After 43 weeks of transitioning i must relax!!!

CurlyCoilycourt

CurlyCoilycourt

New Member
October 1, 2008 was the date of my last relaxer and on my way to complete freedom of becoming a natural...or so i thought :ohwell: To make a long story short i basically jumped in head first never stretched a relaxer or anything before and as i got more into my journey i brought the right products but was not applying to right techniques i.e detangling.....and i am the worst stylist ever......so about 2 weeks ago i went to get a sew in and she had to cut most of my relaxed end (in which was ok because i plan to wear the sew in for at least 3 months) because there was severe matting in the back due to not detangling properly!!! well lets say it lasted a week the braids were too tight bumps were forming along my hairline and the front was just messed up the way she did it...i took it out and now i have a curly afro that i can not deal with college student on budget and still some breakage so im at the point i want to relax!!!!


question is are there any techniques or things i need to do before getting a relaxer?

im planning to just get a store bought relaxer which one is best?

i plan on searching for information on how i can now properly care for relaxed hair and do plan to try at transitioning again!!!! Im just frustrated that it took time to do this and now i must relax again but i will not be discouraged as i am doing what is best for my hair...Thanks for listening ladies!!
 
I havent relaxed in awhile so I cant help with the good kind, but if you MUST relax i'd say wait at least a week because as you say your scalp is irritated. You do not want to put chemicals on an irritated scalp, and base in the world is going to prevent all the possible damage. I know its controversial, but have you considered the BKT? If you say that you would probably transition again anyway, this might be a way to spend less time on your hair with the ease of detangling and wearing straight styles, while not ending your almost year long transition... just a thought.
 
I'm confused :look:

You've been transitioning for almost a year, you cut almost all your relaxed ends off when you got the weave and now you want to relax? Why? You say you have a curly afro, is it because you don't know what to do with your natural hair? If so what did you plan to do after you fully transitioned? If you relax now and transition again what makes you think it will be different the next time? If you're having breakage you really don't want to relax. You need to get that under control first.
 
sprungonhairboards said:
I'm confused :look:

You've been transitioning for almost a year, you cut almost all your relaxed ends off when you got the weave and now you want to relax? Why? You say you have a curly afro, is it because you don't know what to do with your natural hair? If so what did you plan to do after you fully transitioned? If you relax now and transition again what makes you think it will be different the next time? If you're having breakage you really don't want to relax. You need to get that under control first.
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Yes that is basically it i do not look right with this curly fro styling is very limited so i do not know what to do!!!! I know next time i transition how to properly detangle my hair and keep it from matting and hopefully i will have more money so i can find a stylist that can help me along with my journey.
 
sydwrites said:
I havent relaxed in awhile so I cant help with the good kind, but if you MUST relax i'd say wait at least a week because as you say your scalp is irritated. You do not want to put chemicals on an irritated scalp, and base in the world is going to prevent all the possible damage. I know its controversial, but have you considered the BKT? If you say that you would probably transition again anyway, this might be a way to spend less time on your hair with the ease of detangling and wearing straight styles, while not ending your almost year long transition... just a thought.
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yeah it has been a week since i took it out the bumps have cleared and my scalp feels better again!! maybe the BKT is an option never thought of that thanks!!
 
You don't have to relax. You're going to spend the same amount, if not more on products for your relaxed hair. Youtube and these threads can help you. Being natural DOES NOT have to be difficult - but you do have to care for your curls so they won't become matted.

Are you just feeling discouraged? Maybe you don't really want to relax...you're on the ledge and I'm sure folx won't mind talking you down if that's what you want.


ETA: I just saw your response above. Is there someone who can cornrow you with extentions for a little while? Another student or someone who'd be willing to do it inexpensively?
 
Now usually, I don't post in threads like this but...I'm gonna put my .02$ in anyway.

I really think after 43 weeks of transitioning, you shouldn't relax. I mean all the work you put it in? I don't think I could do it. It would seem like such a waste. (And either way you should wait until your scalp recovers like sydwrites says).

Anyway, can you afford a cute half wig? www.hairsisters.com always has really good sales (10-20$) for wigs. I think you should put your hair away, like you were going to do with your weave, and continue transitioning. And this time, keep up with your detangling (which you need to do whether relaxed or natural). Another helpful tip I've seen is to apply your DC's and conditioners like a relaxer so that the natural hair is really getting moisturized. That should help with detangling as well.
 
I wouldnt relax already damaged hair. Relaxers are hard on hair so I believe only hair in the best condition she get one.

I would stalk some natural threads and even contact some naturals whose texture is like yours for some advice.

I am 46 weeks post (streching to 61 weeks) so I do understand the problems you are having with detangling. Find a good conditioner (Aussie Moist, Herbal Essense Hydroliscious are two of my cheapie favorites) I also love WEN in Fig and I was lucky enough (thanks to a member here) to get a deal on the gallon size. Also find a good detangle come and only detangle in the shower with a lot of conditioner on your head. Use the pressure from the shower to help detangle your hair.

Lastly, one of the best things I have that has helped me in my stretch is a hair steamer. I steam 2x a week and it helps my DC work in overcharge.

I hope this helps. I am sure others will come in soon.
 
KarmelQT_2008 said:
Yes that is basically it i do not look right with this curly fro styling is very limited so i do not know what to do!!!! I know next time i transition how to properly detangle my hair and keep it from matting and hopefully i will have more money so i can find a stylist that can help me along with my journey.
Click to expand...

So I take it it's the length you have a problem with that is limiting your styling options because you had to cut sooner than you had planned? If so Can you get braids until it grows out some? Or a proper sew it?
 
Your texture is so pretty. I just saw your fotki. My heart is breaking just a little bit. Just a bit.
 
Here are a few texture shots just in case anyone has a similar texture with any advice...and i am little discouraged my mother is mainly the one that keeps telling me i need to relax and it is a bit disheartening but you ladies are right i do need to keep going a relax just seems like an easy escape at this point.
 

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If I were you I'd get my hair cut into a nice style so you wouldn't feel so self conscious. I have never had a successful weave or use of extensions. My hair rejects them and I always have problems. If you really want to have a relaxer, then a good one I've come across is ORS olive oil relaxer. I never had burns with this relaxer when I applied it myself. Just make sure your scalp is 100% healthy when you apply it.
 
Your hair is beautiful.

Forget what your mom says, and do you. I really get the feeling that if you relaxed right now you'd regret it. You say you want to transition again anyway, so why even relax? I think a wig would be a good option for you while you "learn" your natural hair. You can practice cornrowing and twisting and doing "out" styles, and if they don't look great just yet then you can just throw the wig on and go on about your business.
 
KarmelQT_2008 said:
Here are a few texture shots just in case anyone has a similar texture with any advice...and i am little discouraged my mother is mainly the one that keeps telling me i need to relax and it is a bit disheartening but you ladies are right i do need to keep going a relax just seems like an easy escape at this point.
Click to expand...

Okay, so you look like a 4a coily. Ahh, I love us! There is a thread going about long hair 4a coily naturals, which has some utterly gorgeous hair going on!! They've also got tips and tricks on dealing with the hair. Believe me honey, our hair does some delicious things! I had a hearing in court today and my secretary kept coming up to me to remark on how CURLY my hair is today, not frizzing, not nothing! Don't give up now; I think you just need to take a big breath and then jump into some of these threads. We're here to help :yep::yep:!
 
I agree with msa, you transitioner for so long almost a year, why go back and relax? Give yourself time to figure out how to style your natural hair.
 
Ronnieaj said:
Okay, so you look like a 4a coily. Ahh, I love us! There is a thread going about long hair 4a coily naturals, which has some utterly gorgeous hair going on!! They've also got tips and tricks on dealing with the hair. Believe me honey, our hair does some delicious things! I had a hearing in court today and my secretary kept coming up to me to remark on how CURLY my hair is today, not frizzing, not nothing! Don't give up now; I think you just need to take a big breath and then jump into some of these threads. We're here to help :yep::yep:!
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http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=384944

That's the thread. If that doesn't give you inspiration to step away from the relaxer, I don't know what will.
 
I have to agree with everyone else...DON'T RELAX!!!

I love your texture and its beautiful and shiny. As a recent BCer myself you have to just jump in there and READ,READ, READ. Then go back and experiment til you get it right for YOU. Don't let what others (fam, friends, etc) say about you keep you from doing what you started out to do...Go Natural. The thread on 4a Naturals is an inspiration for me along with several different fotkis of ladies with similar texture to my own. Just hang in there and if you need to take a break put your hair in some protective style (braids, weave, wig). You can do this. You have come this far...please keep going. You'll feel better if you do.
 
Vonnieluvs08 said:
I have to agree with everyone else...DON'T RELAX!!!

I love your texture and its beautiful and shiny. As a recent BCer myself you have to just jump in there and READ,READ, READ. Then go back and experiment til you get it right for YOU. Don't let what others (fam, friends, etc) say about you keep you from doing what you started out to do...Go Natural. The thread on 4a Naturals is an inspiration for me along with several different fotkis of ladies with similar texture to my own. Just hang in there and if you need to take a break put your hair in some protective style (braids, weave, wig). You can do this. You have come this far...please keep going. You'll feel better if you do.
Click to expand...

ITA. Your hair is beautiful, this is just the beginning by next spring/summer you would be surprised with what your hair will do; just give it a chance. I knew nothing about styling when I came to this board, but I read all I could. I looked at open fotkis for the first nine months of my transition. This made me anticipate my BC and kept me encouraged about my decision.
 
I agree with msa, consider a half-wig.

You can even flat-iron your hair if you are not comfortable with a fro. 43 weeks is a long time to transition, only to start over. Plenty of my friends with natural hair have done that while transitioning on a tight budget.
 
This was me about 3 weeks ago. I wore protective styles with twists and braid extension. I had been cutting the permed hair out each time I would have it redone. Finally, after almost a year of braids, I cut the perm and decided to wear my natural hair.

I struggled with the amount of shrinkage and the overall length. I liked my texture when it is wet but struggled with acceptance once it dried. After one week of re-wetting every 2 or 3 hours, I finally figured out the right products for me to maintain moisture thoughout the day (with much help from the ladies posting on this website). Now, I love my hair and I love my texture.

For me it was the rejecting the notion that our hair should be straight. These thoughts passed with time. As everyone else has said and I agree, you have beautiful hair. You just have to believe it. Hang in there!
 

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Oh honey please pleas PLEASE think this over! I'm telling you your hair is so beautiful. It takes some getting used to but if you have put almost a year into this I think you will regret relaxing.
 
Ahhh Please don't relax. You came so far. How much relax ends do you have left? Maybe you can just straighten it with a flat iron or blow dryer and it might make you feel a tad bit better?
 
I agree with everybody that's saying not to relax. After 43 weeks? All of the time that you spent, and growth that you have aquired is worth you waiting and thinking about this some more. Don't do it. If you do you may regret it.
 
I transitioned for 8 months and then relaxed because i couldn't handle it anymore. Boy do i regret it? My hair is growing but it is in terrible condition and i don't know what i did wrong. I never had issues with split ends even during my pre lhcf days but now i see 3 way split hairs. I spend most of my freetime split hair hunting and it's getting addictive. I guess what i'm trying to say is that i wish i never relaxed BUT PLEASE DO WHAT YOU THINK WORKS FOR YOU.
 
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