Another "getting Back Out There" Thread

TinyBlu

TinyBlu

Well-Known Member
I'm sure this topic has been address countless times, but I thought I'd revive it in light of some recent occurrences.

I went out with a group of acquaintances from my part time job this weekend and returned home hoping that there was more to getting back out there than what I'd experienced. Granted, they were a little younger than me (and white), but it didn't take long for me to wish I was home with Netflix, wine and my dog. I spent $75 for a round of overpriced drinks at venues I probably wouldn't revisit and getting hit on by men I could have birthed (OK... that last one was a bit of an ego boost, but I don't have time to be anyone's mamma).

Surely, that's not all there is. I know I'm not going to meet anyone continuing to do what I've always done, and the prospects in my immediate area are slim. I'm not religious, so I have no interest in church boys (divorced one- I'm done). I work in a convent in a small town. I can count on one hand how many men I see a day. I don't have any girlfriends my age (or at all), and my coworkers outside of the widow are all married with children. My unmarried coworker and I don't share much in common (different tastes in music, activities, etc.)

I have never been a bar / club kind of chick, but I do enjoy great Neo-soul / R & B (especially live), and I wouldn't mind having a glass of wine at one of the live R and B spots. I haven't done that since my mid-twenties. Is it safe to head to a bar alone? Does it make me seem like an "easy target" or confident?

I'm OK with being single, but wouldn't mind spending time with the right person. I realize I need to shake things up if I want different results. What say you?
 
TinyBlu said:
I'm sure this topic has been address countless times, but I thought I'd revive it in light of some recent occurrences.

I went out with a group of acquaintances from my part time job this weekend and returned home hoping that there was more to getting back out there than what I'd experienced. Granted, they were a little younger than me (and white), but it didn't take long for me to wish I was home with Netflix, wine and my dog. I spent $75 for a round of overpriced drinks at venues I probably wouldn't revisit and getting hit on by men I could have birthed (OK... that last one was a bit of an ego boost, but I don't have time to be anyone's mamma).

Surely, that's not all there is. I know I'm not going to meet anyone continuing to do what I've always done, and the prospects in my immediate area are slim. I'm not religious, so I have no interest in church boys (divorced one- I'm done). I work in a convent in a small town. I can count on one hand how many men I see a day. I don't have any girlfriends my age (or at all), and my coworkers outside of the widow are all married with children. My unmarried coworker and I don't share much in common (different tastes in music, activities, etc.)

I have never been a bar / club kind of chick, but I do enjoy great Neo-soul / R & B (especially live), and I wouldn't mind having a glass of wine at one of the live R and B spots. I haven't done that since my mid-twenties. Is it safe to head to a bar alone? Does it make me seem like an "easy target" or confident?

I'm OK with being single, but wouldn't mind spending time with the right person. I realize I need to shake things up if I want different results. What say you?
Click to expand...


Since you're working only part time, would moving be an option for you? Seems like the options for you in your current location are quite limited.
 
Sounds like you listed all the reasons why you can’t date and should remain single. And the “right person” is who exactly? You have to get out there and go on dates to really get an idea of what you truly like and don’t like. Men don’t say stuff like this which is why they end up with a roster of women to pick from. Women we say stuff like that and limit ourselves.

I’d start with changing your mindset and just getting out there — meetup.com, online dating, go to places that you enjoy but go alone — especially during happy hour. Sit at the bar...
 
007PMP said:
Sounds like you listed all the reasons why you can’t date and should remain single. And the “right person” is who exactly? You have to get out there and go on dates to really get an idea of what you truly like and don’t like. Men don’t say stuff like this which is why they end up with a roster of women to pick from. Women we say stuff like that and limit ourselves.

I’d start with changing your mindset and just getting out there — meetup.com, online dating, go to places that you enjoy but go alone — especially during happy hour. Sit at the bar...
Click to expand...


I can agree with this... BUT I've been to meetup groups, and they are loaded with females, couples or younger men. Online dating, so far, has been a NIGHTMARE. I'm naturally opinionated and strong willed, so an unattractive picture, lack of eloquence (don't say "Hi" or "What's up sexy" and expect a response), misspelled words, etc. automatically gets you swiped. I won't even go into the players, down low guys, and the "that picture was 10 years ago" debacles. Just doesn't work for me. It's WAY too easy for me to shut someone down in cyber space. I prefer organic connections (INTJ at her best!!!).

I can, however, hit a happy hour alone before my mid-week visit with my father since he's in the city. I know mindset does have a lot to do with success.
 
TinyBlu said:
I can agree with this... BUT I've been to meetup groups, and they are loaded with females, couples or younger men. Online dating, so far, has been a NIGHTMARE. I'm naturally opinionated and strong willed, so an unattractive picture, lack of eloquence (don't say "Hi" or "What's up sexy" and expect a response), misspelled words, etc. automatically gets you swiped. I won't even go into the players, down low guys, and the "that picture was 10 years ago" debacles. Just doesn't work for me. It's WAY too easy for me to shut someone down in cyber space. I prefer organic connections (INTJ at her best!!!).

I can, however, hit a happy hour alone before my mid-week visit with my father since he's in the city. I know mindset does have a lot to do with success.
Click to expand...

Yea, Meetup was a bust for me. Most of the groups in smaller towns/cities have painfully low participation. Online was a struggle but I kept at it and finally met my current BF, but he is not in my current city. When you're online do you expand your search area? I'd get a profile up on every free site and maybe invest in one of the paid sites (IME EHarmony has the best quality), and use it as a supplement to what you're doing to meet guys in person. Happy hour in the city is a great idea and don't be afraid to hit these streets solo. I do it all of the time. Go check out that R&B night.
 
TinyBlu said:
I can agree with this... BUT I've been to meetup groups, and they are loaded with females, couples or younger men. Online dating, so far, has been a NIGHTMARE. I'm naturally opinionated and strong willed, so an unattractive picture, lack of eloquence (don't say "Hi" or "What's up sexy" and expect a response), misspelled words, etc. automatically gets you swiped. I won't even go into the players, down low guys, and the "that picture was 10 years ago" debacles. Just doesn't work for me. It's WAY too easy for me to shut someone down in cyber space. I prefer organic connections (INTJ at her best!!!).

I can, however, hit a happy hour alone before my mid-week visit with my father since he's in the city. I know mindset does have a lot to do with success.
Click to expand...
Do you really want to meet men? All I hear are excuses. You're gonna have to literally change your mindset. Netflix your cat and wine are not attractive to a man, just leave that out as hobbies.

It's fine if online isn't your thing, I still think people need to work at organically meeting people more. But if you're online, don't be the aggravated person like why are you bothering to connect with me either, you have to weed through them. Go into the city solo. 45 mins isn't far at all, that wouldn't be a deterrent to me at all. So schedule your off days to be in the city. Don't go out with women who are white and younger than you unless you're just trying to party, you're not gonna meet men you want with a bunch of women period anyway. Men don't want to approach a group of women, it's a turnoff. Whatever city you're near, find local sports bars or restaurants and sit at the bar, that's where all the single men are. If you're in a small town, try doing activities in this city and forget the meetups there, you have to cast a wider net.
 
I think you should try hanging out in the city more. It’s like that around here too! The city is where all of the action is at. Go to an live music spot, go to the health club, go out to sports bar when a big game is playing. Go to line dancing..
I am more of a meet men organically type of lady as well. And dress like you are trying to meet men (not slutty) but don’t dress like you are hanging out with your girls.
 
SurferBabe said:
Yea, Meetup was a bust for me. Most of the groups in smaller towns/cities have painfully low participation. Online was a struggle but I kept at it and finally met my current BF, but he is not in my current city. When you're online do you expand your search area? I'd get a profile up on every free site and maybe invest in one of the paid sites (IME EHarmony has the best quality), and use it as a supplement to what you're doing to meet guys in person. Happy hour in the city is a great idea and don't be afraid to hit these streets solo. I do it all of the time. Go check out that R&B night.
Click to expand...

I'll consider expanding my footprint online if I decide to do it again, and it's starting to get warmer so I'll start hitting some of the local spots just to see what's out there.
 
Zaynab said:
Do you really want to meet men? All I hear are excuses. You're gonna have to literally change your mindset. Netflix your cat and wine are not attractive to a man, just leave that out as hobbies.

It's fine if online isn't your thing, I still think people need to work at organically meeting people more. But if you're online, don't be the aggravated person like why are you bothering to connect with me either, you have to weed through them. Go into the city solo. 45 mins isn't far at all, that wouldn't be a deterrent to me at all. So schedule your off days to be in the city. Don't go out with women who are white and younger than you unless you're just trying to party, you're not gonna meet men you want with a bunch of women period anyway. Men don't want to approach a group of women, it's a turnoff. Whatever city you're near, find local sports bars or restaurants and sit at the bar, that's where all the single men are. If you're in a small town, try doing activities in this city and forget the meetups there, you have to cast a wider net.
Click to expand...


Good stuff here.

...and it's weird... I'm not pressed to be with someone, but on those nights when I don't have to work the side gig, it would be nice to hang out with someone of the opposite sex.

Question... those that have done the online distance thing... How do you handle the meeting part? With distance comes extra expense and time. Does that lead to additional expectations on the part of the male?
 
TinyBlu said:
I'm sure this topic has been address countless times, but I thought I'd revive it in light of some recent occurrences.

I went out with a group of acquaintances from my part time job this weekend and returned home hoping that there was more to getting back out there than what I'd experienced. Granted, they were a little younger than me (and white), but it didn't take long for me to wish I was home with Netflix, wine and my dog. I spent $75 for a round of overpriced drinks at venues I probably wouldn't revisit and getting hit on by men I could have birthed (OK... that last one was a bit of an ego boost, but I don't have time to be anyone's mamma).

Surely, that's not all there is. I know I'm not going to meet anyone continuing to do what I've always done, and the prospects in my immediate area are slim. I'm not religious, so I have no interest in church boys (divorced one- I'm done). I work in a convent in a small town. I can count on one hand how many men I see a day. I don't have any girlfriends my age (or at all), and my coworkers outside of the widow are all married with children. My unmarried coworker and I don't share much in common (different tastes in music, activities, etc.)

I have never been a bar / club kind of chick, but I do enjoy great Neo-soul / R & B (especially live), and I wouldn't mind having a glass of wine at one of the live R and B spots. I haven't done that since my mid-twenties. Is it safe to head to a bar alone? Does it make me seem like an "easy target" or confident?

I'm OK with being single, but wouldn't mind spending time with the right person. I realize I need to shake things up if I want different results. What say you?
Click to expand...

The bolded is me to a tee, except I work in a very female-dominated setting. Getting back out there needs more thought than I realised.
 
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