STOP! The hair you save may be your own...

[prettypithy]

After transitioning for over a year, my 4b, MBL sister is throwing in the towel. She says she hates managing her hair–not just the two textures but any type of hair care, washing, conditioning, moisturizing, sealing–and just doesn’t want to be bothered with it at all. I hate to be “that” natural but I would talk her out of it if I could. Has anyone else dealt with this either from my perspective or my sister’s? Anything I can say to encourage her either way? Obviously, I support her no matter how she chooses to style her hair, I just wish she wasn’t relaxing out of pure frustration–I don’t want her to regret it.

 

[C@ssandr@]

And cutting it is not an option?

 

[prettypithy]

And cutting it is not an option?

She is beyond attached to her hair. Like as in, she views it as a defining characteristic. She's the "girl with the hair." Plus, she won't believe me that one texture would be easier to manage, she thinks it is just the 4b that makes it so hard.

 

[Tiye]

Well natural 4b hair can have it's challenges especially if you haven't dealt with it before so it would be misleading to say it will be easier. A lot of people expect to be able to do curly wash and go looks and then feel frustrated when that doesn't work for them. I guess the only thing you can recommend for her is to spend some time on youtube looking at channels by people with her hair type and see if she gets inspired. Either way - if she changes her mind now she can always go natural later. People change, and while she feels long hair defines her now, maybe down the road she'll feel differently and she won't think twice about cutting to go natural.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

After transitioning for over a year, my 4b, MBL sister is throwing in the towel. She says she hates managing her hair–not just the two textures but any type of hair care, washing, conditioning, moisturizing, sealing–and just doesn’t want to be bothered with it at all. I hate to be “that” natural but I would talk her out of it if I could. Has anyone else dealt with this either from my perspective or my sister’s? Anything I can say to encourage her either way? Obviously, I support her no matter how she chooses to style her hair, I just wish she wasn’t relaxing out of pure frustration–I don’t want her to regret it.

You sound like a writer! Just a bit Off -topic....sorry.
Is your sister going to relax? Please tell her to share her regimen on growing her hair so long.

 

[CurlsBazillion]

When it comes to friend's and family's hair I try not to say too much. My best friend refuses to take care of her hair but she wants big hair without the work. No matter what tricks I share with her she won't stick to them. If your sister is unhappy with transitioning then she should do what makes her happy. Especially since her hair is apart of her identity. I wish her luck on her hhj

 

[mscocoface]

I had to take the attitude of I can show her better than I can tell her. It took 5 years but now my sister natural and on this site. (Hi Sissy!!!)

TOTALLY off topic. I am looking at your title and I am thinking about the Jackson 5 song. Stop the Love You Save May Be Your Own with your title Stop the Hair You Save May be Your Own....yeah, I am not well today.

 

[prettypithy]

TOTALLY off topic. I am looking at your title and I am thinking about the Jackson 5 song. Stop the Love You Save May Be Your Own with your title Stop the Hair You Save May be Your Own....yeah, I am not well today.

That's what I had in mind when I named the thread!

 

[prettypithy]

You sound like a writer! Just a bit Off -topic....sorry.
Is your sister going to relax? Please tell her to share her regimen on growing her hair so long.

I can tell you her regi.

She takes low mani and protective styling to the next level, mainly out of laziness, lol. She wears a bun every day, no exaggeration. I see her hair down maybe twice a year and we live a mile apart, lol. She is a long term stretcher, relaxing no more than twice a year. She does not own a flat iron. She washes it maybe once every 6 weeks, blow dries it, puts it in a bun and forgets about until the next wash. And wears a silk scarf every night. No magic products, no magic regi, just low mani and protective styling to the extreme.

 

[Carrie A]

But she already relaxes (twice a yeare), so her hair is relaxed. Did she go from bone straight to texturized? If she doesn't want to deal with her hair I'd just find a salon to go to like for times a year and just bun in between.

 

[prettypithy]

But she already relaxes (twice a yeare), so her hair is relaxed. Did she go from bone straight to texturized? If she doesn't want to deal with her hair I'd just find a salon to go to like for times a year and just bun in between.

In the past she has relaxed just twice a year. At present it has been about 18 months since her last relaxer so she probably has like 9 inches of natural hair with relaxed ends. So imagine natural to SL and then the rest is relaxed all the way down to MBL.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Sounds like your sister is doing great. She does long stretches and she is retaining her length. Her journey may not be the same as yours hair wise, but she is doing the right stuff. Can you post her regimen, please?

 

[Carrie A]

In the past she has relaxed just twice a year. At present it has been about 18 months since her last relaxer so she probably has like 9 inches of natural hair with relaxed ends. So imagine natural to SL and then the rest is relaxed all the way down to MBL.

ok I got it. Is she opposed to going to a stylist every now and then for a rollerset or flat iron? That would take the stress off. She can trim her own ends every few months. She's low maintenance anyway.

 

[southerncitygirl]

prettypithy

i agree with Carrie A why can't she flatiron every 2-4 wks or get a roller set. this would help her to grow her hair out longer before she cuts. she could cut at maybe apl instead of shoulder length. she's gotten pretty far with her reggie she shouldn't turn back now, 9 inches is substantial,imo. by next summer she could easily have another 3-5 inches. she should stay on top of her moisture/protein and ceramides. this would help her alot as well. talk her out of it, once that relxed hair is gone her hair will be more manageable instead of fighting with 2 hair textures/types.

 

[keelioness]

What' s wrong with her wanting to continue relax her hair? Obviously it works for her. She stretches and she's an extremely low ( hair) manipulation type of lady.

Sent from my ADR6300 using ADR6300

 

[Carrie A]

I'm back and this is the last time. Reading is fundamental. Your sister will likely regret relaxing after 18 months. I did this I think my second try. I transitioned for the same amount of time. I was starting a new job and I am pretty lazy with my hair. I panicked and relaxed all that hair. I was ok for about a month then I started getting the familiar breakage. I actually came to LHCF through researching texlaxing. But I was determined so I just cut my hair very short and started with success.

All this to say. I would just get my hair done by someone else every few weeks, get the roots pressed put some oil on put it in a bun and call it a day. OP could you do your sisters hair? Now what she has to think about is her plan once she is natural. She's not going to become high maintenance then either. She could keep the stylist and do what shes been doing. As long as her hair is protected with the scarf I wouldn't worry. Not everyone needs all the fancy stuff we put on our heads. My daycare lady would plait my hair with some Vasaline and call it a day. It looked fine til my relaxer days.