Anyone have an ex who shares the same friends as you?

[isawstars]

My boyfriend and I broke up for the 3rd (and hopefully final) time. 1st time was my doing, 2nd and 3rd time his... for the same reason-- "You're my best friend, I love being with you, but I'm not in love with you." During this break up we agreed not to contact each other.... Yet he called me the day after, So I told him to stop making this hard and he said he wouldn't bother me again.

I haven't heard from him or seen him in almost 2 weeks now. My best friend's husband is in the same band as my ex... and they are playing a big show next weekend. My initial reaction was, "I'm not going. If I don't have to see him, it'll be easier to heal from this break up." But turns out, all my friends will be attending that show.... even my girlfriends! I refuse to stay home alone because I am trying to avoid him... so I'm thinking the best thing is to just go. But I don't want history to repeat itself. Last time we broke up, we bumped into each other at least 2x a week. After a month, he thought he was still in love with me so we got back together.

Has anyone else dealt with a break up like this? How often did you run into your ex? Did you speak to him or just ignored him? Do you think it took you longer to move on because you saw him regularly?

TIA


oh and ETA: We are in our mid 20s and were together for 1 year and 3 months.... if that helps at all.

 

[Fine 4s]

I haven't heard from him or seen him in almost 2 weeks now. My best friend's husband is in the same band as my ex... and they are playing a big show next weekend. My initial reaction was, "I'm not going. If I don't have to see him, it'll be easier to heal from this break up." But turns out, all my friends will be attending that show.... even my girlfriends! I refuse to stay home alone because I am trying to avoid him... so I'm thinking the best thing is to just go. But I don't want history to repeat itself. Last time we broke up, we bumped into each other at least 2x a week. After a month, he thought he was still in love with me so we got back together.

TIA


oh and ETA: We are in our mid 20s and were together for 1 year and 3 months.... if that helps at all.

The overall issue is about your healing. The details about how many times you bumped into him or whether you have friends in common is irrelevant to the central matter...your healing.

IF you can go to the concert and watch him perform wonderfully and 'doing him' (whatever that means, alone or with someone else) then go. But, please be honest with yourself and avoid making excuses for wanting to see him. You can see your friends ANY other time. In fact, why don't you go do something else and have a BLAST with other acquaintances that you might want to get to know better since all your real friends are going to be busy?

It's common to hear folks say stuff like the above 'one monkey don't stop no show' or 'why should I not enjoy myself because he's going to be there?' The bottom line is, at the end of the night, you MIGHT feel a certain way. This is where knowing yourself comes in. You must learn or know yourself enough to know when to say 'nope, that's not going to work for me' and walk away head high.

How long before he realized he wasn't in love with you? Were you in love with him?

Thanks for the ETA-When I was around that age and had similar situations, I eventually cut off all of the friends we had in common that were mainly HIS friends. Out of sight, out of mind....

 

[isawstars]

IF you can go to the concert and watch him perform wonderfully and 'doing him' (whatever that means, alone or with someone else) then go. But, please be honest with yourself and avoid making excuses for wanting to see him. You can see your friends ANY other time. In fact, why don't you go do something else and have a BLAST with other acquaintances that you might want to get to know better since all your real friends are going to be busy?

Fine 4s Don't judge me (lol) but my plan was to get drinks with my girl friends before the show, drink during the show, and when he band plays go to the patio or chat at the bar. But I'm beginning to think you're right. Simply being in the same walls as him is difficult, being drunk won't be much help to lessen the pain.

It's common to hear folks say stuff like the above 'one monkey don't stop no show' or 'why should I not enjoy myself because he's going to be there?' The bottom line is, at the end of the night, you MIGHT feel a certain way. This is where knowing yourself comes in. You must learn or know yourself enough to know when to say 'nope, that's not going to work for me' and walk away head high.

But I don't want everyone to think I am hiding from him. And isn't it punishing myself for not hanging out with my friends? Technically they were my friends first. He started hanging out in our group of friends a couple years after me.

How long before he realized he wasn't in love with you? Were you in love with him?

Yes, I am in love with him but I am ready to let him go. I am realizing he doesn't deserve me which is why I am determined to get over him ASAP... but it's so hard

Fortunately I let out my emotions by writing in notebooks so I have documentation of our relationship (has helped a lot with me wanting to get over him). Anyways, to answer your question...

After 2 months of courting and being official 3 months after I accidently said "I love you." He got weirded out and I confronted him about it... boy says "I don't know if I could ever love you the way you love me." So I broke up with him. We got back together the next day... he said he was just "scared" and apologized. 5 months later he broke up with me saying, "I can't be the boyfriend you want me to be. I don't think I can ever love you as much as you love me." 1 month later (after bumping into each other) he tells me, "I miss what we had. I've always loved you I just needed the space to remind me. I don't want to hurt you ever again, I will try harder." Now, 4 1/2 months later: boy says "You're my best friend and I love being with you. But I'm just not in love with you."

And this time around he still didn't seem to sure about his decision but he didn't want to go on a break to work things out, so that is why I am determined to get over him. I am tired of this mess.

 

[SelahOco]

Op, you're not hiding from him. You would just be giving yourself the space you need.

He has been hurtful to you. I'm sorry he played with you like that....even if he wasn't being hateful.