Am I in a Relationship?

[Transformer]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/advice/carolyn-hax-she-doesnt-know-whether-shes-in-a-relationship-or-how-to-ask/2020/09/11/601d0196-e979-11ea-970a-64c73a1c2392_story.html

Hi, Carolyn: I have been dating a man for three months. Neither of us has brought up whether we are in a relationship, although I trust we are exclusively dating. I want to be in a relationship and fear I am in the friends-with-benefits zone.

I tend to think it's best to wait for him to bring up that he wants to be in a relationship, not me, because then I know he really wants it and won't think I am trying to trap him into one.
I know part of me is afraid of getting rejected because he got out of a very long relationship seven months ago, and maybe I am not ready to walk away if he rejects a relationship. How do you think I should approach this?

 

[Transformer]

I thInk Carolyn’s response is one every dating woman should read.

 

[mrselle]

DP

 

[mrselle]

Ask him point blank. If being in an exclusive relationship is the goal then better to ask questions and know up front than to wake up six months later only to realize he considers you a good friend.

 

[Maracujá]

I thInk Carolyn’s response is one every dating woman should read.

Don't have a subscription to the Washington Post. What did she say, please?

 

[weaveadiva]

Neither of us has brought up whether we are in a relationship, although I trust we are exclusively dating.

She done already messed up.

 

[weaveadiva]

Don't have a subscription to the Washington Post. What did she say, please?

FWB-Zoned: Why aren’t you worried he’s trying to “trap” (ugh!) you into a relationship? He has value, but you don’t?

And why isn’t it possible he is waiting for you to bring up that you want to be in a relationship because he wants to know you really want it.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

Live! Your! Life!

Ask for what you want.

If you don’t get it, then say, “Oh, well, I tried,” and then walk away. Hurt like hell. Have a cry. Eat some noodles. Go back to living your life.

Whatever you do, whomever you love, however you express yourself — just think of how much room there is for you to be you, in a variety of ways, throughout life — stop handing control of your relationships to other people. Stop waiting silently for them to figure out what you want and decide whether they’ll give it to you.

Give yourself time to figure things out, sure, but don’t just assume the begging position because that’s the role you know.

Thank you very much.

 

[Evolving78]

She gave up the sex, now she confused and doesn’t know where things are going.. she is in a situationship, not a relationship. And if she has to ask after sexing this man for 30 days plus? ain’t no turning that ship around. She should just cut her losses and move on to the next.

 

[mrselle]

She done already messed up.

Pretty much. One of my good friend of mine was seeing a man for three months and made the assumption they were in a relationship. He let her know that her assumption was wrong. Never assume when it comes to relationships.

 

[kupenda]

Nothing to add that hasn’t already been said. She should hit him with the fade and see how he responds. Be too busy, distracted, uninterested. She will know what’s really happening by then

 

[LiftedUp]

I'd ask him. I like clarity.

I asked my now husband and his response was, "So what are we doing then?". I told him that he has to formally ask me to be his girlfriend. He told me that it was corny

 

[Everything Zen]

How old is this child?

 

[caribeandiva]

If you have to ask, then you ain’t in a relationship. Until you have the exclusivity talk and you both agree to stop seeing other people, you are single and should be mingling with several other people. I don’t mean sleep around with others but be dating several at once.

 

[caribeandiva]

I'd ask him. I like clarity.

I asked my now husband and his response was, "So what are we doing then?". I told him that he has to formally ask me to be his girlfriend. He told me that it was corny

Doesn’t hurt. It sounds to me that the woman in the original post already knows the answer which is why she’s afraid to ask.

 

[Mai Tai]

Why are so many women so afraid? Afraid to speak up, ask questions, do what makes them happy, walk away from things that are bad for them, hurt, love, make mistakes and learn from them, move on, or live????

This is tiring.

 

[TrulyBlessed]

Saw this and thought of this thread.

 

[caribeandiva]

Saw this and thought of this thread.

 

[kupenda]

Saw this and thought of this thread.