Are you comfy making more $$$$

[Britt]

For those of you that are dating and in your late 20s and older, how do you feel about making more $$$ than your mate? I mention age, b/c honestly, I feel the older you get your requirements are a bit different. At 23, 24 it would not have been as pressing as an issue b/c I was still living at home. Now, I've been on my own for 3 years and have total independence. Also, it is more acceptable for a man that is under 25 to still be getting things together.

With that said, would you be ok making more than your mate? If you are, does that cause a bit of an issue since you are clearly the breadwinner? I def think issues can arise when the woman makes more than the man. I've seen this in my own relationship and also w/ friends. Personally, I've seen the issues and strain that finances can play in a relationship. Because I'm at an age where I am def seeking stability in a mate, I am not comfortable w/ dating someone that makes substantially less than myself. If he is making a little less and handles his $ well and has earning potential than I'd give him a chance. But a dude that is struggling to make ends meet? Nahhhhh .... can't do it at this stage in my life . My gf's and I are def at this crossroad and find ourselves faced w/this issue. One of my gf's has been on her own for a few years, has a good job, and was dating a really nice guy for 2 years, but from the beginning she knew he was broke as heck, and he was struggling. Anyway, his finances became the ultimate demise of the relationship. He was quite comfy living at home and taking his time to move out. He's 28. I have a similar problem w/ my ex/so also.

What say you? How do you feel about dating and finances? Be honest, no need to be PC, be blunt .... all feedback is welcomed

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

Now I aint a Goldigga..... but I aint messing with no broke nigggaaa

 

[kittikat24]

I'm pretty traditional...I know that I want to be PROVIDED FOR by the guy I like it when men are the breadwinners in the relationship...seems like there's less stress. Plus down the road if children are involved, it would be peace of mind to know that I can work from home/be a homemaker and STILL be taken care of

 

[Britt]

I'm pretty traditional...I know that I want to be PROVIDED FOR by the guy I like it when men are the breadwinners in the relationship...seems like there's less stress. Plus down the road if children are involved, it would be peace of mind to know that I can work from home/be a homemaker and STILL be taken care of

This sums up exactly how I feel

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Doesn't matter to me as long as he makes enough to afford a comfortable lifestyle for us. I think most couples will go through stages where one makes more than the other.

 

[qchelle]

I don't meet your age requirements...but I'm still gonna answer

If I make 120 and he makes 100, no prob.

If I make 120 and he makes 60, prob not.

Or similiar monetary differences/ratios

Now whether or not HE has a problem with it is a different story. I've dated guys who've already 'made it'...but they have a problem that your future profession may make 5 more grand/yr than theirs.

And for this reason, and this reason only, is why I'd prefer if he made more. I'm fine either way. But I think there'd be less chance of him being too insecure to function ("You make $50 more than me?!?!? AGHHHH!!! I'm not a maaaan!!! NOOOO!!!)

 

[Britt]

Or similiar monetary differences/ratios

Yes, I agree with the ratio issues....

 

[yokoyokogirl]

I make almost 1/3 more than my SO but his job is more "prestigious" cause it's a position at a major company. He was shocked at first but is over it. I don't mind at all as long as you pay your bills and we're both happy~~~

 

[Ms Red]

A lot of this depends on the age of the two people, like you said. Look at where you were salary-wise 2-3 years ago and where he was. Is his career progressing or stagnant?

I think it is perfectly okay to build with someone. But if you significantly out-earn your spouse and don't forsee him "catching up" anytime soon... problems will follow (especially when you are mid to late 20s or older)...

 

[Dposh167]

i already know i make more money than my guy and he's already expressed that he's okay with it. Because of our different education levels, i've come to conclusion that i'll probably make more money than him in the future too.
It's just a hard concept to grasp when in the back of your mind...u expect the man to bring home more. Now i feel like if i get married to this guy...i gotta play that "role". It's more a mental thing than anything. But i still have that selfish little girl voice in me that says "but i don't wanna be the breadwinner"

 

[Ms Red]

don't think that voice is selfish at all.

poochie167;11878796]i already know i make more money than my guy and he's already expressed that he's okay with it. Because of our different education levels, i've come to conclusion that i'll probably make more money than him in the future too.
It's just a hard concept to grasp when in the back of your mind...u expect the man to bring home more. Now i feel like if i get married to this guy...i gotta play that "role". It's more a mental thing than anything. But i still have that selfish little girl voice in me that says "but i don't wanna be the breadwinner"

 

[caltron]

Nope, that is a recipe for disaster. It's okay if the woman makes $50K and the man makes $40K, but if the woman is making $100K and the man is making $20K, there is going to be major resentment--unless the dude is med school or something.

 

[cheetarah1980]

It depends on two things: 1) how much I make and 2) the difference in our salaries/earning potential.
1) At the salary I make now I would want my man to make as much or more. However, if in the future I'm making upwards of 250K a year, then I would definitely understand that a man can still be successful and not make as much. Plus after a certain point there's diminishing returns. I'm not gonna complain about a dude earning 500K if I'm making 750K.

2) If there's less than a 10K a year difference in our earnings then I wouldn't be bothered either. As long as he was able to provide for our family w/o my help I'd be good.

However, I feel about it is not quite important as how HE feels about it. I don't know too many men who can handle their woman making more than them, no matter how much or little it is.

 

[carolinetwin]

i already know i make more money than my guy and he's already expressed that he's okay with it. Because of our different education levels, i've come to conclusion that i'll probably make more money than him in the future too.
It's just a hard concept to grasp when in the back of your mind...u expect the man to bring home more. Now i feel like if i get married to this guy...i gotta play that "role". It's more a mental thing than anything. But i still have that selfish little girl voice in me that says "but i don't wanna be the breadwinner"

This is me to a Tee. I'm still struggling with the idea that I will always be responsible for bringing home the bacon but I love my SO enough for me to get over it

 

[frida1980]

I asked myself that before I even went to business school. The answer is, no I don't have a problem. I'll be doing something I love and being rewarded for it. I rather have a man that's passionate about what he does, rather than makes a lot of cash. If that's a public school teacher who's trying to make a difference, that's awesome. The better question is if he'll resent me for making more money than him.

 

[bluediamond0829]

I'm in the same position and I'm 31 years old and both me and my SO are the same age. I think the education level is also a factor in it because im working on my Masters and he only has his Associates but is going back to get his Bachelors. But I do make more than he does but Ive saw his earnings from last year so its only like a 10k something difference, but its still a big difference. Right now I'm not looking for him to be able to take care of me but I dont want to feel like I'm carrying the relationship because the things that I want to do we can't do because I would have to end up paying for those things. I told him from the beginning when I realized that and I knew in a way that we didn't have to eat out at restaurants. But I'm looking at this being long term and like someone else mentioned their maybe times that I may end up making more than he or he is making more than me. So I've kind of gotten okay with it, but at first and sometimes i do think about it, but as long as hes going back to school and not about to stay in the same position then im good. I'm just being patient and basically going with the flow of it.

I think if you are just dating and out just having fun and not looking for anything long term then it would matter because if a guy can't afford to date or to have those times then it matters.

 

[LUVBEEINHISHONEY]

I make more money than my fiance but it doesnt bother either of us one bit. I can also honestly say I feel more secure with him than anyone I have ever been with. That is because money is not that big of a deal in our household. The fact that we never go hungry and maintain a roof over our heads is enough for me. That man provides me with security beyond finances. I might not always be the one to make more and I might be but that is not what we focus on. Being happy and enjoying our time on earth together is what really matters and making sure we raise these boys of ours to be respectable God fearing men is at the top of our priorities not dollar amounts. Our relationship success will never be judged by what he or I can afford and I thank God for that.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Nope, that is a recipe for disaster. It's okay if the woman makes $50K and the man makes $40K, but if the woman is making $100K and the man is making $20K, there is going to be major resentment--unless the dude is med school or something.

This is what I mean by he has to be able to live a somewhat comfortable lifestyle on his salary. In the second scenario, it is doubtful that he would be able to hold down a household with just his salary, especially if there are children.

There are also other things to consider like nature of his work. I usually see resentment when a man is making less but feels like he is doing more work. Say he is working a hard labor job making significantly less than you are, and your job is a little more laid back. In his mind, he is busting his butt for pennies, but you are rolling in the dough with less daily stress, that can lead to some resentment. However, if he is making less, but is doing something he loves, you're less likely to run into these issues.

 

[kismettt]

i'm young (20), but my preference (once i'm established) is for a man that makes within the same bracket as me. i'd be okay with making more, but i know some men can be insecure regarding that and i'm not trying to settle for someone like that. and there may be a time in your relationship that it can't be helped (you get a promotion, he loses his job, whatever). i suppose if i meet someone on the same income level or who makes more, i won't know their true feelings until we are placed in that situation. however, i'm sure there will be signs all over the place as far as his feelings about a woman making more/being the breadwinner.

and i'm not ok with someone who is struggling. if i'm not, you shouldn't be. (i intend to hold myself to the same standard as to which i hold him).

 

[anon123]

I don't mind making more. As long as he makes enough.

 

[iri9109]

i dont fit the age requirements either, but i watched a documentary in my diversity class last semester when we were talking about sexism and male privilege (i forget the name of the film) but it had a segment on women making more than their husbands and quite a few of them said that over time they loss respect for and looked down on their husbands because they made less. i thought that was extreme at first, but now idk...i know personally, atleast right now, i dont see myself being comfortable marrying someone who made significantly less than me ($10K+). i just think you have to be doing equally as good as me or better, just so you can hold your own, and want financial security for me and my future children. if i need to stay at home for a while, his income needs to be able to support a comfortable lifestyle for us without living paycheck to paycheck. plus i wouldnt want to risk my husband feeling like less of a man or feeling resentment because he doesnt make as much as i do.

that's why i have dreams of meeting someone in school w/ the same goals as me (i'm a pre-pharmacy major) so we can be on the same track and support each other academically and emotionally. then when we graduate and secure jobs our pay will be about the same ( his will probably be higher since males typically make more) and then we can live happily ever after. LOL.

but on the other hand, i have a friend and his mom makes probably less than half of what his father did, but his mom has better benefits, and his parents have been seperated for a while but they cant get a divorce because his dad is really sick and his mom has the coverage he needs for all his medication and doctors bills, and without it he'd never be able to afford it. so i guess it depends...