Am I Being Too Hard on Him ...

[loolalooh]

if I peace out because he lied about his age?

Background: We've only been dating for a short while. Of the two times I have asked him his age, he has given me the same number (which is close to my own age). However, after we became friends on FB and I noticed his college graduation year, it just doesn't make sense. So I asked at what age did he graduate, and the number he gave me made him several years older than me. His older age is fine by me, but his lying about it is not. I need him to clarify one thing (his graduation year) before I can determine whether he lied for certain. And if he did, I have in mind to peace out. The last time I dated a man who lied about his age, it turned into a relationship full of lies.

Your thoughts? Am I being too hard to throw up the deuces after this lie? or should I just give him a two strikes and you're out rule? (Three is pushing it.)

I'm all about forgiving, but that does not mean I won't guard my heart.

------------------------------
UPDATE: He's telling the truth. One of my friends confirmed it. Also, apparently, rather than writing the graduation year, he writes the year in which he matriculated. Thanks, ladies. Had he been lying, this would've been me:

 

[Fine 4s]

If you google him, you might be able to find his age without further probing.

Can't quite call it on the lie. My last relationship like this was in college and he lied about EVERYTHING. Good thing we weren't serious. So I'd say date but keep a close eye and maybe delay the exclusivity?

Try to find out why he lied (no that helps you in your decision but...)

 

[isawstars]

I've been in that situation, and yes I peaced out!

I was 21 and he said he was 24. Turns out he was 28, about to turn 29. I thought he was really cool but I have no tolerance for lying. If he was worried I wouldn't be interested in him because of his age then he should have said mentioned his concern from the start. And if I still was put off from it, then it wasn't meant to be anyways. ETA: I had been talking to him for a couple weeks.

Anyways, my answer is no. I don't think you're being too hard on him.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I'd chuck the deuces if a dude lied about an age difference on principle. Even if the age difference itself isn't a dealbreaker it's the fact that he lied. If he lies about something as minute as his age I'd wonder what else he would lie to me about. So no you're not being too hard on him.

 

[meesch]

if I peace out because he lied about his age?

Background: We've only been dating for a short while. Of the two times I have asked him his age, he has given me the same number (which is close to my own age). However, after we became friends on FB and I noticed his college graduation year, it just doesn't make sense. So I asked at what age did he graduate, and the number he gave me made him several years older than me. His older age is fine by me, but his lying about it is not. I need him to clarify one thing (his graduation year) before I can determine whether he lied for certain. And if he did, I have in mind to peace out. The last time I dated a man who lied about his age, it turned into a relationship full of lies.

Your thoughts? Am I being too hard to throw up the deuces after this lie? or should I just give him a two strikes and you're out rule? (Three is pushing it.)

I'm all about forgiving, but that does not mean I won't guard my heart.

i think your reaction is exactly right. men who lie about the most fundamental things that generally cannot be hidden because they are a part of every day life (name, age, job, education, background, whatever) are nothing but drama and trouble.

my sister lied to the guy she was dating about her age (stupid). lied and said she was younger than she is bc he is younger than her (again stupid). im counting the days until they break up if they havent already. and yes my sister who lied about her age has issues that would make her non girlfriend material for most decent men. its symptomatic.

 

[lux10023]

just say hey can i see your drivers license...or ID..just wanna make sure your not a serial killer...
problem solved

 

[Softerlove]

In my experience one lie usually precededs another.

 

[Pat Mahurr]

Yep. Confirm it's a lie and not a misunderstanding (e.g. maybe he graduated early? maybe not at all ) and go from there. Liar = Deuces.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I would bail simple on principle and there no sense of giving him a chance bc you will always be looking over your shoulder..no one wants to have to do that to be with anyone..

 

[Pat Mahurr]

And let me just state the obvious: yes, women lie about their ages all the time. That doesn't make it right. It's especially "not right" in a would-be relationship.

 

[loolalooh]

Thanks, ladies. I really can't stand lies and if it starts out this early on an issue so small, then it's a wrap. He and I have something scheduled this evening, so I'll find out what is going on. Using Google was a fail unfortunately. He sure does keep his web presence to a minimum. I would love to just look at his ID but I'm not sure how I can pull that off. Maybe I will use that line, perfect28. I'll keep y'all posted. Thanks again.

 

[SelahOco]

Yeah. I had a dude that lied about his age. And two weeks after our date he was in jail.

 

[rabs77]

loolalooh
Try www.intelius.com or www.pipl.com
Hopefully his name isnt so common that you can't narrow him down.


eta, I'm curious as to why he would lie. Would your estimate on his real age make him significantly older or younger than you?

 

[melissa-bee]

I don't think you are being too hard on him. If you do find out he's lying you should forget about him. I can't stand when guys lie about the smallest of things. If he can lie about one thing he can lie age he can lie about anything. Age is nothing, but when they lie about it, it becomes suspicious.

 

[ThickHair]

Thanks, ladies. I really can't stand lies and if it starts out this early on an issue so small, then it's a wrap. He and I have something scheduled this evening, so I'll find out what is going on. Using Google was a fail unfortunately. He sure does keep his web presence to a minimum. I would love to just look at his ID but I'm not sure how I can pull that off. Maybe I will use that line, perfect28. I'll keep y'all posted. Thanks again.

Tell him you kinda hate you driver's license picture and pull it out. Ask to see his.

 

[loolalooh]

Yeah. I had a dude that lied about his age. And two weeks after our date he was in jail.

Woooow!! See that's why small lies are a big turn off. They can indicate bigger issues.

loolalooh
Try www.intelius.com or www.pipl.com
Hopefully his name isnt so common that you can't narrow him down.


eta, I'm curious as to why he would lie. Would your estimate on his real age make him significantly older or younger than you?

Thanks. I'll look into those sites. My estimate would make him 6 years older than me.

I don't think you are being too hard on him. If you do find out he's lying you should forget about him. I can't stand when guys lie about the smallest of things. If he can lie about one thing he can lie age he can lie about anything. Age is nothing, but when they lie about it, it becomes suspicious.

This is exactly what I'm thinking.

Tell him you kinda hate you driver's license picture and pull it out. Ask to see his.

I like this idea and wish I would've done that at first. I'll try that tonight if the sites above don't work out. Hopefully he doesn't catch on.

 

[Covergirl5906]

If he is lying, no u are not. Speaking from experience, one lie will lead to the next and the next and the next.... I had a so called "friend" lie about something so insignificant in the beginning stages. -something that there was no reason on earth that needed to be lied about. I didn't find out about it until months later and I let it slide. Big mistake. Guess what, the deception continued and nothing good came out of the whole situation. NOTHING! Total waste of time. When people show you who they are believe them the first time. Lying is a serious character flaw that we shouldnt have tolerance for

 

[Ganjababy]

This is a bad sign.

 

[DarkJoy]

That's probably not the first lie. Just the first one you caught. I'd roll out. Deuces, bruh...

 

[misskris816]

OP - Did you find out if he was lying or if it was a misunderstanding"

 

[CurlyMoo]

if I peace out because he lied about his age?

Background: We've only been dating for a short while. Of the two times I have asked him his age, he has given me the same number (which is close to my own age). However, after we became friends on FB and I noticed his college graduation year, it just doesn't make sense. So I asked at what age did he graduate, and the number he gave me made him several years older than me. His older age is fine by me, but his lying about it is not. I need him to clarify one thing (his graduation year) before I can determine whether he lied for certain. And if he did, I have in mind to peace out. The last time I dated a man who lied about his age, it turned into a relationship full of lies.

Your thoughts? Am I being too hard to throw up the deuces after this lie? or should I just give him a two strikes and you're out rule? (Three is pushing it.)

I'm all about forgiving, but that does not mean I won't guard my heart.

------------------------------
UPDATE: He's telling the truth. One of my friends confirmed it. Also, apparently, rather than writing the graduation year, he writes the year in which he matriculated. Thanks, ladies. Had he been lying, this would've been me:

When I read your first OP I knew either he graduated late or it was something with the dates. Not a lie; a misunderstanding, on your part. I see social media continues to confuse and/or destroy relationships. Ahhh the joys of technology. I'm glad you continued to investigate instead of just bailing on principle.

 

[Fine 4s]

Yay!!
I'm reading this book about men and commitment and I thought about you because it talked about why a man would lie about himself...

 

[loolalooh]

OP - Did you find out if he was lying or if it was a misunderstanding"

A misunderstanding. (Full update on first page.)

When I read your first OP I knew either he graduated late or it was something with the dates. Not a lie; a misunderstanding, on your part. I see social media continues to confuse and/or destroy relationships. Ahhh the joys of technology. I'm glad you continued to investigate instead of just bailing on principle.

Yep, a misunderstanding aided by social media. Grrr Facebook. It's good that I waited to confirm one way or the other rather than just bailing.

Yay!!
I'm reading this book about men and commitment and I thought about you because it talked about why a man would lie about himself...

Haha. What is the name of the book?

 

[Fine 4s]

Why men won't commit I believe...

 

[UrbainChic]

just say hey can i see your drivers license...or ID..just wanna make sure your not a serial killer...
problem solved

I think comparing "bad ID photos" gets you the ID while playing around.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I'm glad your guy wasn't lying about his age.

In the future though, just remember that not everyone graduates college at the "suggested time frame" as everyone else. Some graduate SOONER, others much LATER than "expected". It's no biggie, but college isn't like high school. You don't just turn a certain age and boom automatically graduate from college lol.

A Graduation Year doesn't give me much but a person's year they graduated period. Sure, you can make all kinds of inferences based on that graduation year, but there are so many variables so you can't really be 100% certain of someone's age.

 

[R4L]

I actually don't like to tell people my profession, so I tell them I'm a trust fund baby, or that I "do what I want" or I'm a stripper........anything to get them to know me for me, rather than a title

 

[celiabug]

break it off! i had this happen. i was 19 he said he was 23 turned out to be 28. i stayed with him and it continued to be lie after lie after lie. first its his age, then its his income, then its was his "finalized" divorce lol and next thing you know you find out he has a baby with someone while y'all were together lol. if he starts out with a lie he will continue to lie. just leave while u can!!!