Based on many of the posts I read, I see I may be in the minority here.
Join the club. But is anyone else, uh..., a bit cautious with the men they date when it comes to sexual activities?
Yes. I'm a cautious person in general, so of course it spills over into my dating decisions. I'm a bit worried that if/when I start dating, men will be turned off that I'm not into casual sex, we must use protection for all sexual activities, we're going to have to be in a relationship for several months before we have sex, must get tested before anything goes down, etc etc.
Anyone else relate?
That is wonderful. Good for you for getting him tested. IF I were to have had sex before marriage, I'm quite certain that protection would've been used for all sexual activities, and of course testing too. And I would wait until the relationship was a monogamous one....assuming you're doing the same. As for me,
My fiance and I made sure to be tested so that we could be assured of each other's status for stds and am happy that we're in the clear for marriage.
How has being cautious affected your dating life? (other than hopefully keeping you disease free and child free)
I've had a fun dating life still and didn't have a problem (I'm engaged so my dating life is over now lol because I found my sweetie). If you sit around pining for a guy or trying to make him into something he's not then I could see how your dating life could stall. Meaning if a guy doesn't want to wait for you, why are you convincing him? If you decide something is "wrong" with you so to speak and that you have to spend your time convincing men then you are approaching it from the wrong perspective. Basically you have your beliefs, if a guy doesn't honor them he's out. And also if he's not right for you he's out, and so on as you "filter" through men to find the right one for you. Do not hestiate to move on and date others instead of spending time convincing one guy that he should give you a chance, because really there are too many fish in the sea. That time could be spent on other dates until you find the guy that interests you and vice versa. If you approach it like this, and only take time out when you need to reflect or be by yourself for a while, then you should have an active dating life.
You could date a couple guys or so in the initial stages and filter out the one who isn't interested, or who you aren't interested in. And keep doing this until you find the one who is "Right" for you. Meaning in your case the one you're willing to go the next step with.
Being cautious means that you are going to filter out the guys who don't really care to do anything but wham bam and move on, as well as the reckless guys who are insulted that you'd dare ask for a test. It will basically ensure that guys who are at least serious about you are in the running. Meaning if they're willing to go get tested for tons of stds then this isn't an everyday relationship like he would treat the others. Think about it. The others are easier. He could meet a girl at a club, grab a condom and go home with her. But you, not only want to get to know him (the nerve!
) but you also are insistent that you'll only have sex if you're in a monogamous relationship and if he's tested. Also you using protection...assuming condoms afterwards shows him that you are serious about protecting your health, and only a guy who cares about that would beokay with that. A guy who just wants to meet ladies and slam bam, will move on to someone else because you are just too much trouble. I don't see this as a problem because those kinds of guys I've never wanted anyways. And if you keep your dating card filled (and legs closed until you meet the guy who you're interested in going that extra step with) then you won't miss the jerks anyways. I kinda practice something similar albeit without sex period until marriage. Date and date, and filter, and they'll filter, and date, and just have fun, and wouldn'tyou know it found a boyfriend. Okay that didn't work out, date again, repeat until I found my sweetie and wanted to get married so when he asked I said yes.
I think also by being serious, you're only attracting serious contenders...meaning guys who are serious about having a potential relationship with you. You're not going to attract guys who are dating "several prospects" until he decides which one is right for him...because you'd already be drawn off that list especially if he isn't sure about you. But guys who are sure that you are worth the wait, will wait. And isn't that the guys you want anyways?
Has it severely limited your options or you able to find quality men who respect your choices and still want to be with you? If the latter, where do you find these men? I would think church would be the best place, but most of the Christian boys I know are the freakiest ones.
See previous answer for limits of choices. My fiance and I were introduced through friends...and became friends before we even dated. It wasn't a date set up, just at a social party gathering they introduced me and others. You know the basic party speal stuff.I guess depending on your church would depend on the types you meet. I know some church guys are wonderful and others I met were full of it. They were used to having sex and saying they were tempted by the woman as an excuse, and looked at me like I had three heads. Others put me on this ridiculous pedastal of what a good girl should be, and then were shocked when I didn't fit into their preconceived notions (gasp I'm opinionated and not demure, etc)...and then there are the good ones. But I think everywhere there will be the "good" and "bad" choices for you. I found guys anywhere....guys have asked me out even on plane rides, in events that I frequent that are usually artistic, to grad school....basically everywhere. But I will say that if you're looking to meet a guy go places where you'd like to meet one. Meaning events that attract the type of guys you like. I don't really go club hopping so I haven't met that crowd. The guys in a club or bar environment in my opinion are NOT looking for me lol. But I could be wrong.
Because I like being around artsy events from book readings, to ballet, or modern dance stuff, or museum gala events, and even the film festival events (tons of behind the scenes lawyers, distributors,and other educated business people there, not just artists) I frequent lately these are usually the places where the type of guys I'm interested in are the best potential matches. Basically because we already have something in common, and they tend to be educated and enjoy artistic expression. Since I'm an artist myself, I always like a guy who can understand my viewpoint. My fiance said he always wanted a lady who saw the world differently from him, but still had the same values. Basically go to places where you WANT to meet guys that mesh well with you and vice versa. I also never approach a guy but that's just me. If a guy is interested in dating, he'll say. My fiance and I were friends and then he finally asked me out.
at the levels some men will stoop to in order to get some tail.
