Do or Die...

[Anticipatience08]

I thought I was not attractive in high school. by college, WITHOUT ANY CHANGES TO HOW I LOOKED, guys were hitting on me left and right. It's how you feel about yourself, and yes, that will shine through. Eventually, everything else fell into place.

This is so true!

That summer between my senior year in high school and my freshman year in college, I looked exactly the same...except to everyone else LOL! Guys came out the woodworks! And I think I look better than ever now.

A lot of those girls who peaked in high school have fallen off since then, I'm just saying


goldenslumbers, don't be so quick to brush us off. The fact that complete strangers care enough about you to want to try and cheer you up speaks volumes. We all genuninely want you to feel better about yourself and your hair. And we're all speaking from experience.

 

[ckisland]

I don't mean to help side-track this thread, but. . . .

I understand where the OP's coming from. It really is okay not to be beautiful. I'm glad that I wasn't raised to believe that I would be devastated and destined to a life of sorrow by not being beautiful. I can't remember my mom ever calling me beautiful and I grew up very self-confident. It's a trait like being a genius or having Mariah Carey's voice. What makes beauty such a cherished thing is that it's special, uncommon, and rare. If everyone's beautiful just because then it's an incredibly empty compliment . It makes me feel awkward when people say that everyone is beautiful as if it's not okay to not be beautiful erplexed. Everyone doesn't it have "it" and that's okay because they can have something else. Neither my mom, sister, or I are beautiful but people tended to love us because we're all charismatic, witty, and charming as hell .

OP, I don't have any helpful advice to add, but maybe you should try thinking of your healthy hair journey like losing weight. You can't go from a size 20 to a size 4 by just wishing for it. There are choices that you will actively or passively make that will led you either closer or further away from what you want. Your biggest hurtle is most likely deciding if you want long hair more than you hate wearing your hair curly or not as straight. If you decide that you want long, healthy hair, you'll implement the hair practices that will help you get their and avoid the ones that won't. If you decide that living even temporarily without bone straight hair is too great of a sacrifice, then you'll get nowhere .

 

[mshoneyfly]

bronzephoenix I would straighten it as straight as I could get it, then set it in rollers. But I wouldn't set my full head. I liked it straight near the top and roots and I would just put rollers on the ends of my hair.

I had to flat-iron weekly because when I straightened it on Sunday, my scalp would be extremely greasy by Friday and has to be washed out.

And it must just be all the straighteners I had because two passes would be in no way enough to straighten my hair.

The good thing I do like about my hair is that when it's straight it's extremely versatile. It will hold a curl all week and won't unstraighten at all unless it's touched by water. So, overnight I just would sleep on it. As a result of that the curls from the rollers would soften out and give me a bit of volume without anything frizzy ro ridiculous.

And you are absolutely right. I have big dreams for my hair but I'm impossibly lazy so it's hard to make them happen in addition to them being unrealistic, which I do realize.

Thanks for the advice. I think I'm still going to stick with weaves though since I have some relatively expensive hair and my mother would never let me get a wig anyways. I also think a wig would look very odd on me since I have a very small face and frame.

goldenslumbers
Girl, bye!!

 

[curlicarib]

Ya'll need to read OP's other thread:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=688607

Her problem isn't that she's ugly or that her hair isn't straight. Get ready for a dose of truth, cause I'm serving it up straight, no chaser - are you listening, OP? Her problem is that she is a bi-racial child growing up in a Kentucky town where she is one of very few, if any other, black people. Her mom has no idea how to handle her hair and neither does anyone else around her. All of her examples/ideals of beauty are the white people around her -ideals she cannot live up to because she's not blond, blue eyed and fair skinned. This is why she hates her hair and wants it be bone straight.

Unfortunately, reading her other threads, I think her issues run a bit deeper than her hair. I think she may hate more than her hair. I don't even know how to help this child because all of our advise vs her environment...........well, I don't think we can win. This young lady needs an overall immersion in the other side of her soul in order to see her beauty.

Unless she can find it in herself to see HER, and not what she thinks she should be, she will continue to be lost. Hopefully, one day she can leave that small Kentucky town and go someplace where she can learn about how beautiful she really is.

This is the third thread she has made asking the same questions. The answers have always been the same. She keeps asking the same questions because she's not getting the answers she wants. And the truth is, we don't have the right answers for her. Sorry OP, we don't have a magic stick that we can hit you with and make you have naturally straight hair. Or blond hair or blue eyes or white skin.

 

[Blessed&higlyflavoured]

Ya'll need to read OP's other thread:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=688607

Her problem isn't that she's ugly or that her hair isn't straight. Get ready for a dose of truth, cause I'm serving it up straight, no chaser - are you listening, OP? Her problem is that she is a bi-racial child growing up in a Kentucky town where she is one of very few, if any other, black people. Her mom has no idea how to handle her hair and neither does anyone else around her. All of her examples/ideals of beauty are the white people around her -ideals she cannot live up to because she's not blond, blue eyed and fair skinned. This is why she hates her hair and wants it be bone straight.

Unfortunately, reading her other threads, I think her issues run a bit deeper than her hair. I think she may hate more than her hair. I don't even know how to help this child because all of our advise vs her environment...........well, I don't think we can win. This young lady needs an overall immersion in the other side of her soul in order to see her beauty.

Unless she can find it in herself to see HER, and not what she thinks she should be, she will continue to be lost. Hopefully, one day she can leave that small Kentucky town and go someplace where she can learn about how beautiful she really is.

This is the third thread she has made asking the same questions. The answers have always been the same. She keeps asking the same questions because she's not getting the answers she wants. And the truth is, we don't have the right answers for her. Sorry OP, we don't have a magic stick that we can hit you with and make you have naturally straight hair. Or blond hair or blue eyes or white skin.

basically. what she said. Your black and your hair is curly. Make peace with it and keep on moving.

 

[Pompous Blue]

All of what curlicarib wrote in a nutshell. It's not the hair; it runs deeper than that. At 1st I thought it was teenage angst. But OP is asking for the impossible.

I have a niece who basically suffers from the same. She's 17 and perms, goes natural and perms again. Her hair is finger-length and chewed up and she whines and cries about why is it like this???!!! Her mother is bi-racial, and has type 2C 3A waist-length hair. My neice's hair is like mine - 4CZ. I told her there is no magic pill she can take to make her hair 2C or long. You have to do the work to make it long, but it will NEVER be 2C.

Wish you luck OP in making peace with yourself. That's where the journey starts.

 

[bronzephoenix]

bronzephoenix

I have big dreams for my hair but I'm impossibly lazy so it's hard to make them happen in addition to them being unrealistic, which I do realize.

^^^ The most sensible thing you've said through this entire thread.

What amount of advice can help this?

Proverbs 31:30

 

[Froreal3]

Ya'll need to read OP's other thread:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=688607

Her problem isn't that she's ugly or that her hair isn't straight. Get ready for a dose of truth, cause I'm serving it up straight, no chaser - are you listening, OP? Her problem is that she is a bi-racial child growing up in a Kentucky town where she is one of very few, if any other, black people. Her mom has no idea how to handle her hair and neither does anyone else around her. All of her examples/ideals of beauty are the white people around her -ideals she cannot live up to because she's not blond, blue eyed and fair skinned. This is why she hates her hair and wants it be bone straight.

Unfortunately, reading her other threads, I think her issues run a bit deeper than her hair. I think she may hate more than her hair. I don't even know how to help this child because all of our advise vs her environment...........well, I don't think we can win. This young lady needs an overall immersion in the other side of her soul in order to see her beauty.

Unless she can find it in herself to see HER, and not what she thinks she should be, she will continue to be lost. Hopefully, one day she can leave that small Kentucky town and go someplace where she can learn about how beautiful she really is.

This is the third thread she has made asking the same questions. The answers have always been the same. She keeps asking the same questions because she's not getting the answers she wants. And the truth is, we don't have the right answers for her. Sorry OP, we don't have a magic stick that we can hit you with and make you have naturally straight hair. Or blond hair or blue eyes or white skin.

This is all true.

 

[Anakinsmomma]

This thread makes me sad.

 

[Kinky4Agirl]

A relaxer coupled with weekly advice from LHCF... Or move!!!

Froreal3, Girl thank you so much for your honest and candid response. We need that here as well...

 

[havilland]

I would like to respectfully suggest you talk to a counselor.

I would love it if your hair didn't drive you to the point of insanity. I mean, the fact that you would rather damage your hair by using techniques that could make you bald instead of wearing curls, quite frankly is troubling.

Curly Nikki has some great advice. She is a licensed therapist. I'm not suggesting you read about curly hair on her site, just search articles about her hair story. She used to hate her hair to the point of insanity too. Her husband begged her to get some help because even he saw that her mood, etc was too dependent on her hair.

I hope you find some peace soon with this whole hair issue.

 

[havilland]

Oh boy, not all this "you are beautiful" mumbo jumbo. Not everyone is physically attractive. I happen to be one of those people who isn't. I don't have "self-confidence" issues, I have a realistic view of myself and I am not that physically attractive. Hair is the only thing that can make me feel good about myself since I am not and it is something I can change.

Anyways... I asked my mom about cutting my hair short and getting a weave for the rest of the school year. She told me that would absolutely not be happening and I'm ridiculous for thinking that would happen. Okay then... So at this point I don't know what to do again, lol. I may be able to wear a weave for 2 more installs but I don't think my mom will let me cut my hair.

I have seen your pictures and you are beautiful. It's a shame you don't see it.