Anyone successfully use "I language" in their relationship?

[Innocent_Kiss]

I was first introduced to the concept of I Language in my Intepersonal Communications course in college. That class was boooring, but the concept always stayed with me. For those of you who aren't familiar, I Language is a way of communicating your problems and concerns to your partner without the offensive and accusing tones that often come with You Language ie "You made me mad!"



You Language
You never want to sit down and talk about our problems! You're pushing me away!

I Language
I feel like you're uncomfortable talking about some things in our relationship that I feel is important. Can we talk about why I feel this way?

More examples and an article on I Language

Heeeeeey na! I actually made those examples up! Seriously, I feel like practicing this would be a huge challenge for me, but I'm finally beginning to embrace the idea that the only person that I have the power to change in any given situation is ME. Has anyone successfully used this concept in their relationship? What are your thoughts on this? Is it realistic for you?

 

[Heavenly]

Hub and I use WE language.

When I'm getting ready to go out, he stands at the door and says, "Are WE ready yet?"

When I mistakenly leave the milk out, he says, "Hon, WE should try to not leave the milk out..."

When the car needs to be filled, he says, "Hon, can WE fill up the car tomorrow?"

I love him.

 

[gn1g]

We language works beautiful.

 

[Vinyl]

I agree with Heavenly and gn1g. I've tried I language in romantic relationships and in friendships and most people don't react to the subtle difference.

 

[Honey Bee]

This is interesting. I'm with a Scorpio and "I language" has really helped us get through some potentially hurt feelings. I never knew the name for it, but I figured that instead of being all, You never do this or that! (very accusatory), I could instead focus on how his actions made me feel, ie, When you don't do this or that, you make me feel like you're taking me for granted, etc. It's a small change, but it comes across as less nagging/whiny.

Things have been very harmonious ever since.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

I think I do that instinctively to some extent..

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

Hub and I use WE language.

When I'm getting ready to go out, he stands at the door and says, "Are WE ready yet?"

When I mistakenly leave the milk out, he says, "Hon, WE should try to not leave the milk out..."

When the car needs to be filled, he says, "Hon, can WE fill up the car tomorrow?"

I love him.

I'm gonna try this THANK YOU!

 

[JustKiya]

We use a lot of I language in our relationship, as well as active listening skills.

We rarely use We language, as usually the things we have to discuss are points at which we are not eye to eye - so for us, to use We language would imply an agreement being reached that has not yet been.

And referring to myself in the 3rd person just feels - artificial - to me.

 

[Ramya]

It works with all kinds of relationships--friendships, dating, work, family. I use this and learn everyone's love language.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I think "WE" language would annoy me. It's kinda condescending JMO

 

[classychic1908]

"I " language has helped us to discuss some really dificult things and, it's become a habit. If we have a disagreement that is more argument than discussion, we both feel terrible, so we try hard to avoid it. We do use "we" language for a few things though, like we need gas in the car, we need to do the laundry, we need a few things from the store, ect.

 

[chiprecious]

I think "WE" language would annoy me. It's kinda condescending JMO

I totally agree. We didn't leave the milk out..... so can YOU please be more mindful of this in the future...But then again, I hadn't learned the art of killing them with kindness. I'm learning....soooo slowly...

 

[Heavenly]

I totally agree. We didn't leave the milk out..... so can YOU please be more mindful of this in the future...But then again, I hadn't learned the art of killing them with kindness. I'm learning....soooo slowly...

Oh, I was being totally sarcastic. The WE language works in certain respects... but in others instances it's downright annoying.

When I use it, my husband says, "Who's WE? Do you have a mouse in your pocket?"

And I'm like

 

[Farida]

We use it as much as possible. It is such a great tool. It makes the person feel less attacked and see things in your perspective.

e.g. "I feel you are ignoring me." versus "Why are you ignoring me?"

The first opens you up to say, "I'm sorry you feel that way but..."

Versus "how dare you say I am ignoring you!"

It is hard to remember these things in the heat of the moment sometimes.