownelovely, leejeans, ang3lface816 and jdub: a special thanks to you. You shed some light on the other side of the situation that I hadn't considered. Even though her remarks smarted and he's a jerk (JMHO), I know that will always love her as a friend. I'll get them a nice wedding gift and KIM.
Thanks again ladies!
Q
Thanks so much for your input on this situation. And brownelovely, leejeans, ang3lface816 and jdub: a special thanks to you. You shed some light on the other side of the situation that I hadn't considered. Even though her remarks smarted and he's a jerk (JMHO), I know that will always love her as a friend. I'll get them a nice wedding gift and KIM.
Thanks again ladies!
Q
Marley4920
Well-Known Member
Sounds like a plan! Good luck Queen.
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