Am I blocking my blessings?

[amwcah]

Deleted

loolalooh Laela kila82 Thank you ladies for your responses.

Basically, I have an estranged relationship with my mother because of her husband(my stepfather). He molested me as a child and continues to make sexual advances towards me as an adult.

As a child I told her and she just said I was the devil. Throughout the years, I have told her and she doesn't believe me. As of March of last year, it was the final straw for me at my twins birthday party when he tried me again. He was looking at my body and trying to rub against me. I called him out on it and he denied it. He went as far as saying, "Ain't nobody looking at your body. My daughter's body look better than yours." He also said right in front of my mother and a male cousin, "You can't handle me. I would have your body shaking. I would give you the shakes." My mother didn't say anything.

As a result, I no longer visit my mother's house. I only speak to her when she is making arrangements to take me kids somewhere.

So, given the circumstances do you think I am blocking my blessings? I know I must forgive my mother and him, but I have to protect my three girls. I have no respect for my mother. I see her as weak and in denial.

Your thoughts.

 

[kila82]

63 views and no responses, so I guess I will delete.

I'm not sure what u posted about however I find that if I suddenly come to this type of realization (am I blocking my blessings) the answer is usually yes because I rarely feel this way. If ur "intuition" is making u feel this way then chances are this is true. If u have time today, take a chunk of time out to get before God in a quiet place and let him advise u on whatever the issue is. I also find fasting for a day with prayer to be the most effective way on getting clarity in a tough or confusing situation.

 

[Laela]

Re: Deleted

amwcah... Sorry, I missed your deleted post..but please don't be discouraged if you post a thread in the CF and don't get a response right away.... it happens. Yes, I believe we can block our blessings. I've experienced that. When we find out what it is (mostly through prayer and fasting) we just ask God for forgiveness and keep it moving. He faithful and just. God bless ~ and...

!!!

63 views and no responses, so I guess I will delete.

 

[loolalooh]

amwcah: Sorry, dear. If you don't mind, can you repost? I speak for myself when I say I wasn't awake yet. Plus, as Laela said, responses sometimes take a while in the CF.

Given the title of your thread, I cosign with the replies above. I can certainly say that I've blocked (and even canceled) a few blessings unintentionally. I find that obeying God's instructions is the best route to receiving all the blessings He grants to you. One act of disobedience can hinder a blessing.

 

[sidney]

I think that you are being a very responsible parent by doing what you are doing here. I don't know what to say at all. I'm sorry about the situation about your mother and father. The bible does say honor your parents and you will have long life, but what do you do when you have parents who are morally depraved. I think the best thing to do is pray for them and keep the distance for the safety of your children. I am so sorry this is the current situation.

Psalm 27:10
Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.
Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.

 

[kila82]

Oh my. Pls forgive my original post I had no idea.

As long as you are not harboring any unforgiveness towards ur mom or that monster then no I do not believe u are blocking ur blessings by limiting ur dealings with her. Setting up healthy boundaries is important for ur sanity and development. I kno u didn't ask for this but I am going to pray tonight that God softens ur mother's heart so she realizes all the pain this is causing u. Pls stay prayerful as well being that prayer is the only thing that will change this situation. Thank goodness we serve an awesome God that will give us "double for out trouble" as Joyce Meyer would say. God will honor ur obedience if u just stay focused on him and his word. Let him deal with ur mom and dude

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Let's be smart he is out of line so why in heck would you correlate blessing not coming your way bc of such a disgusting man.I wouldn't have anything to do with your mother at all at this point.She clearly is in bondage of foolishness and you shouldn't have to live such a way your constantly being bothered.

I'm a big believer that God gave us sense to know what is wrong esp in such a situation.God wouldn't place you in such foul situations my love just my thought.

 

[loolalooh]

Hi amwcah. Thanks for reposting. Sorry that you are going through this. I agree with kila82. Some key points (to maintaining your blessings):

*Forgive your mother and stepfather.
*Obey God over your mother. We are to honor our parents, but if they are instructing us against God ... choose God.

Also, this may help:

From: http://www.gotquestions.org/honor-father-mother.html

Answer: Honoring your father and mother is being respectful in word and action and having an inward attitude of esteem for their position. The Greek word for honor means “to revere, prize, and value.” Honor is giving respect not only for merit but also for rank. For example, some Americans may disagree with the President’s decisions, but they should still respect his position as leader of their country. Similarly, children of all ages should honor their parents, regardless of whether or not their parents “deserve” honor.

God exhorts us to honor father and mother. He values honoring parents enough to include it in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:12) and again in the New Testament: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-3). Honoring parents is the only command in Scripture that promises long life as a reward. Those who honor their parents are blessed (Jeremiah 35:18-19). In contrast, those with a “depraved mind” and those who exhibit ungodliness in the last days are characterized by disobedience to parents (Romans 1:30; 2 Timothy 3:2).

Solomon, the wisest man, urged children to respect their parents (Proverbs 1:8; 13:1; 30:17). Although we may no longer be directly under their authority, we cannot outgrow God’s command to honor our parents. Even Jesus, God the Son, submitted Himself to both His earthly parents (Luke 2:51) and His heavenly Father (Matthew 26:39). Following Christ’s example, we should treat our parents the way we would reverentially approach our heavenly Father (Hebrews 12:9; Malachi 1:6).

Obviously, we are commanded to honor our parents, but how? Honor them with both actions and attitudes (Mark 7:6). Honor their unspoken as well as spoken wishes. “A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke” (Proverbs 13:1). In Matthew 15:3-9, Jesus reminded the Pharisees of the command of God to honor their father and mother. They were obeying the letter of the law, but they had added their own traditions that essentially overruled it. While they honored their parents in word, their actions proved their real motive. Honor is more than lip service. The word “honor” in this passage is a verb and, as such, demands a right action.

We should seek to honor our parents in much the same way that we strive to bring glory to God—in our thoughts, words, and actions. For a young child, obeying parents goes hand in hand with honoring them. That includes listening, heeding, and submitting to their authority. After children mature, the obedience that they learned as children will serve them well in honoring other authorities such as government, police, and employers.

While we are required to honor parents, that doesn’t include imitating ungodly ones (Ezekiel 20:18-19). If a parent ever instructs a child to do something that clearly contradicts God’s commands, that child must obey God rather than his/her parents (Acts 5:29).

Honor begets honor. God will not honor those who will not obey His command to honor their parents. If we desire to please God and be blessed, we should honor our parents. Honoring is not easy, is not always fun, and certainly is not possible in our own strength. But honor is a certain path to our purpose in life—glorifying God. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).

 

[Shimmie]

Your blessings are not blocked.

I can't even imagine how painful this has been for you. You've harmed no one and I must say that I have to admire your strength and I can see that you love your mother deeply, in spite of how things have happened.

Pray for your mom and yes, pray for her husband. Forgive them and allow God set you free from the anger and pain, that although it is justified, these feelings have to go for you to be at peace.

I commend you for being such a strong young woman who has sought the answers from God's perspective rather than hold on to the pain.

For your own peace of mind, you have to forgive them and allow God fill you with His love so much that what happened to you will never bother you again.

Forgiving someone who has harmed you does not in anyway validate what they did. They are still wrong. However, forgiveness, is the freedom that you deserve to have and it will help you to move on in life in joy and peace.

God bless you. You are indeed a strong woman of God. I know that God is just smiling each time you come to Him. He loves to embrace you as His daughter and there is nothing that God will not do for you, His precious child.

 

[NaturallySweet73]

You've done the right thing, by keeping a distance. Parents are not going to always understand, but you cannot control them. If you know you are honoring them. You are not telling them off, physically harming them, show them love and respect when you are in there presence, if they have a need, you are trying to help, you are within the parameters of honor, IMO.

You may need to find creative ways to stay in touch with your mother (or even the stepfather, if you so choice), without actually having to subject your family to your mother and her husbands issues. Maybe calling your mother (not the step father unless you have solid boundaries that are no talk zones in place.), instead of taking yourself and your children to visit. Having each child talk to her (not him) individually, with you monitoring (if necessary). Also, designating for yourself a boundary of words or conversations that you will not discuss and if she mentions them, you can say something like "Mom, I mean no disrespect, but I would appreciate it if we don't discuss this". You may want to let her know those are topic you prefer not to discuss any longer before implementing that. If she is determined to discuss it you could say "Mom, I love you, but I have to go". Letting her know, and sticking to the plan, that if she goes there the conversation ends. Her response is not your dishonor. It is her response. You were respectful and honoring. And if you decided you were going to do that with him, you could use this same method [I WOULD PROCEED WITH CAUTION ON THAT, just to be clear].

This really worked for me. Actually when I set these perimeters with my controlling mother, whom I love, our relationship improved. Not saying yours will or wont, but I have found that boundaries can be an awesome friend

Because it is sooo toxic, you might want do a combination of cards and phone calls for significant events, like anniversaries, Christmas, Easter, instead of going to the event. It may not seem fair, but the alternative is very damaging to you and your kids, IMO.

You might want to ask the Lord his definition of honor and get into the Word about it, so that the devil doesn't use this misunderstanding as a way to beat you over the head with condemnation, because I have found that what we don't fully have understanding of, word wise, the devil can use to harass us with with condemnation! Roman 8:1 There is therefor now no condemnation to those who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the spirit.

Further, God has intrusted your children to your care and there safety must be foremost. Seeing mommy harassed by their Grandpa is, as you know, pretty scary to a child.

Basically it seems as though boundaries have to be set, but you are not missing your blessing by setting them.

As, far as forgiveness. The only way humanly possible to forgive is thru Jesus and when I say that, I mean asking him to take the hurt, pain, anger, unforgiveness out of your heart and by praying for your stepfather and stepmother as though you were praying for yourself. I say that because the Lord delivered me from some deep seeded unforgiveness that I was carrying for years!!! Forgiveness doesn't mean that you don't have boundaries either.

 

[amwcah]

Hi amwcah. Thanks for reposting. Sorry that you are going through this. I agree with kila82. Some key points (to maintaining your blessings):

*Forgive your mother and stepfather.
*Obey God over your mother. We are to honor our parents, but if they are instructing us against God ... choose God.

Also, this may help:

From: http://www.gotquestions.org/honor-father-mother.html

Answer: Honoring your father and mother is being respectful in word and action and having an inward attitude of esteem for their position. The Greek word for honor means “to revere, prize, and value.” Honor is giving respect not only for merit but also for rank. For example, some Americans may disagree with the President’s decisions, but they should still respect his position as leader of their country. Similarly, children of all ages should honor their parents, regardless of whether or not their parents “deserve” honor.

God exhorts us to honor father and mother. He values honoring parents enough to include it in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:12) and again in the New Testament: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-3). Honoring parents is the only command in Scripture that promises long life as a reward. Those who honor their parents are blessed (Jeremiah 35:18-19). In contrast, those with a “depraved mind” and those who exhibit ungodliness in the last days are characterized by disobedience to parents (Romans 1:30; 2 Timothy 3:2).

Solomon, the wisest man, urged children to respect their parents (Proverbs 1:8; 13:1; 30:17). Although we may no longer be directly under their authority, we cannot outgrow God’s command to honor our parents. Even Jesus, God the Son, submitted Himself to both His earthly parents (Luke 2:51) and His heavenly Father (Matthew 26:39). Following Christ’s example, we should treat our parents the way we would reverentially approach our heavenly Father (Hebrews 12:9; Malachi 1:6).

Obviously, we are commanded to honor our parents, but how? Honor them with both actions and attitudes (Mark 7:6). Honor their unspoken as well as spoken wishes. “A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke” (Proverbs 13:1). In Matthew 15:3-9, Jesus reminded the Pharisees of the command of God to honor their father and mother. They were obeying the letter of the law, but they had added their own traditions that essentially overruled it. While they honored their parents in word, their actions proved their real motive. Honor is more than lip service. The word “honor” in this passage is a verb and, as such, demands a right action.

We should seek to honor our parents in much the same way that we strive to bring glory to God—in our thoughts, words, and actions. For a young child, obeying parents goes hand in hand with honoring them. That includes listening, heeding, and submitting to their authority. After children mature, the obedience that they learned as children will serve them well in honoring other authorities such as government, police, and employers.

While we are required to honor parents, that doesn’t include imitating ungodly ones (Ezekiel 20:18-19). If a parent ever instructs a child to do something that clearly contradicts God’s commands, that child must obey God rather than his/her parents (Acts 5:29).

Honor begets honor. God will not honor those who will not obey His command to honor their parents. If we desire to please God and be blessed, we should honor our parents. Honoring is not easy, is not always fun, and certainly is not possible in our own strength. But honor is a certain path to our purpose in life—glorifying God. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).

loolalooh

This helped a great deal. Thank you so much!

 

[amwcah]

Your blessings are not blocked.

I can't even imagine how painful this has been for you. You've harmed no one and I must say that I have to admire your strength and I can see that you love your mother deeply, in spite of how things have happened.

Pray for your mom and yes, pray for her husband. Forgive them and allow God set you free from the anger and pain, that although it is justified, these feelings have to go for you to be at peace.

I commend you for being such a strong young woman who has sought the answers from God's perspective rather than hold on to the pain.

For your own peace of mind, you have to forgive them and allow God fill you with His love so much that what happened to you will never bother you again.

Forgiving someone who has harmed you does not in anyway validate what they did. They are still wrong. However, forgiveness, is the freedom that you deserve to have and it will help you to move on in life in joy and peace.

God bless you. You are indeed a strong woman of God. I know that God is just smiling each time you come to Him. He loves to embrace you as His daughter and there is nothing that God will not do for you, His precious child.

Your post brought me to tears. Thank you!

 

[amwcah]

You've done the right thing, by keeping a distance. Parents are not going to always understand, but you cannot control them. If you know you are honoring them. You are not telling them off, physically harming them, show them love and respect when you are in there presence, if they have a need, you are trying to help, you are within the parameters of honor, IMO.

You may need to find creative ways to stay in touch with your mother (or even the stepfather, if you so choice), without actually having to subject your family to your mother and her husbands issues. Maybe calling your mother (not the step father unless you have solid boundaries that are no talk zones in place.), instead of taking yourself and your children to visit. Having each child talk to her (not him) individually, with you monitoring (if necessary). Also, designating for yourself a boundary of words or conversations that you will not discuss and if she mentions them, you can say something like "Mom, I mean no disrespect, but I would appreciate it if we don't discuss this". You may want to let her know those are topic you prefer not to discuss any longer before implementing that. If she is determined to discuss it you could say "Mom, I love you, but I have to go". Letting her know, and sticking to the plan, that if she goes there the conversation ends. Her response is not your dishonor. It is her response. You were respectful and honoring. And if you decided you were going to do that with him, you could use this same method [I WOULD PROCEED WITH CAUTION ON THAT, just to be clear].

This really worked for me. Actually when I set these perimeters with my controlling mother, whom I love, our relationship improved. Not saying yours will or wont, but I have found that boundaries can be an awesome friend

Because it is sooo toxic, you might want do a combination of cards and phone calls for significant events, like anniversaries, Christmas, Easter, instead of going to the event. It may not seem fair, but the alternative is very damaging to you and your kids, IMO.

You might want to ask the Lord his definition of honor and get into the Word about it, so that the devil doesn't use this misunderstanding as a way to beat you over the head with condemnation, because I have found that what we don't fully have understanding of, word wise, the devil can use to harass us with with condemnation! Roman 8:1 There is therefor now no condemnation to those who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the spirit.

Further, God has intrusted your children to your care and there safety must be foremost. Seeing mommy harassed by their Grandpa is, as you know, pretty scary to a child.

Basically it seems as though boundaries have to be set, but you are not missing your blessing by setting them.

As, far as forgiveness. The only way humanly possible to forgive is thru Jesus and when I say that, I mean asking him to take the hurt, pain, anger, unforgiveness out of your heart and by praying for your stepfather and stepmother as though you were praying for yourself. I say that because the Lord delivered me from some deep seeded unforgiveness that I was carrying for years!!! Forgiveness doesn't mean that you don't have boundaries either.

NaturallySweet73

You gave some good suggestions for moving forward. The situation is really unfortunate. I feel like my kids are being punished because we can't come together as a family anymore during the holidays. My mother actually called me before Thanksgiving to ask me if we could be a family again and if we were coming over. I politely told her no and the reasons why, and I also stated I had other plans.

I just don't really get her blindness. Other family members have told me that she said, "(My name here) is not talking to me." My cousin replied, "You know why don't you." Her response was, "What does that have to do with me?" Really?

Shortly after the incident I began to receive literature from every evangelist on earth. Clearly, she subscribed on my behalf. She really believes that I am wrong, but I now have confirmation that that is not the case.

 

[Laela]

@amwcah sorry to hear that ..unforgiveness is a bear but forgiving others who hurt us severly is doable, by God's Grace. It's more for you than for the people you forgive in your heart. You can forgive someone while maintaining a healthy distance. God bless and my prayer is it all work out for all of you.

 

[Honi]

I didn't get a chance to read your other post but what u said above sickens me. Your mother is in some serious denial. Protect your girls....period.

All your blessings were already put away for you before you were born. Whether u receive them or not depends on what comes out of your mouth. Alot of times negativity for example can negate that. The wilderness story is a great example. Negativity, words that YOU speak can be a self fulfilling prophesy.

At some point you will forgive her even though she is misguided. If you don't she will always have some sort of power over you. It's hard but pray on it for guidance.

I can't believe he said that in front of her and she said nothing.

 

[amwcah]

Honi

Thank you for your response. I'm not familiar with the wilderness story, but I am interested in reading it. Where can I find it?

Also, he did and said a lot of things in front of her and she said nothing.

 

[Honi]

Honi

Thank you for your response. I'm not familiar with the wilderness story, but I am interested in reading it. Where can I find it?

Also, he did and said a lot of things in front of her and she said nothing.

amwcah Numbers 14:2-3, 6-11, 28-31 and 39-45.

Every time my thoughts wander into fear and defeat I think of this story then shut my mouth. It's faith and victory!!

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

first things first please do not allow your children in your mom care when that man is around...


forgive her and him and stay away from them, they are not good for you or your children

it's important to forgive as we want God to forgive us, trust me forgiving someone brings healing to your soul..

 

[MSee]

first things first please do not allow your children in your mom care when that man is around...


forgive her and him and stay away from them, they are not good for you or your children

it's important to forgive as we want God to forgive us, trust me forgiving someone brings healing to your soul..

^^ I agree. If your mother is in denial it would be risky letting your children be in her care without you being around. I'm a bit sleepy and may not be clear in what I want to say. Your stepdad's boldness is being fueled by the fact that technically he's gotten away with a crime. You are most likely not the only child he has molested and unless he is shaken up by a lawful arrest he is a danger to your children and frankly other unsuspecting children.

Keeping your children away is just part of protecting them. No matter what age they are at you can teach them to protect themselves which includes telling them of statements that should cause them to run and seek help (screaming at the top of their lungs). Teach them about flattery and bribery. Teach them what body parts are private etc. Above all ensure that they feel comortable talking to you even if they were threatened by someone. I know there is age appropriate material on the net. I came upon some years ago when I was praying about a situation concerning a visitor at my in-laws house.

One thing that can block blessings is fear. You don't need to fear anyone enough to hand over your safety, peace of mind or your children's safety to them. I've had to prayerfully put my foot down with my mother (and mother-in-law). It was painful, and scary even had a sibling preach at me in the worst ways for it. Today I'm glad I did. I respect her but have created boundaries and keep praying that God remove the deception that seems to be blinding her to truth. I actually feel her pain, as a matter of fact I feel concern for your mother too but I've learned and can assure you, that although our stories may be different, genuine love has to be tough sometimes.

 

[amwcah]

first things first please do not allow your children in your mom care when that man is around...


forgive her and him and stay away from them, they are not good for you or your children

it's important to forgive as we want God to forgive us, trust me forgiving someone brings healing to your soul..

I agree! My children I not to be around him. I have made that VERY clear.