Vent: Does anyone feel this way?

[Ladyhenri]

Following the Grandfather of all set backs in Dec right after my wedding, (who would have thought a simple roller set in Nigeria could mess up my hair)
I've been having a rethink about my hair goals.

I am that i couldnt enjoy all that beautiful hur when i had it, just because i was scared of loosing it. But now, a lot of it is gone, and i still never really enjoyed it....Ironic right?
And thats the problem. I could grow it all again, but what is the guarantee that some stooopid, bird brain, maggot hairdresser wont mess it up again? Or that my own no-combing-induced dreadknottangles wont take off all my hair?


I STILL want beautiful long hair, but i want to enjoy my hair too. I am beginning to think protective styling is a joke (for me anyways) hide hair allllllll the time, and look like a frigging librarian, then once in a blue moon let it down and shock everyone...I want to look fabulous all the time without worrying about breakage. Other races dont hide their hair 24-7 to achieve long hair that is uncombed/ hidden 95% of the time?

I have been feeling like this for a while and in feb, i slapped on a full head weave thinking, i'd give myself a break from my hair and seeing all the progress lost...
Well wouldnt you know it, 10 days later, i had torn that weave and most of my own hair out. It ITCHED TERRIBLY!! seems like washing and conditioning weekly like clockwork was one luxury my hair and scalp was REFUSING to give up!!
And it cost me an arm and a blinking leg!!!!

I could have started a journal on this vent, but i decided otherwise.

You ladies are V. smart, perhaps someone could offer some advice?


Current state of hair
SL--->>Flat ironed and worn down today in defiance

What i want--->> Hair that grows but looks good while growing!!!!!!

Ps: Absolutely no offense meant to anyone.

 

[LivingDoll]

I understand how you feel and I'm sorry that you experienced a setback...exactly how did they mess up a simple rollerset, btw?

I don't protective style all the time. I enjoy my hair by wearing it down often. I tend to rotate between a protective style (bun/ponytail/upsweep/banana clip) and wearing it down (rollerset or blowdry/flat iron). So I do one week down, the next week up. I think I've been retaining my growth this way.

 

[tailormade84]

i feel you...i've been there

if you are trying to grow your hair and you...
...hate buns
...hate sew in weaves
...want to look jazzy all the time....
then i suggest you buy wigs and switch them up every now, get braids or/and stalk fotkis and find out some creative, sexy ways to jazz up buns (they are out there ) HTH


I wore wigs when i got sick of protective styling with just my hair - it was very nice to still be able to wash and moisturize my hair

 

[Teja]

Following the Grandfather of all set backs in Dec right after my wedding, (who would have thought a simple roller set in Nigeria could mess up my hair)
I've been having a rethink about my hair goals.

I am that i couldnt enjoy all that beautiful hur when i had it, just because i was scared of loosing it. But now, a lot of it is gone, and i still never really enjoyed it....Ironic right?
And thats the problem. I could grow it all again, but what is the guarantee that some stooopid, bird brain, maggot hairdresser wont mess it up again? Or that my own no-combing-induced dreadknottangles wont take off all my hair?


I STILL want beautiful long hair, but i want to enjoy my hair too. I am beginning to think protective styling is a joke (for me anyways) hide hair allllllll the time, and look like a frigging librarian, then once in a blue moon let it down and shock everyone...I want to look fabulous all the time without worrying about breakage. Other races dont hide their hair 24-7 to achieve long hair that is uncombed/ hidden 95% of the time?

I have been feeling like this for a while and in feb, i slapped on a full head weave thinking, i'd give myself a break from my hair and seeing all the progress lost...
Well wouldnt you know it, 10 days later, i had torn that weave and most of my own hair out. It ITCHED TERRIBLY!! seems like washing and conditioning weekly like clockwork was one luxury my hair and scalp was REFUSING to give up!!
And it cost me an arm and a blinking leg!!!!

I could have started a journal on this vent, but i decided otherwise.

You ladies are V. smart, perhaps someone could offer some advice?


Current state of hair
SL--->>Flat ironed and worn down today in defiance

What i want--->> Hair that grows but looks good while growing!!!!!!

Ps: Absolutely no offense meant to anyone.

The bolded definitley sounds familiar!!!!!

 

[LushLox]

I'm sorry you've had a set back.

Compromise; do half the week in protective styles and half out. I've been doing this and I've been fine and I seem to be retaining. Although I've just joined a challenge where it's 100% protective styling for six months - that'll be fun!

There seem to be a number of ladies who wear their hair down all the time and do 0% protective styling, and it doesn't seem to be harming them neither. Just ensure that the ends are constantly babied.

 

[butterfly_wings]

Wear a wig or half wig they are much better than weaves

 

[Rei]

Protective styling doesn't necessarily have to make you look like a librarian. There are some fly styles that also include protecting all, or most of your hair, don't just think you have to do a plain bun for it to be a protective style Try searching for protective styles threads, I believe there were two really big ones that gave a lot of ideas for ladies who were bored with the same old bun. And you don't have to do it 24/7, you can live a little! If you do it 4 days out of a 7 day week, you'll still be able to look fly while having your hairgrowth! Personally I think wearing hair out 24/7 is boring! It isn't impossible to have your hair grow without protective styling, but it might take a bit longer As long as you're ok with that, do your own thing.

 

[Ladyhenri]

I understand how you feel and I'm sorry that you experienced a setback...exactly how did they mess up a simple rollerset, btw?

I don't protective style all the time. I enjoy my hair by wearing it down often. I tend to rotate between a protective style (bun/ponytail/upsweep/banana clip) and wearing it down (rollerset or blowdry/flat iron). So I do one week down, the next week up. I think I've been retaining my growth this way.

Thanks for your advice
As to how they messed up my roller set, i put it down to a nasty chemical that i was ASSURED was setting lotion, and extremely rough handling. My pre LHCF ends couldn't take it.(i could nearly swear now that that stuff had lye in it or something, the way my hair has reacted and broken after it)

I couldn't take my own products to Nigeria coz i was forced to throw them all away at customs. I had my beauty case in my handluggage, and no liquids allowed onto the plane...bla blah

 

[caribeandiva]

I am beginning to think protective styling is a joke (for me anyways) hide hair allllllll the time, and look like a frigging librarian, then once in a blue moon let it down and shock everyone...I want to look fabulous all the time without worrying about breakage. Other races dont hide their hair 24-7 to achieve long hair that is uncombed/ hidden 95% of the time?

I don't do protective styles either or no combing challenges (tangles = breakage for me). My hair's usually in a ponytail because I'm too lazy to flatiron after every wash. When my hair gets longer it'll be down ALL the dang time.

How long was your before she messed it up? HOW did she mess it up with a rollerset?

 

[caribeandiva]

Thanks for your advice
As to how they messed up my roller set, i put it down to a nasty chemical that i was ASSURED was setting lotion, and extremely rough handling. My pre LHCF ends couldn't take it.(i could nearly swear now that that stuff had lye in it or something, the way my hair has reacted and broken after it)

I couldn't take my own products to Nigeria coz i was forced to throw them all away at customs. I had my beauty case in my handluggage, and no liquids allowed onto the plane...bla blah

oh i see. Girl, next time make sure all your liquids are in your checked in luggage not your carry-on.

 

[Ladyhenri]

...wigs would be excellent, but i'd prefer a long term way of enjoying my own hair while growing it.

I'm liking the idea of wearing out some days then protective styling on other days...
but again, ideally, i'd look hot 24-7 with healthy attractive hair (i was up in curly nikki's hating on her loll....perfect hair all the time!!!)

I think the librarian thing is coming from wearing my hair up all the time and never having smooth hair
( relax 3 times a year= frizz ball 9 months a year, only having smooth hair for like a month after relaxing depending on how the relaxer decides to take)

Oh, that and no combing. (after 3 weeks post relaxer, this is a distant memory unless i flat iron, which = damaged hair long term)

And my hair is still weak. It will grow, but i just know a lot of manipulation will make it break tons, unless it is smooth and silky.

I haven't relaxed for 4 months now.

................I am really having one of those days

 

[Ladyhenri]

The bolded definitley sounds familiar!!!!!

I was wondering if i was alone..

 

[Esi]

I completely understand you with the bad rollerset. My family is from Ghana and we go often enough. This past Christmas when we were there I decided that I was not going to let anyone else do my hair but me because I've had a few bad rollersets in the past. Just like you experienced, the women who did my hair poorly those times, handled my hair horribly. Whenever there was a tangle they preferred to rip through it rather than comb through it slowly. I also got a really bad relaxer from when I was 11 that made my hair feel like straw...It's very frustrating.

As for the protective styling you might be able to do your hair in some updos that are not buns or ponytails where pins are used. I'm experimenting with that a little bit now because I'm sick of looking like a librarian too...and I'm sick of my co-workers saying that I never do my hair.

 

[*Muffin*]

I understand how you feel. I'm one of those people that doesn't really fully appreciate their hair. I'm always nit-picking at my ends or something that doesn't really matter instead of acknowledging it's strength, health, or overall healthy appearance. No head of hair is perfect. All we can do is work with the flaws and enjoy the positive aspects. I wear my hair in protective styles 5 days a week, yet I'll still feel like all of that is in vain if I wear it down a day or two on the week-end. Sometimes I feel like if it rubs against my shirt it might become brittle. Other races with long hair don't worry about that. When they want to wear it down, they wear it down. If they want it up, they wear it up. If it needs to be trimmed they trim it and if it doesn't they don't. So why am I worried so much? I just need to calm down and let it grow, lol.

 

[MsChelle]

LadiHenri,
I feel you on not wanting to do protective styling all of the time. I had NEVER in my life worn a protective style (never heard that term used pre-LHCF). I wore my hair "up" for the first time about a month ago. I am saying that to say this......it is possible to grow and retain length without protective styling all of the time. My hair is currently shoulder length but was several inches longer just a couple of months ago. I go through phases where feeling my hair on my neck and shoulders really gets on my nerves and I will cut it in a heartbeat. Just make sure that you are taking extra good care of it if you choose to wear it out all the time.

 

[imaccami]

Come on over to the no protective-styles-ever side! lol I never wear protective styles, I want to enjoy my hair. My theory is that I should learn how to do my hair while it's growing so that when I reach my goal length I won't cause a set back.

I'm like Bttrfly70, I've had long hair all my life and never wore protective styles, so I know it can be done. I think protective styles are useful, but like anything else it should be used in moderation.

PS you can come over to the no stretching side too. I don't stretch. (I feel like I'm corrupting you. lol.) I swear following the directions and relaxing every 6-8 weeks isn't that dangerous. I think 1Aleesha has a good idea which is that she relaxes when she gets 1 inch of new growth whether it's been a month and a half or three and a half months.

 

[bedazzled]

I feel just like how you feel. In fact, I have a secret..I dont even really "protective style" I guess. I love wearing my hair down. So what do I do? I braid my nape in french braids/cornrows like one or two rows. Clip in two tracks. And voila, my hair is no longer rubbing on my clothes (its rubbing on the weave), and my nape is protected from breakage 24/7. So far this has been saving my nape and growing it out fairly nicely & the weave is like a guard so my hair doesnt rub up on my clothes. If I dont clip in tracks on the sides I will usually pin up the top & front and do like a half up/half down look or i'll just get lazy and wear it down..I hope this helps if any with you trying to escape protective styling.

 

[crazydaze911]

i feel you. i REALLY do look like a librarian - cuz i have the glasses too and dress like an old lady for work - lol. i also agree about other races not having to go through what we go through - others would stone me for saying that b/c they know a caucasian somewhere who has trouble growing there hair too - blah, blah, blah - its just different. Theres no good and bad hair but we just have it harder - there is no arguing there - our hair is more fragile.
I am transitioning and not trimming so i ALWAYS worry about wearing my hair down, but i really wish i could. For you, i would say be careful b/c everyone says shoulder length is the hardest hurdle in which to wear you hair out b/c it rubs against ur shoulders. I wear wigs and things on weekends, but i refuse to wear them to work b/c pple here are very 'comfortable' and will act silly or make comments EVEN WHEN IT LOOKS GOOD, just b/c they know its fake.
i definitely feel ur pain. i DESPERATELY want to color my hair lighter but im soooooooo scared to ruin it, meanwhile my BFF has had her hair EVERY color of the rainbow, sometimes barely waiting 2 weeks and doesnt deep condition, yet somehow her hair remains long and strong past MBL.

 

[Chevelure618]

If it makes you feel any better, Cathy Howse grew her hair out (transitioned to natural) and her hair is MBL and never really wore protective styles...in fact she doesn't really believe in them. She did say that her styling options were "limited" when she was transitioning, but when she had a relaxer she blow-dried and flat-ironed once a week. I think her belief is that if your hair is strong (protein) moisturized (supple ) that it can stand up to once weekly styling.

I started carrying my moisturizer in a small container in my purse so I can do my 3 times a day moisturizing of my ponytail because I am getting sick of buns too.

I thiink just keep it WELL moisturized and do what you want with it

 

[Ladyhenri]

I understand how you feel. I'm one of those people that doesn't really fully appreciate their hair. I'm always nit-picking at my ends or something that doesn't really matter instead of acknowledging it's strength, health, or overall healthy appearance. No head of hair is perfect. All we can do is work with the flaws and enjoy the positive aspects. I wear my hair in protective styles 5 days a week, yet I'll still feel like all of that is in vain if I wear it down a day or two on the week-end. Sometimes I feel like if it rubs against my shirt it might become brittle. Other races with long hair don't worry about that. When they want to wear it down, they wear it down. If they want it up, they wear it up. If it needs to be trimmed they trim it and if it doesn't they don't. So why am I worried so much? I just need to calm down and let it grow, lol.

Damn girl, your in my head...


Oh and work, i had every damn person telling me i looked great because it was worn down today....these people usually ignore me and my librarian self.erplexed

. But then i have that lil voice in my head telling me that my ends are getting more jacked up by the sec

 

[lilyofthevalley]

There are women here who have grown their hair long without protective styling. Perhaps you should search them out and look at their regimens to help you. There's no point in doing something that makes you unhappy just for the sake of having long hair. Me, I like buns so protective styling so I don't see protective styling as taking anything away from me. But do what feels right for you.

 

[Eclass215]

Damn girl, your in my head...


Oh and work, i had every damn person telling me i looked great because it was worn down today....these people usually ignore me and my librarian self.erplexed

. But then i have that lil voice in my head telling me that my ends are getting more jacked up by the sec

I struggle with that too - anytime my hair is out I'm overly aware of what is happening to my ends - in the car, sitting at my desk at work, laying on the couch, it never ends!!! At one point I felt like taking care of my hair with all this extra TLC was doing more worse than good! I think I've learned to relax a little now and just do me and try to maintain good hair practices while still doing what makes me happy!

 

[brasileira]

im using clip-on extensions as a protective style and they r workin wonderfully for me. The back of my hair had suffered the most breakage so i braid it up and wear clip-in extensions on the back its great and it looks 100% natural

 

[Ladyhenri]

oh i see. Girl, next time make sure all your liquids are in your checked in luggage not your carry-on.

Thanks hun
I've DEF learnt this the hard way. Throwing away my humecto was painful!!!

 

[Ladyhenri]

Come on over to the no protective-styles-ever side! lol I never wear protective styles, I want to enjoy my hair. My theory is that I should learn how to do my hair while it's growing so that when I reach my goal length I won't cause a set back.

I'm like Bttrfly70, I've had long hair all my life and never wore protective styles, so I know it can be done. I think protective styles are useful, but like anything else it should be used in moderation.

PS you can come over to the no stretching side too. I don't stretch. (I feel like I'm corrupting you. lol.) I swear following the directions and relaxing every 6-8 weeks isn't that dangerous. I think 1Aleesha has a good idea which is that she relaxes when she gets 1 inch of new growth whether it's been a month and a half or three and a half months.

I like the way you (and 1Aleesha )think.... (semi corrupted already by all them renegade thoughts you've got flooding my mind)

And you do have beautiful hair.

 

[Ladyhenri]

There are women here who have grown their hair long without protective styling. Perhaps you should search them out and look at their regimens to help you. There's no point in doing something that makes you unhappy just for the sake of having long hair. Me, I like buns so protective styling so I don't see protective styling as taking anything away from me. But do what feels right for you.

V True.

But sometimes things that make people unhappy have to do be done towards a greater good, hence my journey so far.

Cheers for your advise anyways.

 

[Ladyhenri]

i feel you. i REALLY do look like a librarian - cuz i have the glasses too and dress like an old lady for work - lol. i also agree about other races not having to go through what we go through - others would stone me for saying that b/c they know a caucasian somewhere who has trouble growing there hair too - blah, blah, blah - its just different. Theres no good and bad hair but we just have it harder - there is no arguing there - our hair is more fragile.
I am transitioning and not trimming so i ALWAYS worry about wearing my hair down, but i really wish i could. For you, i would say be careful b/c everyone says shoulder length is the hardest hurdle in which to wear you hair out b/c it rubs against ur shoulders. I wear wigs and things on weekends, but i refuse to wear them to work b/c pple here are very 'comfortable' and will act silly or make comments EVEN WHEN IT LOOKS GOOD, just b/c they know its fake.
i definitely feel ur pain. i DESPERATELY want to color my hair lighter but im soooooooo scared to ruin it, meanwhile my BFF has had her hair EVERY color of the rainbow, sometimes barely waiting 2 weeks and doesnt deep condition, yet somehow her hair remains long and strong past MBL.

THANK YOU!!!
(it wasnt enough to use the thanks button)

Its soo nice to know that other people feel my frustration too...


ANNNDD i feel like this is a never ending hair growth journey. If i dont learn to love my hair when it is growing, i can just see myself with MBL hair that i have in veerryy unflattering styles just so that it wont get damaged.

It would be amazing to grow hair while looking good

 

[Ladyhenri]

If it makes you feel any better, Cathy Howse grew her hair out (transitioned to natural) and her hair is MBL and never really wore protective styles...in fact she doesn't really believe in them. She did say that her styling options were "limited" when she was transitioning, but when she had a relaxer she blow-dried and flat-ironed once a week. I think her belief is that if your hair is strong (protein) moisturized (supple ) that it can stand up to once weekly styling.

I started carrying my moisturizer in a small container in my purse so I can do my 3 times a day moisturizing of my ponytail because I am getting sick of buns too.

I thiink just keep it WELL moisturized and do what you want with it

Bless ya.
This entire post sure helps. Off to stalk Cathy

 

[hothair]

We're >>>>>here<<<<< on this. I've literally had a similar thing happen aside from the fact I blame myself falling off my regimen, I've decided to grow my hair while rocking it, flatiron twice a month and twistouts with clip ons the 2nd and forth week, I hope to grow my hair but look good doing it