Are women paying to get married?

[janiebaby]

I'm asking because a friend and I were having a convo and she wanted my opinion but really I don't know what she wanted me to say. Someone she knows is engaged and her fiance is adamant about getting married early next year. However, he does not have money for an engagement ring or the wedding. I don't care about these things because I think they should still get married but it looks like they're going to have a wedding (on her dime).

And, yes, of course I asked whether he was foreign or in the military and she said "no."

Also, we talked about meeting this other woman who said she was married but didn't have a ring because they were saving on a house but they had been married for 2 years and didn't have a home.

My question to everyone is - Are women paying to get/be married these days? Is this the new way of doing things?

 

[firecracker]

I hate to tell ya but yeah. A lot of women want a man or to say I gotta husband so bad they move the men in their space with a quickness and proceed to make him into the man they want so desperately. Some men need that kinda woman or they will be stuck in that lil bachelor apt w/a tv and lazy boy for life. LOL

To each his own. If the man isn't lazy, a cheater or a womanizer and he hands over his paycheck both of them win in the end I guess. LOL

 

[Renewed1]

Thank God for my high standards!

 

[janiebaby]

O and i forgot to mention the 2nd woman in the OP still doesn't have a ring in addition to not having the home...

 

[JustKiya]

If you want to get married, and BOTH of you can't afford to help pay for the wedding - clearly, your (as in you and him, as in the new family unit, as in the collective) finances are too tight to be throwing a big arse party and buying clothing you'll only wear once.

I TRULY don't understand people who say 'Well, we want to get married NEXT MONTH, but we can't afford a wedding, so we are gonna go into debt/beg our friends and family for money/do something stupid'. Carry your dilly tails to the Justice of the Peace, get MARRIED, and save up the money to throw a BANGING first anniversary party (if y'all last that long. )

Weddings are NOT what make a marriage. A legal document from the state government is what makes a marriage. And that's CHEAP.
Also cheap? Gold wedding bands. Hell, get sterling silver if you can't afford gold - even cheaper!

 

[ThickHair]

I agree, with ^^^ it is very cheap to get married. JP and 2 bands, all can be handled under $150 in most states.

 

[janiebaby]

And that's what I was thinking....why can't you go today to the justice of the peace you don't even have to wait until next year

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I honestly think all these WE tv wedding shows (not really Bridezillas) have women going crazy. They cannot afford but they want the lavish weddings that they see on television, forgetting that the television show normally pays for those weddings.

People are going into debt in addition to begging, borrowing and maybe stealing in order to have a "fairy tale" wedding.

I totally understand saving for a home over a wedding/engagement ring. A coworker is in that predicament but they closed on their house earlier this year. They also have a small child.

 

[greenandchic]

If you want to get married, and BOTH of you can't afford to help pay for the wedding - clearly, your (as in you and him, as in the new family unit, as in the collective) finances are too tight to be throwing a big arse party and buying clothing you'll only wear once.

I TRULY don't understand people who say 'Well, we want to get married NEXT MONTH, but we can't afford a wedding, so we are gonna go into debt/beg our friends and family for money/do something stupid'. Carry your dilly tails to the Justice of the Peace, get MARRIED, and save up the money to throw a BANGING first anniversary party (if y'all last that long. )

Weddings are NOT what make a marriage. A legal document from the state government is what makes a marriage. And that's CHEAP.
Also cheap? Gold wedding bands. Hell, get sterling silver if you can't afford gold - even cheaper!

This, no doubt.

We live in a culture where its shameful not to have a huge diamond solitaire and a 50K wedding.

I wonder if he's having cold feet because as others pointed out, you can get married on the cheap. Make up for it later if an expensive ring and party is that important.

 

[Anakinsmomma]

And that's what I was thinking....why can't you go today to the justice of the peace you don't even have to wait until next year

I know a woman who got married at a justice of the peace and then had the church wedding two years later. She explained it as she didn't want to live in sin but they didn't have enough money. She now celebrates both anniversaries... One in June (8 years) and one in December (6 years).

Crazy like a fox....

 

[LoveBeautyKisses]

Funny this was posted.

A coworker of mines is planning her wedding in a month. It's her and her mom planning it really.

Everyday she brags about this wedding.

She lives with her mom he lives with his.

He supposedly brought her a ring but somehow she was telling us that she had to get an updated ring.

Her FATHER brought her an updated ring. It broke a few weeks ago and she got another one.

It's pretty annoying.

She had her friends in the wedding but they no dropped out. Now his sisters will be in the wedding. She doesn't even like them.

Nevermind the fact that she was telling us that he was the one who cheated on her with her bff.

I don't tell her my opinion. I just mind my business.

She's a pretty girl she can do much better.

 

[getoffmylawn]

I really hope not. Decent men are not that hard to come by. *Ponders starting a mail order husband business*:scratchch

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

Funny this was posted.

A coworker of mines is planning her wedding in a month. It's her and her mom planning it really.

Everyday she brags about this wedding.

She lives with her mom he lives with his.

He supposedly brought her a ring but somehow she was telling us that she had to get an updated ring.

Her FATHER brought her an updated ring. It broke a few weeks ago and she got another one.

It's pretty annoying.

She had her friends in the wedding but they no dropped out. Now his sisters will be in the wedding. She doesn't even like them.

Nevermind the fact that she was telling us that he was the one who cheated on her with her bff.

I don't tell her my opinion. I just mind my business.

She's a pretty girl she can do much better.

Poor thing it sounds like she is desperate to be a wife

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I really hope not. Decent men are not that hard to come by. *Ponders starting a mail order husband business*:scratchch

I would like to know where these decent men are.

 

[LoveBeautyKisses]

Poor thing it sounds like she is desperate to be a wife

That's what our coworkers say behind her back.

Honestly I think she overshared and now it makes her looks desperate.

She never talks about friends from outside of work so people think he's her only friend.

But she kinda ticked me off one time when she said she thinks married people should have married friends. Therefore I stay my distance. I sit and chat with her a bit at work but that's about it.

 

[LoveBeautyKisses]

I would like to know where these decent men are.

Me too.......

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I know someone who is getting married this year and I don't think her man has had a job for more than 6 months his mom & her pay his mortgage

 

[LoveBeautyKisses]

I know someone who is getting married this year and I don't think her man has had a job for more than 6 months his mom & her pay his mortgage

Smh sad.....

 

[LiftedUp]

I intend to pay for my wedding. It's tradition. He'll pay for our home. However, the engagement ring part, that's on him.

 

[LoveLongLocks]

I did justice of peace. We were young, and I am not into showing off ( not that all weddings are about this). I had friends that took on extra jobs, take collections, or ask family for money. These people are no longer married. I only had my solitaire, DH a plain band, n an apartment. We have gone through our starting our family very modestly. Ten years later I am thankful to have put love first, because $ may come and go- things change, and we have changed. However, we know how to get through it together. And at this point the financial things are together. Kids, home, cars, vacations, ect. ... Point is that a wedding certainly does not make or break a marriage.

 

[LoveBeautyKisses]

I intend to pay for my wedding. It's tradition. He'll pay for our home. However, the engagement ring part, that's on him.

Ok that balances it out

 

[fluffyforever]

I would never pay for my engagement ring, but I would help with the matching bands, ceremony, and other things.

However I don't really want a big wedding (or one at all anyways). I just finished college in May and SO has been wanting to get married since I started college. I don't feel right about paying even for a small wedding when I have all these student loans and cc bills and especially since I'm not working yet. I don't see why you have to go big or go home when it comes to getting married.

We have a date set for next year when we both will have more money. But it is looking like we might be going to the courthouse this year on our planned date and then having a big party next year.

 

[ambergirl]

Part of the problem too is people worrying about what other people think

I remember when I was little and went to some of my first weddings it was a totally different affair.They had a cake and maybe some appetizers or finger food and that was it. Now the expectation is sit down dinners, DJ or live entertainment, grooms gifts, bridemaid's gift, etc. etc.. People end up dropping tens of thousands of dollars and some folks act like that's the payback for bringing a gift.

I was in one of those over the top weddings and never. again. E'vrbody in the wedding party is broke by the end of it, especially the couple and/or their parents which is just crazy to me since seems like one point of the wedding is to help launch them into their new life.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I've had it with men... at least in this hemisphere.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Personally I think it's absolutely ludicrous to have a huge expensive wedding in this day and age. Unless or course you're independently wealthy or have parents who got it like that.

I recently got married and I bought his band, he'd already purchased my engagement ring and band earlier. We decided to forgo the wedding until next year so that we could establish a budget and not just do it on emotion.

We only had the people there who were near and dear to us, not a bunch of onlookers, who just came to gawk. My husband and I are very focused on becoming completely debt free and using our remaining working years to purchasing investment property.

I thank God I have a man in my life who doesn't just talk about it but is able and willing to be about it. I know there are some female desparados out there who will jump on the first train leaving the station just to say they have a man, but also those who will sit on a train that will never leave the station because ...well...let's face it...them wheels fell off a long time ago.

Me? I feel I am truly blessed and one of the lucky ones.

 

[UrbainChic]

I know a couple where the woman is the only one with any education beyond high school (though not much) and neither of them could hold a job other than working at her parents small shop. Both of them lived in her parents basement. They decided to get married ( okay whatever) and spent a fortune on a very expensive "fairy tale" weddding, mostly on her parents dime.

They continued living in the basement and had a child and no steady income from the husband, she worked retail. They needed to use public assistance to get by. Her parents retired and moved, leaving them essentially homeless due to the cost of living in my hometown. So they moved with the parents, but the retirement home did not have a finished basement, so all 3 of them live in one bedroom in her parents house like refugees.

I personally would have waited for more stability ( as a couple) before marrying or even children and spent less on the wedding...

But what do I know I'm an unromantic spinster right?

PS these are white people.

Sent from my iPhone

 

[4bslbound]

Wow! I was engaged twice (to same man) And the first time I only had a 5k budget with no honeymoon plans. I was cool with that because I've never desired anything beyond my means. When we got back together, we both were in a much better financial situation. Yes, we paid 40k for wedding and honeymoon BUT we had no debt from our wedding (we paid cash for everything) and we did not spend all of our savings.

My husband bought my ring, but we split wedding 50/50 and I paid more on honeymoon to compensate for engagement ring. I believe it's important to go in like you want to end up. If you can't afford it, don't do it. If he can't take care of you now, he won't be able to later. If that's important, then one should reconsider.....