Are mind games really necessary?

i don't play games. i do keep an eye out for red flags. as i get older, i have a better idea of what i want/expect in my interactions with men and act accordingly.

i have no patience for mind games. boy, bye. it's very childish and unattractive to me. and if i feel like i need to in order to get a certain type of behavior from you, then i'm already in a place i do not like and need to remove myself from it.
 
I'm wondering though if they really are necessary to an extent. I remember with one of my past relationships I had to apply a little bit mind game pressure cause he started acting up. People say you shouldn't make yourself too available to men and with this guy. I really learned what that meant. First and foremost, he and I actually discussed how we both hated mind games and didn't want that in our relationship YET I found when I was too available to him he took me for granted so I HAD to play mind games with him in order to get him to act right. For example, not answering his calls, breaking dates. It got really crazy but was really sad. We eventually broke up.
 
Mind games are necessary for those like to play games. For me personally, the only games I play come from a store, on a field or are of a video gamish nature.

I used to think they were necessary but what is the point of being with someone if you're not going to give them your best and do little things to get a reaction from them? I wouldn't want someone playing games with me. It is dishonest and hurtful.
 
Brighteyes35 said:
I'm wondering though if they really are necessary to an extent. I remember with one of my past relationships I had to apply a little bit mind game pressure cause he started acting up. People say you shouldn't make yourself too available to men and with this guy. I really learned what that meant. First and foremost, he and I actually discussed how we both hated mind games and didn't want that in our relationship YET I found when I was too available to him he took me for granted so I HAD to play mind games with him in order to get him to act right. For example, not answering his calls, breaking dates. It got really crazy but was really sad. We eventually broke up.
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...The idea of this sentiment is to actually make yourself busy by being busy! Taking a class, hanging out with your own friends, etc so you actually are not available every time he wants to make a date or gives you call. He will appreciate your time because you appreciate it, by doing things that you like to do! :spinning:

Mind games are not necessary for a relationship.
 
No they are not necessary. Anytime someone takes you through that, you are in for a rough ride.

I totally agree with lucie.
 
I don't think so... I am way too neurotic to allow someone to mess with my head. If there is a problem, it needs to be expressed so the situation can be resolved one way or the other. If a couple has to resort to playing games to get what they want/need then its time to re-evaluate the relationship.

However, I do believe in natural consequences to human behavior. Example, he does not appear to have time for me, then I will stop trying to make plans and find other things to do.
 
daydreem2876 said:
I don't think so... I am way too neurotic to allow someone to mess with my head. If there is a problem, it needs to be expressed so the situation can be resolved one way or the other. If a couple has to resort to playing games to get what they want/need then its time to re-evaluate the relationship.

However, I do believe in natural consequences to human behavior. Example, he does not appear to have time for me, then I will stop trying to make plans and find other things to do.
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ITA.

and i'm about having things going on in my life period, prioritizing and improving myself. especially when a man is in the picture, i am mindful to not make him the center of everything. b/c that's when you end up feeling like you need to play games and if he leaves, what do you have? (obviously keeping a balance. never having time for someone your dating won't work out too well either :lol:)
 
I think a lot of people play them, perhaps without really realizing what they are doing—that includes some of the people who say they don't play them.

OTOH, there are people who know full well what they are doing and they plan carefully with a goal in mind. Are they wrong? I can't say because it depends on the outcome and the particulars.

Subtle manipulations abound within a lot of relationships. People want and need certain things and they figure out along the way how to at least try to get them. It's pretty normal within the range of human behavior. Those who take it to the level of hurting, abusing and otherwise damaging others are another story.

I have a couple of friends who have admitted flat out that they used "mind games" to get their now husbands to marry them. They are both happy and have kids and their husbands seem happy too. I guess it worked out okay for them.

It's been a while since I've been in the dating scene, but I'm sure I had a trick or two up my sleeve. They weren't necessary when I met my husband because we were both on the same page. And at this point in my life and in my relationships, I'm pretty straight forward about my needs and finding out about the needs of those I love.
 
Cichelle said:
Subtle manipulations abound within a lot of relationships. People want and need certain things and they figure out along the way how to at least try to get them. It's pretty normal within the range of human behavior.

I have a couple of friends who have admitted flat out that they used "mind games" to get their now husbands to marry them. They are both happy and have kids and their husbands seem happy too. I guess it worked out okay for them.
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This might be OT, but I'm wondering what kinds of manipulations fall within the normal range and where does it get extreme? Examples?
 
I keep it straight no chaser so no time for games. For some folks its necessary because they like playing games and with folks emotions. To each his own.
 
No. Some people dont realize they are playing mind games even when you call them out on it they just dont get it cause they see nothing wrong with it. Mind games are borderline evil.

I dated a guy who played mind games from the beginning even when I called him out he still did not change. I found myself dealing with him so I left him. He just could not stop at all and the sad thing is I know he couldn't help it.
 
I somewhat agree with Astroqueen.

My ex started off with the mind games and manipulation straight away in our relationship. Long story short it turned abusive.

Fast forward to now, l have been talking yo a guy and he has started on the some exact path. The manipulation, twisting things l've said or making up things to the point its got my head spinning! In the past week alone he has suggested to cut communication with me, but is always the one to start it back up again like nothing happened.
When asked why he's doing it, he doesn't acknowledge what has done wrong. He just says he has issues he needs dealing with. He pretends that there wasn't even a problem to begin with. That is how emotional abuse starts.

As l have been an abusive relationship before l can see the signs. He is an emotional vampire, narcissitic and likes to play on peoples emotions. I have seen all of this within a very short time span. I'm getting out before he turns into a stalker.
 
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