Advice Needed...

Why are you allowing yourself to take the blame for any of this?

First of all, dude pulled a disappearing act on you and then decided to call you when HE was good and ready. I don't care if he was homeless, jobless and voiceless... if he really wanted to talk to you during the time you didn't hear from him, he would have found a way to make it happen. TRUST.

Second - he had the nerve to try to flip things on you and expect for you to explain to him why you were unavailable? Nicca puleeze...

Third - he's asking you if you're seeing someone else and you've only been on like 3 dates with him? That qualifies for a big phat NUNYA...

Add to the fact that he's a poor victim who lost his job because it was everybody else's fault...

And he's too broke to keep his phone on...


WHERE's THAT RED FLAG THREAD???!!!!!!?????
 
Girl, you did nothing wrong. Because of circumstances, communication is one-sided and that's causing frustration. You have life going for you, he has life going for him, but now YOU have to adjust your availability to communicate with him? And this is coming from a girl who keeps her phone on silent/vibrate as well. Being able to call back helps.

If you do decide you want to try to work something out, explain to him your concerns, that your schedule doesn't allow for you to talk to him whenever he can get a hold of a phone. Perhaps he should get back to you when he gets himself together. I don't really know how old this guy is but don't you think a grown man should have SOME way of being contacted? It seems like the lack of communication is causing you to lose interest. It's all up to you in the end.
 
Browndilocks said:
Why are you allowing yourself to take the blame for any of this?

First of all, dude pulled a disappearing act on you and then decided to call you when HE was good and ready. I don't care if he was homeless, jobless and voiceless... if he really wanted to talk to you during the time you didn't hear from him, he would have found a way to make it happen. TRUST.

Second - he had the nerve to try to flip things on you and expect for you to explain to him why you were unavailable? Nicca puleeze...

Third - he's asking you if you're seeing someone else and you've only been on like 3 dates with him? That qualifies for a big phat NUNYA...

Add to the fact that he's a poor victim who lost his job because it was everybody else's fault...

And he's too broke to keep his phone on...


WHERE's THAT RED FLAG THREAD???!!!!!!?????
Click to expand...

:lol: AGREED.

OP, what are you doing to "heal" from the last guy? If you have baggage from that relationship, it can and probably will get in the way of developing a healthy relationship. Baggage is NOT a good look when you're on the dating scene, especially if you want a serious relationship. I think you should take care of that on your own before seriously entertaining anyone else, but that is my VHO.

Also, if you see the pattern, and it "seems" that you're doing the right things, then you've got to dig a little deeper to find out why the men keep disappearing. Men are more intuitive than we give them credit for. If you are needy or have baggage, men can sense that and it is a huge turnoff for them. Even if you're not calling them, the content and quality of the conversations when they call you may be what deters them.

Also, I would not take his issues personally. Clearly, he has some personal things he needs to sort out and that has nothing to do with you. Besides that, I wouldn't spend time trying to decipher his actions. Men are not really THAT complex...like Browndi said, if he wanted to talk to you, he would have. Regardless, I think it's too early for any real analysis. Neither of you has made enough of an investment (from what I can see) for it to require that you really think long and hard about what he has or has not done.

You don't have to wait for him! Are you afraid that another one like him may not come along? You have to keep your hands open to receive! If he does not have it together, let it go. There is another where he came from, and another, and another, and another...I would shift the focus back to self, and chalf the situation up to experience and the ebb and flow of being on the dating scene. If he comes around, you can assess whether you want to be bothered or open up to him, and if he doesn't, that's fine too because you're freed up for someone better. If you believe the possibility, set the intention, and align yourself accordingly, you can and will have anything you want, including a wonderful man/relationship.

Good luck! :kiss:
 
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