Spinoff of a Spinoff: Does Your Hair Texture and Skin Color "Conflict"

[kblc06]

With people's perceived notions of what you should have (i.e. dark skin/3b or mixed/lighter skin/4b)? How has your hair advice been taken and how has it affected the way it is perceived?

I've noticed that in a couple of recent threads that this notion is highly conflated, especially in the black community. It has been so prevalent in fact that I've had people stare at me with 2 heads when I've told them that I don't use a curl or texturizer or that my hair is naturally like this. I never realized how prevalent this idea was until those experiences and when I joined this board. Do you notice this general rule to be true? In my personal experience, the inverse has usually occurred- especially in my family. For that reason, I've always associated darker skin with longer and/or loosely curled hair

 

[msa]

I don't have this problem since I'm dark and nappy.

 

[teenie]

your wash n go is pretty

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

My sister gets issues from time to time. She has dark skin and 3c hair. Very soft, thick, and wavy not curly. I don't since I'm dark skinned with kinky and coily curlies.

 

[princessnad]

I don't know about texture, but I saw an old college friend who knew my hair has always been relatively short this past weekend. She commented on how my hair has really grown.

Her sister, who doesn't know my from Adam chimed in "well it's in her genes anyway." This statement was because I am light-skinned. If it was "in my genes all along" then I should have been long all my life.

 

[Junebug D]

Eh. It doesn't bother me too much, having lighter skin and being 4b. Most people don't comment, and I don't give unsolicited hair advice. My hair is natural and my texture is always on display, so no one can (or should) act shocked when they see my hair. So in my experience, it's usually just little things. like a certain family member will make it a point to say that I have a "good grade of hair" when my hair is the same texture as hers, and everyone else's in the family (type 4s). And another person who insisted that my hair must look curly when wet and was of a "better" texture than his when we both were type 4s. Mostly people just speaking out of ignorance and believing stereotypes.

Growing up, I knew plenty of lighter folks who were type 4s and who got severely made fun of for their hair being short and/or nappy (myself included), so I never associated skin tone with hair texture or length. The friends I had with long hair and looser textures were all shades darker than me. If anything, it was more about being mixed with Puerto Rican or Cherokee.

 

[silvergirl]

i dont think im light or light(er) skinned. but i have been told that.i also see my hair as "normal" but ppl (irl) tell me how my hair isnt like afro hair all the time. So i guess technically i dont suffer from the conflict. although in my eyes, i just feel..... like a normal black girl.

 

[runwaydream]

err.... *tentatively raises hand*

i do. i associate longer hair w. lighter skinned ppl. i know its wrong and even though i know better its so ingrained in me that i cant help it. when i see a light skinned person w. chewed up hair i feel bad for them. like they've been cheated. when i see a dark skinned person w. that kind of hair im not surprised and i expect it.

so... yea....

 

[Oasis]

I'm brown but people are always surprised that my hair is 4b. For some odd reason they think my hair should be less nappy. Don't really know what that's about.

One person in my fam actually said, "Wow, I didn't think your hair would be like that. erplexed"

But when they ask me about something hair related, it won't work for them because suddenly I have good hair.

 

[PerplexingComplex]

Depends on who you ask. I say no, but I also don't associate lighter skin with looser curl. Even if I did, I'd still say no because I'm not that light. Some people may see me and think otherwise. I'm 4a/b and most people don't find it odd. Unless they see some of my other relatives who are type 3b/c and shades darker than me. Of course that deals more with them questioning genetics.

 

[diva24]

My dark brown sister had Ananda Lewis type hair. I have Diana Ross type hair. They assume she relaxes. They assume I do not. The assume hers is fake. They assume mines is real. They assume hers are contacts. They assume mines are not. They assume I am mixed. They assume she is not. They think my cousin is my sister. They think my sister is my cousin. I could write a book.

People are stupid.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Not really...
There were times I was told I had "coolie hair" because I was West Indian, but that's about it. My family's hair... on the Carib/Latino side and on the AA side have textures that run the gamut....

 

[wavezncurlz]

Sorry, but people who equate skin color with hair texture are really ignorant in my opinion. Genes manifest themselves in so many ways. There is no reason why the two should be equated. My extremely dark brown father and all my cousins have the straightest, dark black, long hair I know. My light skinned mother has the kinkiest and fuzziest, hair. Both skintones and hair textures are beautiful. I'm brown and have a mixture of both of their hair textures. Both sides of the famil have black and indian and white. How genes are expressed can be a crapshoot.

 

[FlowerHair]

My dark brown sister had Ananda Lewis type hair. I have Diana Ross type hair. They assume she relaxes. They assume I do not. The assume hers is fake. They assume mines is real. They assume hers are contacts. They assume mines are not. They assume I am mixed. They assume she is not. They think my cousin is my sister. They think my sister is my cousin. I could write a book.

People are stupid.

LOL! People have so many assumptions based upon how someone looks

-------

I never really thought about these stereotypes until I came to this board. I have so many biracial friends with 4a/b hair...never met a darker skinned girl with 3 hair until I welcomed my little god daughter to the world

 

[mamaceta]

Sorry, but people who equate skin color with hair texture are really ignorant in my opinion. Genes manifest themselves in so many ways. There is no reason why the two should be equated. My extremely dark brown father and all my cousins have the straightest, dark black, long hair I know. My light skinned mother has the kinkiest and fuzziest, hair. Both skintones and hair textures are beautiful. I'm brown and have a mixture of both of their hair textures. Both sides of the famil have black and indian and white. How genes are expressed can be a crapshoot.

I think that you are right, they are ignorant, because they just don't know! It all depends on what you have been exposed to.
The girls I knew growing up had hair in the 3s and were mostly light-skinned. There were others who were not. BUT they all said that they were mixed. The girls who I knew with APL hair and longer were light-skinned and they said they were black. Most of the women I saw on TV who were black and had long hair were light skinned. Now, there were light-skinned girls with short hair in the 4s, but I just thought they were the unlucky ones. Oh, then there is the fact that my hair has all kinds of textures in it, and they thought I was one of the lucky "darkies" because my hair could grow past my ears. This is when I was younger.

I was a teenager when I left that community. When I did, I was sooo confused! I saw light-skinned girls with long hair and some TOUGH new growth. I saw a dark girl with hazel eyes and butt length hair. I saw a light-skinned girl with blue eyes and natural kinky twists, both of her parents were black. I saw a brown-skinned girl (with a white mom) who had short, neck-length hair... That was the beginning of the end of my ignorance!

 

[BostonMaria]

My niece has light skin, green eyes and 4a/4b blondish hair. I think she's beautiful, but I do notice people do a double take when they see her. I have family members as black as night with 2b/3a hair. I don't think twice about it I guess because I'm used to seeing this.

 

[sharifeh]

No,
But I'm mixed and I'm a 4 but my siblings aren't 4.
people don't expect that.
my hair is the longest out of my siblings though so that really confuses people
and my skin is on the darker side and one of my sisters is "light skinned"

 

[SoAnxious12]

my family has a little bit of everything, for instance my oldeest sister looks white has blue/green eyes and 4b sandy brownish/blonde hair. My other sister whose closer in age to me has beautiful mahogany skin and long 2b/c hair with very little to no curl. People outside my family look at them crazy, but its seems pretty normal to me. My best-friend is white/black with light colored hair and is definitely a thick coarse type 3c or 4a.

 

[Muffinz05]

Sorry, but people who equate skin color with hair texture are really ignorant in my opinion. Genes manifest themselves in so many ways. There is no reason why the two should be equated. My extremely dark brown father and all my cousins have the straightest, dark black, long hair I know. My light skinned mother has the kinkiest and fuzziest, hair. Both skintones and hair textures are beautiful. I'm brown and have a mixture of both of their hair textures. Both sides of the famil have black and indian and white. How genes are expressed can be a crapshoot.

I sooo agree with you on this. I'm brown skinned and I have 3c/4a waistlenght hair and when people look at me, they think its a wig or weave. I come from a multiracial family so I'm used to seeing all colors with different hair textures but what I learned is that some people are just ignorant and to make it worse, the majority of the comments come from your own race.

 

[Coolata]

Now that I am natural, I get this alot from coworkers. Initially, I was asked did I get a curl or texturizer. Some asked how did I get my hair to look like that....others even touched my curls. The one that shocked me most is "I must have white in me." I am dark with thin fine short curls. Ignorance is annoying

 

[CheLala13]

Sorry, but people who equate skin color with hair texture are really ignorant in my opinion. Genes manifest themselves in so many ways. There is no reason why the two should be equated. My extremely dark brown father and all my cousins have the straightest, dark black, long hair I know. My light skinned mother has the kinkiest and fuzziest, hair. Both skintones and hair textures are beautiful. I'm brown and have a mixture of both of their hair textures. Both sides of the famil have black and indian and white. How genes are expressed can be a crapshoot.

They are only ignorant because of what they have seen with their own eyes. Being told "you don't have that kind of hair" when you can look at a light skin and/or mixed girl and have people drool over her hair, talking about how pretty it is DOES send a message. If the only girls you see that have naturally long hair (no extensions) are light skinned and you know for a fact that they are black and white...it's kind of like, "okay, i'm finally connecting the dots here." If you've only seen 3 dark skinned women with long hair your whole life (20-40 years), it only helps reinforce it.

That's why I love this site, because I've learned having healthy, thick, long hair is a process for EVERYONE. I just wish people would be a little more understanding on where people are coming from. Don't treat them with disrespect because that was many of us before coming to this site.

 

[diva24]

Now that I am natural, I get this alot from coworkers. Initially, I was asked did I get a curl or texturizer. Some asked how did I get my hair to look like that....others even touched my curls. The one that shocked me most is "I must have white in me." I am dark with thin fine short curls. Ignorance is annoying

This reaffirms what I said in another thread. If you don't outwardly show what they think you are they give an excuse. Dark+cury hair = Must be mixed/lacefront

I wish they had a "slap my forehead" smiley. Close enough.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

I don't know about texture, but I saw an old college friend who knew my hair has always been relatively short this past weekend. She commented on how my hair has really grown.

Her sister, who doesn't know my from Adam chimed in "well it's in her genes anyway." This statement was because I am light-skinned. If it was "in my genes all along" then I should have been long all my life.

I received something of this nature back in high school from a girl who disliked me . The summer before my last year there I got a very short cut from my Dominican hairdresser. I basically panicked and knew I couldnt go back to school with puffy frizzy hair about up to my ears lol. My mom and I went to the hood and got me a weave lol ( thats a whole nother story, my hair was a DISASTER for years) ANYWAY, when I get back to school that September, this girl knows its a weave and in the bathroom says to me "Youd have that hair anyway" . In other words its okay that Im wearing European straight because thats what should be growing out of my head anyway. LOL, if I had that hair anyway, why was it sewn in to my head?

 

[Austro-Afrikana]

I don't associate skin colour with hair texture or hair length, although I am never surprised when a type 3 has long hair or when a type 4 has short hair. I know very well that some mixed people have type 4 and some have type 3, just as i know very well that 'full' africans/caribbeans can have type 3 or type 4 hair.
I am mixed race and have type 4 hair, as does my older sister. My partner is mixed race and he and his siblings all have type 4 hair. I've seen many mixed race people with type 4 hair and it gets on my nerves when people assume that people of mixed race must have "mixed hair".
A rant: Even though my hair has been EL/NL all my life, my cousin likes to say "but you're mixed though, your hair will grow easily", when i'm talking about my progress or my regime to get my hair long - this coming from the girl who has known me all her life and has never seen me with long hair and she is 4b/c and used to have hair down her back until relaxer damage. When i reminded her of this she didn't believe that she ever had long hair...i showed her a picture for her to remember that her hair was long...way longer than mine and both my sisters, even the one with type 3 hair, then she got all happy but when i told her i'd help her get it back that way she said "but my hair won't get long, i'm not mixed like you". OMG!! And this is 2 minutes after giving her the lecture!
She's the only one that really gets on my nerves with this hair business. She is the most ignorant person i know on the topic. Her 12 year old sister knows better.

 

[glamazon386]

Yep... I'm not supposed to have curls since I'm dark skinned. So I must be mixed with something.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

nope. my hair fits me. it really would never conflict with me though, because it seems like whatever hair type a black woman has, really fits her; it just looks right.​

 

[tocktick]

Not really...
There were times I was told I had "coolie hair"

People think the same of my brother. I had never even heard the term until he told me some Carib people had mentioned it. He has "silky" looking hair with perfectly defined curls (on the larger side of the "4a" spectrum). He is often mistaken for having East African or Middle Eastern heritage. The fact of the matter is that within our own country, there are a wide variety of looks but they think his features look more like they belong to those aforementioned groups. I'm sure the hair adds fuel to the fire.

I don't think people are confused about the type of hair I have since I'm your regular brown-skinned woman.

 

[discodumpling]

Light skin is subjective. Depending on the time of year & who you ask my complexion has been called many things.

I'm a black woman with nappy hair.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I never thought like a lot of our people do about the correlation of skin color to hair. I grew up an Army brat, so I've moved a lot and lived around lots of different people, so I should know better. I've seen hispanics with 4 type hair, I've seen darker skinned black people with 3s, and I've seen lighter skinned black people with 4s. Heck, some of my cousins exemplify this. I appear to be 4a on the sides, and 3c if you put your hand on the top of my head and run it straight back to the neck...and I'm medium tone. My daughter's hair has quite a bit of 4a and she's light skinned.

Honestly, I don't think I started to engrave those poisonous thoughts in my mind until I started to live in predominantly black areas (grew up mostly around whites, asians, and pacific islanders). The good hair/bad hair thing didn't really stick until then either. I mean, of course I noticed my hair was different from the white girls, etc...but I never thought my hair was "bad." In the end, this is a huge mental complex, and only changes if we wish it to. There are ladies on this board whose hair and skin color "conflict" lol, yet I just read several pages of two very similar topics with people stating they've never seen it. Eh, I don't know where I'm going with this, so I'm just going to be quiet.

In the conventional sense, my hair and skin probably conflicts. Once my hair gets longer, if it still appears to be part 3c I already know people are going to ask what I am. When I do, they're probably going to attribute my hair to the indian in my blood, which it may very well be...but by no means is the stuff on my head some happy paradise simply because of a "mixed" tag.

 

[ladylibra]

My son is a light-bright, high-yellow kid and has 4a/4b hair. It is on the finer side, and wiry, and the longer it grows, the more it shrinks.

Want pics? They're in my Fotki, but I'll post them if y'all want proof...

My grandfather is the color of a dark chocolate Hershey bar, and his hair was 3b/3cish. But, I don't have access to post any of his old pics online, and he's bald now.