Newly Natural and Veteran Natural ladies, encouragement & answers needed pls :/

[PinkSunshine77]

How did you deal with the rude stares, comments from coworkers, family etc? I'd like to think I always had high self-esteem but now I feel unsure of myself and I don't know how to react to certain comments sometimes. Today at my job, it was so hot. I got tired so during my break, I shed the wig. During my break, I took it off, went into the bathroom, put some water on my hair (because left my moisturizer home, didn't know I was taking off my wig today). I hit the floor, and of course I get the stares. I expect that. I mean, heck, I would, but the comments...grrrrrr. One of my friends just BC'd her hair last week..so they think in their minds because I never showed them my new chop from January, that I'm mimicking or copying her. I can ignore people just but so long. How did you get through the newly TWA and shorter period? I'm just...annoyed right now and I don't plan on wigging it until I am good and ready.

 

[PinkSunshine77]

bumping this up

 

[DoDo]

It's going to get ugly for the first year- you are going to hear it all from everyone, or get stares.

The second year they are going to leave you alone , and ask you what you are doing to grow out your hair.

In my personal experience, when it's nappy and short at best they have mixed feelings but when it's nappy and relatively long they ask you for advice. It is about that time that people whether black or white will try to touch it ... .

Weather this year as best you can, and don't entertain their foolishness even for a second. "Why don't you get a perm". Just give them a blank stare .

They will ask you what your 'secret' is in a hot minute if they are anything like my former co-workers.

 

[PinkSunshine77]

It's going to get ugly for the first year- you are going to hear it all from everyone, or get stares.

The second year they are going to leave you alone , and ask you what you are doing to grow out your hair.

In my personal experience, when it's nappy and short at best they have mixed feelings but when it's nappy and relatively long they ask you for advice. It is about that time that people whether black or white will try to touch it ... .

Weather this year as best you can, and don't entertain their foolishness even for a second. "Why don't you get a perm". Just give them a blank stare .

They will ask you what your 'secret' is in a hot minute if they are anything like my former co-workers.

Thanks. I really hate 2nd guessing myself. I told my coworker I admire her so much. She's only 24, just bc'd last week, and is already rocking her TWA. Me, I'm 36 yrs old and I wore my wig until today for 3 whole months. I do feel good to be free though.

 

[whiteoleander91]

I can't really speak on having a very low cut b/c I transitioned for a year, BUT, I did have some family members say some harsh things while I was transitioning. It really hurt and shook my resolve at times, but I had to stay focused. I watched tons of YouTube vids of natural hair, transitioning, big chops, you name it...it helped me stay committed. I would tell myself that I needed to AT LEAST give it a full year fully natural, that I owed that much to myself.

When I BC'd I received all kinds of stares and it felt like I was under a spotlight. I played in my hair a lot and was a hardcore PJ, so trying new products and experimenting with wash and go's was so much fun, and I loved my hair more and more. My strengthening love for my hair helped drown out all of the uncomfortable stuff. Hang in there, trouble don't last always.

 

[PinkSunshine77]

I can't really speak on having a very low cut b/c I transitioned for a year, BUT, I did have some family members say some harsh things while I was transitioning. It really hurt and shook my resolve at times, but I had to stay focused. I watched tons of YouTube vids of natural hair, transitioning, big chops, you name it...it helped me stay committed. I would tell myself that I needed to AT LEAST give it a full year fully natural, that I owed that much to myself.

When I BC'd I received all kinds of stares and it felt like I was under a spotlight. I played in my hair a lot and was a hardcore PJ, so trying new products and experimenting with wash and go's was so much fun, and I loved my hair more and more. My strengthening love for my hair helped drown out all of the uncomfortable stuff. Hang in there, trouble don't last always.

Thank you. I wish hair didn't make me feel this way I love my hair. Don't get me wrong, scrutiny and people disrespecting what I hold dear to me, is pretty disheartening.

 

[whiteoleander91]

Thank you. I wish hair didn't make me feel this way I love my hair. Don't get me wrong, scrutiny and people disrespecting what I hold dear to me, is pretty disheartening.

aw Yeah, I totally understand, I loved my little curlies so much, so hearing negative stuff reeeeally hurt. It's your hair, it's a part of you; just like it hurts if someone has something negative to say about your body shape or your facial features. I just saw your pics in the BC and Today thread and your hair is beautiful. Don't suffocate under a hair hat if you aren't really feeling it. Free yourself. You can do anything.

 

[PinkSunshine77]

aw Yeah, I totally understand, I loved my little curlies so much, so hearing negative stuff reeeeally hurt. It's your hair, it's a part of you; just like it hurts if someone has something negative to say about your body shape or your facial features. I just saw your pics in the BC and Today thread and your hair is beautiful. Don't suffocate under a hair hat if you aren't really feeling it. Free yourself. You can do anything.

Thank you very much. Your comment made me smile

 

[Aviah]

I've had stares but not so many comments. I chopped at about SL so never had an awkward phase in terms of length. I did have lots of awkward looking styles while trying to figure out what worked! At the end of the day a lot is in your confidence of how you wear your hair. Its all a learning curve, but when you get it, it's all worth it.

 

[mzteaze]

I didn't do a BC. However, showing my natural hair was a very big thing after years of weaves. It didn't help that I was also style challenged. But my DH was the one person who constantly said he liked my hair naturally even when my mother made snide comments.

Now that it's grown significantly and styling skills have improved, I get compliments. Even my mother has decided to let go of her relaxer and go natural...shock of all shock. Hang in there. It gets better as you accept the change personally and grow more confident in your styling skills.

 

[Channy31]

My story is a bit different because I didn't transition on purpose or anything so never did the big chop and also I've been natural 90% of my life, however this is the first time I've had healthy natural hair.

Growing up I always got horrible comments about my natural hair, people would often throw things into my puff to see if it would stay. When I got a weave people would say it was horse hair and laugh. Just in general people would laugh at my hair and it gave me low confidence till I was about 16.

Currently I'm natural with MBL hair and people who don't really like me say things like "wow, how has your hair got so long" and I get compliments all the time. In fact, people are jealous of my hair.

It's an amazing feeling so just know that the horribleness passes and before you know it the tables will have turned.

Plus don't forget people who make horrible comments often have low self esteem and issues with themselves. The people who were the most mean about my hair, are the people are still self conscious.

Plus, we're all here for encouragement You're not alone!

 

[Trini_Chutney]

I also received a lots of silly comments when I first big chopped my hair. I didn't transition for very long so it was really short when I cut the relaxed ends off. What help me through was knowing that natural hair was what I wanted, and that no one's opinion mattered more than mine. My husband was also very supportive and said he actually really like my short hair. What turned out to be the hardest part for me wasn't the really short haircut, but once my hair started growing in and got to an awkward length. I am not particularly style savvy, and was living in Spain so I didn't have a stylist that could braid it up or weave it for me. Still, through all of that I tried to remain confident and rock it proudly. I also had no problem telling people to keep their opinion about my hair to themselves.

Posted from my shower...while peeing...with the LHCF App

 

[PinkSunshine77]

Thanks so much ladies. I am going out to the bank for the first time minus my hat and wigs

 

[Prettymetty]

I was ashamed of my twa for a long time. Dh didnt see my natural hair until 9 months or so after I chopped (I didnt transition) and he walked in on me taking down my cornrows one day. He loved my natural hair and begged for me to stop wearing wigs. For a while I wore wash n gos and I got a ton of compliments. Luckily noone said anything mean about my chop. People's reactions to my newly short kinky hair really boosted my confidence. Now I rock my hair at any style, any length and im fierce like Sasha lol!

 

[havilland]

I had a client ask me what it was like to have pubic hair on the top of my head......

enough said......


Just know that you are gonna hear dumb comments. I got them and I didn't even BC!

My biggest naysayers are now asking me for advice. Telling me how beautiful my hair is. (and miss "pubic hair" is now wearing her own natural curls due to me inspiring her....and allowing her to live)

 

[LaToya28]

I'm sorry you have to go through that, but you've gotten great advice so far. What you experienced is exactly why I wear a wig to work. I love my hair and just don't want to hear my coworkers' opinions whether they're good or bad. I only work 3 nights a week so wearing the wig is not too big a deal. As far as family/friends go, the response has been mostly positive. I do get called Lupita sometimes but I take that as a compliment. My husband makes comments about my hair being nappy and whatnot but it really doesn't bother me. I love the guy but he has skin color/hair texture issues that he has to overcome for himself. I love my hair and that's all that really matters.

How was your trip to the bank?

 

[YaniraNaturally]

Fake it 'til you make it. Even if you don't like your hair, don't allow other people to freely voice their opinion and weigh you down.

You have the right idea about wearing your hair to the bank. Start wearing it more so that people get accustomed to it and new people will only know you with a TWA. When I chopped in May '12 I promised to wear my hair out until Dec '12. No braids and no flat-iron.

I transitioned for 26 months and there people who talked ish every single day. People who still try and clown me about my transition, 2 years later erplexed I usually say, "Wow I didn't realize my hair had so much impact on your life!"

 

[prettyinpurple]

Wait you had a wig on when you stepped out, and you came back without it? That would cause some stares

I can't tell that they are hating your TWA from the OP.

I got some comments on my fro from older family members and some dumb dates. It hurts but I got over it and I love my hair now. Surround yourself with friends and family who are supportive of it. Even the other family members comment on my hair and thickness now.

Stick it out, don't let yourself wallow in hurt feelings, and ignore the dummies.

 

[overtherainbow]

I completely understand. I cried after I big chopped, not out of joy, but because of the criticism. I was called ugly, nappy, messy, fat faced, the list went on. But then I got used to styling and detangling my hair and started ignoring the noise. All that really mattered to me was that I loved my hair. People will talk, let them, they apparently have nothing better to do with their lives.
What really helped me was ignoring the criticism and embracing any compliment I got. I also felt inspired by watching naturals on Youtube and in RL. I also lucked out because I work in a creative industry where they almost expect you to be natural erplexed.

It's been almost a year since I big chopped, and I still get curious looks, especially on the subway, out of all places (You'd think there'd be weirder things to look at in NYC). But I don't care. I'll take my curls over straightening my hair any day.

 

[IronButterfly]

^^^^What she said. If you don't embrace yourself completely you will always be vulnerable to what ppl say. I have bc-ed several times in my life and received great criticism for it. But the fact is, I looked GOOD! I see old photos of myself and go Whywhywhy did I let morons make me doubt myself. Fact is, most black women who go low look good. Facial features pop. Personalities shine. Attitudes get adjusted.

Wake up every morning and tell yourself how good you look and you will find that the cacophony of negative is dimmed by the symphony of love. You can't stop folks from wagging their stupid tongues, but you CAN control how you let it affect you. Don't let it affect you. You are beautiful, brave and brilliant. The ppl who can't accept you now are the losers. They tear you down because they don't have the balls to be you.

 

[nurseN98]

Hang in there. I agree with the advice you've gotten. When your hair is long and thriving most people will shut up. And for those that don't shut up....well at that point, their opinion won't even matter.

 

[PinkSunshine77]

I'm sorry you have to go through that, but you've gotten great advice so far. What you experienced is exactly why I wear a wig to work. I love my hair and just don't want to hear my coworkers' opinions whether they're good or bad. I only work 3 nights a week so wearing the wig is not too big a deal. As far as family/friends go, the response has been mostly positive. I do get called Lupita sometimes but I take that as a compliment. My husband makes comments about my hair being nappy and whatnot but it really doesn't bother me. I love the guy but he has skin color/hair texture issues that he has to overcome for himself. I love my hair and that's all that really matters.

How was your trip to the bank?

this black guy told me I was gorgeous! Asked me what made me go natural. He said natural hair is rare and proceeded trying to get my number until he saw my wedding ring. What a confidence booster. He asked me if I was a model lmao

 

[PinkSunshine77]

Wait you had a wig on when you stepped out, and you came back without it? That would cause some stares

I can't tell that they are hating your TWA from the OP.

I got some comments on my fro from older family members and some dumb dates. It hurts but I got over it and I love my hair now. Surround yourself with friends and family who are supportive of it. Even the other family members comment on my hair and thickness now.

Stick it out, don't let yourself wallow in hurt feelings, and ignore the dummies.

yes I expected stares but the "my grandmothers hair is longer than yours" or the "you too?" I got in reference to my hair threw me.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I transitioned for 2 years so I never had a TWA but I did end up telling a few friends and family members off who felt they had the right to comment on my hair. I never got many comments at work, probably due to HR concerns. lol DH was always very supportive. It was DH who encouraged me to go natural after years of wearing tracks and then fusion weave.

Honestly, some of them still don't like my natural hair but they will get over it. I have a few cousins who are natural now (two have TWA's) and some family members feel the need to express how much they hate it. They will get over it though. My grandma still wants us to relax again.

My mom, who was not happy about my transition, is natural now but she still rocks short wigs more often than her own TWA.

Just remember, they will laugh and be inconsiderate and then they will COPY!

 

[OhmyKimB]

I haven't heard anything yet, just compliments. Doesn't mean it isn't coming. I think most people know I won't even entertain much.

 

[AmiJay]

I totally understand what you are saying. I big chopped but wore wigs for an entire year. When I finally started wearing my natural hair, I felt really self conscious. I've never been afraid of standing out in the crowd so I couldn't understand why I was feeling so insecure. I started wearing makeup and the more I wore my hair out, the better I felt.

 

[PinkSunshine77]

I totally understand what you are saying. I big chopped but wore wigs for an entire year. When I finally started wearing my natural hair, I felt really self conscious. I've never been afraid of standing out in the crowd so I couldn't understand why I was feeling so insecure. I started wearing makeup and the more I wore my hair out, the better I felt.

Yes. This describes how I felt the first day I wore it and right now, I must say as I wear it more, I feel more bold, more fierce and less self-conscious. I even went and bought me some curl defining cream which I never needed relaxed, and I'm rocking my twa I'm much more confident now. I still like wigs though, so I'm not sure when I'll put them back in rotation. I want to wear my natural hair a while, and then maybe a wig here and there. I have two new ones I've never worn, but I like my twa so I'm not sure when I'll wear them.

 

[caribeandiva]

I only transitioned for 3 months so my twa was really teeny. I was bracing myself for the snarky comments when i debuted it. To my surprise I got nothing but compliments. It may have to do with the fact that I was super confident about it, started doing statement makeup and jewelry (hey when you got no hair you gotta accentuate something).