My relaxed hair and I are not making it

[Calia001]

We've been through thick and (mostly) thin

Together we have deep conditioned (w & w.o heat) protein conditioned, moisturized and sealed, self relaxed and conditioned the processed ends, bantu knotted, porosity controlled and protective styled for at least 2 years now.

You don't listen, you don't absorb any type of health i try to instill into you.

You've been snapping off quite frequently at the mouth lately, steady splitting off to chill with your homegirls in the teeth of my w i d e tooth combs.

Even when i leave you alone to do your own thing under the warm protection of a wig, YOU ALWAYS FIND A PROBLEM.

Man listen im done with you, this will be my 2nd time going natural. I dont even have a substantial amount of ng to do a bc, so ima transition in yarn braids until im comfortable with the length.

sept'10

i havent been doing length checks like my sig cuz honestly it hasnt moved much since 2009.

like what is this?

after air drying and combing out my hair the side thats facing the camera is about an inch longer than the other. i trimmed what i thought were stringy ends off the side facing away, apparently those were lead hairs because the side facing wasnt touched

the self relaxer that followed about 2 months after, same issue. now the problem switched and the other side of hair is substantially longer than the other


these were the protective styles i wore for the fall up to those points

you would think i'd have better results. i got around 3 inches of hair in 2 years? breakage is horrible. my hair in my natural state wasn't even that bad

for 2011 no more relaxers
"if i get a lick back it'll spring"

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Noticed that yarn cap...things like that can suck moisture and cause breakage. Are you wearing those often?

 

[Myjourney2009]

Do you keep a journal? You should start

Every time I do something to my head I write it into a small calender that I purchased from Staples. On my following wash day I write in the last addition how my hair felt prior to washing it.

Things like, how it made my texlaxed hair feel.
did it increase elasticity
how my straighter hair felt, etc

When I started using Kenra MC. I noted that my texlaxed hair liked it more than the straighter hair. The straighter hair was fine with it and it did not cause any problems but I really saw a difference in the thicker hair.
I am not trying to get you to change your mind but I would like to know why you think going natural will solve your problems. Natural has its own set of rules.


Last Sept I was not as diligent with my journel entries. When I started to get some breakage I could not figure out why for atleast 2 weeks. When I read the older entries I noticed it was because I had not been using any protein that was meant for thicker hair.

I also went back to basics and stopped adding things to my conditioners. I really wanted to see if they worked without them. This also helped me to streamline my wash days, as I dont think healthy hair should run our lives.

You have to find a routine that works for you not because some else is doing it.

I was DC'ing every week wondering why my hair was still breaking once I stopped doing that and incorporated protein every other wash day my hair breathed a sigh of relief.

 

[Aireen]

Sometimes relaxed hair isn't for everyone but I have these questions.

- How often and how much do you trim? Sometimes you need to take off a lot more than a half an inch to notice an improvement in retention if hair is severely damaged.

- Do you only use protein conditioners? Sometimes only moisturizing and sealing isn't enough in terms of providing enough moisture to your strands.

- How tightly are you braiding your hair or doing your protective styles? Protective styling can cause a reverse reaction in terms of retention if you're pulling and tugging at your hair to get it into a style.

- Do you properly maintain your hair when it's in a protective style? Do you make sure to provide enough moisture to your hair when it's protected?

- How often do you wash your hair and deep condition? Washing your hair too much or too little can cause your hair to dry out. Deep conditioning too much can cause buildup.

- Do you scratch/pick at your scalp? This WILL cause breakage and damage especially if you're doing it repeatedly and with your nails.

ETA: Sometimes your hair may not even like the TYPE of protein you're using. You might want to try conditioners with different types of proteins and different strengths to know what works for you.

 

[Calia001]

Noticed that yarn cap...things like that can suck moisture and cause breakage. Are you wearing those often?

i usually wear a silk cap underneath

 

[Calia001]

ill definitely look in to the journal for my natural journey, honestly girl the only reason i got a perm was because everyone else had one in jhs and hs.

I first permed at 12

permed again at 14 because it was annoying braiding my hair EVERY DAY.

it was a convenience issue really

 

[Minty]

absolutely myjourney2009

OP that's great styling, I love them.

*Have you had trims?
*Have you taken things step by step? -Meaning take a more decisive approach to what you use and how you use it. Never know what works unless you isolate it.
*Yarn braids are the worst for hair, if you didn't have dry hair before you will now.
*Maybe you should go to a stylist for the relaxer - that's if you change your mind.

 

[Calia001]

Sometimes relaxed hair isn't for everyone but I have these questions.

- How often and how much do you trim? [not often, mostly search and destroys. i was never an advocate for trimming.

- Do you only use protein conditioners? not at all, i use protein once a month and creme of nature deep conditioning something or the other (the orange bottles) every other time. I've even dc'd over night once or twice.[/I]

- How tightly are you braiding your hair or doing your protective styles?
i'd say im pretty good to my scalp. i'm a bit of a novice at braiding with yarn and other hair, i cant really braid that tight ifi wanted to

- Do you properly maintain your hair when it's in a protective style? Do you make sure to provide enough moisture to your hair when it's protected?yes, but my days can go from 11am-6 or 9am-8pm and by the time i get home everything is sucked dry

- How often do you wash your hair and deep condition? once a week

- Do you scratch/pick at your scalp? no, half wigging for the moment so i dont play in my hair.

ETA: Sometimes your hair may not even like the TYPE of protein you're using. You might want to try conditioners with different types of proteins and different strengths to know what works for you.

Thank you for helping to diagnose me. I'm a recovering PJ so ive tried most. The only reason im recovering now is because expenses are getting tight and ive had to revert to the K.I.S.S method.

But this hair is just so... tiring

 

[Aireen]

Also, stretching your relaxers a bit is important. I'm not saying to go 6 months without a relaxer but stretching gradually for some time helps you get used to handling two textures and possibly allows for a less damage to already relaxed hair. Instead of relaxing every 4 or 6 weeks try every 8, instead of 8 weeks try 10, instead of 10 try 12, and so on.

 

[ms-gg]

I really like that updo you did with your hair! Really pretty *might have to jock it lol!!*!!!

 

[Calia001]

absolutely myjourney2009

OP that's great styling, I love them.

*Have you had trims?
*Have you taken things step by step? -Meaning take a more decisive approach to what you use and how you use it. Never know what works unless you isolate it.
*Yarn braids are the worst for hair, if you didn't have dry hair before you will now.
*Maybe you should go to a stylist for the relaxer - that's if you change your mind.

thank you

Not salon trims, i trim myself.

I've definitely had trial and errors with ALOT of products.
Elasta QP Mango Butter is too heavy
Hawaiian silky sits on my hair
Shea butter

And i have to disagree with you on the yarn braids, they are the BEST for me. i know looking at the pics its like "oh really?"
but i keep a spray bottle of water and conditioner and oil my scalp regularly and it really helps.

One thing that i SHOULD NOT have done with this last installation was use glitter pipe cleaners to curl them. everyone on youtube used the fabric and got awesome curls, couldnt find the fabric, got the glitter and the tension from removing those messed me up

 

[Myjourney2009]

Thank you for helping to diagnose me. I'm a recovering PJ so ive tried most. The only reason im recovering now is because expenses are getting tight and ive had to revert to the K.I.S.S method.

But this hair is just so... tiring

It is not supposed to be. If I felt like this then I would know something I am doing is not right.

Find a shampoo one protein one moisturizing conditoner, 1 leave-in one or 2 oils and just use that. It took me a bit over a year to find what works for me and that is what I am sticking to. I just gave away a large box of goods to my cousin because they were just sitting here collecting dust.

All these products and elaborate routines is not how it is supposed to be.

Aireen was correct when she stated all proteins do not do the same thing. some are strengthening and some are moisturizing.

 

[ms-gg]

Oh yeah, relaxers weren't for me either....maybe with the knowledge I have now I would probably have healthier hair than I had before I got on hair boards, but honestly, my hair is so much healthier as a natural.

Going natural was the best decision I ever made for my hair....

 

[Charz]

Have you tried texlaxing?

 

[Calia001]

Also, stretching your relaxers a bit is important. I'm not saying to go 6 months without a relaxer but stretching gradually for some time helps you get used to handling two textures and possibly allows for a less damage to already relaxed hair. Instead of relaxing every 4 or 6 weeks try every 8, instead of 8 weeks try 10, instead of 10 try 12, and so on.

I've been getting relaxers AT A MINIMUM of 3 months in between since high school.
My mom HATED (and still hates) that i got a perm and she would take forrrrrever giving me the money to get it.

That stuck with me and i probably perm my hair 3- 4 times a year( New Years, Spring, Fall and if i have a special event). Keeping the relaxed hair has always been an issue, there's barely any length cuz it always snaps off

 

[Aireen]

Based on your answers, this is my response:

Trimming: I would say from experience when seeing others with damaged hair that they had to take off at least an inch or so to really have their hair co-operate if it was extremely damaged.

Conditioning: I heard CON deposits a lot of buildup, you may want to clarify your hair. Ultimately, I would say to condition for at LEAST 15 minutes when using your deep conditioner. I know when I wanted to improve the condition of my hair I used any conditioner possible and left it in overnight once/week or once/2 weeks. (There's a little bit of controversy about conditioners and their ability to work past their instructed time which I totally agree with but overnight deep conditioning helped me so that's all I really care about.)

Moisture: If your hair is dry by the time the day is done maybe you're not using a product that is moisturizing ENOUGH. Have you tried oils? Coconut, Olive, and Avocado oil are the ones that have been proven to penetrate the hair because of their low molecular weight to provide added moisture.

 

[Myjourney2009]

thank you

Not salon trims, i trim myself.

I've definitely had trial and errors with ALOT of products.
Elasta QP Mango Butter is too heavy
Hawaiian silky sits on my hair
Shea butter

And i have to disagree with you on the yarn braids, they are the BEST for me. i know looking at the pics its like "oh really?"
but i keep a spray bottle of water and conditioner and oil my scalp regularly and it really helps.

One thing that i SHOULD NOT have done with this last installation was use glitter pipe cleaners to curl them. everyone on youtube used the fabric and got awesome curls, couldnt find the fabric, got the glitter and the tension from removing those messed me up

IMHO there lies the culprit to your uneven hair. Short hair is harder to cut than longer (APL and longer).Consider going to a Supercuts or a place where they specialize in cuts, they know what a 1/2 inch trim is.

 

[Calia001]

no, i dont even know how to begin that. But i dont want to have to be dependent on another chemical service. I have a sedu, i have a hot comb and i know how to box braid lol

 

[Myjourney2009]

no, i dont even know how to begin that. But i dont want to have to be dependent on another chemical service. I have a sedu, i have a hot comb and i know how to box braid lol

Check out this site if you choose to go the rout of extensions:
Grow Afro Hair Long--Official Site

 

[Aireen]

I've been getting relaxers AT A MINIMUM of 3 months in between since high school.
My mom HATED (and still hates) that i got a perm and she would take forrrrrever giving me the money to get it.

That stuck with me and i probably perm my hair 3- 4 times a year( New Years, Spring, Fall and if i have a special event). Keeping the relaxed hair has always been an issue, there's barely any length cuz it always snaps off

You may need to watch how you're caring for your hair when stretching; handling it carefully, combing from tip to root, detangling with oil or whatever you choose to soften the new growth and make it easier to work through, etc. Silly question but you're not relaxing from root to tip are you?!

Maybe you need to switch relaxers, some are better than others. The best relaxer I've had so far is Optimum and one particular type by Motions (I say particular because the others didn't work for me AT ALL) for my edges. I know with Optimum, I have a lot less breakage than I used to.

 

[Calia001]

IMHO there lies the culprit to your uneven hair. Short hair is harder to cut than longer (APL and longer).Consider going to a Supercuts or a place where they specialize in cuts, they know what a 1/2 inch trim is.

In the future i will,the natural will need alot more maintenance. But there is no salvaging this MyJourney2009. Honestly if i go to supercuts and tell them "make me even" they might give me a bc .

 

[Aireen]

Oh and one more idea that I have before you reply, have you tried switching your protective styling method? Instead of braiding, have you tried bunning loosely?

 

[Calia001]

You may need to watch how you're caring for your hair when stretching; handling it carefully, combing from tip to root, detangling with oil or whatever you choose to soften the new growth and make it easier to work through, etc. Silly question but you're not relaxing from root to tip are you?!

Maybe you need to switch relaxers, some are better than others. The best relaxer I've had so far is Optimum and one particular type by Motions (I say particular because the others didn't work for me AT ALL) for my edges. I know with Optimum, I have a lot less breakage than I used to.

NO no no not me! But every Dominican salon ive been too, including Dominican Essence in has. My first self relaxer was december thats the photo above.

i switched to whatever they were using to the ORS i enjoyed it.

but still my hair never stayed for very long

 

[Aireen]

NO no no not me! But every Dominican salon ive been too, including Dominican Essence in has. My first self relaxer was december thats the photo above.

i switched to whatever they were using to the ORS i enjoyed it.

but still my hair never stayed for very long

Oh okay because I was thinking if you did and you still have some of those ends that have been double processed then you need to get rid of them immediately.

 

[Calia001]

Oh and one more idea that I have before you reply, have you tried switching your protective styling method? Instead of braiding, have you tried bunning loosely?

Loosely no, with the way my hair is growing im noticing more tension on the side as soon as i even make up to PRETEND to put it in one. i've never tried loosely because i'd have ginormus amounts of fly aways. I'm not full sl

 

[Myjourney2009]

In the future i will,the natural will need alot more maintenance. But there is no salvaging this MyJourney2009. Honestly if i go to supercuts and tell them "make me even" they might give me a bc .

No it wont natural hair just needs a different type of maintanance. I did say salvage it, that would be your decision. I just said go to someone that specializes in cuts. You have to be firm when you tell them what you want.

 

[Calia001]

Oh okay because I was thinking if you did and you still have some of those ends that have been double processed then you need to get rid of them immediately.

Aireen thats like....
my whole head

i've been getting double processed from 15 yo.

id probably have the hair i just permed and ng left

this is why i want to go natural, i cant save the double processed hair. Its waaay to much of it, might as well done off with the whole ting

 

[Calia001]

I'm running to class but i'll be back this evening!

 

[JJamiah]

My 2 cents

Keeping a Journal is awesome, I actually kept my journaling online on my fotki and moved it to my blog. It lets me know what is working when, and how it felt, or if I had to switch it up.

I need more than one of each kind of conditioner, I need a light weight for when my hair is freshly relaxed and a more deep thick DC for when my hair is past 4 month mode.
I have a light Protein I use weekly and a hardcore for every few months to put in.
I have my Alter Ego for 1/2 treatments a month, and I detangle before washing.

YOu may notice as your hair gets to different stages so is the way you care for your hair. Trimming is important to do every once in a while. Not too often.

Journal Journal Journal. and Good Luck!

 

[Aireen]

Aireen thats like....
my whole head

i've been getting double processed from 15 yo.

id probably have the hair i just permed and ng left

this is why i want to go natural, i cant save the double processed hair. Its waaay to much of it, might as well done off with the whole ting

Okay I misunderstood. I thought that you went to these salons but you were self-relaxing for a significant amount of time and/or you had enough hair to trim off what hair that has kept getting relaxed.

No wonder you're having problems with your relaxed hair. You have previously relaxed hair that KEPT getting relaxed OVER and OVER again still on your head. I know we all use different techniques to restore the health of our hair but there comes a point where hair just cannot be saved and will NOT respond or only respond to a certain degree with intensive treatment. I don't think hair that's been continuously overlapped with relaxer for a long period of time can be salvaged.

If you want to go natural then great, I love natural hair and it's great that you want to try going natural as well but don't let it be a thing where you don't know how to care for your natural hair and you get fed up so you relax again. When you relax and your hair doesn't turn out the way you want it to, you go natural again and it's a continuous cycle that doesn't lead to progression. Be consistent and be sure it's something you want to do not JUST because you're fed up with your relaxed hair, especially since it'll be your 2nd time going natural.

Deciding to stay relaxed? Do NOT relax previously relaxed hair and as your hair grows out and you reformat your regimen to accommodate your healthy hair practices, snip off a good amount of the hair that has experienced intense overlapping. You should see an improvement.