A year of learning...casual dating...advice needed (kinda long)

[BroadstreetBully]

So in another thread I spoke about postponing any serious relationships until 2009. I'm just not ready. Until then I want to do some casual dating, but I'm clueless as to how it works. I'm so used to jumping into a relationship as soon as I meet a guy. So this is why I need to stay single. I need to experience dating different types of guys and finding out what I want.

So I wanted to try the online thing since many of those guys don't seem serious anyway. I did find a guy and we began to send emails back and forth for about a week. We had some things in common, he seems pretty stable. He's new to this city, so he's been looking for someone to hang out with. Seems cool right?

Well there was this band playing on Friday, so Tuesday he invited me to see the band with him. I accepted the invitation. Well Wednesday I didn't hear from him at all. He emails me early Thursday morning and apologizes for not emailing me Wednesday, he says he's been busy with a project at work (BUSY! I HATE THAT EXCUSE!). He also informs me that he forgot that one of the organizations he was a part of in college is holding a conference here, and that since he was VP he was expected to attend. Then he asked me if I liked baseball.

The conference was Friday (yesterday), the day we were supposed to see the band. He gave me his number and told me that if I was still planning on going downtown, to call him and he'll let me know if he is available to hang out or if he's still preoccupied with the conference.

Well here's a shortened version of the message I sent him back

Hey! It's cool, I know how it is. Projects can definitely be time consuming.

There's a show every weekend in ***, so we have ample opportunity to rock out at a show. Since I have your number, here's mine ***-***-****. If you want to see a show sometime, or whatever...don't hesitate to give me a ring. Or you can always email me.

Hope your day goes well. Good Luck on your project!

Haven't received anything back since Thursday morning.

When we first started "talking" I heard a lot more from him. I guess he was into me back then. My gut is telling me that he has kinda lost interest. Granted, my nosy self googled the hotel he said the conference was taking place at, and YES...he was being truthful. But still, how do you forget about a conference until the day before?

The old me would make excuses. The old me would wait on him to email me back. It's not even about him canceling due to the conference. It's the fact that the emails have really slowed down.

This is why I'm doing the whole "dating" thing. To get more in tune with my intuition. My intuition is telling me that perhaps there is some other girl he is more interested in, and he's just making dates with me and whomever else to pass time while he chases behind this other girl. But you better believe once that girl turns him down, he'll be all up in my face.

But I really don't know. I guess what frustrates me is I want a guy to chase me. I don't feel like he's doing that. I don't buy the whole "I've been busy" bit because I've had projects and exams galore, but if I was REALLY feeling some guy, I'd take 5 mins out of my BUSY day before I went to bed and I'd send him an email. This is what lets me know he isn't feeling me as much as I'd like a guy to.

I understand that this is just casual dating, and that the rules are different. It's not as involved, etc. But even with casual dating, I'm not going to be some guy's back-burner girl. This is a learning experience. Perhaps my gut is right, or perhaps I'm over-reacting. This is why I'd love some input from you ladies. I have the rest of this year to look deeply into experiences like this one.

So what do you all think? Am I right? Or am I expecting too much after a week of knowing someone? Is his just looking for friendship? Please share any knowledge you have with me. No matter how brutally honest it might be. I'll copy and paste and add it to my library of "dating and relationship" literature. TIA!

 

[starfish]

So in another thread I spoke about postponing any serious relationships until 2009. I'm just not ready. Until then I want to do some casual dating, but I'm clueless as to how it works. I'm so used to jumping into a relationship as soon as I meet a guy. So this is why I need to stay single. I need to experience dating different types of guys and finding out what I want.

So I wanted to try the online thing since many of those guys don't seem serious anyway. I did find a guy and we began to send emails back and forth for about a week. We had some things in common, he seems pretty stable. He's new to this city, so he's been looking for someone to hang out with. Seems cool right?

Well there was this band playing on Friday, so Tuesday he invited me to see the band with him. I accepted the invitation. Well Wednesday I didn't hear from him at all. He emails me early Thursday morning and apologizes for not emailing me Wednesday, he says he's been busy with a project at work (BUSY! I HATE THAT EXCUSE!). He also informs me that he forgot that one of the organizations he was a part of in college is holding a conference here, and that since he was VP he was expected to attend. Then he asked me if I liked baseball.

The conference was Friday (yesterday), the day we were supposed to see the band. He gave me his number and told me that if I was still planning on going downtown, to call him and he'll let me know if he is available to hang out or if he's still preoccupied with the conference.

Well here's a shortened version of the message I sent him back

Hey! It's cool, I know how it is. Projects can definitely be time consuming.

There's a show every weekend in ***, so we have ample opportunity to rock out at a show. Since I have your number, here's mine ***-***-****. If you want to see a show sometime, or whatever...don't hesitate to give me a ring. Or you can always email me.

Hope your day goes well. Good Luck on your project!

Haven't received anything back since Thursday morning.

When we first started "talking" I heard a lot more from him. I guess he was into me back then. My gut is telling me that he has kinda lost interest. Granted, my nosy self googled the hotel he said the conference was taking place at, and YES...he was being truthful. But still, how do you forget about a conference until the day before?

The old me would make excuses. The old me would wait on him to email me back. It's not even about him canceling due to the conference. It's the fact that the emails have really slowed down.

This is why I'm doing the whole "dating" thing. To get more in tune with my intuition. My intuition is telling me that perhaps there is some other girl he is more interested in, and he's just making dates with me and whomever else to pass time while he chases behind this other girl. But you better believe once that girl turns him down, he'll be all up in my face.

But I really don't know. I guess what frustrates me is I want a guy to chase me. I don't feel like he's doing that. I don't buy the whole "I've been busy" bit because I've had projects and exams galore, but if I was REALLY feeling some guy, I'd take 5 mins out of my BUSY day before I went to bed and I'd send him an email. This is what lets me know he isn't feeling me as much as I'd like a guy to.

I understand that this is just casual dating, and that the rules are different. It's not as involved, etc. But even with casual dating, I'm not going to be some guy's back-burner girl. This is a learning experience. Perhaps my gut is right, or perhaps I'm over-reacting. This is why I'd love some input from you ladies. I have the rest of this year to look deeply into experiences like this one.

So what do you all think? Am I right? Or am I expecting too much after a week of knowing someone? Is his just looking for friendship? Please share any knowledge you have with me. No matter how brutally honest it might be. I'll copy and paste and add it to my library of "dating and relationship" literature. TIA!

1. Emailing with a random guy from an online site isn't dating, it's just that..emailing with some random guy. It's all fluff until you've had some face-to-face dates...more than one preferably.

2. He told you he's 'looking for someone to hang out with', meaning just that, not to date.

3. You don't 'know' anyone in a week, even if you saw him for dinner everyday. Slow down!

4. YOU make the rules, YOU set the standards, not him. I don't think there's a difference in the way men should act whether casually dating or courting me, because I expect him to be a chivalrous gentleman either way. You, however, might think differently.

He gave you HIS number and told YOU to call HIM and he just might see you IF he has time. When you emailed him and put the ball in his court to contact you, he disappears. Do you see the pattern? One of my personal datingn pet peeves is when guys give me their number and tell me to 'call them sometime'. Ummm, no. The last man who did that I told him that I don't call men, asked him if women let him get away with that?, and told him if wanted to see me he needed to get MY number. he did.

5. Your novel is way too much time spent worrying about a stranger, who obviously doesn't think enough of you to call, email, and set something up. Get a hobby and fill up your calendar with non-dating activities, and look at dating like another one of your many hobbies.

6. You don't need to stay single because you jump into relationships, you need to love, and I mean down to the crust love, YOURSELF.

7. Read books! There are a ton of books that LHCF sisters have recommended to set them up for success. My favorite is Why Men Love/Marry B**ches", because I am one.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Two great posts already. I want to do the same. I have a 'date' tomorrow and I'm just not feeling the guy really but I want to date so I'll show up. {I want to finish CALLING IN THE ONE before I become serious about having a mate.} He set the time, the place but has not called again during the week as he said he would. I have his cell and home number but will not be calling him to confirm his showing up or not. I plan to go into the place he chose; should I like it have some lunch, go to a nearby museum and enjoy my day..date or not.

 

[Bunny77]

I agree with the "slowing down" advice.

The thing is, I don't think this is worth getting bothered over. You don't know if you're a back-burner girl or not because the thing is, YES, he probably is seeing other women but since this is all "casual," it's to be expected! It doesn't have to be that he has one main girl and you're just an afterthought... he could be someone who wants to have female company when he feels like it and when he doesn't, he doesn't.

Now, of course I totally understand where you're coming from and I agree that if he wants to see you, he should make an effort. If he won't, then just move on to the next person... but don't necessarily start thinking along the lines of you being second place and him wanting someone else... you don't really know much about him and his motives at all and it's really not worth you getting worked up over.

Also, just like him, you can date and talk to multiple people at a time. That's the beauty of casual dating... so you won't be worried about other women that he might be with because you're with other men yourself!

This isn't a one-way street here... you have as many choices as they do!

 

[Lindy]

I agree totally with Bunny... Especially nowadays with online dating, you have to assume that you're NOT the only woman a guy is communicating with at any given time. And you certainly shouldn't limit yourself to one guy either. Where things start to get tricky is when you meet someone online, go out with them a few times, things are really vibing, but you know that he's still on the site . Some guys are seriously addicted to dating sites. Sometimes it seems like they're like "ok, this one digs me, let's see if I can snag someone even better..." erplexed

Anyway, don't take the initial dates too seriously; just think of it as meeting a potential friend, that way if things aren't clicking, no one gets their feelings hurt. You put the ball in his court, so just move on now. If he wants to get together, he'll contact you!! Lay low...

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Hey STARFISH, thanks for the advice! My response is in red.

1. Emailing with a random guy from an online site isn't dating, it's just that..emailing with some random guy. It's all fluff until you've had some face-to-face dates...more than one preferably.

VERY TRUE! I don't consider this a date. It's just some guy who saw my profile, contacted me, asked me to a show, etc...We had some in depth conversations. I'm not looking for anything serious, just for potential to get out and meet some guys and go on some dates.

2. He told you he's 'looking for someone to hang out with', meaning just that, not to date.

And that's what I'm looking for as well. When it comes to serious dating I'd stick with guys I meet in person, but I figured online would be a great place to meet some non-serious guys....as my profile stated...I am looking for something casual. You're right, he has made no obligation to me, so I shouldn't take it as such.

3. You don't 'know' anyone in a week, even if you saw him for dinner everyday. Slow down!

YOU'RE RIGHT! I don't know him. And the way things are going, I probably won't. He'll be a fun guy to chat with occasionally, but I do need to slow down. I'm learning.

4. YOU make the rules, YOU set the standards, not him. I don't think there's a difference in the way men should act whether casually dating or courting me, because I expect him to be a chivalrous gentleman either way. You, however, might think differently.

That's very true! I've never "casually dated" before because when I'm "single" I don't want to be bothered. Which is the case now, but I figured it would be nice to have some male company occasionally. But you're right, a man should always be chivalrous.

He gave you HIS number and told YOU to call HIM and he just might see you IF he has time. When you emailed him and put the ball in his court to contact you, he disappears. Do you see the pattern? One of my personal datingn pet peeves is when guys give me their number and tell me to 'call them sometime'. Ummm, no. The last man who did that I told him that I don't call men, asked him if women let him get away with that?, and told him if wanted to see me he needed to get MY number. he did.

I do now! I NEVER make the first call. I give my number, and leave it alone after that. If the guy is interested, he'll call...if not...well this happens.

5. Your novel is way too much time spent worrying about a stranger, who obviously doesn't think enough of you to call, email, and set something up. Get a hobby and fill up your calendar with non-dating activities, and look at dating like another one of your many hobbies.

Right once again! That's what I'm doing now. Believe me, dating comes LAST. I have school, work, and my friends. Which is why last night, I went out and had dinner and drinks with some good friends, instead of calling him. But I figured I could use some advice from the ladies who have more experience. And you've given great insight thus far.

6. You don't need to stay single because you jump into relationships, you need to love, and I mean down to the crust love, YOURSELF.

Honestly, I do love myself. I'm choosing to stay single for the remainder of the year because I need some time to myself. I have school and work taking up my time, and I don't want to be bothered with anything serious. Normally when I meet a guy, we jump right in because I have such a LONG period between relationships...like years. But I just want to have a boy toy every once in a while.

7. Read books! There are a ton of books that LHCF sisters have recommended to set them up for success. My favorite is Why Men Love/Marry B**ches", because I am one.

See, I have that around here somewhere! I haven't read it, but I'm going to dig it up and get to reading! I've been casual with many of the guys so far. But for some reason this feels so different because it was my first "online" one, and I'm never sure how that's supposed to work.

I'm going to copy and paste your bullet points for future reference. I'll probably show them to some girlfriends as well. They are so much worse than me. This was a needed reality check.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I agree with the "slowing down" advice.

The thing is, I don't think this is worth getting bothered over. You don't know if you're a back-burner girl or not because the thing is, YES, he probably is seeing other women but since this is all "casual," it's to be expected! It doesn't have to be that he has one main girl and you're just an afterthought... he could be someone who wants to have female company when he feels like it and when he doesn't, he doesn't.

Now, of course I totally understand where you're coming from and I agree that if he wants to see you, he should make an effort. If he won't, then just move on to the next person... but don't necessarily start thinking along the lines of you being second place and him wanting someone else... you don't really know much about him and his motives at all and it's really not worth you getting worked up over.

Also, just like him, you can date and talk to multiple people at a time. That's the beauty of casual dating... so you won't be worried about other women that he might be with because you're with other men yourself!

This isn't a one-way street here... you have as many choices as they do!

Very insightful. I'm looking to date multiple guys...not just one! But I definitely don't see myself even giving the time of day to a guy who doesn't bother to "chase" me. Even if it's casual dating, there has to be "some" attraction. And I no longer feel it. So I've considered scratching him off the list and going NEXT! I just didn't know if I'm over-reacting or not. I AM getting too worked up over NOTHING. But it's all a learning process. That's why I'm dating around and setting my standards/learning about men.

 

[Covergirl5906]

1. Emailing with a random guy from an online site isn't dating, it's just that..emailing with some random guy. It's all fluff until you've had some face-to-face dates...more than one preferably.

2. He told you he's 'looking for someone to hang out with', meaning just that, not to date.

3. You don't 'know' anyone in a week, even if you saw him for dinner everyday. Slow down!

4. YOU make the rules, YOU set the standards, not him. I don't think there's a difference in the way men should act whether casually dating or courting me, because I expect him to be a chivalrous gentleman either way. You, however, might think differently.

He gave you HIS number and told YOU to call HIM and he just might see you IF he has time. When you emailed him and put the ball in his court to contact you, he disappears. Do you see the pattern? One of my personal datingn pet peeves is when guys give me their number and tell me to 'call them sometime'. Ummm, no. The last man who did that I told him that I don't call men, asked him if women let him get away with that?, and told him if wanted to see me he needed to get MY number. he did.

5. Your novel is way too much time spent worrying about a stranger, who obviously doesn't think enough of you to call, email, and set something up. Get a hobby and fill up your calendar with non-dating activities, and look at dating like another one of your many hobbies.

6. You don't need to stay single because you jump into relationships, you need to love, and I mean down to the crust love, YOURSELF.

7. Read books! There are a ton of books that LHCF sisters have recommended to set them up for success. My favorite is Why Men Love/Marry B**ches", because I am one.

GREAT ADVICE

 

[BroadstreetBully]

All of this is going in my experience book. All of you ladies are right. I was looking WAY more into this than he was. This is why I love this forum, so much great advice! I'm learning. He isn't taking this thing nearly as serious. Which is funny, because his "holding back" is what is making me think so much about it! The last couple of guys called me so much and always wanted to hang out and I lost interest. Isn't that funny? Goes to show that taking it slow and having your own thing going makes guys more interested. Isn't that in the book WMLB? Wow, you live and learn. Thanks again ladies!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

You sounded and made yourself too available to him. You killed the chase and that was no fun for him. Whether you want to casually date or seriously have someone court you you need to pick up a copy of Why Men Love B!tches. Keep it close and take notes

 

[BroadstreetBully]

You sounded and made yourself too available to him. You killed the chase and that was no fun for him. Whether you want to casually date or seriously have someone court you you need to pick up a copy of Why Men Love B!tches. Keep it close and take notes

You're right! I'm going to dig it up and get to reading! THANKS!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

You're right! I'm going to dig it up and get to reading! THANKS!

Good luck, have fun, and be careful! Just a tip: sometimes the men who say the are just looking to have fun, or just looking for a girl to hang with are the ones that are looking for sex with no strings attached. Make sure you are communicating with people who have similar intentions.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Good luck, have fun, and be careful! Just a tip: sometimes the men who say the are just looking to have fun, or just looking for a girl to hang with are the ones that are looking for sex with no strings attached. Make sure you are communicating with people who have similar intentions.

Yes, I need to be careful of that. That's why I'm relying on my intuition for now on.

 

[cocoberry10]

I agree with the "slowing down" advice.

The thing is, I don't think this is worth getting bothered over. You don't know if you're a back-burner girl or not because the thing is, YES, he probably is seeing other women but since this is all "casual," it's to be expected! It doesn't have to be that he has one main girl and you're just an afterthought... he could be someone who wants to have female company when he feels like it and when he doesn't, he doesn't.

Now, of course I totally understand where you're coming from and I agree that if he wants to see you, he should make an effort. If he won't, then just move on to the next person... but don't necessarily start thinking along the lines of you being second place and him wanting someone else... you don't really know much about him and his motives at all and it's really not worth you getting worked up over.

Also, just like him, you can date and talk to multiple people at a time. That's the beauty of casual dating... so you won't be worried about other women that he might be with because you're with other men yourself!

This isn't a one-way street here... you have as many choices as they do!

I agree with Bunny's advice, especially the bolded. Slow and steady wins the race. I believe in really taking your time to get to know someone. Also, casual dating does not mean casual sex. I'm not here to judge you if that's your thing, but I really think there's value in getting to know a person, seeing if they have the qualities you really like before even considering making them your SO. And IMO, bringing the physical into that equation too soon "clouds" a woman's judgment. In Why Men Love *****es, the author had a principle that I totally agree with. "Before Sex, Women See Clearly, and after sex, men see clearly."

Also, as far as how loyal you should be to a guy. My personal threshold is, "I'm as loyal to a guy as our relationship is serious." Don't allow a guy to call you the "day of" and try to make plans with you. He should give you at least 48 hours notice. Also, always end the conversation first (it lets him know you have a life). I know this sounds like "game playing" (and maybe a little of it is), but hey, it's what gets the guys to act right.

Last, if a guy asks, you can tell him you are dating, but NEVER discuss your other dates

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Two great posts already. I want to do the same. I have a 'date' tomorrow and I'm just not feeling the guy really but I want to date so I'll show up. {I want to finish CALLING IN THE ONE before I become serious about having a mate.} He set the time, the place but has not called again during the week as he said he would. I have his cell and home number but will not be calling him to confirm his showing up or not. I plan to go into the place he chose; should I like it have some lunch, go to a nearby museum and enjoy my day..date or not.

A little update.
He did call to confirm shortly after I posted. We met today and do you know this guy was cuter than his photo, shorter too but fun and we had a great 3 hour date. Should he never call again I'll still be happy because I met a good man who helped me see that not taking a chance can cause me to miss THE ONE! Casual dating is just that..casual and a good, fun filtering process.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

A little update.
He did call to confirm shortly after I posted. We met today and do you know this guy was cuter than his photo, shorter too but fun and we had a great 3 hour date. Should he never call again I'll still be happy because I met a good man who helped me see that not taking a chance can cause me to miss THE ONE! Casual dating is just that..casual and a good, fun filtering process.

YAY! Glad it all worked out!


The guy STILL hasn't emailed. But I didn't expect him to. Oh well, his loss. Now that the pre-menstrual hormones are no longer raging, the feelings are gone. Too many men around here to be bothered thinking about one. He missed out.

 

[kayte]

1. Emailing with a random guy from an online site isn't dating, it's just that..emailing with some random guy. It's all fluff until you've had some face-to-face dates...more than one preferably.

2. He told you he's 'looking for someone to hang out with', meaning just that, not to date.

3. You don't 'know' anyone in a week, even if you saw him for dinner everyday. Slow down!

4. YOU make the rules, YOU set the standards, not him. I don't think there's a difference in the way men should act whether casually dating or courting me, because I expect him to be a chivalrous gentleman either way. You, however, might think differently.

He gave you HIS number and told YOU to call HIM and he just might see you IF he has time. When you emailed him and put the ball in his court to contact you, he disappears. Do you see the pattern? One of my personal datingn pet peeves is when guys give me their number and tell me to 'call them sometime'. Ummm, no. The last man who did that I told him that I don't call men, asked him if women let him get away with that?, and told him if wanted to see me he needed to get MY number. he did.

5. Your novel is way too much time spent worrying about a stranger, who obviously doesn't think enough of you to call, email, and set something up. Get a hobby and fill up your calendar with non-dating activities, and look at dating like another one of your many hobbies.

6. You don't need to stay single because you jump into relationships, you need to love, and I mean down to the crust love, YOURSELF.

7. Read books! There are a ton of books that LHCF sisters have recommended to set them up for success. My favorite is Why Men Love/Marry B**ches", because I am one.

I haven't read the book,but......"because I am one."(?)
Hardly....
Thank you for excellent advice

redRiot..I am vulnerable after a split.. and usually want to hide..like forever..
I applaud your strength and your spirit and your openess in looking at "stuff"
but most importantly.... for being in the game. You go courageous woman!

 

[starfish]

I haven't read the book,but......"because I am one."(?)
Hardly....
Thank you for excellent advice

redRiot..I am vulnerable after a split.. and usually want to hide..like forever..
I applaud your strength and your spirit and your openess in looking at "stuff"
but most importantly.... for being in the game. You go courageous woman!

heh heh! ***** meaning very diva-like and won't accept no stuff. RedRiot my fiance died 5 years ago and I just started dating in the last 9 months too and it. is. TOUGH. I was 35 when he died and I never ever thought I'd be 40 and freaking single. (People always ask me why I'm single and then I have to tell 'the story' and I hate that).

Some days go by and I'm excited about the possibilities, knowing that my husband is looking for me like I'm looking for him. Other days I feel like I'll just be an old crazy dog lady and be by myself, and other days I'm angry and irritated and sad.

I had to remind myself of the advice I just gave you when I met a GREAT man on eHarmony about 5 months ago. I was smitten, and I had to call my best friend to talk me off the ledge so I wouldn't appear to be the needy fool I felt like. It was a hilarious process and he dumped me anyway!

To me dating is like trial and error and GROWTH, and trial and error and tears and GROWTH and trial and error and 'oh no he didn't' and GROWTH. I learn more about myself through the process than anything.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

heh heh! ***** meaning very diva-like and won't accept no stuff. RedRiot my fiance died 5 years ago and I just started dating in the last 9 months too and it. is. TOUGH. I was 35 when he died and I never ever thought I'd be 40 and freaking single. (People always ask me why I'm single and then I have to tell 'the story' and I hate that).

Some days go by and I'm excited about the possibilities, knowing that my husband is looking for me like I'm looking for him. Other days I feel like I'll just be an old crazy dog lady and be by myself, and other days I'm angry and irritated and sad.

I had to remind myself of the advice I just gave you when I met a GREAT man on eHarmony about 5 months ago. I was smitten, and I had to call my best friend to talk me off the ledge so I wouldn't appear to be the needy fool I felt like. It was a hilarious process and he dumped me anyway!

To me dating is like trial and error and GROWTH, and trial and error and tears and GROWTH and trial and error and 'oh no he didn't' and GROWTH. I learn more about myself through the process than anything.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am in need of growth, and I actually enjoy moments like these because they give me the opportunity to really see what men are all about. I can also sit back and see the progress I have made. Granted, it never feels good to be rejected, but in the end you realize that some guys save you the trouble, and weed themselves out...like this guy has done.

I'm slowly learning how to not be so needy and yes, be a *****. But a ***** in a good way, like you have stated, a diva who puts herself FIRST.

Thank you for all your advice.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I haven't read the book,but......"because I am one."(?)
Hardly....
Thank you for excellent advice

redRiot..I am vulnerable after a split.. and usually want to hide..like forever..
I applaud your strength and your spirit and your openess in looking at "stuff"
but most importantly.... for being in the game. You go courageous woman!

Thank you! I'm also the same way...wanting to hide. But this is my first time really putting myself out there and dating instead of sitting back and waiting on the next big relationship. It's been...fun.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

UPDATE!

So he emails me today...get this...

He tells me that he asked if I like baseball because he has tickets to a game for TOMORROW and his other friend bailed so he figured he'd give me one.

Men can be a trip! He said if I'm not interested we could probably see a show later this week.

And lastly asked how my weekend was going, as his was hectic.

I'll probably shoot him an email back tonight. Old me would jump to see the baseball game with him. Not new me. I've learned to not accept "seconds" and never to accept an offer at the last minute. I would have more tact than to flat out let someone know that I'm offering them a ticket because the last person bailed. I mean, come on! I'm surprised men really get away with this type of stuff. Actually, not so surprised. Because I used to fall for it.

But just thought I'd let you all know how this experience is going. I don't have time to fool with him this week. I'm having lunch with some other guy tomorrow, a lecture to attend Wednesday, and dinner and drinks with my girls this weekend. I'll keep it strictly on friendship terms with him, and I'll fit him in when I feel like it.

THANKS LADIES!

 

[Sly]

UPDATE!

So he emails me today...get this...

He tells me that he asked if I like baseball because he has tickets to a game for TOMORROW and his other friend bailed so he figured he'd give me one.

Men can be a trip! He said if I'm not interested we could probably see a show later this week.

And lastly asked how my weekend was going, as his was hectic.

I'll probably shoot him an email back tonight. Old me would jump to see the baseball game with him. Not new me. I've learned to not accept "seconds" and never to accept an offer at the last minute. I would have more tact than to flat out let someone know that I'm offering them a ticket because the last person bailed. I mean, come on! I'm surprised men really get away with this type of stuff. Actually, not so surprised. Because I used to fall for it.

But just thought I'd let you all know how this experience is going. I don't have time to fool with him this week. I'm having lunch with some other guy tomorrow, a lecture to attend Wednesday, and dinner and drinks with my girls this weekend. I'll keep it strictly on friendship terms with him, and I'll fit him in when I feel like it.

THANKS LADIES!

Wonder what would happen if you ignored him until next week? And then email him back. :scratchch just a thought. . .

 

[BrooklynSouth]

UPDATE!

So he emails me today...get this...

He tells me that he asked if I like baseball because he has tickets to a game for TOMORROW and his other friend bailed so he figured he'd give me one.

Men can be a trip! He said if I'm not interested we could probably see a show later this week.

And lastly asked how my weekend was going, as his was hectic.

I'll probably shoot him an email back tonight. Old me would jump to see the baseball game with him. Not new me. I've learned to not accept "seconds" and never to accept an offer at the last minute. I would have more tact than to flat out let someone know that I'm offering them a ticket because the last person bailed. I mean, come on! I'm surprised men really get away with this type of stuff. Actually, not so surprised. Because I used to fall for it.

But just thought I'd let you all know how this experience is going. I don't have time to fool with him this week. I'm having lunch with some other guy tomorrow, a lecture to attend Wednesday, and dinner and drinks with my girls this weekend. I'll keep it strictly on friendship terms with him, and I'll fit him in when I feel like it.

THANKS LADIES!

Red? Screw him and his seconding you. I love a live baseball game, few things can compare to the crowd, the non-televised between play giveaways, just the general atmosphere of the game...plus there are lots of single men you can eye while there...I'd go just for the excitement of the game..I hope you go and have him buy you a lot of that expensive behind food and gadgets!

 

[BrooklynSouth]

heh heh! ***** meaning very diva-like and won't accept no stuff. RedRiot my fiance died 5 years ago and I just started dating in the last 9 months too and it. is. TOUGH. I was 35 when he died and I never ever thought I'd be 40 and freaking single. (People always ask me why I'm single and then I have to tell 'the story' and I hate that).

Some days go by and I'm excited about the possibilities, knowing that my husband is looking for me like I'm looking for him. Other days I feel like I'll just be an old crazy dog lady and be by myself, and other days I'm angry and irritated and sad.

I had to remind myself of the advice I just gave you when I met a GREAT man on eHarmony about 5 months ago. I was smitten, and I had to call my best friend to talk me off the ledge so I wouldn't appear to be the needy fool I felt like. It was a hilarious process and he dumped me anyway!

To me dating is like trial and error and GROWTH, and trial and error and tears and GROWTH and trial and error and 'oh no he didn't' and GROWTH. I learn more about myself through the process than anything.

Starfish, protect and cherish your memories..you aint gotta tell 'em nothing except..."My choice."..that'll stop the queries and keep folk from giving you the "Oh..I'm so sorry" line.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Red? Screw him and his seconding you. I love a live baseball game, few things can compare to the crowd, the non-televised between play giveaways, just the general atmosphere of the game...plus there are lots of single men you can eye while there...I'd go just for the excitement of the game..I hope you go and have him buy you a lot of that expensive behind food and gadgets!

Lol, well that's another way of looking at it! I might have just gone out and enjoyed myself had he let me know about this Thursday morning when he was cancelling for Friday, but he waited until the LAST MINUTE, and I already have plans.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Wonder what would happen if you ignored him until next week? And then email him back. :scratchch just a thought. . .

I considered that. But I did want to go ahead and tell him I can't make it to the game tomorrow because I have plans. I sent a very short email.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

ANOTHER UPDATE!

Well I know you ladies are probably tired of this story by now...but I do have another update

So I shot him that email last night and let him know I can't make it to the game since I already had plans. Very very short email. I'm not going to give a dude the time of day if he doesn't seem interested in me.

WELL, today he calls (first time calling me) and lets me know the game was cancelled anyways and says "I know you had prior engagements, but if you're not busy later, I'd like to know if you want to get out and do something."

Typical guy. When you stop showing interest, they show interest. I'm busy tonight.