relaxer stretchers...WHY do you do it? (long)

[lilsparkle825]

my family is really weird about hair...as in if your hair isn't freshly relaxed you are the weird one, lol

anyway my cousin has some stupid stuff to say from time to time about my mom, who is transitioning, and my 13 y/o sister, who BC'd a week after me. basically "THEY NEED RELAXERS, they dont have good hair like you" but i digress. she may be dumb but i love her to death, i just don't love her hair and neither does she. she wants it longer and lighter and because she keeps pursuing these goals it gets shorter and lighter. she had a sew-in recently (after telling me i should never get another one cause of the damage my pre-LHCF sew-in did) and i know for a fact it was never washed, touched, combed, brushed, whatever for 4 weeks. her hairline was out (WHY) and it looked really bad and she knew it. i just want to help her grow her hair but i anticipate a lot of resistance and doubt.

i dont think she would ever transition because of what she has been told since we were little (it was her mom who convinced my mom i needed a relaxer) but i just think her hair would thrive if she at least stretched. right now i know that she goes a MAXIMUM of 6 weeks between relaxers and she has no hairline, no nape, and her hair is neck length, where it has been stuck since she graduated from high school 5 years ago. how can i tell her she should at least stretch, cause after we get past the "i cant do that, i dont have good hair" and the "you are only saying that cause you are natural" comments it's gonna be "why? whats the point?" she has 4b hair (well i think, i have never seen her NG!) just like my sister, who had horrible breakage from relaxers and has since grown them in beautifully. so this is where you guys come in, how can i get her to stretch? what can i tell her? i know some people are beyond help, but if i can make just one dent in her mentality i can die happy.

thank you darlings

 

[MA2010]

I stretch every 12 weeks (roughly 3 months) in order to allow my hair ample repair time after a chemical treatment.

I do it to regain strength before the next relaxer...if that makes sense! I also do it because I get more length after a nice stretch. My NG has time to "grow and prosper"....lol !!!

I use to relax every month...I hardly had NG and my hair was weak!!! I didn't realize the damage I was doing. Everytime I would relax I would have to trim or BC because my hair did not have time to repair and regain strength that was lost during the relaxer process!!!

Stretching for me is very beneficial!!!

 

[naturalgurl]

I think people stretch because too much of anything is bad. Applying chemical to the scalp less amount of times per year is healthier. Tell her that. Tell her that relaxers eat her growth and to give it a try. Girl, good luck cause I can't really think of anything. People with experience...chime in!

 

[MizzBrown]

Well i stretch cause LHCF told me to. Just refer her to the board I guess. You couldn't tell me otherwise until i saw so many pretty heads on here and found out what they were doing to get it.

I do it for healthier, stronger hair.

 

[MzOptimistic]

I stretch to rack up on ng. I love the surprise Oh and to give my hair some time to heal from the last touchup

 

[lilsparkle825]

Well i stretch cause LHCF told me to. Just refer her to the board I guess. You couldn't tell me otherwise until i saw so many pretty heads on here and found out what they were doing to get it.

I do it for healthier, stronger hair.

OH PLEASE! LOL!!! she would never PAY to get hair advice. i lurked for a while cause i didnt wanna pay...but then i realized it was worth it to pay for beautiful hair. i'm looking at what i got for $6.50 and i love it, but...i dont see it happening. oh, and she doesn't have internet...she comes to my house to use the computer. i guess that is a bigger issue.

to everyone who said it allows your hair to repair itself...thank you. i think i can roll with that...

 

[Neith]

I stretch for 2 reasons:

It minimizes overlapping - healthier hair, less overprocessing

Less contact with relaxers - We all know it's not good for you or your scalp.

 

[gymfreak336]

I think people stretch because too much of anything is bad. Applying chemical to the scalp less amount of times per year is healthier. Tell her that. Tell her that relaxers eat her growth and to give it a try. Girl, good luck cause I can't really think of anything. People with experience...chime in!

Stretching relaxers reduces your exposure to the chemicals and helps you build up and retain more strength.

 

[myco]

I think it's easier to convince people to stretch if you can convince them to deep condition their hair on a regular basis first and to not view water as the enemy.

If you can get her on a regimen where her hair feels soft, looks shiny, bouncy, etc. from week 1 through week 8 - you can change the way she feels about her hair and its possibilities. Then the "need" for a relaxer becomes less persistent in her mind. IMO, stretching is just a natural evolution of that process.

People confuse hair texture with simple neglect very often. No such thing as bad hair, just bad haircare. That's why it doesn't look and behave the way they want it to. Often, the only time their hair doesn't feel dry, brittle, limp, etc. is right after a touch-up. So they think that a relaxer is the cure for dry, brittle hair. Proper at-home maintenance/upkeep is tossed to the wayside.

 

[NYAmicas]

Like others have said, chemicals are going to take a toil on your hair and from what you've described, it may have on hers. I don't want to go through the damage I've experienced and since I do my own relaxers, I cant afford to mess myself up further. Honestly, most of my friends who have hair that never seems to grow relax their hair as soon as they get a wave of NG. I honestly think they'd benefit if they weren't so quick to slap on a relaxer.
And I also like to see how much length I've obtained when I wait.

 

[Simply_Kelz]

I agree with TSmith -- It's always a pleasant suprise when I stretch for awhile

Also, to keep my hair as thick as possible.

And since I self-relax, to decrease the chances of overlapping.

Honestly, you just have to live and let live. You can show her a million gorgeous heads but if she doesn't want to put in work, then she won't. Maybe if you, your mom, and your sisters hair continues making progress, she'll start to think otherwise. But it's hard getting people out of the goodhair, badhair mindset.

 

[hairdrama:{]

I stretch mainly to minimize the chance of overlaping my relaxer which in the long run = overprocessing, hair gets weak, breakage occurs, etc , basically tell her: "you don't want overprocess hair, 'cause that will be the begining of the end...." if that makes sence....

 

[blasianbeauty]

I stretch to rack up on ng. I love the surprise Oh and to give my hair some time to heal from the last touchup

It is indeed a nice surprise when you stretch. I can't wait til my next perm (it will be around mid October) which would make me 5 months post op at that point. Can't wait for the results!!!

 

[Lady Esquire]

Well i stretch cause LHCF told me to. Just refer her to the board I guess. You couldn't tell me otherwise until i saw so many pretty heads on here and found out what they were doing to get it.

I do it for healthier, stronger hair.

well there you go. nuff said.

i first learned about stretching when i visited cathy howse's website and then read carolyn gray's book soon afterwards.

then i stumbled across sistaslick's fotki, which led me to another site, and that site led me here. and its been on ever since.

tell her to come here. i would compile a few informative threads for her to read and to get educated on the basics. then i would back it up with a few of my fave fotkis. the best fotkis are the ones that really show progress.

ok to answer your question:

I stretch to prevent overlapping and essentially, to prevent overprocessing. Overprocessing leads to breakage. The more I learn how to successfully stretch, the healthier, thicker, and longer my hair seems to get. It also gives me a chance to learn and appreciate my true natural texture. The more you stretch, you grow to really love your coils, waves, and puffy roots, because to me, all of that is a sign of GROWTH.

Also, when I had a damaged hairline and nape, stretching gave me enough time for my scalp to recover from the harsh effects of the chemical relaxer. I can go on and on. Just have homegirl visit here and fotki.

 

[Lexib]

I think it's easier to convince people to stretch if you can convince them to deep condition their hair on a regular basis first and to not view water as the enemy.

If you can get her on a regimen where her hair feels soft, looks shiny, bouncy, etc. from week 1 through week 8 - you can change the way she feels about her hair and its possibilities. Then the "need" for a relaxer becomes less persistent in her mind. IMO, stretching is just a natural evolution of that process.

People confuse hair texture with simple neglect very often. No such thing as bad hair, just bad haircare. That's why it doesn't look and behave the way they want it to. Often, the only time their hair doesn't feel dry, brittle, limp, etc. is right after a touch-up. So they think that a relaxer is the cure for dry, brittle hair. Proper at-home maintenance/upkeep is tossed to the wayside.

Cosigning with this entire post. Especially the bolded.

 

[lilsparkle825]

I think it's easier to convince people to stretch if you can convince them to deep condition their hair on a regular basis first and to not view water as the enemy.

If you can get her on a regimen where her hair feels soft, looks shiny, bouncy, etc. from week 1 through week 8 - you can change the way she feels about her hair and its possibilities. Then the "need" for a relaxer becomes less persistent in her mind. IMO, stretching is just a natural evolution of that process.

People confuse hair texture with simple neglect very often. No such thing as bad hair, just bad haircare. That's why it doesn't look and behave the way they want it to. Often, the only time their hair doesn't feel dry, brittle, limp, etc. is right after a touch-up. So they think that a relaxer is the cure for dry, brittle hair. Proper at-home maintenance/upkeep is tossed to the wayside.

man i totally agree...i feel like she would say "i dont have money for alla that" (i cant blame her, before my LHCF days i thought stylists asked me if i wanted to DC for the extra money), but hey lustrasilk is one of my faves and it is 2 dollars. if push came to shove i would GIVE her one of my jars, cause i feel like after a few weeks she would be like HEY this is great! and to the bolded, preach like it's easter sunday, miss lady, cause everyone needs to hear this!

Honestly, most of my friends who have hair that never seems to grow relax their hair as soon as they get a wave of NG. I honestly think they'd benefit if they weren't so quick to slap on a relaxer.

this is her to a t-e-e! one curly baby hair and she panics. LOL

tell her to come here. i would compile a few informative threads for her to read and to get educated on the basics. then i would back it up with a few of my fave fotkis. the best fotkis are the ones that really show progress.

Also, when I had a damaged hairline and nape, stretching gave me enough time for my scalp to recover from the harsh effects of the chemical relaxer. I can go on and on. Just have homegirl visit here and fotki.

this is great with the fotki thing...perhaps she would be like "wtf is a 4b, and why are these people freaking out about white people's hair care products" but pictures don't lie. we sat one day and browsed reniece's fotki, looking at her weave pics and her own hair photos, and even my cousin was like "i want a weave like THAT", so i guess some outstanding progress pictures followed up with a "what i did to get here" would be very informative. now i'm gonna go look for that one thread...the one full of progress pics!

 

[la mosca]

I stretch to prevent overlapping and essentially, to prevent overprocessing. Overprocessing leads to breakage. The more I learn how to successfully stretch, the healthier, thicker, and longer my hair seems to get. It also gives me a chance to learn and appreciate my true natural texture. The more you stretch, you grow to really love your coils, waves, and puffy roots, because to me, all of that is a sign of GROWTH.

Also, when I had a damaged hairline and nape, stretching gave me enough time for my scalp to recover from the harsh effects of the chemical relaxer. I can go on and on. Just have homegirl visit here and fotki.

Yes, exactly.

 

[puddin]

I stretch so that I can TRULY see my new growth! Also keeps me from overlapping on previously relaxed hair.