Am I wrong for thinking this way?

[saved06]

Ok, where do I begin? I'm am 21 years of age and by the grace of God, I'm still a virgin. I've been dating a guy for two years now and he has had sex with one person. I know the girl but that is a different issue. Anyways, for some reason, I can not see myself wanting to be sexual with him because I feel as though he shared a connection with someone else. I get mad sometimes when I think about it and almost wanted to break up with him because he slept with another person. But I did know this in the beginning of the relationship but now that I realized I do love him, its just hard to know he has been with someone else before me. And I hate the fact that I'm waiting till marriage and there aren't many males who feel that same way, so I feel kinda cheated in a way. I know I'm young, so I'm looking for insight from you women of wisdom. Am I selfish to feel this way? And I know the whole forgiveness issue, but I feel as though if we do get married we will miss out on something because the connection may not all be there...and this will always be in the back of my mind...ok I"m done...help me out

 

[upandcoming]

Ok, where do I begin? I'm am 21 years of age and by the grace of God, I'm still a virgin. I've been dating a guy for two years now and he has had sex with one person. I know the girl but that is a different issue. Anyways, for some reason, I can not see myself wanting to be sexual with him because I feel as though he shared a connection with someone else. I get mad sometimes when I think about it and almost wanted to break up with him because he slept with another person. But I did know this in the beginning of the relationship but now that I realized I do love him, its just hard to know he has been with someone else before me. And I hate the fact that I'm waiting till marriage and there aren't many males who feel that same way, so I feel kinda cheated in a way. I know I'm young, so I'm looking for insight from you women of wisdom. Am I selfish to feel this way? And I know the whole forgiveness issue, but I feel as though if we do get married we will miss out on something because the connection may not all be there...and this will always be in the back of my mind...ok I"m done...help me out

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I do know how you feel. So when I start thinking like that I guess I just think hey...I'm ultimately saving my virginity for God, not for man. I mean, when I get married my husband will have my body and vice versa but I'm not really doing it for *him* all the way, I'm doing it for Christ first. If I'm saving myself for my husband, I may be surely disappointed when he doesn't do the same (may because I don't know who my husband will be yet - hehe).

 

[alexstin]

Ok, where do I begin? I'm am 21 years of age and by the grace of God, I'm still a virgin. I've been dating a guy for two years now and he has had sex with one person. I know the girl but that is a different issue. Anyways, for some reason, I can not see myself wanting to be sexual with him because I feel as though he shared a connection with someone else. I get mad sometimes when I think about it and almost wanted to break up with him because he slept with another person. But I did know this in the beginning of the relationship but now that I realized I do love him, its just hard to know he has been with someone else before me. And I hate the fact that I'm waiting till marriage and there aren't many males who feel that same way, so I feel kinda cheated in a way. I know I'm young, so I'm looking for insight from you women of wisdom. Am I selfish to feel this way? And I know the whole forgiveness issue, but I feel as though if we do get married we will miss out on something because the connection may not all be there...and this will always be in the back of my mind...ok I"m done...help me out

Well since you knew this when you entered the relationship have you ever shared your feelings with him? Is he remorseful about what he did or is it "no big deal".

You must realize that preserving your virginity is not about him or any other partner. It's about you! You are much too precious and have too much potential to allow any male to sidetrack you.

I love the principle of the 3 P's:

1. Purpose-Why you were created
2. Potential- The ability to fulfill your purpose
3. Principle- The values that you live by.

Please understand that #3 protects #1 and #2.

Think about an apple seed(potential). Within that seed is a tree(purpose). If you plant that seed in the ground then you are following the principles that will allow that seed to reveal it's purpose.

If you put that seed on your kitchen counter you are not following the correct principles and that seed will never fulfill it's purpose.

Know that God has called you to walk out a life of purity(principle) because it protects you. It protects the very reason for your existence and the ability to fulfill that. It's so much bigger than your friend.

Even if you friend compromised in this area God as long as he has changed his mindset he is redeemed. If this is truly the person God has for you allow HIm to soften your heart towards your friend. Otherwise, let him go because it seems like the hurt feelings you experience have become a distraction.

God Bless.

 

[Shimmie]

You couldn't have received more better advise than what has been shared.

I will only add this.

In this day and age, FEW men in comparison to women are virgins. That doesn't make it right, but it is a fact that we have to be aware of.

I too, would much prefer my future husband to have not been with anyone else, but even if he has, the only question I have is this:

Do I love him enough to just let it go and move on in life with him? The past is what it is...the past. Our future in the Heart and in the Hands of God is what is greater.

Knowing that this man loves me and is committed to me and that we are One in the Lord, is far greater than what he has ever shared with another woman, before me.

I wish you well with your decision. I know it's hard to accept. I don't blame you at all for having 'feelings' about this. But guess what...God makes all things new...just for you.

 

[saved06]

Thank you all! He is very remorseful and we have talked about it in the beginning of the relationship. And he told me every detail, I thought I wanted to hear that but it just put images in my head of them two.
Yeah, I know if it's meant to be God will allow me to move past this but I do love him and we are trying to grow in Christ together. I'm just a very selfish person in some regards and this is my first relationship so i'm learning as I go. But I'll try (pray) to get over it but I see the girl he has been with around my campus often, so I'm reminded all over again.
But thanks

 

[Shimmie]

Thank you all! He is very remorseful and we have talked about it in the beginning of the relationship. And he told me every detail, I thought I wanted to hear that but it just put images in my head of them two.
Yeah, I know if it's meant to be God will allow me to move past this but I do love him and we are trying to grow in Christ together. I'm just a very selfish person in some regards and this is my first relationship so i'm learning as I go. But I'll try (pray) to get over it but I see the girl he has been with around my campus often, so I'm reminded all over again.
But thanks

Girl Talk: "Sister to Sister" -

She's not 'better' than you.

 

[czyfaith77]

You couldn't have received more better advise than what has been shared.

I will only add this.

In this day and age, FEW men in comparison to women are virgins. That doesn't make it right, but it is a fact that we have to be aware of.

I too, would much prefer my future husband to have not been with anyone else, but even if he has, the only question I have is this:

Do I love him enough to just let it go and move on in life with him? The past is what it is...the past. Our future in the Heart and in the Hands of God is what is greater.

Knowing that this man loves me and is committed to me and that we are One in the Lord, is far greater than what he has ever shared with another woman, before me.

I wish you well with your decision. I know it's hard to accept. I don't blame you at all for having 'feelings' about this. But guess what...God makes all things new...just for you.

I am just going to put this out there. Knowing him and his level of sincerity, is there a way that you can empathize by putting yourself in his shoes? Knowing his feelings for you and knowing that he has done this and since meeting you wish that he hadn't. How would you feel if you were him?

I say all of this because my situation is the opposite. I am a born again Christian who has made foolish decisions in my past. My fiance is a wonderful man who loves God and who I truly believe God uses as an instrument to love me, is a virgin (YES ladies a man that is a virgin. This tells you alot about our society (he was raised in another culture) today because when he first told me I was stunned to say the least. He has not even kissed a woman before (sweetly and innocently he requested that I one day be his teacher- this touched me and was humbling because he could have asked anyone else. And no ladies, he is not funny or dl he is just like this.) I will be his first. The most he has ever done with a woman was hug her. I truthfully cherish this and try my very best to protect this because I cherish him dearly (and ladies that is what a woman or a man should do if they really love you and he/she is not married to you, he/she should cherish, honor, respect, and protect your chasity (this is a form of putting someone before you (it is selflessness) And I say it like this because there are some women who would be disappointed and upset if a man won't sleep with her and in his case it has been often- think Joseph in Genesis). I have promised and agreed to not even kiss him until we have exchanged vows and I like it that way.) We had a discussion before and I told him about my past. Meeting him, I was sad about the situation because he is everything I have ever prayed (and in some cases not even thought of). Not once did he condemn or look down on me, not once that he resented my confession, and he was glad that I shared it with him and said that he loved me more for my openess and honesty. I have never in my life been loved as such. I have told this man things I have never told anyone else and he still loves me. He loves me so that he puts me before himself. It is funny because I am reminded of a book that I read right before I met him. I had intended on reading the book beforehand but apparently reading it at this time was timely because it explained how he loved me. The name of the book is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. It is a fictional account based on the story of the Book of Hosea. I wasn't some of the extremes of the lady in the book (Sarah/Angel) but I can relate to the experience of such a love that is truly unexplainable save for the amazing grace of God and his infinite wisdom. God is truly amazing and I thank God every single day for blessing me with this wonderful gift that I know without of a shadow of doubt is by no goodness of mine but by God's grace and His alone.

 

[czyfaith77]

Girl Talk: "Sister to Sister" -

She's not 'better' than you.

Shimmie I love you for the way you are with everyone. It is truly a blessing to have you here.