I've been initiated...

[LoveLiLi]

My hair is natural and I love the texture. It's 4a with some 3c/b going on in the back. Once my transition was over I got nothing but compliments on my hair from everyone - black, white, asian, latino. There were a couple of coworkers who said something nice about it each time they saw me and went out and bought the products I use. I guess I got a little spoiled with all the compliments on my hair.

Well, today I did a WNG and it turned out great. I'm apl, but my hair shrank up to my chin. Once my hair was dry I immediately thought of SO1913 because my WNG looked just like hers. My curls were so shiny and defined - I was so proud . I was thinking to myself, "Girl you're going to have to take a pic next time and put it on LHCF", . I got dressed and headed out the door feeling good.

I went to my SO's house and I figured he'd like it since he's had positive things to say when I wore my hair natural in the past. He always says he wishes women would stop wearing weaves and relaxers and keep it natural - then he gets into his Rastafari speech. So, imagine my surprise when I sit down and he looks at me with a serious expression and says "You look like Buckwheat".

My feelings were so hurt. I looked in the mirror and my hair looked great to me, so I didn't know what to say. I got my bag and put on my jacket and left. He tried to backtrack/kiss-up, but uh uh. He got all pissy and asked me where I was going and I said "To join the rest of the Little Rascals".

My LHCF and kinky-haired girl initiation is now complete. I'll be watching the mail for my official laminated card.

 

[Mook's hair]

Awwwwww Dayummmm!

That ain't even right. I would have been hurt too. Especially since he is usually on board.

Well yes, welcome neophyte. . . your pledging is complete!

I hope you 2 will be able to make up and get past this.

 

[Tylove101]

Sorry that happened. How have you been wearing your hair before the wash and go?

 

[LivingDol1]

what crawled up his butt?! i'd be upset as well if i were you.

good for you and glad that you are happy with your natural hair. yes, you def should take a photo and post for us!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

See? The ones who have a problem with natural hair is mostly our own people. Well, screw him and rock your natural hair. The next time he gives a speech, tell him to wake up. I bet your hair looked awesome, too.

 

[tbaby_8]

He just has to get to the new style. Don't worry he will come around. I bet your hair was really pretty.

 

[natstar]

Khalia27- that was REALLY rude of him. im glad u picked up and left at that point. Man- he would be docked some points for that one. I thought friends and SOs were supposed to be supportive or at least attempt to. You know-boost u up--NOT bring u down.

He sounds like he was trying to steal your thunder- don't let him--Just keep wearing your hair the way you want to.

 

[glamazon386]

I've had that happen before and as far as I'm concerned, if they're not paying for me to have my hair done then they have no say in the matter. I don't care if they like it or not, I like it. Don't worry about him. What natural style did he like on your in the past? I'm just curious.

 

[delray712000]

just when you thought you had his support you have to stop and wonder was he lying all those other times. i mean, natural is just natural. what a jerk

My hair is natural and I love the texture. It's 4a with some 3c/b going on in the back. Once my transition was over I got nothing but compliments on my hair from everyone - black, white, asian, latino. There were a couple of coworkers who said something nice about it each time they saw me and went out and bought the products I use. I guess I got a little spoiled with all the compliments on my hair.

Well, today I did a WNG and it turned out great. I'm apl, but my hair shrank up to my chin. Once my hair was dry I immediately thought of SO1913 because my WNG looked just like hers. My curls were so shiny and defined - I was so proud . I was thinking to myself, "Girl you're going to have to take a pic next time and put it on LHCF", . I got dressed and headed out the door feeling good.

I went to my SO's house and I figured he'd like it since he's had positive things to say when I wore my hair natural in the past. He always says he wishes women would stop wearing weaves and relaxers and keep it natural - then he gets into his Rastafari speech. So, imagine my surprise when I sit down and he looks at me with a serious expression and says "You look like Buckwheat".

My feelings were so hurt. I looked in the mirror and my hair looked great to me, so I didn't know what to say. I got my bag and put on my jacket and left. He tried to backtrack/kiss-up, but uh uh. He got all pissy and asked me where I was going and I said "To join the rest of the Little Rascals".

My LHCF and kinky-haired girl initiation is now complete. I'll be watching the mail for my official laminated card.

 

[LoveLiLi]

Sorry that happened. How have you been wearing your hair before the wash and go?

Since late last year I've been straightening it to cut down on all the split ends I was getting by wearing it natural everyday. So yeah, he's been used to seeing me with my hair straight lately. However, I didn't straighten my hair for over a year before that, so all everyone (including him) saw for a long time was my natural texture. I wore a lot of buns and puffs.

 

[LoveLiLi]

I've had that happen before and as far as I'm concerned, if they're not paying for me to have my hair done then they have no say in the matter. I don't care if they like it or not, I like it. Don't worry about him. What natural style did he like on your in the past? I'm just curious.

I wore mostly buns and puffs through the week. I have to wear a bouffant cap that snags the hair in the lab and just the thought of having to stuff my WNG under that thing over and over all day long... However on the weekends I've worn it down. So he's seen my hair in all stages, all wet -> air-drying -> completely done. The whole time he's known me he's seen my hair natural way more than he's seen it straightened so I don't know what got into him last night.

 

[LoveLiLi]

just when you thought you had his support you have to stop and wonder was he lying all those other times. i mean, natural is just natural. what a jerk

Exactly!! That's also something that got to me last night. Since he's seen it natural before, and made positive remarks, I'm left wondering if he was lying before and his true thoughts about my natural hair came out last night.

 

[ryanshope]

Hugs!! Girl, my SO has called my "Lavar Burton from Roots, Doug E Doug and Florida Evans...all in the same day.....so don't stress it....keep in some cute earrings and a funky scarf and it will be all good.

My hair is natural and I love the texture. It's 4a with some 3c/b going on in the back. Once my transition was over I got nothing but compliments on my hair from everyone - black, white, asian, latino. There were a couple of coworkers who said something nice about it each time they saw me and went out and bought the products I use. I guess I got a little spoiled with all the compliments on my hair.

Well, today I did a WNG and it turned out great. I'm apl, but my hair shrank up to my chin. Once my hair was dry I immediately thought of SO1913 because my WNG looked just like hers. My curls were so shiny and defined - I was so proud . I was thinking to myself, "Girl you're going to have to take a pic next time and put it on LHCF", . I got dressed and headed out the door feeling good.

I went to my SO's house and I figured he'd like it since he's had positive things to say when I wore my hair natural in the past. He always says he wishes women would stop wearing weaves and relaxers and keep it natural - then he gets into his Rastafari speech. So, imagine my surprise when I sit down and he looks at me with a serious expression and says "You look like Buckwheat".

My feelings were so hurt. I looked in the mirror and my hair looked great to me, so I didn't know what to say. I got my bag and put on my jacket and left. He tried to backtrack/kiss-up, but uh uh. He got all pissy and asked me where I was going and I said "To join the rest of the Little Rascals".

My LHCF and kinky-haired girl initiation is now complete. I'll be watching the mail for my official laminated card.

 

[LoveLiLi]

See? The ones who have a problem with natural hair is mostly our own people. Well, screw him and rock your natural hair. The next time he gives a speech, tell him to wake up. I bet your hair looked awesome, too.

So true. I guess it wasn't silky and exotic enough for him.

 

[LoveLiLi]

Hugs!! Girl, my SO has called my "Lavar Burton from Roots, Doug E Doug and Florida Evans...all in the same day.....so don't stress it....keep in some cute earrings and a funky scarf and it will be all good.

Lol, yeah. Since I'm definitely not going to relax it anymore I guess I should have been prepared for all types of comments - good or bad. I just was surprised he came at me like that. I don't like to feel like my SO is giving me the side eye and thinking I look a H.A.M. when I think I'm looking good, lol.

 

[glamazon386]

IDK... Could he have been joking? My SO doesn't dislike natural hair he just doesn't like certain styles. He's made comments before that made me look at him wtf?!?! But I learned not to pay him any mind. One day he said something about maybe you're gonna have to start perming your hair mainly because I don't wear my hair out. I shut that down with the quickness.

Maybe he thought the wash and go didn't look "done" versus a bun or a puff that looks like you took time to put it in a style? That could be it. IMO, wash and gos don't look done to me either. I'd rather have a style that was set some kind of way. You can clearly tell the difference. But even if that is the case, he didn't have to say that like that. I would have been mad too.

 

[LivingDol1]

Exactly!! That's also something that got to me last night. Since he's seen it natural before, and made positive remarks, I'm left wondering if he was lying before and his true thoughts about my natural hair came out last night.

don't overthink it. he's a guy and guys say dumb things all the time. clearly he was having a brain fart moment. i doubt he has an issue with your hair. if he did, he would have said something sooner.

i got a comment once from a boyfriend who had only seen me once with a long (fake) ponytail. throughout the entire time we dated, i wore braids. he made a comment about missing the long hair he never got to run his fingers through.

we aren't dating anymore. lol.

 

[Cheleigh]

Welcome to the club.

Some people I know prefer my hair in a bun to a WnG. My SO prefers it in a WnG to a bun. I think that sometimes people's mouths move before they've thought about what they're saying. I'm sure your SO regrets saying it.

You should just tell him the truth (that it hurt your feelings) and keep it moving. If your SO has any sense (and I'm sure he does), he'll apologize and also keep it moving...and probably get used to the WnG soon enough and love it. I've noticed that the SOs especially love something once they see/hear all the compliments you start getting on it.

 

[LoveLiLi]

IDK... Could he have been joking? My SO doesn't dislike natural hair he just doesn't like certain styles. He's made comments before that made me look at him wtf?!?! But I learned not to pay him any mind. One day he said something about maybe you're gonna have to start perming your hair mainly because I don't wear my hair out. I shut that down with the quickness.

Maybe he thought the wash and go didn't look "done" versus a bun or a puff that looks like you took time to put it in a style? That could be it. IMO, wash and gos don't look done to me either. I'd rather have a style that was set some kind of way. You can clearly tell the difference. But even if that is the case, he didn't have to say that like that. I would have been mad too.

A few moments later (after he saw my reaction) he said it was a joke. But before he made that comment he wasn't in a good mood last night and was giving me the silent treatment to begin with. So, that was the first comment he made to me, no smiling, laughing - both his tone and expression were serious, so I was thrown.

He does like to get at me when he's in a bad mood in general so that's probably what it was. Either way, I didn't like it. If he really didn't like it he could have expressed it differently. I always say to him - it's not what you say, it's how you say it.

 

[*Muffin*]

What the heck got into him? I don't mean to speak ill of your guy, but that was harsh. I'd like to think that if you believed your hair was looking good, and we are our own worst critics, that your hair must have been looking great. Maybe he was having a bad day or something.

 

[LoveLiLi]

What the heck got into him? I don't mean to speak ill of your husband, but that was harsh. I'd like to think that if you believed your hair was looking good, and we are our own worst critics, that your hair must have been looking great. Maybe he was having a bad day or something.

Speak ill of him all you want, . He's an SO, not my husband, and acting like that he probably will never make it to DH status.

 

[MarieB]

As we all learned in kindergarten: boys are stupid. Doesn't mean we don't love them, but sometimes they can be just plum dumb!

 

[danigurl18]

Welcome to the club! I wish you would have taken a pic so we could see those lovely defined curls!

 

[*Muffin*]

Speak ill of him all you want, . He's an SO, not my husband, and acting like that he probably will never make it to DH status.

Yeah, I realized my mistake and corrected it after the post .... But either way, nobody should EVA compare anyone they love's hair to buckwheat. That's the definition of sahara desert dry hair .

 

[glamazon386]

A few moments later (after he saw my reaction) he said it was a joke. But before he made that comment he wasn't in a good mood last night and was giving me the silent treatment to begin with. So, that was the first comment he made to me, no smiling, laughing - both his tone and expression were serious, so I was thrown.

He does like to get at me when he's in a bad mood in general so that's probably what it was. Either way, I didn't like it. If he really didn't like it he could have expressed it differently. I always say to him - it's not what you say, it's how you say it.

That probably slipped out. That's what happens when people don't think before they speak. To the bolded - I agree 100%. Whether he was joking or not, it was still rude and wrong.

 

[LoveLiLi]

Welcome to the club! I wish you would have taken a pic so we could see those lovely defined curls!

I'm going to take a pic next time and add it to my album . Now if y'all start talking crazy too, then I'll know the problem is me .

 

[Evolving78]

it sounds like he didn't care for the style. my dh told me that my hair looks fine, but he just doesn't care for the natural look. he likes it straight. as long as you are happy with you styles then that is all that matters.

 

[lilsparkle825]

I just put your card in the mail

My initiation came from my SO telling me I looked like a lighter, skinnier Jill Scott -- so basically nothing like her. Then his BIL asked me if I fell in the pool.

IDK, maybe he just had a different impression of your hair texture; you know we look 3bish when our hair is wet. I love your reaction though -- HILARIOUS!

(On another note, how did you get your hair like that in your sig? It's goooorgeous!)

 

[weaveadiva]

He got all pissy and asked me where I was going and I said "To join the rest of the Little Rascals".

My LHCF and kinky-haired girl initiation is now complete. I'll be watching the mail for my official laminated card.

@ "the little rascals"

although you said you wore it natural for a spell in the past, you haven't worn it naturally in a long time. he was probably just in shock.

i'm sure it was lovely...after all, you are an lhcf member!

 

[Jas123]

So, imagine my surprise when I sit down and he looks at me with a serious expression and says "You look like Buckwheat".

My feelings were so hurt. I looked in the mirror and my hair looked great to me, so I didn't know what to say. I got my bag and put on my jacket and left. He tried to backtrack/kiss-up, but uh uh. He got all pissy and asked me where I was going and I said "To join the rest of the Little Rascals".

I LUV THIS COMEBACK LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i'm sorry he said this to (it was really mean) you but i'm chuckling at what your so said to you