As A Christian Woman Are You Submissive To Your Spouse?

[sterry]

Hello, Ladies.


I had a talk to my eldest sister who has been married for 27 years.
She decided to leave her spouse and a daughter 13 as well as a son that is 18.

She is in a process of a divorce. She told me that she will no longer allow anyone to tell her what to do? She will no long allow anyone to disrepect her.
As I know they constantly argued and fought over everything, money, parenting, what child was preferred over the other.
I told her that a woman was to be submissive to her husband......that every woman can build a home but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.
She did not agree with this.


I read her this: The MALE IS THE ONE TO BE HELD IN HIGH ESTEEM. The woman is to submit to him if she has ANY hope of having a well established home. It is through the woman that the male gains his castle. We have the ability to make our dreams of home life and relationships real, established and firm and set in the foundations of Christ. We also have the power to make his life wonderful, one of blessings and we are able to make his dreams of family life become reality. The other side of the coin is that with all of this ability comes (just as strong) our ability to tear his world apart. With every ounce of dissatisfaction that we take a hold of, our husbands become victim to the consequences. For example, rather than telling our husbands that it would make our lives a whole lot easier if he could help out by simply putting his clothes in the basket when he goes to bed, we get annoyed and don't say a word. Eventually we find ourselves getting annoyed even more at the silliest things. Our husbands ask us all the time, ' is something wrong?' and we, in frustration, think, 'you should know, I've asked you a thousand times', however our answer to him is, ' no honey, I'm fine'. Yet we treat them like we don't want to talk about anything with them, we treat them like dirt. All because of something that we could have done ourselves in less that two seconds. Hence, to tear down your own home with your own hands. To sit there and think that our husbands have no idea is stupid, they know there's something wrong when you're mad at them, they know that they will have a much better evening if they go somewhere else! How's that for a man's home - I can't go home, my wife is in one of her moods and I don't even know what I did!""

 

[Eiano]

I'm interested to know what the married ladies on this board think... I know what I'd NOT be when I get married. And there's a huge difference b/w submission and compromise... so......

let's hear it ladies!!!

 

[Blossssom]

Your sister would benefit from reading Dr. Laura's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands".

Go out and get her a copy today.

 

[EbonynIvory]

I believe a woman is to be submissive to her own husband, I don't think it gives a husband the right to be disrespectful of his wife. All too many times "church" men and "old school" women take these quotes from the scriptures out of context; some men in order to keep the woman under their thumb and these "old school" women who don't know any better. I have been married 7 years and no it's not the 27 years that your sister has been married, but I don't think that her not wanting someone to tell her what to do and disrespecting her is all that's bothering her and pushing her toward a divorce.

I'm wondering how their arguing leads her to be a foolish woman, at least that's what I gather from your quote to her. I mean, if something is bothering her, she should be able to talk to her husband, but where does it lead to her being a foolish woman and tearing her house down with her own hands?

The male is to be held in high esteem but the "HUSBAND" is also to love his wife like Christ loved the church and if he's disrespecting her and treating her bad, he's not showing her true Christian love.

That's just my two cents, I can't speak for everyone, just how I feel about it. Marriage is a two-way street and where there are guidelines in the Bible as to how the woman is supposed to act, there are guidelines in the Bible as to how a man is supposed to act too.

Hello, Ladies.


I had a talk to my eldest sister who has been married for 27 years.
She decided to leave her spouse and a daughter 13 as well as a son that is 18.

She is in a process of a divorce. She told me that she will no longer allow anyone to tell her what to do? She will no long allow anyone to disrepect her.
As I know they constantly argued and fought over everything, money, parenting, what child was preferred over the other.
I told her that a woman was to be submissive to her husband......that every woman can build a home but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.
She did not agree with this.


I read her this: The MALE IS THE ONE TO BE HELD IN HIGH ESTEEM. The woman is to submit to him if she has ANY hope of having a well established home. It is through the woman that the male gains his castle. We have the ability to make our dreams of home life and relationships real, established and firm and set in the foundations of Christ. We also have the power to make his life wonderful, one of blessings and we are able to make his dreams of family life become reality. The other side of the coin is that with all of this ability comes (just as strong) our ability to tear his world apart. With every ounce of dissatisfaction that we take a hold of, our husbands become victim to the consequences. For example, rather than telling our husbands that it would make our lives a whole lot easier if he could help out by simply putting his clothes in the basket when he goes to bed, we get annoyed and don't say a word. Eventually we find ourselves getting annoyed even more at the silliest things. Our husbands ask us all the time, ' is something wrong?' and we, in frustration, think, 'you should know, I've asked you a thousand times', however our answer to him is, ' no honey, I'm fine'. Yet we treat them like we don't want to talk about anything with them, we treat them like dirt. All because of something that we could have done ourselves in less that two seconds. Hence, to tear down your own home with your own hands. To sit there and think that our husbands have no idea is stupid, they know there's something wrong when you're mad at them, they know that they will have a much better evening if they go somewhere else! How's that for a man's home - I can't go home, my wife is in one of her moods and I don't even know what I did!""

 

[sterry]

My brother n law and sister argued quite a bit. My sister especially is a yeller.
Often quick to anger. (I have witness this on several occasions) Her first choice when disagreeing is to yell and to use profanity. She repeats the same behavior with her own daughter and son. She left them behind. The daughter is only 12 . A daughter who is now distract emotionally. And having a difficult time adjusting since her mother left her. She has stated that there has been no adultery, physical abuse. She is just tired of living her life for everyone else!

I agree with you. Submissive is not to be mistaken as allowing your husband to disrepect you or to lose your identity. To be puppeteered I do agree that the he may be equally guilty of such behavior. But
This scripture came to mind Proverbs 14:1 any woman can build her home but a foolish women tears it down with her own hands.

 

[mkh_77]

Maybe he was being a foolish man and tearing down his house.

Women often give more to others than themselves and maybe she'd reached her breaking point. None of us (you included Sterry) will ever know ALL that has happened between them. I am not defending her behavior, just offering an alternative point of view.

People don't always make the best decisions, but maybe some time apart is what they need to recognize how much they do value each other.

Lastly, I believe children are happy when their parents are happy. If their parents aren't happy together, then let them be happy apart.

 

[webby]

Sterry, I was a yeller, quick to anger and then just explode. I have worked on this personality trait, because I felt that it was wrong for me to subject my husband, who is rather laid-back to my outbursts. I did a lot of soul-searching and praying. I have learned to temper my anger and learned to harness the energy in a positive, constructive way.

On another note, it's one thing for a mother to leave her spouse, for whatever reason, but for her to leave her children is not typical. Is there anything that took place before the marriage that your sister may have never dealt with? You say her husband is not abusive, but there must be some reason why she's just decided to leave him AND her babies.

Now, with regards to a woman submitting to her husband...I may get some flack, but I have always had a problem with such scriptures:

1. The bible, as it exists was written by a man, not THE Man, but a hu-man, male species.

2. Like anything else, scripture is subjected to interpretation.

I specifically dislike the use of the word "submissive", because I really question whether or not God would have us bow down to anyone, when are to serve HIM.

The definition of submission makes me question this:

submissive
adj 1: inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; "submissive servants"; "a submissive reply"; "replacing troublemakers with more submissive people" [ant: domineering] 2: willing to submit without resistance to authority; deferent 3: abjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant; "slavish devotion to her job ruled her life"; "a slavish yes-man to the party bosses"- S.H.Adams; "she has become submissive and subservient" [syn: slavish, subservient]

I'm not suggesting that a wife not work as a teammate with her spouse, but I personally, would never be able to "submit" to my husband or any other human. If I find that this is truly God's will...then I will need some serious prayer.

 

[sterry]

Submissive is a strong word.

I just wanted an opinion on this scripture and the situation. This was a topic in one of my bible discussions. There were similar situation and this scriputure was used.

 

[webby]

Submissive is a strong word.

I just wanted an opinion on this scripture and the situation. This was a topic in one of my bible discussions. There were similar situation and this scriputure was used.

Sterry, it IS a strong word and that's why I have always had a problem with men in my church throwing it out, as if justifying certain actions towards us.

Sorry if my response was out of context with your post. I thought that I was keeping in sync with your question, since you specifically used the term "submissive" as it relates to the bible and Christian women

 

[Vintagecoilylocks]

To Sterry,

The bible does tell us to submitt ourselves one to another as we need to submit to Christ. If she argued then she was not exactly letting him tell her what to do. So I see some contridiction in what she says. You did see them interact more then we on the board. It does seem like you have also picked up on the feeling that it is not quite as she says. Leaving her children is another indication to me she has more then just getting respect. It sounds very self centered and her attitude toward your guidance was pure deviance. If she could not see the least bit of fault on her side then it sounds like there is other issues going on in her.
Ideally thinking if a husband was like what is in Ephesains 5:22 and a wife like what is in Proverbs and Ephisians it would be easy. But we were never told it would be easy to submit or empty our selves in obiediance to Christ. I feel whether I have the model husband or not I am bound by my submission to Christ to be the model wife. It is not whether he does or not. Even if he does not respect me I am to respect him. That tells me I am too behave in accordance with Gods law irregardless of him. So yes I should submit as God has ordered and be the woman of Probverbs cHAPTER 31. no matter what my spouse does, for I must answer to the Lord for my behavior. If we are saying we are Christian woman then there can be no justification in refusing to obey God. We are to obey our husbands for what is right in the Lord. Col 3:18

 

[sterry]

Sterry, it IS a strong word and that's why I have always had a problem with men in my church throwing it out, as if justifying certain actions towards us.

Sorry if my response was out of context with your post. I thought that I was keeping in sync with your question, since you specifically used the term "submissive" as it relates to the bible and Christian women

No you are not out of context with the topic. Submissive is a strong word.
But with all that my sister has given me I didn't understand why she left.
She says she no longer wants anyone to tell her what to do. That she felt she was getting no respect from her husband or children. So she chose to leave.
I guess what I was trying to tell her and asking you ladies is as a Christian are we to argue, contradict, ignore and disrepect our spouses or are we to be submissive.
Not saying submissive means being a footmat. There are times when I disagree with my husband. I may not like how he disciplines one of the girls, but I do not over ride his decision. As someone posted.....I do this and reframe from being confrontational because I am serving God.
But I also want respect which they do give me. It is not always peachey.

 

[ThickHair]

I don't like that word, Submissive. I am not submissive to my husband, but I do respect him and what he does, he does the same to me.

 

[webby]

No you are not out of context with the topic. Submissive is a strong word.
But with all that my sister has given me I didn't understand why she left.
She says she no longer wants anyone to tell her what to do. That she felt she was getting no respect from her husband or children. So she chose to leave.
I guess what I was trying to tell her and asking you ladies is as a Christian are we to argue, contradict, ignore and disrepect our spouses or are we to be submissive.
Not saying submissive means being a footmat. There are times when I disagree with my husband. I may not like how he disciplines one of the girls, but I do not over ride his decision. As someone posted.....I do this and reframe from being confrontational because I am serving God.
But I also want respect which they do give me. It is not always peachey.

I understand everything you said, especially not being a footmat. I pray that I am living the way God wants me to live, but I know that I am still growing.

My husbnad and I do argue, disagree, but we respect each other enough to cool-off and re-group in a civil manner. We have discussed, at length, what we will do when our son gets to an age where he is smart enough to try to pit us against one another. We have agreed that we will not disagree with each other in his presence, but we will make a decision as a team.

I have learned good, positive things from my former church, but one negative incident molded how I view church/religion and marriage. A member used to physically beat his wife IN THE CHURCH and rather than telling the wife that her husband was out of line and that was not God's way; they insisted that she stay with him and be "submissive." At that point, I decided that God may want man and wife to have a specific relationship, but there is NO WAY I would ever believe that God wanted a woman to allow her mate to abuse her.

Sterry, your sister may be acting out on some things that she has been holding for a while. How long has she been married? What was her relationship like with your father? Was your father bossy, controlling? Did your sister marry at a young age (she may feel like she missed out on some of her youth)?

 

[sterry]

I understand everything you said, especially not being a footmat. I pray that I am living the way God wants me to live, but I know that I am still growing.

My husbnad and I do argue, disagree, but we respect each other enough to cool-off and re-group in a civil manner. We have discussed, at length, what we will do when our son gets to an age where he is smart enough to try to pit us against one another. We have agreed that we will not disagree with each other in his presence, but we will make a decision as a team.

I have learned good, positive things from my former church, but one negative incident molded how I view church/religion and marriage. A member used to physically beat his wife IN THE CHURCH and rather than telling the wife that her husband was out of line and that was not God's way; they insisted that she stay with him and be "submissive." At that point, I decided that God may want man and wife to have a specific relationship, but there is NO WAY I would ever believe that God wanted a woman to allow her mate to abuse her.

Sterry, your sister may be acting out on some things that she has been holding for a while. How long has she been married? What was her relationship like with your father? Was your father bossy, controlling? Did your sister marry at a young age (she may feel like she missed out on some of her youth)?

My sister married at 18 I believe. No my father was very refine and quiet.

I agree that God does not want us to be puppeteered or abused. Definetly NOT.

 

[Sweet C]

Your sister would benefit from reading Dr. Laura's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands".

Go out and get her a copy today.

Oh, this book is so hilarious, but so on point. Its definitely a good read.

 

[mkh_77]

"Leaving her children is another indication to me she has more then just getting respect. It sounds very self centered and her attitude toward your guidance was pure deviance."



PEOPLE! No one knows what is going on in her life or her mind! Why be so harsh on her?! It's easy to sit around and say what you would and wouldn't do, but no one knows what they would do if faced with that situation! Stop being so judgmental!

 

[webby]

My sister married at 18 I believe. No my father was very refine and quiet.

Without knowing the specifics, I would not be surprised if you sister secretly wishes that she had waited to get married. She may be going through a phase, that she will outgrow, but she might feel as if she missed out on "life" by marrying at a young age.

That's pretty young, by today's standards, ya know?

 

[Sweet C]

I'm not going to lie. I do at times have a problem being submissive to my husband. And its not that I think submissive is a bad thing. Its just that after leaving the "parental nest", I became a little more independent, only to marry, and have to learn how to depend on my husband a bit more. Submissive is actually a very good thing, its further definition in the Greek besides to yield means to respect, cooperate with, assuming responsibility, and to carrying a burden. I know that a lot of times, some traditional teachings have lead women to believe submission is to bow to a man's whim, but that's not true. Like vintage said, we are to both submit to God first.

One of the overall theme's of Laura's book is that you can't change anyone but yourself. Complaining and arguing will get you nowhere. It will only make the situation worse. She points out the power that women have in a marriage, and that a wife can make small changes that will drastically change her household for the better. Sterry, I don't know what your sister is going through, but I can only guess that it has been issues that has bothered her for a long time that she never fully voiced until now. We will make sure to definitely lift her family up in prayer.

 

[sterry]

Thanks ladies.

I might have to get that book myself. Is it Christian based?

 

[sprungonhairboards]

Thanks ladies.

I might have to get that book myself. Is it Christian based?

Dr. Laura is a converted Jew but has excellent advice that translates through all religions. I can't think of one Christian principle that she doesn't support and encourage.

 

[bludacious]

Pardon me, but what about the children? I don't have any children but if I did, I could never leave my children. If I left my husband, my children would go right along with me. I think your sister has deeper problems than what she is telling!

 

[webby]

Pardon me, but what about the children? I don't have any children but if I did, I could never leave my children. If I left my husband, my children would go right along with me. I think your sister has deeper problems than what she is telling!

I said the same thing. I really pray that she comes around. Children need both parents

 

[Blossssom]

Dr. Laura is a converted Jew but has excellent advice that translates through all religions. I can't think of one Christian principle that she doesn't support and encourage.

Sprung is right, Sterry!

Get the book!

It should be required reading for all women who are married or engaged to be married.

Men have even benefited from it

 

[sterry]

Her reason for leaving her daughter is that she was disrepectful, arguementative.
She and her daughter had a history of going at each other as well. (Which I definetly don't condone this child being disrepectful) She states that my brother n law her daughter and son would gang up on her as if she had no right to say anything to them. She says that her husband always took the children side and did not make them repect her.
So she felt that they had a bond so they did not need her.

 

[ShortyDooWhop]

I'm not going to lie. I do at times have a problem being submissive to my husband. And its not that I think submissive is a bad thing. Its just that after leaving the "parental nest", I became a little more independent, only to marry, and have to learn how to depend on my husband a bit more. Submissive is actually a very good thing, its further definition in the Greek besides to yield means to respect, cooperate with, assuming responsibility, and to carrying a burden. I know that a lot of times, some traditional teachings have lead women to believe submission is to bow to a man's whim, but that's not true. Like vintage said, we are to both submit to God first.

One of the overall theme's of Laura's book is that you can't change anyone but yourself. Complaining and arguing will get you nowhere. It will only make the situation worse. She points out the power that women have in a marriage, and that a wife can make small changes that will drastically change her household for the better. Sterry, I don't know what your sister is going through, but I can only guess that it has been issues that has bothered her for a long time that she never fully voiced until now. We will make sure to definitely lift her family up in prayer.

I didn't read all of the responses, but I thing that in all things biblical, there is a purpose. When I think about why God would tell wives to submit to their husbands, I think of so many of the instructions God gives us. The most important one being that we are to love one another. Love encompasses respect. We were taught to do onto others what we would want them to do on to us. The same theory/principle applies to the marital relationship. We want to be cherished the same way that we cherish our husbands. We want to be thought of and loved in the same manner that we love and think of our husbands. We want to know that the same way that we are thinking about the survival/viability of the relationship, that our spouse doing likewise.

I say all of that to say that when you are in a relationship where you are communicating, being loved, cherished, and respected, it is so much easier for you to submit especially when you know that the other person is thinking of you and treating you as they treat themselves. That was God's admonition to wives when He said to submit yourself.

Personally, I don't think that God intended for submission to be a substitute for abuse or doormat status. I think the reason that so many wives refuse to submit to their husbands is because they are not experiencing the reciprocal exchange that I believe God intended. We live in a me society, where we are taught to value independence and self over unity and togetherness. I think that above alll else, we should pray for our relationships and treat eachother with love... The respect and submission will come, if we put God in the equation.... (sorry for the long post)

 

[EbonyEyes]

Personally, I don't think that God intended for submission to be a substitute for abuse or doormat status. I think the reason that so many wives refuse to submit to their husbands is because they are not experiencing the reciprocal exchange that I believe God intended. We live in a me society, where we are taught to value independence and self over unity and togetherness. I think that above alll else, we should pray for our relationships and treat eachother with love... The respect and submission will come, if we put God in the equation.... (sorry for the long post)

Beautiful and well-said.

I used to have a HUGE problem with this wife submitting to husbands thing. But what I found was, I was not reading the ENTIRE passage!! Ephesians 5:22-23 is always quoted but there are some other very important points made in that chapter.

Ephesians 5:21 says "Submitting yourselves one to another in fear of God." This scripture also ties to Phillipians 2:3 which reads "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves." God expects all his children, both male and female, to serve one another and humble ourselves to one another.

Yes, the women are called to submit to their husbands. But husbands have been called to love and respect their wives:

Ephesians 5:25 reads "Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it." Ephesians 5:28 also says "So ought men to love their bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself."

Essentially, BOTH the husband and the wife are supposed to love and respect each other.

So a man can quote Ephesians 5:22-23 all he wants but if he is physically abusing his wife or not providing for her needs, then he is not doing what God wants him to do: Love his wife as Christ loved the church.

-Ebony

 

[qtgirl]

I am just speaking about my own life, but it is sometimes hard for me to just submit. In fact yesterday we were talking about something (my phone manner) and I said something back in response and he said that I always have something to say back, like I'm always talking back to him. I don't try to do it in a mean way, but I've realized that sometimes he feels that I do this because I don't value his opinion.

I have told him before that I will follow his lead in all things, but sometimes it is hard.

The WONDERFUL thing is that he loves and respects me and values my opinion so even if I am following his lead he will always get advice from me before he advances.

Ephesians 5:25 reads "Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it." Ephesians 5:28 also says "So ought men to love their bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself."

 

[andreab]

Your sister would benefit from reading Dr. Laura's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands".

Go out and get her a copy today.

I will take this to heart. I read some reviews about this book. This is kind of the way I approch my relationships. I have found a good man who has been in relationships were resepct, support, and admiration have been lacking in his past relationships. He tells me I am a good woman but then on the other hand he deals with the affects of old habits and past relationships.

I have to be patient with him and him with me.