Spinoff: Does the mixed question offends you?

[Nola Darling]

Why does it make you feel superior? I'm curious.

 

[cmw45]

I doesn't offend me really. I don't think I have ever really been asked about mixing it's more like, "Where are you from?" I got to a University where the population of Blacks that are descendants of pre-revolutionary war Blacks is very small. So everyone just assumes I am African; and because my hair has a bit of curl East African.

 

[LoveLiLi]

I don't get offended when asked. I actually get asked the question more frequently now that I am natural. Generally, I think people ask because of a person's features. I think my features look very black/ethnic, but people of various ethnicities say that they can tell that there's some 'otherness' involved. I've had a few people insist that I'm mulatto and give me the side eye when I say both of my parents are black. Oh well. It only gets on my nerves when men ask the question as if it's supposed to be a compliment. I avoid colorstruck men or those who seem to focus on exotic women.

People just want to know and that's not necessarily a bad thing. When I see people who look 'mixed' or just of a diffetent background than the standard white/black/pr that I usually see, I like to know what they are and I also like to learn about different cultures. It's never my intention to stir up any negative emotions, but now that I know some people take offense I'll be more careful of how I pose the question.

ETA: When I refer to 'mixed race', I'm not just referring to black/white. I might see someone who looks white/asian etc. Hell, maybe I'm just nosey, but I don't think to myself - she's brown skinned with 3b hair, she must have some indian in her family, lol. There's more to the world than black & white.

 

[MsWhite]

I find it offensive because of what it implies. Someone sees your hair, thinks its nice and automatically assumes, "hey her hair is nice, curly, long, whatever, so another race must have given her that, because black people don't have that". Then they continue to probe and push, to prove their ignorance to be true. I find it to be an ignorant questions, that shows how the person sees themselves and others. ANNOYING, READ A BOOK!

I agree..When people ask me if im mixed more than once it annoys me. I have been asked this since grade school. Why cant I just be a "black woman". Black people come in all different shades, shapes and hair lengths. So yes it pisses me off. To me it implies that black women cant have long hair or certain features without being mixed. Mixed women are beautiful just as black women are. So I find comments like that when someone is pushing ignorant and annoying. Ok rant over...

 

[BklynHeart]

^^^ agreed. When I was relaxed with long hair I HAD to have some injun in my family or whatever. I'm natural now so, no such mix up here!

 

[Browndilocks]

I get it. No biggie.

ETA - I get it more often when my hair isn't pressed. Still no biggie.

 

[sunshinne368]

I get offended . I lived in California most of my life and had long hair. No one ever question me or my mother. Moved to DC in my mid twenties and got that question from everyone. My hair is pulled back nobody asked. My hair is down and the whole world wanted to know. CAN'T A BLACK WOMEN HAVE BEAUTIFUL HAIR WITHOUT BEING MIXED?

Same thing happened to me when I moved to the south. Where I am from in Cali everybody looks "mixed", all sorts of colors! When I moved to the south I get looks and people are amazed at my hair and skin (white and black people) My husband family are the worst about it! I've never liked the word 'mixed" cause black people use it as if you are better if you are! What was the name of that guy that wrote " How to build a slave" Turn the lights against the darks! It still active today!

 

[Blossssom]

Okay! It's not like it can't be true, though! I'm sure plenty of "mixees" today, just as in the past and in the future, think they are superior to those of us who are 99.99% Negro!

I never get asked, but the question is impolite and I would never ask anyone else if they're mixed.

It's not a question I would ask either... at least not that way...

 

[SherryLove]

all of you ladies have raised some valid and interesting points here. some things will just never change.....I truly think a lot of folks ask out of curiousity. folks usually ask me, "you are mixed with native american, right?" even though there are a bunch of first-nation folks in my ancestry,I tell them no. then they ask, "so what are you mixed with?" I then reply, "nothing," and just watch the puzzled look on their faces... lol....but on the real, I take pride in my African and Native American ancestry.

 

[sweetpuff]

See I'm not offended but it depends on the situation. Growing up in a white predominant city, I often get asked where I am from.
I've been asked once if was sure that I was haitian because 'people coming from that region have heavier behinds....' this coming from a client at a bank I was working at.... I was too stunned to answer....

I've been asked if I was indian then I had braid extension then been told that I was ' cute for a black '.... again... too stunned to answer. I thank the lord I was not PMSing at that time, I tell you. I would have opened the gates of hell upon her sorry soul.

Some people who ask are candily curious. Others don't even know they are making fool of themselves. So I just keep the stories for my brother and friends in the weekend when we laugh at people's ignorance with...

People have a frame of mind your can't even start to imagine.
It gets really annoying and I have been agressive with some but it is useless. There is a way to tell them they're off limits politely.

 

[Junonia]

The question does not offend me. I am annoyed when someone continues to debate that I am mixed with something after I tell them I'm not. I don't think it's necessary that I have to tell them that my great-great- _____ is 1/4 this, 3/8 of this and 1/3 that to make them happy.

 

[Lyoness]

No, I'd rather ppl asked than took me at face value and assume I'm mixed, I cant set them straight that way. And actually ask me directly, not "where are you from", cos I'm from Britain you wont get my ethnicity that way, from is place in my book!

 

[longhairlover]

at first it wasn't annoying, but as the years went on and i'm getting older i'm getting tired of breaking down my family history as to why i may not look as black as others want you to look because they have issues.

i even had one person recently say to me how am i black with silky eyebrows and my hair? yeah i know i had to control myself i was at work and didn't want to get arrested for knocking out a customer!

i've gotten everything from jamaican and chinese to my favorite indian, pakistani those people love me when i go to get chicken tikka lol!!!!!

as the years go on i am finding out more and more that my blackness is very tainted and i knew there were other races in there (pops half afrocuban=black to me) before but now it's getting out of control (mom found her birth father and he's half phillipino)but who cares to walk around and list their different races? it's definitely not helping me with my job search. lol!!

I think it's an insult because a lot of people still have it in their minds that black people aren't attractive and then in hollywood most of the attractive women are mixed, i don't have a problem with the mixes, but to me it's an insult because people have been like your black? really? why is your hair like that? b.s.

 

[honeybadgirl]

it depends. i find that other races, white especially, tend to question my racial background because i'm attractive and just with alot of black people. its like you cant be 100% black and be BEAUTIFUL!!! like, you just have to be mixed with something else

 

[glamazon386]

It used to but now it doesn't bother me.

 

[Kurly K]

i dont get offended because i kno its hard to distiguish sumones race off or appearance

 

[Kurlee]

i really want to know what "regular black" and 100% black/pure black" looks like? I mean what is a pure "white" person? They have very fair,always burning in the sun skin, to tan and have an array of eye colors blue to brown and hair colors, blond to black? What about pure east indian? Again light to dark in colour, grey, hazel and brown eyes, brown and black hair. I could go on, but the point I am trying to make is why is black, the only one that has such a narrow definition? I feel like people are nicely saying hey you're not pure black (read black, ugly and bald), who helped your blood line out? SMDH, the ignorance will never stop

 

[song_of_serenity]

It depends HOW they ask and the context. Usually, it's idiot guys asking like that like it's some kind of compliment. But seeing how some girls JUMP to the fact to claim something other than black and attribute it to their beauty, I can see why it can be a selling point...or compliment, even.

I actually got it more when I was natural than now! However, now that my hair is growing out longer and longer, I get the "Oh, you're from the Caribbean so that's why" like my Caribbean behind didn't have the same traits as I do now that my hair is past neck length.
~*Janelle~*

 

[Southern Belle]

Okay, I'll admit..........

I have asked someone w/ BSL hair were they mixed. But that was pre-LHCF when I really *didn't* know that black women could grow hair that long.

And the straight up and down truth is that most people - ESPECIALLY blacks, don't realise that we ARE capable of having long healthy tresses - hence all the chewed up, fried, slicked back hair so prevalent amongst black women. So when we see someone that's actually figured it out - we gawk, because it's so rare.

People want to "make sense" of what they are seeing, so they go for the most obvious explanation. I assure you for MOST people, it is not meant to be offensive in any way, shape, or form. It is just that person trying to make sense of an anomaly. Because we gotta keep it real, most black women AREN'T getting it right.

 

[cottoncoily]

The first time I got asked this question I found it funny because I'm obviously not mixed. Lately a lot of people have been asking me if I'm from (East) Africa. I'm not offended by either one because they're not asking me these questions because of my hair, but because of my facial features.

 

[lovinmylocs]

at first it wasn't annoying, but as the years went on and i'm getting older i'm getting tired of breaking down my family history as to why i may not look as black as others want you to look because they have issues.

i even had one person recently say to me how am i black with silky eyebrows and my hair? yeah i know i had to control myself i was at work and didn't want to get arrested for knocking out a customer!

i've gotten everything from jamaican and chinese to my favorite indian, pakistani those people love me when i go to get chicken tikka lol!!!!!

as the years go on i am finding out more and more that my blackness is very tainted and i knew there were other races in there (pops half afrocuban=black to me) before but now it's getting out of control (mom found her birth father and he's half phillipino)but who cares to walk around and list their different races? it's definitely not helping me with my job search. lol!!

I think it's an insult because a lot of people still have it in their minds that black people aren't attractive and then in hollywood most of the attractive women are mixed, i don't have a problem with the mixes, but to me it's an insult because people have been like your black? really? why is your hair like that? b.s.

I agree. I want to say that I think that this is the root of the problem for some people (not all people). I don't get the are you mixed thing cause I look black, but I will say that pre-natural when my hair was a mess I didn't get any feedback (positive or negative). People just assumed that chewed up ends and fried, greasy hair were the norm. Now that I am natural I get a lot of comments, some of them positive - thank you, I'm surprised by the amount of shade that I get (from black people). People that know me and know my family (both of my parents are black and my mother is dark) ask some crazy questions and imply some offensive things because of the texture of my hair. People ask me what do I do to it and most days its nothing special, when I tell people this is how my hair grows out of my head they don't always believe me. Someone I know went as far as to suggest that I'm trying to be mixed cause I must do something to my hair for it to look the way it does.

I say all of this to say that we (society at large) have a messed up way of viewing black people. We assume that to be pure black, whatever that means, they must fit this one narrow mold, which rarely is positive. There is a deep rooted hate (for lack of a better word) towards our people and if there is anything beautiful or even a little bit desireable it must be mixed with something. It's sad.

 

[kweenameena]

I get offended. Mainly because when asked that question, I feel as though the person is saying something negative about being 100% black. However, I do have Native American/Belizean and Black in my bloodlines. I always say I am BLACK. I went to a co-worker's cookout this summer and he said, I never notice your exotic features are mixed?erplexed He said he never noticed my hair texture was so wavy. erplexed Then proceeds to say black women hair is not that tamed. Here is a picture that he took.


ETA: I never told anyone at my job about my mixed race.

Cute dress!
You are very pretty.

 

[babyleaf]

I pray for all that are afraid to be black. Since when is being black bad? Maybe not in the USA, but when I was raised, I was taught that it is an honor to be black. Ladies, being black is wonderful! Maybe if we concentrated on the positive aspects of being black, we would not have to entertain all of the desires to be part of something else.

I really hope most of these racial questions are being posted by the younger ladies here that have not yet found themselves....You all have time sisters!!!!!

 

[Misshairdiva]

I have blue eyes and I am very light. I get offended when either Black people tell me I am not "really" black, or that I MUST be mixed. I get this more from our own people then white people. When I tell them I have two Black parents, then they start to ask what my grandparents are... and I say BLACK!

We have a long way to go. Alot of use still have that slave mentality of being predudice against our own just because they are lighter or in some cases darker.

It burns me up when I tell someone about this forum, and they look at my hair which I have only grown past my shoulders this past year from avoiding heat and relaxers, and they make stupid comments like "oh, you got that GOOD hair so it will grow long anyway" That pisses me off to no end cause for the last 20 something years I could not get my hair to retain length.
ok, I will step off my box and stop venting now....

 

[rabs77]

Not at all!

 

[Vshanell]

No it dosen't offend me but I don't like when they act like I'm lying when I say no, looking at me like I'm some sort of freak.

 

[winnettag]

I don't get offended. I just say "Yes, I'm mixed with my momma and my daddy."

 

[chicacanella]

If someone asks out of curiosity, I guess that is okay but it is truly the reasoning behind that curiosity which is detrimental. The whole, black is bad and other is good. That is what I have come up with when most people ask questions like this...black, white or any race.

 

[malachi74]

OT but when does the country/island you're from your or nationality become a color or race? I think it's crazy...

Can't you be, say, Dominican and still say you are Black or White or Asian or Indian? WTF?!

That's like someone asking me what race I am and I answer "I'm Floridian".

To answer the question though, no i don't get offended by the question but I think after a few generations of mixing it's too complicated to explain to the stranger passing by who is only interested in how it's possible that someone with brown skin has soft-looking curly hair. I usually say I'm Black and Black.

 

[lovepeacesoul]

I think that being asked if I'm anything other than black gives me the one up. It helps me feel superior to every other regular black.

Regular black?