Arranged Marriages

cocoberry10

New Member
Hello Ladies:

I was just thinking about this topic today.

Is anyone on here in an arranged marriage?

I am interested in discussing this, the pros and cons. As a member of "Western Society," (US) this is not common in our neck of the woods. I've always believed arranged marriages are more about practicality and lifestyle and less about "love, feelings and happiness." I'm sure that in time, many people in arranged marriages grow to love and appreciate one another in a way that people who "chose their spouse," don't feel.

So, please give your input!
 
Interesting article on the topic

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Reality-of-Arranged-Marriages&id=606
The Reality of Arranged Marriages


Arranged marriages have been a topic of interest for centuries. Authors across the ages have explored this theme at length, and it still surfaces in literary works today. What's the appeal? Is it the fascination with the lack of lust and desire we cultivate in North American society? We strive on the element of danger, of the forbidden, while an arranged marriage is usually a safe way to ensure a family's approval of a union.

And yet, many of today's romance novels deal with marriages of convenience. We’ve all read them: the heroine marries the hero because she needs him, whether for financial reasons, or because her children need a father -- there are as many reasons to marry as there are novels dealing with this subject. Yet although the marriage isn’t initially based on love, there’s always that sensual tension simmering beneath the surface, and as readers, we know it’s inevitable that the two are going to fall deeply and irrevocably in love.

But what about real life, where things don’t always work out so well? Arranged marriages are commonplace in a number of countries, such as Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Japan and India. They’re more common than you’d think even in North America, where cultural diversity is cherished and encouraged.

Young people in countries where arranged marriages are commonplace are told from an early age that their spouse will be chosen for them. To deny an arranged marriage is seen as a sign of disrespect toward the family.

But how are suitable spouses chosen? In Japan, for instance, "when a woman reaches the marriageable age of 25, she and her parents compile a packet of information about her, including a photograph of her in a kimono and descriptions of her family background, education, hobbies, accomplishments and interests. Her parents then inquire among their friends and acquaintances to see if anyone knows a man who would be a suitable husband for her" (the Asia Society's Video Letter from Japan: My Family, 1988). Usually, the most important aspect of choosing a suitable spouse is the bond between the two families, rather than the relationship between the couple being married. Property or land with the aim of securing social status sometimes seals marriage agreements.

Do arranged marriages work? Opinions tend to differ. Statistics place the divorce rate for arranged marriages much lower than those in the United States, where marriages out of love are the rule. However, research also shows that the pressure a married couple encounters from both society as a whole, and from the respective families, suggests that divorce is often not an option.

Can love grow out of an arranged marriage? Absolutely, and in the same way that love can grow in romance novels from a marriage of convenience. But there’s more to love than finding a suitable match. Love can grow for many reasons, from lust at first sight to friendship that develops over a long period of time. It’s impossible to predict whether a union will be successful. The only two people who can make it work are the bride and groom, the hero and heroine of their own story.
 
I am open to it, but have found someone right now. When your family had good values and truly has your best interest at heart, it can be a good thing. It's just that every situation is not the same. Some families do not have the best motives/values when choosing a spouse, and that can end in an unhappy marriage, even if the couple remains together.

Actually, a mixed approach is ideal to me. Even in my relationship now, there are bits and pieces of "arrangement." Our parents got together early in the relationship to get to know each other, and see the pedigree of the other family. It's essential in my opinion. I happened to meet my s/o on my own but would have had no problem with my parents introducing me. As long as I do have the option of saying no, then I'm for it.
 
A guy I dated a couple of months in college parents had an arranged marriage. According to him they very happy together.
 
You know what, your family has your best interests at heart. As for the other family, some people will never tell you about their son's flaws. After all, to a parent, their child is perfect. Lo and behold you marry him and get the shock of your life.

I would be open to it, as long as it is a "choice" marriage. That is, the parents set you up and you choose whether or not to pursue it. Not that they just show up and say here is Mr. X and you are now Mrs. X:nono:.
 
I am open to it, but have found someone right now. When your family had good values and truly has your best interest at heart, it can be a good thing. It's just that every situation is not the same. Some families do not have the best motives/values when choosing a spouse, and that can end in an unhappy marriage, even if the couple remains together.

Actually, a mixed approach is ideal to me. Even in my relationship now, there are bits and pieces of "arrangement." Our parents got together early in the relationship to get to know each other, and see the pedigree of the other family. It's essential in my opinion. I happened to meet my s/o on my own but would have had no problem with my parents introducing me. As long as I do have the option of saying no, then I'm for it.


I basically agree with the above. I have known a few couples who had arranged marriages. They seemed like any other couple. A mixed approach makes sense to me. Like if you find someone you would be interested in or if your parents find someone they think may be good with you, discussing the prospect openly with your family and his. In fact this is becoming more common in the U.S. among courtship families. Where people don't "date" but court. The big difference in dating and courting being the end result of a relationship being marriage from the start so that people aren't dating to have a good time but in anticipation of marrying one another. Also with courting the family is very key. Many activities are done with both families and the couple gets to know each other in a family setting with minimal time alone. This also has pretty low divorce statistics like the arranged marriages.
 
I basically agree with the above. I have known a few couples who had arranged marriages. They seemed like any other couple. A mixed approach makes sense to me. Like if you find someone you would be interested in or if your parents find someone they think may be good with you, discussing the prospect openly with your family and his. In fact this is becoming more common in the U.S. among courtship families. Where people don't "date" but court. The big difference in dating and courting being the end result of a relationship being marriage from the start so that people aren't dating to have a good time but in anticipation of marrying one another. Also with courting the family is very key. Many activities are done with both families and the couple gets to know each other in a family setting with minimal time alone. This also has pretty low divorce statistics like the arranged marriages.

This is what I do. I'm not married yet (i'm 20) but I've noticed a drastic difference between my relationships and my peers. Mine tend to be more fruitful. I'll never go back to traditional dating.
 
I'm actually think its a great idea.

If you would have asked me the same thing a year ago i would have said no.
But given the high number of disastrous marriages; me thinks that more people should be involved in the selection process of a potential mate.

IMO there would less divorces if people got married with those that they are compatible.
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with arranged marriages, but I would never be involved in one. Different strokes for different folks.
 
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