Glad you posted this. Those are warning/caution/red flags. Red because he's already warned her, and is slowly showing her how things will be. He's going slow to desensitize her to his increasing levels of BS.
I understand how your friend feels, and why she's hesitant to leave. I'm all for leaving with your head high and your heart in tact versus the other way around.
My wanna-be SO (old ex) seems to have control issues; had them before......and now that we are trying to reunite after a year I'm noticing that he's only played lip service to the idea of changing.
In my heart-of-hearts
I don't want him to be this way; I know why he's this way and I want ignore the red flags and help. However, my head
tells me that any change I
coerce out of him would only be temporary ; AND that once we're co-habitating he'd flip back to the persona
that he's more comfortable with.
Like your friend, I too have observed how he is with others who have
displeased him and it ain't pretty.
Currently he's pissed at me...over a situation that could have been resolved with a phone call/compromise;
but that's
his way. I gave him 4-hours to get over it (in my mind); he hasn't .....so.....I have.
Some folks don't realize that there is a difference between establishing emotional intimacy and establishing emotional control;
the fact that he's protective does not negate the controlling/manipulative tendencies he's exhibiting. As soon your buddy resists
his controlling/manipulative tendencies he'll be a jerk to her too.