Are You A Married Daughter Of A Divorced Mother?

[ChasingBliss]

And if you are...do you find she gives bad marital advice sometimes?

My mother (bless her heart) has been giving me advice on some matters that have caused me to struggle with paranoid feelings about my marriage. Without going into too much detail...she is advising me on a matter as if I should not trust the future.

It's nothing to do with my marriage but everything to do with her lack of trust in people period. She has always been a strong, do it yourself, do it by yourself and trust no one in the process type of woman. She has always been the type that says you should never trust ANYone to be there for you in the future because you never know what can happen. My dad grew up with this version of thinking too hence their divorce by the time I was 5.

I'm really irritated because I received some advice that somewhat caused my conversation with my husband to shock him. He was hurt and so was I. It resulted in an action that he would have taken to solve a huge problem...NOT happening At least at this time..He wanted to take a step back to re evaluate. He was hurt and in hindsight I do not blame him. And NONE of this would have happened if I had not been under the influence of my mother's advice.

Does your mother give (good) advice?

 

[futurelonglocks]

Hi - I am the married daughter of a divorced mother (my dad) and my mom gives me really good advice. Even when I want to be vindictive and ready to give up- she has always pulled for our marriage and my husband. SHe does acknowledge when he or I do wrong, if I'm over reacting (which I do all the time) but she steers me back on the right path. I am very blessed to have her because she gives it to me raw and real- even with her having such a horrible experience being married to my dad.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Hi - I am the married daughter of a divorced mother (my dad) and my mom gives me really good advice. Even when I want to be vindictive and ready to give up- she has always pulled for our marriage and my husband. SHe does acknowledge when he or I do wrong, if I'm over reacting (which I do all the time) but she steers me back on the right path. I am very blessed to have her because she gives it to me raw and real- even with her having such a horrible experience being married to my dad.

Oddly enough up until a point, my mother was just like yours, to both me and my husband. ...UNTIL a serious matter came into play that could cost me in the long run if my marriage fails. At least that is what my mother had me thinking. Her advice then became about "protecting my self" ...and from this point on she's been all about that. I say all this to say, I think she me bad advice based on HER mentality.

I'd like to know how some of you deal with your mothers when it comes to your marriage. Do you share what you mother tells you...Do you keep to yourself.

 

[natural in ATL]

I'm in this situation. But I really don't share my marriage details and issues with my mom. She gives good general relationship advice, but I'm not telling her enough for her advice to impact our marriage in any significant way.

 

[acapnleo]

This may be a catch 22, but I don't seek advise from my mother, so she does not insert her two cents. On the flip side, I really wish I could at minimum allow myself to fully be vulnerable and vent when the need arises.

Honestly though, I'm not familiar with any relationship resulting well when family members are allowed to insert their influence.

I'd minimize conversations that could wreak havoc or cause unnecessary stress and strain on your relationship.

Its like receiving medical care from someone that doesn't
have the proper experience or credentials to administer treatment.

 

[Miss617]

I don't ask my mother for marriage advice and my DH and I live with her LOL. The most she will do is tell us to get out the house since we spend all our time with DS. Beyond that, she doesn't get involved and I've never had any inclination to ask her for advice. She and my dad were married 20+ years before they divorced.

 

[Theresamonet]

Oddly enough up until a point, my mother was just like yours, to both me and my husband. ...UNTIL a serious matter came into play that could cost me in the long run if my marriage fails. At least that is what my mother had me thinking. Her advice then became about "protecting my self" ...and from this point on she's been all about that. I say all this to say, I think she me bad advice based on HER mentality.

I'd like to know how some of you deal with your mothers when it comes to your marriage. Do you share what you mother tells you...Do you keep to yourself.

It doesn't sound like it was necessarily bad advice she gave... You just probably shouldn't have shared it with your husband. My mom is always whispering some "take care of YOSELF" advice, even though she adores FH. lol. That's just her.

 

[ChasingBliss]

It doesn't sound like it was necessarily bad advice she gave... You just probably shouldn't have shared it with your husband. My mom is always whispering some "take care of YOSELF" advice, even though she adores FH. lol. That's just her.

Youre right. I didnt share it with him, but my stance on the subject definitely felt a bit tainted to him. I'll definitely be more careful next time.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

My mom gives terrible advice. I tell her all the time, I'm not listening to you, your advice is horrible. We laugh about it. But no, I would never take advice from her. I don't talk to her about my marital issues and I don't encourage her to comment if she happens to notice something. She's the same way in that her advice is very selfish/self-centered. And she loves my husband, she just doesn't get marriage and compromise. She didn't stay married for very long, lol.

 

[Farida]

I may have an unpopular opinion but I don't believe in asking parents for specific marital advice. General yes, but not advice that requires you to divulge your issues. They are biased and may never forget/forgive things that you will. Plus you will likely tell them a story in the light most favorable to you.

 

[IslandMummy]

I may have an unpopular opinion but I don't believe in asking parents for specific marital advice. General yes, but not advice that requires you to divulge your issues. They are biased and may never forget/forgive things that you will. Plus you will likely tell them a story in the light most favorable to you.

This; my mother is team IslandMummy every day. I know her and as much as she loves DH, if anything vital happened her advice would be to "come home."

I've been with DH for a decade and my daddy still gently reminds me that I always "have a home." He made me go to JA a couple of years ago to look at a property he wanted to buy to see if there was enough space to add on for me and the kids. -_-

She may mean well but she's your mommy and you'll always be most important to her.

 

[mrselle]

I may have an unpopular opinion but I don't believe in asking parents for specific marital advice. General yes, but not advice that requires you to divulge your issues. They are biased and may never forget/forgive things that you will. Plus you will likely tell them a story in the light most favorable to you.

I agree. When DH and I got engaged my mother told me that she didn't want me calling home when we get into arguments because, in her words, "you know we'll be up there ready to fight."