Bereavement: Strange Things People Say

[auparavant]

Well, it's no secret I was divorced (5 years now) but I was married far longer. I felt I lost my husband, which I did. Finding out in the end, he was actually trying to make amends via his sister but I refused to see her. At the time, I was afraid because he was conceling his reasons...her in DC and him going b ack home? I was afraid they'd steal the kids and send them to Ethiopia. Now I know the truth. So,,,just because we couldn't work it out and he had become seriously instable, I still loved my husband but I had to move on. Which brings me to:


Funny things people say without thinking? I called the Tribunal at the Diocese to stop the annulment process. He held onto it for 8 months without wanting to sign it. I had to call to let them know he had passed away and the lady said, "oh, so it worked out for you." I was shocked! How crude to say something of this sort. I went on to explain to her that I truly didn't want a divorce and that he left 4 children behind. Then she was remorseful for her words, offering me condolences and whatnot.

Some people assume that because I was divorced, we didn't parent the children together and that I shouldn't care. They are shocked that I'm saddened and hurt by all this. Just WHAT THE HAY KINDA PEOPLE EXIST IN THIS WORLD? Sad all around. I wish people would think before they speak. But maybe it's indicative of their state of heart? Well, luckily, there are so many people who have poured out their love and support to us to counter the negative. Eh, nevermind me, just a few things I needed to get out to say that it bothered me. I'm alright.

 

[Shimmie]

Well, it's no secret I was divorced (5 years now) but I was married far longer. I felt I lost my husband, which I did. Finding out in the end, he was actually trying to make amends via his sister but I refused to see her. At the time, I was afraid because he was conceling his reasons...her in DC and him going b ack home? I was afraid they'd steal the kids and send them to Ethiopia. Now I know the truth. So,,,just because we couldn't work it out and he had become seriously instable, I still loved my husband but I had to move on. Which brings me to:


Funny things people say without thinking? I called the Tribunal at the Diocese to stop the annulment process. He held onto it for 8 months without wanting to sign it. I had to call to let them know he had passed away and the lady said, "oh, so it worked out for you." I was shocked! How crude to say something of this sort. I went on to explain to her that I truly didn't want a divorce and that he left 4 children behind. Then she was remorseful for her words, offering me condolences and whatnot.

Some people assume that because I was divorced, we didn't parent the children together and that I shouldn't care. They are shocked that I'm saddened and hurt by all this. Just WHAT THE HAY KINDA PEOPLE EXIST IN THIS WORLD? Sad all around. I wish people would think before they speak. But maybe it's indicative of their state of heart? Well, luckily, there are so many people who have poured out their love and support to us to counter the negative. Eh, nevermind me, just a few things I needed to get out to say that it bothered me. I'm alright.

If there be any consolation ...

I care...

I've also been there. When my 1st husband passed away, I still loved him, too. I always will.

Sadly, the hearts of many celebrate divorce. Yet in truth, divorce has effects upon a family the same as death. It severs what should have been; a love and life of two becoming one... being aborted.

I care. All differences become dissolved. Prayers for your healing have not ceased.

In Jesus' Name... Amen.

 

[mrselle]

That lady probably meant no harm, but I do agree her comment was a bit cold. My mother-in-law divorced my father-in-law after 35 years of marriage and remarried shortly after the divorce was final. Yet, when he was in a nursing home she went to see him every.single.day. When he passed away she was there. The day of his funeral she said to me, "You know...he just had a way of charming people." She will probably never admit it to me, but I believe she still loved him. Whatever happend in your marriage doesn't make your husband's passing any less devastating for you. My heart goes out to you and your children and you are in my prayers.

 

[auparavant]

If there be any consolation ...

I care...

I've also been there. When my 1st husband passed away, I still loved him, too. I always will.

Sadly, the hearts of many celebrate divorce. Yet in truth, divorce has effects upon a family the same as death. It severs what should have been; a love and life of two becoming one... being aborted.

I care. All differences become dissolved. Prayers for your healing have not ceased.

In Jesus' Name... Amen.

I see what you mean, but I wasn't married in the Church and therefore, it was invalid to G-d. He told me to move on. I didn't want to, at first. I followed Him and did the right thing. We could have married in the church but that would have made it permanent (issues settling in and popping up...wasn't wise). I still needed an annulment to move on but now... It was a civil "marriage" but not in G-d's eyes. We parented together but I could not make it a valid marriage after all these years. It was not aborted because a true marriage didn't exist. Well, it is what it is now. Sometimes, the effects of one's mistakes have the greater effect on the kids...and the one raising them as the mother. I'm glad I have my Church, truly. He is compassionate and didn't force me to stay in something like that. Well, he has found peace in the end. I love him, just not as a wife. I don't hate him, I only hated what he was doing. I guess that lady, like so many others, think that divorce means you hated someone. Oh, you can hate what they do, but you love a person, just not romantically and "in love." It's so very different. He's more like a brother and is truly family...but sad that he couldn't be what he was previously and turn around. Oh well, such is life. Thank you for your prayers.

 

[auparavant]

That lady probably meant no harm, but I do agree her comment was a bit cold. My mother-in-law divorced my father-in-law after 35 years of marriage and remarried shortly after the divorce was final. Yet, when he was in a nursing home she went to see him every.single.day. When he passed away she was there. The day of his funeral she said to me, "You know...he just had a way of charming people." She will probably never admit it to me, but I believe she still loved him. Whatever happend in your marriage doesn't make your husband's passing any less devastating for you. My heart goes out to you and your children and you are in my prayers.

You still love the person but not romantically. Thank you for your prayers, we all need them.

 

[Galadriel]

auparavant my condolences for your loss. All too often in this society we've come to expect bitter divorces, and it doesn't occur to people that people can still care about one another even if they aren't together anymore.

So sorry you had to go through that with the rude comment.

Shimmie, thanks for sharing about your husband (my condolences as well).

God bless you both!

 

[CoilyFields]

I am sorry for your loss...its like having lost him twice. Prayers and hugs to you sis. God's grace is sufficient...

 

[Shimmie]

auparavant my condolences for your loss. All too often in this society we've come to expect bitter divorces, and it doesn't occur to people that people can still care about one another even if they aren't together anymore.

So sorry you had to go through that with the rude comment.

Shimmie, thanks for sharing about your husband (my condolences as well).

God bless you both!

Thanks Galadriel...

It's been a long time since his passing. God truly heals.