At the end of my rope-need guidance

[MzLady78]

Hi ladies,

I've been a lurker on this site for a long time, but it was this forum that finally made me join.

In July, I moved from the east to west coast to be with my bf. Since then, my life has been one disaster after another. We ran into serious financial problems and I ended up draining my savings account to pay our house bills as well as my personal bills. I have been stuck in the house all these months because we've been unable to afford a car, so I can't even look for work. There have been little things here and there that have made me question his whether or not he's faithful and today I caught him in a lie which has totally just sent me over the edge. I'm all alone out here, with no one to talk to and nowhere to go. I should probably leave him but right now I don't even have the means to get my stuff back home if I did. I'm so tired and so depressed, I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do. I love this man and while I'm not without fault, I'm honest and faithful to him, even though I only see him on the weekends, if even that (he's a truck driver). I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've been praying and praying for things to get better, but nothing has changed-the situation hasn't improved. I just feel so lost.

Sorry this is so long, but as I said, I'm all alone.

 

[Shimmie]

Hi ladies,

I've been a lurker on this site for a long time, but it was this forum that finally made me join.

In July, I moved from the east to west coast to be with my bf. Since then, my life has been one disaster after another. We ran into serious financial problems and I ended up draining my savings account to pay our house bills as well as my personal bills. I have been stuck in the house all these months because we've been unable to afford a car, so I can't even look for work. There have been little things here and there that have made me question his whether or not he's faithful and today I caught him in a lie which has totally just sent me over the edge. I'm all alone out here, with no one to talk to and nowhere to go. I should probably leave him but right now I don't even have the means to get my stuff back home if I did. I'm so tired and so depressed, I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do. I love this man and while I'm not without fault, I'm honest and faithful to him, even though I only see him on the weekends, if even that (he's a truck driver). I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've been praying and praying for things to get better, but nothing has changed-the situation hasn't improved. I just feel so lost.

Sorry this is so long, but as I said, I'm all alone.

Oh Sweetheart, you are not alone. Again, you are not....alone. Hurt has a way of making us feel abandoned especially when we are hurt by ones to whom we feel so close to...the ones we dearly love.

But know this, no matter where your are, your life is always open to a new beginning. And help is never as far from us as it appears.

Is there anyone there at all with whom you've made friends with? Is there a Church nearby? If not, it's still going to be okay. We just have know that we can trust God to 'fix' this and He will.

Your biggest dissappointment is that your expectations for your relationship that you anticipated and planned for did not pan out. And that's makes everything else appear hopeless. But it is not.

Let's deal with your emotions of hurt and despair so that you can see a clearer path in front of you. There has to someone that you can talk to there so that you are not alone. Even if you have to call 'home' and ask for family help.

One line prayer: "Lord, take over my heart and my life and please show me the way."

One moment at a time is the way to move through this. Don't be afraid of the hurt for the more you 'push' through it, the less it has hold of you.

We will not leave you, here. The answers are closer and easier than it seems. Just hold on and don't be afraid anymore. God will fix this. He always does and He always will.

I'm reaching out to hug you with the biggest 'Mommie and Sister' hug that I can give. For if your were my child or my sister, I would be there.

Hold on, angel. Hold on. You are not alone.

 

[Honey6928215]

Honey, I can imagine how you feel. You are really stuck between a rock and a hard place. My question is can you get help from your family? You may need to do that. I don't know the circumstances as far as I'm concern. I'm assuming that you are on speaking terms.

As for you and your b/f, I'd say that he is doing something he has no business. He's got you right where he wants you knowing that you have no means for transportation to get where you need to go. It's about time that you start looking out for yourself. He's taking you for granted and he knows that because you are at his mercy. In other words he knows that you can't survive without him considering that you are a long way from home with no family.

What I suggest that you do is to call a family member and ask for help. It maybe hard but let's be honest, the situation will not get any better as long as you stay there. Right now try and make plans without him knowing what you are doing.

Please keep us updated. I'm concern about your well-being but your safety as well.

P.S. Where are you located? You may get more help. Who knows the sistas maybe able to help you out if you are living in the same city/state.

 

[ms*x]

that is your "boy" friend, not your husband. love you better than him and love god better than you and do what you know is right.

 

[pebbles]

Hi ladies,

I've been a lurker on this site for a long time, but it was this forum that finally made me join.

In July, I moved from the east to west coast to be with my bf. Since then, my life has been one disaster after another. We ran into serious financial problems and I ended up draining my savings account to pay our house bills as well as my personal bills. I have been stuck in the house all these months because we've been unable to afford a car, so I can't even look for work. There have been little things here and there that have made me question his whether or not he's faithful and today I caught him in a lie which has totally just sent me over the edge. I'm all alone out here, with no one to talk to and nowhere to go. I should probably leave him but right now I don't even have the means to get my stuff back home if I did. I'm so tired and so depressed, I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do. I love this man and while I'm not without fault, I'm honest and faithful to him, even though I only see him on the weekends, if even that (he's a truck driver). I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've been praying and praying for things to get better, but nothing has changed-the situation hasn't improved. I just feel so lost.

Sorry this is so long, but as I said, I'm all alone.

Sweetie, don't be sorry for being long. You're post was actually quite short!

MZLady78, your story is strangely reminiscent of the biblical story of the prodigal son. The parts I highlighted in your post really jumped out at me.

Often times, we pray and ask the Lord to speak to us about our situation, but if we take the time to be still and look around us and to listen, we'll see that God is already talking to us through our situation.

I know it's really hard to hear, but you are not in your place, and God wants you out from where you find yourself now. Think back over all that's happened to you since you left home, and you will see that from day one, God has been showing you that you aren't where you need to be. He's not going to bless you where you are. It's time for you to go back home.

Don't worry about what you've lost, and what has been wasted, or what you can't take back with you. Chalk it all up to a lesson learned, and go back home! Even if it's just with the clothes on your back! God is a God of restoration!! He can and will restore to you all that has been taken from you during these past months. Think of it as a new beginning, and contact friends and family back East. Ask them for the money to catch a bus back home. And if that doesn't work, please contact me. I'll send you a bus ticket myself, if I have to! You have to go back home and start rebuilding your life! And this is the right season to do it in! Celebrate Christmas at home with family and friends who love you.

And whatever you do, don't tell your boyfriend you're leaving. He'll try to talk you out of it. As Honey said, he knows he's all you have, and he has taken unfair advantage of you because of it. Though you love this man, he's not for you.

Loving the wrong person is a draining and very hard experience. Lord, can we all testify to that! I know I can, and it hurts! But thank God you know the Lord, and He caused you to find your way to this forum, so that you could ask your question, and through us, He could give you the answer you would hear clearly. You must return home, says the Lord. Be obedient to what He tells you to do. You are blessed! God could have left you in the mess, but He chooses to get you out of it. And He will!! Be abundantly blessed and at peace!! It's all going to work out in the end!!

Let me pray for you before I end this post:

Lord, we thank-you for lifting our burdens from us, for bringing light into darkness, for settling confusion in our minds, for breaking strongholds in our lives, for bringing clarity as only YOU can. Thank-you for the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the cross, that washes away all sin and iniquity from Your sight!

We claim victory over the situation that MzLady finds herself in. Thank-you for speaking to her through us! We thank-you that You are strengthening her, even now, where ever she may be at this very moment. Dry her tears, and give her the resolution and strength to do what she needs to do.

Above all, remind her that she is never truly alone! Friends, family, and boyfriends may forsake us, but You NEVER will!! You are The Rock, the very foundation for truth, strength, and wisdom in our lives, and in YOU and with YOU, all things are possible. Lord, restore 100X over to her all that has been lost because she heard from YOU and did as YOU directed her to do! We pray this way in the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen!

 

[firecracker]

Oh my I am so sorry to hear about your momentary life of pain and suffering. Call your family back home so they can assist you. This isn't a good situation and God has been sending you messages from day one.
I agree with Peb's. What part of the westcoast are you in?

 

[cocoberry10]

Hi ladies,

I've been a lurker on this site for a long time, but it was this forum that finally made me join.

In July, I moved from the east to west coast to be with my bf. Since then, my life has been one disaster after another. We ran into serious financial problems and I ended up draining my savings account to pay our house bills as well as my personal bills. I have been stuck in the house all these months because we've been unable to afford a car, so I can't even look for work. There have been little things here and there that have made me question his whether or not he's faithful and today I caught him in a lie which has totally just sent me over the edge. I'm all alone out here, with no one to talk to and nowhere to go. I should probably leave him but right now I don't even have the means to get my stuff back home if I did. I'm so tired and so depressed, I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do. I love this man and while I'm not without fault, I'm honest and faithful to him, even though I only see him on the weekends, if even that (he's a truck driver). I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've been praying and praying for things to get better, but nothing has changed-the situation hasn't improved. I just feel so lost.

Sorry this is so long, but as I said, I'm all alone.

You definitely are not alone. When God takes it all away, it's because He's trying to bring you closer to Him. Lean on Him, and ask Him to direct your path, and He will.

 

[MzLady78]

Hi ladies,

An update:

Bf and I had decided to move to NC for a new start, we thought our situation would improve if we went somewhere cheaper and didn't have the financial strain. Well the next day, he informed me that we would basically be going back to the same situation we were in before I left Boston, meaning we wouldn't see each other for months at a time. So...he decided we should break up. The pain I feel right is unbearable. Deep down, I think I'm more upset at myself than I am at him. We broke up twice before he asked me to move out West with him because of the long distance thing. He should've never been given a 3rd chance to break my heart. Not only that, but I'd be lying if I didn't say part of me shouldn't be relieved, he probably really wasn't the right man for me and I probably should've walked away a long time ago. I just loved him so much that I was willing to deal with all the things about him that drove me crazy. So I'm going home to Boston to try to get my head together, but eventually I'm going to make the move to NC by myself. Before he asked me to move out West with him, that's where I was going to go. In fact, I've been wanting to move down south for the past 5 years. Maybe that's where I'm supposed to be and that's why my life hasn't worked out anywhere else.

I know the end of a relationship is trivial compared to what others may be going through, but I do ask that you pray for me. My heart is so heavy right now and I'm honestly questioning whether I'll ever be truly happy, my life has been so full of pain and disappointment, it just never seems to end. I'm a good person and I want to believe that there's something better in store for me, but I'm losing faith.

 

[AMJMJR]

Just hold on and trust God. God will heal your heart. God can take things that are bad in our lives and turn them around for the good. Just continue to pray and ask God for direction.

 

[Shimmie]

Hi ladies,

An update:

Bf and I had decided to move to NC for a new start, we thought our situation would improve if we went somewhere cheaper and didn't have the financial strain. Well the next day, he informed me that we would basically be going back to the same situation we were in before I left Boston, meaning we wouldn't see each other for months at a time. So...he decided we should break up. The pain I feel right is unbearable. Deep down, I think I'm more upset at myself than I am at him. We broke up twice before he asked me to move out West with him because of the long distance thing. He should've never been given a 3rd chance to break my heart. Not only that, but I'd be lying if I didn't say part of me shouldn't be relieved, he probably really wasn't the right man for me and I probably should've walked away a long time ago. I just loved him so much that I was willing to deal with all the things about him that drove me crazy. So I'm going home to Boston to try to get my head together, but eventually I'm going to make the move to NC by myself. Before he asked me to move out West with him, that's where I was going to go. In fact, I've been wanting to move down south for the past 5 years. Maybe that's where I'm supposed to be and that's why my life hasn't worked out anywhere else.

I know the end of a relationship is trivial compared to what others may be going through, but I do ask that you pray for me. My heart is so heavy right now and I'm honestly questioning whether I'll ever be truly happy, my life has been so full of pain and disappointment, it just never seems to end. I'm a good person and I want to believe that there's something better in store for me, but I'm losing faith.

Honey there is...I promise...yet God promises more.

I wrote this in another post; please let this be for you...

Sweet Child of Love,

Your hearts have not been forgotten...neither have your tears.

My ears are not too far that I cannot hear your cries;
My arms are not too short that I cannot reach you to embrace you.

Sweet child of Love, you are mine.

Can a mother forget her nursing child?
Can a Father forget the first words that call his name?

Sweet child of Love...you are mine...

I follow you each day and my path is not bound to footsteps in the sand.
I'm the pulse of your heart and you are the pulse of mine...

Sweet child of Love, I am with you all the time.

There is no task too great that I cannot take on for you
There is no prayer too late, that I will withhold from coming true.

Sweet child of Love, with all of my heart, I am one with you.

Trust Me Sweet One.....Please trust me.
For what you have asked, it shall be done;
Here on earth as it has -- already been done -- in Heaven

Sweet Child of Love,

Thou art mine, I have called you by name...
and I will love you; even until the end --
of which there is no end,
to me calling you...

Sweet Child of Love, you are mine.

_______________________

With all my heart,

 

[YellowButterfly]

I am going to keep you in my prayers MZLady78 and I also believe the lord has something better for you. And there is nothing trivial about how you feel for your are important and the way you feel is important to God. Because he knows when one sparrow falls to the ground and to him you are more important than a sparrow it says in his word.
I think it is a blessing that you did not marry him because some people marry men like this and wind up in very bad situations. My uncle is a truch driver and my younger sister and brother's father is a truck driver and believe me I know the stories. I believe you are much better off than you know right now. But with time you will see.
God bless and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Honey6928215]

Hi ladies,

An update:

Bf and I had decided to move to NC for a new start, we thought our situation would improve if we went somewhere cheaper and didn't have the financial strain. Well the next day, he informed me that we would basically be going back to the same situation we were in before I left Boston, meaning we wouldn't see each other for months at a time. So...he decided we should break up. The pain I feel right is unbearable. Deep down, I think I'm more upset at myself than I am at him. We broke up twice before he asked me to move out West with him because of the long distance thing. He should've never been given a 3rd chance to break my heart. Not only that, but I'd be lying if I didn't say part of me shouldn't be relieved, he probably really wasn't the right man for me and I probably should've walked away a long time ago. I just loved him so much that I was willing to deal with all the things about him that drove me crazy. So I'm going home to Boston to try to get my head together, but eventually I'm going to make the move to NC by myself. Before he asked me to move out West with him, that's where I was going to go. In fact, I've been wanting to move down south for the past 5 years. Maybe that's where I'm supposed to be and that's why my life hasn't worked out anywhere else.

I know the end of a relationship is trivial compared to what others may be going through, but I do ask that you pray for me. My heart is so heavy right now and I'm honestly questioning whether I'll ever be truly happy, my life has been so full of pain and disappointment, it just never seems to end. I'm a good person and I want to believe that there's something better in store for me, but I'm losing faith.

MzLady78,

If you decide to move to NC, let me know. I can help you with whatever questions you may have. I'm sorry to hear about the news but consider yourself lucky that he no longer continue to string you along. Right now, You need to go somewhere so you can get yourself together spiritually, emotionally and FINANCIALLY!! You don't ever want to put yourself in this predictment again under anyone else. The last thing you want to do is to depend on someone....especially a man.

Good Luck and KIT.

 

[MzLady78]

Update Part 2:

Well ladies, I'm flat broke but I'm back in Boston. My mom was able to put the balance that was due to have my stuff moved back to Boston on her credit card because the money I requested from my 403B hasn't been deposited into my account yet. (Yep, I had to resort to taking out my retirement money ALL of my bills are past due and I still have to deal with the final house bills. I was supposed to be getting my $1500 security deposit back, but that's not gonna happen because we can't pay December's rent. My ex is supposed to start sending me money every month (he said he feels obligated to make sure I'm okay considering I'm in this mess because of him) so I'm hoping that he'll be a stand up guy and come through for me. I feel I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown dealing with the financial stress on top of the demise of the relationship. I'm praying everyday for something positive to happen to me, for the strength to move on and get over this man and just for some happiness in general, I've been so depressed the past few weeks. I have a long way to go to get back on my feet, and honestly, I'm scared. I've never been this low before. Your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated.

 

[Honey6928215]

Update Part 2:

Well ladies, I'm flat broke but I'm back in Boston. My mom was able to put the balance that was due to have my stuff moved back to Boston on her credit card because the money I requested from my 403B hasn't been deposited into my account yet. (Yep, I had to resort to taking out my retirement money ALL of my bills are past due and I still have to deal with the final house bills. I was supposed to be getting my $1500 security deposit back, but that's not gonna happen because we can't pay December's rent. My ex is supposed to start sending me money every month (he said he feels obligated to make sure I'm okay considering I'm in this mess because of him) so I'm hoping that he'll be a stand up guy and come through for me. I feel I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown dealing with the financial stress on top of the demise of the relationship. I'm praying everyday for something positive to happen to me, for the strength to move on and get over this man and just for some happiness in general, I've been so depressed the past few weeks. I have a long way to go to get back on my feet, and honestly, I'm scared. I've never been this low before. Your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated.

I'm glad to know that you are back home with your mom. Right now you are going to be sad but believe me it will get better. And on top of that you are no longer by yourself anymore. In order to keep out of depression why don't you take some kind of classes at your local community college where you can improve your skills or do volunteer work like the library, hospitals, etc. You need to be around positive people and hopefully you may even get a job. But in the meantime focus on yourself.

Keep us posted.

 

[MzLady78]

Well, I finally got my 403B money so I was able to pay all my past due bills. There probably won't be much left after I pay my mom back and deal with the final house bills but I feel a little better knowing none of my credit card bills were late enough to mess up my credit. I have back to back appointments with 3 staffing agencies tommorow, so hopefully something pans out soon. Once I get a job I can figure out a plan to start paying down my credit card bills that I maxed out due to having to live off of them the past few months. I'm determined to get back on my feet with or without my ex's help.

I made the decision today after a conversation with him that I'm gonna seriously start attempting to let go of what happened. Since I've been back home, I'm not feeling that same sense of loss in him that I felt when I was still in AZ. He doesn't call to check on me and when he says he'll call me back, he doesn't. It's as if he can't be bothered. Maybe that's his way of dealing with things, I don't know. But I do know that after two years together and everything I sacrificed and gave up for him, not to mention what I'm going through now, I'll be damned if I'm gonna let him make me feel like some chick off the street that doesn't mean anything to him. I'm not gonna call him anymore, I'm not even gonna press him for the money he owes me. I'm moving forward and on to bigger and better things.

 

[Honey6928215]

Well, I finally got my 403B money so I was able to pay all my past due bills. There probably won't be much left after I pay my mom back and deal with the final house bills but I feel a little better knowing none of my credit card bills were late enough to mess up my credit. I have back to back appointments with 3 staffing agencies tommorow, so hopefully something pans out soon. Once I get a job I can figure out a plan to start paying down my credit card bills that I maxed out due to having to live off of them the past few months. I'm determined to get back on my feet with or without my ex's help.

I made the decision today after a conversation with him that I'm gonna seriously start attempting to let go of what happened. Since I've been back home, I'm not feeling that same sense of loss in him that I felt when I was still in AZ. He doesn't call to check on me and when he says he'll call me back, he doesn't. It's as if he can't be bothered. Maybe that's his way of dealing with things, I don't know. But I do know that after two years together and everything I sacrificed and gave up for him, not to mention what I'm going through now, I'll be damned if I'm gonna let him make me feel like some chick off the street that doesn't mean anything to him. I'm not gonna call him anymore, I'm not even gonna press him for the money he owes me. I'm moving forward and on to bigger and better things.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! I'm glad that you are finally picking up. And good luck in your job search.