Almost WL...and SCARED!?

[Enyo]

I've been posting lately about how I found out my hair is almost WL in the back and how surprising that is. I've also found that I have developed pretty serious anxiety about letting my hair down in public. I was reading the "Why Do You Want Long Hair" thread, and I admired all the members who want to show off their lovely hair. Do any ladies here have the same issue? How did you get over it? I see myself doing all sorts of complicated buns and updos, but never down in curls or straight.

The thought makes me !!! Maybe I've been bunning for too long (2 years)?

 

[PinkPeony]

No help here but I can't wait till I have that issue!!

 

[newnyer]

So what exactly is your fear? I only ask because although I'm not on your level yet (LOL- hovering an inch or 2 from BSL) my only fear is my new found attachment to length. Now that I'm on the HHJ I'm so worried about damage & product setbacks that sometimes I'm scared to wear my hair down until I get to my end goal. But sounds like you may be more anxious about the attention you may get once you reveal your beautiful hair? Gguurrl, you better flip that hair & let 'em stare....you & your hair have earned it!

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Are you afraid of being scalped or looked at? Just dive in the water's warm. AND Yes, you will get more attention whether you like it or not.

Don't do it for you. Do it for your hair. She deserves her shine don't you think She's been up in a bun for long enough Time to shake what you mamma gave you.

And I understand, I'm an introvert (who appears extroverted to get the job done...and not appear standoffish at work, etc). I much prefer to keep to myself (and my hair up so that I don't get attention) BUt sometimes I wonder what's the point of hiding? So I force myself out of my little safe place (and that includes my hair) every so often.

 

[RegaLady]

DELETED....

 

[NJoy]

I know exactly how you feel. I remember being at WL and wearing my hair out for my anniversary dinner (or was it my birthday? erplexed) In any case, I had been exclusively ps'g so, I wasn't used to wearing my hair out, let alone flat ironed, at all.

Everything felt so dramatic. Taking my hair out of my coat, moving my hair out of my face, all of it. I felt VERY self-conscious and felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me. And it felt like so much hair. I'd never had that much hair before. Even before dinner was over, I ended up running back to the safety of a bun.

I mean, I loved the feeling of my hair but, I just didn't feel comfortable with it yet. And, even though I get over the top Diva when I'm out, I felt really mousy and on edge in public.

I know exactly how you feel. After that, I knew I'd need a 12-step program to move me from protective styling to feeling comfortable wearing my precious in all her glory.

I'm expecting a relapse when my birthday gets here in June. But, we'll be fine. Eventually.

 

[Misseyl]

No help here but I can't wait till I have that issue!!

I was thinking the same thing. I would love to have that fright.

 

[Dove56]

I can understand if you don't want to deal with extra attention from wearing your hair down. Just don't make a big deal about it and enjoy your new length. It's just hair. Congrats on getting to WL.

 

[brg240]

what is exactly is the anxiety linked to? Are you afraid someone will stare at you/your hair, make comments, physically do something to it?

I'm not scared to wear my hair down, but sometimes I feel very self conscious about it. Like people will think i'm vain, in the 'oh she thinks she's cute' type of way. And like @NJoy said everything seems like a production. If my hair is over my shoulder should i flip it out of the way or use my hands to toss it. If my hair starts in a bun and I take it down later will people think something about me. I'm hyper aware about it.

Also, you do get attention. So for me it makes me feel a bit self conscious that people stare at you. But I'm actually really oblivious now b/c I don't look at people. :/

But I think you should wear your hair down at least some of the time

 

[Drtondalia]

I feel you... Sometimes I worry about wearing my hair out once I reach my goal of WL. I have nightmares about people track checking my hair aggressively in public and about people coming up behind me and cutting my hair. My husband thinks I'm crazy.

 

[genesislocks]

I've got something VERY important I would like you to read mz. enyo:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate...

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone and
as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

Let your hair down girl!!!! You've earned it

 

[Enyo]

I just hate people making comments about how I look regardless. I hate being made a fuss over. I was saying in another thread that I promised my intern that I'd wear my hair down to a play were seeing the spring an I'm already stressing over it! I feel like my hair length is personal. Only you all here, my intern, my mom, and another coworker know how much hair I actually have. I'd rather go to work in a bra than with my hair out or down.

ETA: I am also horrified at the idea of being touched or having my hair cut off.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[NoodleHead05]

I feel the same way too, but I think its because I am awkward period

It just feels weird having my hair down. I do it to myself because if I would wear my hair down more often then people wouldn't make such a big deal about it when Id o

 

[greenandchic]

I have that same fear at times and I'm not at WL. LOL. I come from time (and place) when in Jr high girls got their hair chopped off in a "fight"/jumped. My mother always had me wear my hair in a bun while in middle school. But in civilized times and places you have nothing to worry about. Just jump in and you'll find its easy. My biggest issue now is getting it caught on trees, having bugs flying into it and spiders building webs.

 

[ShiShiPooPoo]

I don't like fuss either. I never have. My hair is right at armpit and I wore it down today to work. I felt uncomfortable with all the attention. The volume makes it worse. It is just alot of hair everywhere. I looked like Tina Turner.
I understand what you mean.

 

[RegaLady]

I've got something VERY important I would like you to read mz. enyo:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate...

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone and
as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

Let your hair down girl!!!! You've earned it

LOVED this! In fact, I needed to hear it today

 

[cbanks67]

I'm gonna let it shine. I feel self conscious too. Hi, my name is... and i'm addicted to ps'ing.

 

[D.Lisha]

I'm not even close to WL, but I can kind of see where you're coming from, op.

When I wore my relaxed hair down after about 4 months of protective styling, I got all types of stares, side-eyes and inquiries....
The part I HATE the most is when people ask this most infamous question: "So if you have all of that hair, why do you wear wigs/weaves?" *insert side-eye look here*
And when I go on to explain that I use the wigs/weaves as protective styles to help my hair grow they STILL look at me as if I'm speaking a foreign tongue.......

So I get it op, wearing your real hair out after years of protective styling can get people a little reared up, but don't let that stop you from enjoying the payoff from all of the work you put into growing that beautiful mane of yours! After all YOU deserve it!

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Enyo]

Thank you, Ladies, for your support and wisdom. I think I'm going to have to ease into it. Maybe only wear my hair out on weekends and to special events. Wearing it around co-workers is very far off if it happens at all. Black folks are just too obsessed over a sista with long hair!! I do not think I can deal with the attention, especially since people have been bugging me about it since I started working here.

 

[Jewell]

Enyo I totally understand how you feel. Im an avid ps'er too, and even my fam doesnt know the true length of my hair. I dont like to wear mine down outside the house either, but I suck it up and allow myself to let it free here and there.

As far as being afraid sme1 will cut it, I dont get phased by that. I dont do hair salons or stylists, and as far as regular street.ppl go, I totes EVERYDAY, so I just wish a heaux would try me. :indeed: I got special thangs for malicious ppl who would cut sme1's hair out of jealousy. Yep, its like dat cuz I dont play when it comes to sme1 tryna put their hands on me, my hair, or my fam. Anywho, Let it shine and flow every now and then...you deserve it. If not to work, maybe just to run errands. You've worked hard for it.

 

[itismehmmkay]

I kinda get what you mean; all the attention right? Maybe you can do more casual, some up some down styles

 

[Froreal3]

Start off slowly. I mean, now that you have long hair, you don't want to wear it down 24/7 to mess up your ends anyway. Start wearing it in ponytails or puffs on the weekends, special events, or once a month at work. You don't need to wear it down/out all.the.time.

 

[celiabug]

I have an issue like that but I just fear breakage or damage. I love the attention though lol

 

[Enyo]

I have an issue like that but I just fear breakage or damage. I love the attention though lol

I fear damage too, especially because some styles I want to try may involve heat.

 

[Allandra]

I don't mind wearing my hair down once in a while, but what I don't like is when people make a big deal over it. Unfortunately, there are many people out there who will continue to think that black women cannot grow their hair long. Those people need to visit this forum.

 

[FrazzledFraggle]

Wait wait wait...

Are there REALLY people...complete strangers that will try to chop your hair off just to be mean?

What in the world....

 

[Dove56]

Thank you, Ladies, for your support and wisdom. I think I'm going to have to ease into it. Maybe only wear my hair out on weekends and to special events. Wearing it around co-workers is very far off if it happens at all. Black folks are just too obsessed over a sista with long hair!! I do not think I can deal with the attention, especially since people have been bugging me about it since I started working here.

This. Having long hair in other races is not a big deal like it is with Black folks.

When I was past WL I hated wearing my down because I hated all the hoopla. I loved my buns and wore them probably 360 days out of the year. Ironically, after I cut off 9 inches and was around BSL I never felt like that. I think that's why I liked that length so much. Although it's long it's not LONG so it doesn't garner much attention. I was a little younger then though. Now, I'm growing to TBL, and I'm team "longhairdontcare".

 

[yamilee21]

Interesting to read this... I think you might get a lot of attention from those who know you the first time they see you with your hair down and straightened, but after the first few times, the people who know you are not going to keep making a fuss. Strangers will rarely say anything, if they even notice in the first place. Of course there may be other factors involved, such as the youth and beauty, or lack thereof, accompanying the hair... in my case, people aren't really paying attention to hair on an older, graying woman with a gaggle of children, .

 

[Shadiyah]

let me tell you my story. I cover every day I mean hair face body the works when ever I go out side. so why am I so into my hair so much if I cover it anyway? I do this for me not anyone else and I do hide my hair around those I don't know that well because people can hate on you. and remember that story of the lady who was out on the train with her husband and he got off first and this man master bated in her bun and when she got home her husband was like what is that in your hair. she felt someone bumping up against her hair but she never knew it was all like that.

women back in the 1800's or earlier always wore their hair up in public and only let their hair down in the home for their man. I say there is nothing wrong with it. if it is something special then let it down when your man is with you so that you are protected. do what is right for you. I would not wear my hair down at work keep them guessing. you can grow you hair as long as you want to and know one will never have to know about it. it is for you not them.

 

[Enyo]

Wait wait wait... Are there REALLY people...complete strangers that will try to chop your hair off just to be mean? What in the world....

I've never seen it, but I've both heard about it and personally heard females being threatened to have their hair chopped off. Granted most of the people were teens and girls, but still. Just the idea that it happens freaks me out.

This. Having long hair in other races is not a big deal like it is with Black folks.

When I was past WL I hated wearing my down because I hated all the hoopla. I loved my buns and wore them probably 360 days out of the year. Ironically, after I cut off 9 inches and was around BSL I never felt like that. I think that's why I liked that length so much. Although it's long it's not LONG so it doesn't garner much attention. I was a little younger then though. Now, I'm growing to TBL, and I'm team "longhairdontcare".

Yeah, my goal W'Hip and that's not going to change because of what other people think and I totally feel you about having BSL hair. It's long enough for people (once again mostly Black) to say something nice, but it doesn't cause people to act up the way they do when it's almost to your waist. I truly don't mind my family, you all here at LHCF, and my little intern commenting on my hair but outsiders - no.

let me tell you my story. I cover every day I mean hair face body the works when ever I go out side. so why am I so into my hair so much if I cover it anyway? I do this for me not anyone else and I do hide my hair around those I don't know that well because people can hate on you. and remember that story of the lady who was out on the train with her husband and he got off first and this man master bated in her bun and when she got home her husband was like what is that in your hair. she felt someone bumping up against her hair but she never knew it was all like that.

women back in the 1800's or earlier always wore their hair up in public and only let their hair down in the home for their man. I say there is nothing wrong with it. if it is something special then let it down when your man is with you so that you are protected. do what is right for you. I would not wear my hair down at work keep them guessing. you can grow you hair as long as you want to and know one will never have to know about it. it is for you not them.

Having been married to a Muslim man, I understand the concept of preserving your beauty for your man. I'm happily divorced, single, and not looking to get into another relationship any time soon, though, so no man for me. Still, I feel similar except for the preservation extends to people I feel comfortable with. But the trick is that every time I'm with family or the intern, other people are around. It's funny you talk about the 1800's because I just said that in another thread a week or so again. I said most people will just never see my hair down, and that's just the way it is.

As my sig shows, I really want to grow my hair long enough to do that style. What I like about it is that I can put curls into a nice bun when I'm out and then let them down later. I think wearing my hair down to the play is a good idea because, while I will be public, I won't be in a situation that involves me having to make conversation with people I don't want to talk to. It's just for a few hours, and half of that will be in the dark. I told the intern if she takes my pic I'll kill her, though.