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The boyfriend weave lecture...

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vmerie I'm 100% Natural and own a natural hair blog. There are many ways a man can run his hands through our natural hair, when we wear twists, when we wear blowouts, when we wear braid-outs, Bantu-knot outs, flat twist outs, presses, right now I'm rocking a blowout Bantu knot out that people can easily run their hands through. Even when we're wearing a fro, many men just prefer to know that their woman is rocking her own hair and that they can touch it without being shooed away or getting the old dip and dodge move.

This is an issue that constantly comes up lol men are always voicing these feelings on weaves and wigs across the board, the vast majority prefer to be able to touch their woman's own hair. Chris Rock almost lost it when Oprah said he could run his hands over her scalp and through her hair to feel that there were no tracks he said "He was like a starving man getting a glass of water" lol it's really that deep to them!

Some people say oh well I'm gonna do what I wanna do but when you're in a serious relationship it's not just about what you think/ feel you have to take the other persons feelings and qualms into consideration as well.

By the same token, if OP really has some goals she's determined to reach and feels PS'ing is the best way to get there she can discuss it with him and find a happy medium.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
This seems crazy to me...my SO doesn't ask/tell me how to dress, wear my hair, do my makeup, etc. I also don't ask/tell him what to do. I can understand preferences and voicing those, but beyond that I don't understand it.
 
OP, I'm cosigning with the compromising crowd. He'd appreciate your effort and taking his opinion into consideration. Sounds like you were ready to transition out of wigs and weaves anyway. This can be your motivation.

What kind of hair do you have????? :look:
 
How close are you to your goals?

If its close, i'd tell him that youve only got X number of months until he never has to see them again. Unless you dont wear them for the growth benefits.

If not then yeah, i'd compromise. But I think theres many beautiful styles you could create with your natural hair, Id take advantage of them. Pinterest is a boss for the number of different ideas it gives.

ETA: My ex hated it when I relaxed my hair, so I went long periods without relaxing. He inadvertantly got me into stretching! He also hated it when I cut it and would lose it when I tried to dye it. I remember him getting so angry when I pranked him by telling him I'd put blonde streaks in my hair and gotten a lip piercing. I think he nearly cried lol. He told me the same, that I was perfect the way I was.

Sorry. Trying to relate. heh.
 
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MrsJaiDiva said:
Compromise? Let your hair out one month, and then weave and wig the next? He can't just expect you to go cold turkey! :lol:
Click to expand...

IA i told my BF that I'm going to wear my real hair out for the summer....i even pushed the date when I'm going to wear my wig back for him...so when that wig comes on...i don't wanna hear NADA :bat:
 
Your Cheeziness said:
OP, I'm cosigning with the compromising crowd. He'd appreciate your effort and taking his opinion into consideration. Sounds like you were ready to transition out of wigs and weaves anyway. This can be your motivation.

What kind of hair do you have????? :look:
Click to expand...

Your Cheeziness
Its 4a/b... I have been trimming the sides and top because I had some straight peices from getting a lil crazy with some bleach last year :look: So my fro is shorter by my temples and small section of my crown got snarled up in a helmet last year (don't ask smh) and its really short... and I am obsessed with good hair cuts so its semi unbearable to me right now...
anways her it is in all its shrinked glory...

IMG_8759.JPG


here's my actual length -_-. I wanted to be MBL before I stopped... I'm bout an inch away from BSL right now and then some of my hair in the front is SL... everythings just wrong :lol:
tumblr_m7fdgrDeX81r7lcvno2_1280.jpg
 
Perhaps you re addicted to wigs and weaves .For some men its a turn off. I think he loves you and trying to let you know how he feels about it ,wear your own hair more often,Stop hiding it ,there s absolutley nothing wrong with it . Remember black women are the only race who wears wigs on a regular basis and that's because we were brainwashed into thinking our hair is not good enough or it won't grow unless we slap on a wig . Trust me it's not true .

As everybody else said you could compromise but don't let that being something you can't live without.
 
I go through this alll the time. My man wants my hair down everyday. He hates weaves braids, wigs and buns. I explain to him about my hair journey. He then says that up until several years ago I wouls always wear my hair down.
Now I compromise. I wear it down 2 times a month.
 
Sorry, I meant your weave stash. :look: A sista might be interested.

But now that you've posted, I'mma need you to stop the madness and wear your hair more often!!! Do you have a stylist you trust to shape your hair for you in a flattering style?
 
I don't understand why people get their panties in a bunch over compromise. That is what makes relationships work. When I decided to go natural, DH wasn't feeling it. He expressed his opinion but said that I should do what makes me happy. I took the time to explain to him why I was going natural. I gave him options for compromise. DH preferred that I didn't chop all of my hair off at once. As a compromise, I transitioned. DH prefers my hair to wigs. I still wear them but not all the time. Now he loves me natural and didn't like the one time I straightened it!

Compromise is a two way street. DH had to change some things that he liked that I hated. He really liked wearing beards which I hated on him. He compromised and now just has a well trimmed goatee.

Seems like your SO is doing you a favor. You really should try to get over yoru insecurities about your hair. You will never do that if you keep hiding it. Being willing to compromise is a sign of love and respect. As long as you are both willing to do it, what is the problem?
 
My boyfriend and I go through that at least twice a year-I'm not getting rid of my weave. The weave and I are a package deal...period.
 
SummerSolstice said:
:cry:
I know I was teary about it in the car this morning :ohwell:
Its so annoying tho I hate that I'm having this battle with my hair, between him and my job and trying not to use heat...

When I wore my fro to work once I got some weird comments and that was it for me. Its been in a bun since that day... unless of course I have a weave in. Then I wear it down and I get the compliments from my coworkers :rolleyes:

Its been a LOOOONG struggle with this... I initially got weaves because of the protective styling and I hated the way my face looked with short hair (it was much bigger before I lost weight)...

So I'm thinking what am I dealing with? Insecurity? Addiction? I used to clown people so bad who were weavaholics and now look at me :nono:

I thought about it and I'm like... will I be able to let the hair go when I do reach my length goals or will I still be looking for texture after texture trying to find the perfect look :ohwell:
Click to expand...

It seems, from that statement, that you are a little insecure about your own hair and maybe that is why he is concerned?

I know you say that you are trying to get to your goal but is it not more than that? There are other ways to protect your hair.
 
SummerSolstice said:
@Your Cheeziness
Its 4a/b... I have been trimming the sides and top because I had some straight peices from getting a lil crazy with some bleach last year :look: So my fro is shorter by my temples and small section of my crown got snarled up in a helmet last year (don't ask smh) and its really short... and I am obsessed with good hair cuts so its semi unbearable to me right now...
anways her it is in all its shrinked glory...

IMG_8759.JPG


here's my actual length -_-. I wanted to be MBL before I stopped... I'm bout an inch away from BSL right now and then some of my hair in the front is SL... everythings just wrong :lol:
tumblr_m7fdgrDeX81r7lcvno2_1280.jpg
Click to expand...

Gorgeous hair OP.
 
Girl....I'm sitting here thinking you had a TWA. You have a lot of hair to work with! I'd imagine there a tons of styles you can do.
 
i feel you! i have similar issues. i like the ease of my weave and wigs. when my hair was shorter i was very dependent on them because they looked so much better than my hair when i was growing it out.

now i am ok with my hair so, my hubbie and i compromise.....i do weaves/wigs half time to protect my hair and grow it and because it's easier for me.....then i wear it out for like 6 months so he can get his "scalp"on. brothas always wanna rub some scalp. LOL

i also wear my own hair for most special occassions like our anniversary, his birthday etc......but i get a weave pass from him for vacations because it's easier for me to be weaved up when i am out of town and just want to have a consistent look.

listen, you gotta give him some credit and some big love for telling you he loves you just the way you are. i mean, he's not asking you to be anything other than the wonderful, beautiful woman that you naturally are. how many men can you say that about? i applaud him.

now i want you to realize that if you deny him the option he is asking for, you are technically calling him a "liar" and telling him that he doesn't know what pretty is. if he says you are beautiful just the way you are, then believe him! cus you know what? he's right! :)
 
i can relate as my bf did something similar :ohwell:.

i went from having mid-back length relaxed hair about 24" to about 2"-3" of natural hair. i talked up the BC for awhile but he wasn't ready. he has a long hair preference, i realize it's just who he is. it made me feel very insecure when i cut my hair. before i BCd i was playing with wigs, A LOT which of course he hated each and every one with the expectation of a bob cut wig :lol:.

we had a few disagreements about him "supporting" my BC until i realized i had to be OK with his preference (long hair) just like he has to be OK with mine (natural hair starting from inch 3 :lachen:).

so basically his stance came down to "i rather see your natural hair than see you in a weave or a wig, regardless of the length." So now I rock my natural hair Apr-Oct because i am a WnG/puff junkie and it is HOT as HEYEL right now and then I weave or braid it up Nov-Mar when wet hair is not the business.

so i agree with other posters - COM-PRO-MISE! if you really care about how he feels, find a balance that leaves you confident in your day to day styling and that allows him access and to see to those beautiful natural tresses :cup:
 
vmerie said:
BlackMasterPieceWhat about ladies who wear their hair natural? I can't run my fingers through my hair. Where does that leave us? :ohwell: Not sure where you got that stat from.
Click to expand...

Why can't you? It's not as he you need to literally draw each fingertip through your strands. My hair gets played with no matter what state it's in.
 
I personally hate wigs and weaves cause its trickery I wake up and the hair is past my shoulders and I get happy then sad cause I realize its not mine.

Most of my girl friends wear weaves and every time our guy friends see a "well hidden" weave they think its their real hair. They literally say "finally I've been wanting to see your hair" then they get disappointed cause "no honey its still weave we keep it weaved up trust." The guys hate it they tell them that everytime and I think its sweet that they wanna see their true self.

Thats sad. It shouldnt be a problem that your bf wants to see your real hair. Compromises? Why? He loves you, he wants to run his fingers through your hair whether short, long, uneven, or straight cut. Thats real love so it should be an easy decision.

ETA: im not tryin to tell you what to do im just sharing my experiences and opinion. "Plus it saves us money" he has a point.
 
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SummerSolstice said:
Your Cheeziness
Its 4a/b... I have been trimming the sides and top because I had some straight peices from getting a lil crazy with some bleach last year :look: So my fro is shorter by my temples and small section of my crown got snarled up in a helmet last year (don't ask smh) and its really short... and I am obsessed with good hair cuts so its semi unbearable to me right now...
anways her it is in all its shrinked glory...

IMG_8759.JPG


here's my actual length -_-. I wanted to be MBL before I stopped... I'm bout an inch away from BSL right now and then some of my hair in the front is SL... everythings just wrong :lol:
tumblr_m7fdgrDeX81r7lcvno2_1280.jpg
Click to expand...

You need to let that hair OUT!! :yep: It's Gorge! LOL @ bein mad at being at BSL...hush yo face!
 
That's all great that he wants you to wear your natural hair and all, but essentiall its about what you want.

It's your head and if you are wearing weaves and wigs because you like it, then who is he to try to change that?

It sounds like your using them as a protective style to get reach your goals, and I personall wouldn't stop that for some man :ohwell:
 
Op you have ahead full of thick hair--you need to let him caress and run his fingesr thru it...yessss u doooooooooo!!!!!

let him become one with your coiffffffffff---you holding out on him lmaooo
i would DC my hair with the best smelling conditioner and lay in his lap and let him play and smell your hairrrrr--until hes had enough ha ha!!!
 
dollface0023 said:
That's all great that he wants you to wear your natural hair and all, but essentiall its about what you want.

It's your head and if you are wearing weaves and wigs because you like it, then who is he to try to change that?

It sounds like your using them as a protective style to get reach your goals, and I personall wouldn't stop that for some man :ohwell:
Click to expand...

Some man" who loves her . See, alot of people don't understand that when you enter a relationship with another person it's never only about You and what You want or need,it's a fine balance between your needs and respect of your partners wishes /needs.
Imo wearing wigs is not a serious enough cause to even ponder threatening a partner to leave .It's not and shouldn t be a need but only an accessory.
 
empressri said:
Why can't you? It's not as he you need to literally draw each fingertip through your strands. My hair gets played with no matter what state it's in.
Click to expand...

ITA!!!!!

there are stages to natural hair and the levels man touching depends on your curl pattern and tolerance ---

PAT (as in --can't get in there, but i still want to touch it)

PLAY (as in --- play with pieces, strands, curls, single strand knots, just play in it)

RUN (as in "run your fingers through")

PULL (as in --- bump it, i'm just gonna pull it cus you my sexy boo!")


:yep::grin:

this has me thinking.......me and boo need a vacation:lol:



side note --- relationships do mean compromise. i don't get why that is such an issue with some people either. i always tell my dh "if you want to always do what you want to do then you shouldn't have tied yourself to me" (this doesn't mean give up who you are or do things that go against your principle or demean you as a person...but sometimes you have to give and take. that why in relationship you find the word RELATE.
 
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