A word about wedding RSVP

[tmhuggiebear]

This is exactly why people go the "tacky" route and choose not to include stamps on return envelopes for RSVP:

I recently sent out over 100 invites to my wedding to take place this year. I placed a return stamp on every single one of them and gave people the option to RSVP via our wedding website. Even with putting a stamp on the RSVP card and allowing them to do so online, I received 7 RSVP cards back and no responses from the website. The last two weeks has been spent calling people to find out about their status.

Granted, the return stamps weren't that much but it really is frustrating when people don't even have the decency whether or not they are coming or not.

I know some would argue that you can just assume they aren't coming or just say they are SOL if someone who didn't RSVP shows up but it honestly doesn't make it less frustrating.

I just had to post this as I remembered a thread from a year back when people were saying it was tacky when people didn't use return stamps on RSVP envelops as an effort to save money.

Even if you are not going, please remember to RSVP via the method the couple has specified.

 

[loved]

I remember an episode of 4 Weddings where people who didn't RSVP had to sit outside in hot weather in an overflow area because space had only been reserved for those who RSVPed. The bride and the guests were black. I bet those people never failed to respond again.

 

[sunnydaze]

Ugh, sorry. That is so inconsiderate. Likely at least half of these folks are planning to attend, but don't feel the need to respond.Meanwhile, you are left guessing at headcounts for food, alcohol, etc.

I've noticed alot of people do this-Don't return wedding RSVPs, open/read evites but never say yes or no to attending..its frustrating and very inconsiderate.

 

[Qualitee]

Prepare for a large amount of RSVP a week to the day for you wedding. People can be very inconsiderate smh

 

[EverythingOldIsNew]

I've been there....I don't know we as a people don't RSVP.

 

[nysister]

I'm sorry that's happening to you. Unfortunately many people either have no understanding of basic etiquette or they're too wrapped up in their own lives to do the polite thing. Either way it's very nice of you to follow up and not simply leave them in the cold if indeed they do plan on attending.

 

[tmhuggiebear]

I'm sorry that's happening to you. Unfortunately many people either have no understanding of basic etiquette or they're too wrapped up in their own lives to do the polite thing. Either way it's very nice of you to follow up and not simply leave them in the cold if indeed they do plan on attending.

Thanks. It's times like these when I really can't blame those who don't pay for the return stamp.

Side Note: Hope business is going well for you.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

People can be inconsiderate. We went through the wedding RSVP thing. I flat out refused to call people who didn't RSVP. I left that to DH and the bridal party. My sister was happy to do it since she knew I'd probably explode over some of the requests. I wanted to elope anyway so inviting 269 people was a chore for me.

An in-law's boyfriend needed me to mail him an invitation, addressed to him, so he could get the day off. He did show up but they broke up soon after. I really wanted to ask her for my money back for that invitation, stamps and dinner.

I had one guest, an aspiring wedding planner no less, show up after not sending back the RSVP and mentioning that she would not be able to attend. It would have not been such a surprise to see her if she didn't live about 7 hours away and in a different state.
Not kidding! Someone made room for her at a table but her name was not on the seating chart.

 

[chicitygirl]

I'm in the middle of wedding planning and dealing with invites and rsvps too. I've concluded that some people are just rude or have no sense of appropriate etiquette when it comes to weddings. How hard is it to check a box and drop something in the mail?!? It takes two seconds.

My mom is making me follow up with people, but I really don't give a darn if they come or not anymore. I'll call or email them once, but I'm not stalking them about it. I'll mark them as no and they'll be sh!t out of luck if they show up because they won't be able to get in.

 

[PlatinumBronze]

This is one of the many reasons why I refuse to have a traditional wedding. My mom would run herself crazy worrying about people RSVPing & all of that other wedding stuff. Ain't nobody got time for that.

 

[chicitygirl]

This is one of the many reasons why I refuse to have a traditional wedding. My mom would run herself crazy worrying about people RSVPing & all of that other wedding stuff. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Real talk, if I weren't so deep in the process already, I would follow my first mind and insist on having 20 of our nearest and dearest see us get married on the beach somewhere. Planning a big wedding is nothing but stress.

 

[chestnutblonde]

We had a destination wedding and we had people fly out that didn't RSVP. Just like you OP we put stamps on the return envelope as well as give the option to RSVP via web. They won't understand the importance of an RSVP until its their turn.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[chicitygirl]

We had a destination wedding and we had people fly out that didn't RSVP. Just like you OP we put stamps on the return envelope as well as give the option to RSVP via web. They won't understand the importance of an RSVP until its their turn.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Ok, see that's ridiculous! Who books a flight somewhere and doesn't even let the couple know they'll be there?!?

 

[tmhuggiebear]

CityGirl

I'm with you. I originally wanted to elope but here I am planning this wedding.

I just don't understand why people can't even grasp the idea of an RSVP. It's a no brainer. Just send it back.

Then people have the nerve to say it's tacky if you don't include a stamp on the envelope!!!

 

[OhSoOthentik]

I guess I should mentally prepare for this since I will be sending out my wedding invitations in May. I did pay for stamps also, so there really is no excuse to not send an rsvp back.

 

[MizAvalon]

People are so, SO rude!! My cousin just got married a few months ago and she had to chase folks down to get a simple yes or no out of them because she had to give her caterer a head count by a specific date. Once the date passed people decided that they wanted to come and she flat out told them no because the RSVP date had passed and that they had 2 months to respond. This included some family members as well and they were HEATED!!

Oh, another unfortunate and rude thing that you may want to prepare yourself for OP, is people that DO RSVP but then don't show up. My cousin had 200 RSVP's and about 50 of those people didn't show up. 50 people worth of wasted food that she had to pay for. We did a rough estimation and she lost about $5000 because of that.

 

[stephluv]

smh i always rsvp but i will say one particular bride hounded me for an rsvp smh Mind you i wasnt even the person that got the invite lol She gave it to my cousin who I do NOT live with but since she sees me more often she was hounding me about it and we still had atleast 3wks until it was due....after her 3rd time of huffing and puffing I literally put it in my schedule to work out the details with my cousin about fish, chicken or beef lol and didnt even mail it back Just brought it to her and placed it in her hand

*i do understand the frustration tho...I just wanted to tell somebody about this story since its been bothering me for some yrs now LOL*

 

[tmhuggiebear]

smh i always rsvp but i will say one particular bride hounded me for an rsvp smh Mind you i wasnt even the person that got the invite lol She gave it to my cousin who I do NOT live with but since she sees me more often she was hounding me about it and we still had atleast 3wks until it was due....after her 3rd time of huffing and puffing I literally put it in my schedule to work out the details with my cousin about fish, chicken or beef lol and didnt even mail it back Just brought it to her and placed it in her hand

*i do understand the frustration tho...I just wanted to tell somebody about this story since its been bothering me for some yrs now LOL*

You are too funny! I would be frustrated with that too.

We've only hounded people who actually received the invite!

 

[wanakee]

If you don't respond to a RSVP and come anyway, bring a chair and a sandwich.

 

[niknakmac]

I'm going through this right now. It is so annoying and I am not calling ANYONE.

 

[stephluv]

just to piggy off of the OT...what did you ladies end up doing for those that did not RSVP

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

I don't think this will be a huge issue for my wedding since it's going to be so small (we've already spoken with most of our guests, so people know the deal). But, even so, I think I'm going to make it clear on my invitations that a failure to RSVP will result in an automatic assumption that you are not attending.

 

[Jmartjrmd]

We put some analogies in our newsletter in the hopes that people would get it and a lot of please and thanks you's to.

We put it's like showing up to a concert or sporting even with no ticket and how you may be left on the outside looking in.

We also told them if they forgot, misplaced or whatever the rsvp that we had plenty of ways for them to get in touch and let us know either way.

We got a pretty good response and some of our guest let us know they haven't forgotten but are waiting to see if they'll have the time off they need from work or childcare or whatever else they are waiting for.

 

[niknakmac]

all of my RSVP's are supposed to be in by the end of this week. I have about half. I feel like I wasted a lot of money pre stamping rsvp envelopes. I am also so annoyed that I will not be calling those that did not rsvp to confirm their presence. I'm going to go off of those rsvp's that had the courtesy to return on time.

 

[greenandchic]

all of my RSVP's are supposed to be in by the end of this week. I have about half. I feel like I wasted a lot of money pre stamping rsvp envelopes. I am also so annoyed that I will not be calling those that did not rsvp to confirm their presence. I'm going to go off of those rsvp's that had the courtesy to return on time.

sweetnikki_6 - How many people is it? If it were me, people would just have to park themselves outside the venue if they didn't return the cards. Sorry you're going though this.

 

[niknakmac]

sweetnikki_6 - How many people is it? If it were me, people would just have to park themselves outside the venue if they didn't return the cards. Sorry you're going though this.

Out of the 50 I sent out I have only recieved 25 back. I am having a plated dinner so I really need the rsvp cards for their dinner selection. Yesterday I made an executive decision not to call anyone, I don't have the time and clearly they are not that concerned. Hope they aren't upset when there is no seating or meal waiting for them.

 

[trendsetta25]

I will be sending my invites out next month. Hopefully this gives my guest enough time to respond. I'm having a July effort

 

[cookiemonster287]

I was afraid of this, so on the rsvp card I gave the option of letting us know via email....no excuses!
I got more responses through email for some reason.
Guess people don't like sending real mail anymore.

 

[polished07]

I was afraid of this, so on the rsvp card I gave the option of letting us know via email....no excuses!
I got more responses through email for some reason.
Guess people don't like sending real mail anymore.

This is a great idea I may end up doing this same thing!

 

[MizAvalon]

just to piggy off of the OT...what did you ladies end up doing for those that did not RSVP

I'm curious about this as well. How did you handle guests that didn't RSVP but showed up anyway? Did you leave them in the cold or have food set aside in case that happened?

tmhuggiebear, have you gotten married yet? How did things go?