A "FRIEND" OF MINE

[KPH]

BACKGROUND:

We grew up together and I have been telling her about the products I have been using and how my hair is in such a good condition now. She has always wore a short cut (can't really remember her having pony tails growing up but she says she had them so I'll take her word). A few weeks ago she went and got highlights. Now she's saying her hair is very dull looking and breaking. So I mentioned some essential oils and some moisturizers and she said her hair makes its own moisture and she don't put oil in her hair. Today she's gonna put another color on it, will this help or not. This was her last reply to me in our email. I"m leaving i t alone.

REPLY:

It’s not that my hair is actually dry…it has the appearance of being dry and looks dull. My hair has always made its own moisture…I can’t use oils sheens or too much oil period. It has never worked well with my hair. Instead. I use a little hair gloss when I first get it down and by the 3rd or 4th day it has a balance of moisture own its own. So far as oils go I don’t buy that for my hair. I have been using them more since I got my hair colored thinking that would help with the dullness but that’s not the problem. I just need to darken my hair and the problem will be fixed instantly…the lifting for just too harsh and I won’t do it again. I will stick with colors that don’t have to be lifted.

 

[MrsQueeny]

Girl sometimes you just have to let folks do what they do. Maybe one day she will learn. At least you tried. Q

 

[Honi]

Be prepared to offer her an answer when her hair starts to break because you know she will come running to you. I had to at the comment of her hair making it's own moisture. Too funny.

 

[lunabelle]

I can kind of see where she coming from although she's a little misguided. Techincally our hair does make it's own sebum just like everyone else but because of the curl pattern it doesn't make it all the way to the end. So with that being said sistah does need to moisturize those ends especially with that color. She'll be back...

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Since when did hair start making it's own moisture? Ummmmkay...

Let her do what she wants to do...she'll see. And be prepared to be a shoulder to cry on.

 

[Marand13]

WOW...
All I can say is people think they know everything and you cant tell them nothing. I know so many people who are like that and sometimes they ask me what to do, I tell them but they never listen.
Then they wonder why my hair is always longer than it was the last time they saw me and have the nerve to ask if its a weave.LOL
When she get tired of letting her hair make its own moisture she will take your advice.

 

[KPH]

I know she thinks i'm being some kinda way but I'm gonna leave it alone.

 

[MizAvalon]

Girl sometimes you just have to let folks do what they do. Maybe one day she will learn. At least you tried. Q

Agreed. Just let them fall, sometimes you have to.

One good thing is that since she keeps her hair short she won't have to worry about losing years of progress or anything.

 

[MizAvalon]

Oh, and the "My hair makes it own moisture" comment? WOW.erplexed

 

[MrsQueeny]

Agreed. Just let them fall, sometimes you have to.

One good thing is that since she keeps her hair short she won't have to worry about losing years of progress or anything.

Pretty much. It will just continue to be a short, dyed, fried, dry, crispy mess. Q

 

[KPH]

Pretty much. It will just continue to be a short, dyed, fried, dry, crispy mess. Q

i shouldn't laff but that is what I pictured.

 

[good2uuuu]

I hope she at least does a good deep conditioning treatment first.

 

[meka]

If she thinks color over the already highlighted hair is going to make it better then she is mistaken. The damage has already done. But don't worry, she will be back...holding her hair in her hand.

 

[Menina Preta]

BACKGROUND:

We grew up together and I have been telling her about the products I have been using and how my hair is in such a good condition now. She has always wore a short cut (can't really remember her having pony tails growing up but she says she had them so I'll take her word). A few weeks ago she went and got highlights. Now she's saying her hair is very dull looking and breaking. So I mentioned some essential oils and some moisturizers and she said her hair makes its own moisture and she don't put oil in her hair. Today she's gonna put another color on it, will this help or not. This was her last reply to me in our email. I"m leaving i t alone.

REPLY:

It’s not that my hair is actually dry…it has the appearance of being dry and looks dull. My hair has always made its own moisture…I can’t use oils sheens or too much oil period. It has never worked well with my hair. Instead. I use a little hair gloss when I first get it down and by the 3rd or 4th day it has a balance of moisture own its own. So far as oils go I don’t buy that for my hair. I have been using them more since I got my hair colored thinking that would help with the dullness but that’s not the problem. I just need to darken my hair and the problem will be fixed instantly…the lifting for just too harsh and I won’t do it again. I will stick with colors that don’t have to be lifted.

If I were you, I would just leave it alone. Unless she specifically asks you for a way to stop breakage, don't bother giving her advice. I know it's hard to watch friends with jacked up hair continue jacking it up, but she has to learn on her own and perhaps after another mishap she'll come asking for advice.

BTW, board, I'm a newbie I signed up a lonnng time ago, but just recently returned after I saw being lazy about my hair was not helping, lol.

 

[MrsQueeny]

If I were you, I would just leave it alone. Unless she specifically asks you for a way to stop breakage, don't bother giving her advice. I know it's hard to watch friends with jacked up hair continue jacking it up, but she has to learn on her own and perhaps after another mishap she'll come asking for advice.

BTW, board, I'm a newbie I signed up a lonnng time ago, but just recently returned after I saw being lazy about my hair was not helping, lol.

Q

 

[Angelicus]

Don't talk about hair anymore to her. Just say "good luck" and move on.

 

[MizAvalon]

If I were you, I would just leave it alone. Unless she specifically asks you for a way to stop breakage, don't bother giving her advice. I know it's hard to watch friends with jacked up hair continue jacking it up, but she has to learn on her own and perhaps after another mishap she'll come asking for advice.

BTW, board, I'm a newbie I signed up a lonnng time ago, but just recently returned after I saw being lazy about my hair was not helping, lol.

Welcome!

 

[Lady Esquire]

I have been using them more since I got my hair colored thinking that would help with the dullness but that’s not the problem. I just need to darken my hair and the problem will be fixed instantly…the lifting for just too harsh and I won’t do it again. I will stick with colors that don’t have to be lifted.

Wow. Poor boo boo. I think all of the coloring has fried her brain. :burning: She is void of any common sense. Reading that email, after a while, I envisioned old girl in my head going

I put a "friend" of mine on to the boards, a few books, helped her with her regimen. We would have these long discussions for about a year. But she was struggling with progress 'cause she was never consistent. Then one day out of the blue, she cut it all off, got it colored bright bright blonde, and told me that she beleives we all have terminal length, and hers is above her shoulder somewhere below chin length. So none of this healthy hair stuff was worth it.

 

[SmartyPants]

Be prepared to offer her an answer when her hair starts to break because you know she will come running to you. I had to at the comment of her hair making it's own moisture. Too funny.

Don't laugh at the mentally afflicted. she doesn't know any better. Po' thing!

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

Hair makes its own moisture?

 

[ladylibra]

well i will go out on a limb for your friend... maybe her hair really DOESN'T like oils. maybe that's why she's made up this weird excuse... i mean, don't most black people outside of hair boards use grease and oil on their hair? perhaps her hair doesn't like oils and she's picked up on that and stopped using them... but people probably tell her that black hair NEEDS oils and grease to survive. and she just hasn't found anything better yet, so she's shooting in the dark.

unless she specifically comes to you for help or advice, i say don't frustrate yourself trying to MAKE her change. but if she does want to find something that works for her hair and KNOWS oils don't help... maybe you can help her adopt some healthier habits and a regimen that doesn't include oils.

 

[Platinum]

Maybe she needs to start with a chelating poo and concentrate on "babying' her hair instead of using more color.erplexed Maybe she's got oil confused with grease? Either way, A HARD HEAD MAKES A BALD HEAD. You've done your part, she'll be back, along with her self-moisturizing hair.

 

[KPH]

I haven't heard from her since that email. I guess she's at home now mixing her potion to apply on top of the other potion. I didn't share her hair was baby fine.erplexed

 

[caribgirl]

If she thinks color over the already highlighted hair is going to make it better then she is mistaken. The damage has already done. But don't worry, she will be back...holding her hair in her hand.

Don't laugh at the mentally afflicted. she doesn't know any better. Po' thing!

[Maybe she needs to start with a chelating poo and concentrate on "babying' her hair instead of using more color.erplexed Maybe she's got oil confused with grease? Either way, A HARD HEAD MAKES A BALD HEAD. You've done your part, she'll be back, along with her self-moisturizing hair.

- You guys are killing me with this entire thread.

Just let her find her way to better haircare on her own. You are a good friend for caring, though .

 

[Blessed_Angel]

Girl sometimes you just have to let folks do what they do. Maybe one day she will learn. At least you tried. Q

So true. Don't even worry about. Don't think with your heart on this one; cause it will break as quick as her hair will.

 

[chebaby]

did you explain to her that her hair needs moisture and oil is not moisture? her hair make sebum and still it needs help, all hair does. she'll learnerplexed

 

[KPH]

did you explain to her that her hair needs moisture and oil is not moisture? her hair make sebum and still it needs help, all hair does. she'll learnerplexed

YEP, I SURE DID.