Spinoff: Does the mixed question offends you?

[Likeyouneverseenme]

I'm mixed but people just assume I'm all black...
In Norway, where interracial couples are more common, I don't get asked either because people just assume I'm mixed. In America you find very light skinned people who have two black parents, you don't see that in Norway because black people there are usually from Africa- and have a darker complexion than most AA.
I understand better now why people where surprised here in the U.S. that I have a white father because some black people who don't consider themselves being mixed sometimes have a lighter complexion than I have.

But no, I don not get offended when people ask. If anyone ask me about who I am or where I'm from, I'm more flattered than anything because people show interest in me.

 

[Eclass215]

I also don't understand why people get frustrated by people's "ignorance" either. I mean, there are a lot of black women who prior to being on a hair board, didn't know that black women could grow long hair. There are also a lot of people who before going natural had worn relaxers for so long, didn't even know their own hair could be classified as curly and not just "kinky or nappy". I really don't think the general public really has the knowledge that all of us on here has--so to get offended by that isn't really fair.

If you are referring to what I said - it wasn't to say people are silly or stupid for not knowing. Ignorance is just that - NOT knowing something. There is A LOT I didn't know and still don't know about hair, life, and whatever else - so I am ignorant about things too. Maybe I have been exposed to other things that made me more aware of black women and hair types, textures and whatnot - so pardon me if you took my 'frustration' the wrong way. I don't mean it in a mean way, which is why I said "offended" wasn't quite what I felt - but truthfully I do wish people were more informed about different cultures, including their own! (myself included).

 

[MissMarie]

not offensive in and of itself but sometimes I get the impression that the reasons behind the asking are assumptions and stereotypes I would find offensive, and definitely a lot of the follow up to that question is at a minimum offensively irritating

... 'are you sure?' 'but there's a white/Indian person in their somewhere, right?'
'where is your family really from' 'I didn't know black people had/did xyz'
'from what I've seen on television...' 'oh, you're black identified'
'I didn't know black people could have *insert physical feature*'
'I didn't know black people could have *insert material object*'
'but you remind me of this one girl I met and she was xyz, and I know they are nothing like blacks'

I just don't get why people need to ask.
I don't think I've ever asked someone, especially a stranger or mere acquaintance, 'are you mixed/what are you?'. Its not important enough to quiz folks about frankly and most folks will reveal info on their racial identity/ethnicity/background/sexuality/class/parentage/etc the more you get to know them

for those folks that insist on 'quizzing' me on what I 'really' am (every drop apparently) you end up either with a blank stare and a lovely smart ass response 'yes I'm mixed; a quarter black, quarter Negro, quarter colored and a quarter African American'
or worse, an Anthro 101 lecture on race, ethnicity, identity formation and the fallacy of human purity,
plus an AFAM 101 lecture on the history of black America and the social/historical/cultural context of our sense of identity and community

either way you lose

 

[NikStarrr]

If you are referring to what I said - it wasn't to say people are silly or stupid for not knowing. Ignorance is just that - NOT knowing something. There is A LOT I didn't know and still don't know about hair, life, and whatever else - so I am ignorant about things too. Maybe I have been exposed to other things that made me more aware of black women and hair types, textures and whatnot - so pardon me if you took my 'frustration' the wrong way. I don't mean it in a mean way, which is why I said "offended" wasn't quite what I felt - but truthfully I do wish people were more informed about different cultures, including their own! (myself included).

I wasn't referring to you specifically. There were quite a few responses referencing people's ignorance. So I was responding to that general consensus. And like what someone else mentioned, until more and more black women develop healthy hair practices and our seen with "long" hair, I think these questions will still occur. And how else will people realize that their assumptions of someone being mixed because of long hair/curly hair is not accurate--but to ask!

 

[franknbeans82]

no one has asked me that, at least not in recent memory. however, it does offend me for someone to imply that it's impossible for african hair to grow long.

 

[DragonPearl]

I had a white rooommate who had a big ass/butt. People used to ask her if she was mixed... She was never offended. Privately, she used to joke with me that maybe somewhere in her WASP family tree, someone passed for white.

 

[*KP*]

Sometimes I forget I'm mixed....just 1/4 though

 

[Kurlee]

I find it offensive because of what it implies. Someone sees your hair, thinks its nice and automatically assumes, "hey her hair is nice, curly, long, whatever, so another race must have given her that, because black people don't have that". Then they continue to probe and push, to prove their ignorance to be true. I find it to be an ignorant questions, that shows how the person sees themselves and others. ANNOYING, READ A BOOK!

 

[princessnad]

I didn't at first until I realized the only time I get asked is when I look "really right".

So I'm pure negro when I look rough but all of a sudden I blossom into a beautiful swan of a mixed girl when I dress tight, slap on some make-up and do my hair? Whatchu tryna say?!

 

[TaurusAngel]

Thats what i was saying. The question itself isn't annoying, but the persistence is when it becomes annoying.

 

[Kurlee]

I didn't at first until I realized the only time I get asked is when I look "really right".

So I'm pure negro when I look rough but all of a sudden I blossom into a beautiful swan of a mixed girl when I dress tight, slap on some make-up and do my hair? Whatchu tryna say?!

thats what makes me mad, the implication that one thing is better than the other and somehow i'm lucky or priviliged to have "it". GTFOOHWTBS

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

So you're not 100%? People are taking their pens out and marking you off for hair tips.

Sometimes I forget I'm mixed....just 1/4 though

Does this count as "mixed"? I'm a 1/4, but I usually don't think of myself as mixed.

I don't get angry, but sometimes, especially when it follows a comment about how pretty my hair is, it makes me very sad that it even matters.

 

[spacetygrss]

I find the notion that a person has to be "mixed" in order to have something attractive or "better" (ick, typing that just made me cringe)...in this case long hair, to be offensive.

That said, my hair is covered when out of the house so no one can tell one way or another.

 

[Evazhair]

If you are referring to what I said - it wasn't to say people are silly or stupid for not knowing. Ignorance is just that - NOT knowing something. There is A LOT I didn't know and still don't know about hair, life, and whatever else - so I am ignorant about things too. Maybe I have been exposed to other things that made me more aware of black women and hair types, textures and whatnot - so pardon me if you took my 'frustration' the wrong way. I don't mean it in a mean way, which is why I said "offended" wasn't quite what I felt - but truthfully I do wish people were more informed about different cultures, including their own! (myself included).

ITA with this post.

For me the frustration comes from people not being able to consider the fact that we have different experiences/exposures, so I can't get with the whole Black women with type 4 hair don't have long hair thing because that is not what I have witnessed in my lifetime. I respect others' experiences, but I refuse to assimilate myself to their thinking when my experiences with 20/20 vision have shown me different. It seems like people want you to fit in their "box" and really have trouble when someone is outside of it. That is frustrating and something I just can't get with.

 

[Allandra]

I don't let questions like that bother me. I kindly smile, answer and keep it moving. Works for me.

 

[tiffupretty]

isnt everyone "mixed"....*shrugs shoulders* oh well barack obama is!!! even though the world says hes a black man!!! all it takes is an eighth

BARACK 08!!

 

[Hairsofab]

I've never been told I've looked mixed. My mom has been asked that because her family was lighter and she never really thought much about it. I don't think she's ever been offended.

 

[MrsQueeny]

For real I have NEVER been asked that before. I guess they just figure I'm too black. Q

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Usually no. But once I answer, I don't want to hear continued comments about it.

ETA: It's not because of my hair though; my facial features "give it away" for most people. Certain hairstyles accentuate it more. It is what it is. There are gorgeous full Black and non-Black women, as there are booger bears in all races.

 

[mezzogirl]

I think that being asked if I'm anything other than black gives me the one up. It helps me feel superior to every other regular black.

Why does it make you feel superior? I'm curious.

 

[prospurr4]

No, not at all...it really takes a lot to offend me, though.

 

[carameldiva]

I got that question unexpectedly from a classmate back in junior high school. I still don't understand what compelled her to ask if I was mixed with Indian. True, we come from a predominately native american area but my complexion, hair, eyes, nothing says that I am mixed. Maybe it was that horrible Jherri Curl that I sported for a brief minute. I was only a shade darker than her. Who knows? I thought it was funny and started laughing.

It has never happened again.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Why does it make you feel superior? I'm curious.

I think she was joking.

 

[TG2000]

I get offended. Mainly because when asked that question, I feel as though the person is saying something negative about being 100% black. However, I do have Native American/Belizean and Black in my bloodlines. I always say I am BLACK. I went to a co-worker's cookout this summer and he said, I never notice your exotic features are mixed?erplexed He said he never noticed my hair texture was so wavy. erplexed Then proceeds to say black women hair is not that tamed. Here is a picture that he took.


ETA: I never told anyone at my job about my mixed race.

 

[Blossssom]

I thought everybody was mixed...

 

[*KP*]

Does this count as "mixed"? I'm a 1/4, but I usually don't think of myself as mixed.

I don't get angry, but sometimes, especially when it follows a comment about how pretty my hair is, it makes me very sad that it even matters.

I guess, I don't usually acknowledge either...I just kinda "forget" because I don't know anyone from that part of the family (father's father is white).

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I get offended. Mainly because when asked that question, I feel as though the person is saying something negative about being 100% black. However, I do have Native American/Belizean and Black in my bloodlines. I always say I am BLACK. I went to a co-worker's cookout this summer and he said, I never notice your exotic features are mixed?erplexed He said he never noticed my hair texture was so wavy. erplexed Then proceeds to say black women hair is not that tamed. Here is a picture that he took.


ETA: I never told anyone at my job about my mixed race.

OT: You look so regal in your pic. And pretty.

Well when people try to talk negative about Black features and characteristics and try to work their way into a conversation about being mixed, I get pissed and annoyed. More or less, a White chick can say "I'm Chinese-Italian-Venezuelan-Dutch" and it's all good, or a Latin Chick can say "I'm Puerto Rican/Italian/Japanese" and it's okay, but a Black woman cannot say "I'm Jamaican/Apache/A-A(Black)/and Chinese" without the ole "**** please, that's Hawaiian Silky and you still need a perm, stop acting like you're better than us" reaction. Half the time, if YOU'RE the one doing the questioning about my bloodline, you're the one who's a little too interested and asking. Many times, it's not like people are reaching like Uncle Ruckus, talking about "A splish splash of Irish."

Curious about one's background is one thing. Curious about one's background trying to negate or justify "non-Black" features is another, especially with hair texture and length.

I feel like putting every Black woman, mixed or not in some type of mandatory hair care boot camp to quelch this infectious ignorance.... . Get like Zane's Sex Chronicles and make "Hair Chronicles: Shattering the Myth."

 

[14got]

LMAO me either
I have been asked what kind of African I am
domestic coloreds couldn't possible be as pretty as me
gotta love the souferplexed

For real I have NEVER been asked that before. I guess they just figure I'm too black. Q

 

[SpiritJunkie]

i personally haven't been asked cause i pretty much look BLACK but when my hair grew a little a few ignorant people assumed i had weave. my hair wasn't even long just shoulder length.

i feel bad for my daughters though because LOTS of people ASS-U-ME that they are wearing weaves/fake ponytail. My oldest rocks natural hair in a ponytail puff and the youngest a perm hair MBL.

in fact our new black neighbours said not so discreetly when the younger one went out "oh! that's not her hair."

 

[Miss*Tress]

I never get asked, but the question is impolite and I would never ask anyone else if they're mixed.