Again? How Do Y’all Do It?

[Farida]

I don’t have very many friends. It is my personality and low tolerance for BS. I have several acquaintances but very few people I really consider friends.

One of my BFFs dated a guy about 2 years ago and he was worthless. Grown man, almost 40 still living at home with mommy waiting on him hand and foot. He did not want commitment. And he LOVES him some Trump. That alone in my book is grounds to cut off the dude.

She went out with him a few times two years ago and got fed up with his immaturity and lack of desire to define their relationship.

We roam in mutual circles so we see him often and secretly clown him. We constantly talked about how she dodged a bullet. She has been struggling to meet a decent guy to marry and have kids with. That is her ultimate goal and she is not young enough to waste time on fools.

Tell me why she is now dating him again? She says she hopes he will change but knows he won’t. She is already complaining about him. I am so disappointed and I hate hearing about him. She KNOWS he is trifling...

I honestly don’t want to hear complaints about him anymore. I told her my honest thoughts about what I think of him and that she is making a mistake. And I have refrained from reiterating them.

How do y’all put up with this when your friends/family do this? I just feel my ears get hot and I want to shake someone...or I feel like saying “stop telling me about this trainwreck!”

 

[movingforward13]

I don’t. Change the subject and ignore. May also have to say, “This is what you chose for yourself- deal with it.”

 

[sarumoki]

I let it be known from the jump that I will not be their shoulder to cry on, their listening ear, etc.

 

[LovelyRo]

I might share my opinion in the beginning but, eventually, I tune them out! I have no words left but, “oh, ok.”

Looking like a fool is not my thing but, to each its own!

 

[greenmetro99]

I'm similar, I have a few friends....and I'm using the term loosely. I prefer to be by myself which keeps the drama down in my life. I have a so called friend that has been dating and crying over a loser for about 2 months because he wont commit. He has 3 baby mothers and he told this friend that he does not want a relationship. He told her that from the beginning. I told her "HE DOES NOT WANT YOU, MOVE ON".

I told her my opinion of the situation, gave some advice, let her cry on my shoulder, buts all I will do. I give them a few days to vent....After that I 100% mind my business. I wont keep giving the same advice over and over.

 

[biznesswmn]

I know what u mean. Its hard to watch and listen to your loved ones be crash dummies.

My fav thing to say after i listen to the vent is 'so whatchu gon do?' Like, dont look for me to help bcuz i cant

 

[sgold04]

This thread made me realize that most of my conversations with my close friends no longer revolve around the men in our lives, especially in a negative sense. Now the people I hang out with in my current city? That's a different story. I've distanced myself from them partly because I realized their low standards and high tolerance for BS were effecting me. In my early 20s I had to tell a friend that I was no longer willing to listen to her constantly complain about her relationship--Leave him or hush up about it--that's been my stance ever since.

However, I face this dilemma at work: I have a colleague who shares ALL her relationship business with ALL of our colleagues. She's smart and extremely talented, but I kinda want to tell her to keep her business to herself because her man situations make her look dumb as hell (she allowed the unemployed man she was dating for 3 weeks to move in with her...now he is actively pursuing other women and tells her he's not sexually attracted to her.... He took HER car to go on a date with someone while we were on a work trip....then she asks me in a meeting "how do I know when to let go?" ). We used to work in different departments and became "happy hour cool" with each other, shared some non-work things, but she's on my team now and I don't want to hear about her personal life ever again...not sure how to share that in a kind, professional way. Open to suggestions