favoring one child over the other because of hair?

[niqu92]

so tonight my friend invited me to this christmas party at her church ( i just came back from it) and while i was there i noticed this 7-8 year old girl with long shiny&wavy butt-length hair. She was wearing brand name clothing and looked very "well-done."As i was watching her i noticed that she was very spoiled&bratty and treated all the other girls like ****.Her mother was also giving her a lot of attention.
A couple minutes later while i was sitting down a little girl..i'd say she was about 5..came up to my friend crying about how her sister hit her etc.etc. and when i asked who her sister was my friend pointed at the girl w.the long hair. I was in total shock because the 5yr old was dressed in clothes that looked like they came from k-mart[and they didnt even match..], looked really dirty(she looked like she hadn't taken a shower in a week...literally), and when i was wondering why she looked so unkept while the other girl looked like she just modeled in an add for Oshkosh b gosh, i noticed she had very kinky,short NL hair
I mean maybe their treatment had nothing to do w.their hair but in my opinion i think thats the main reason why
And just to add both of these kids were the same complexion,they were dark-skinned so i know for a fact it has nothing to do w.their complexion (ex. favoring a lightskinned child over a darker one)

has anyone else witnessed this or experienced this with an older or younger sibling???

 

[FoxyMoxie]

I have never experienced it or know anyone that has but that is truly a shame. Children pick up on things earlier than what adults believe. If this is the case she will definitely have self image issues in later on. It's disgusting that parents pick physical attributes instead of simply loving a child for who they are.

 

[danigurl18]

People who think like that shouldn't have kids IMO

 

[Lita]

I have never experienced it or know anyone that has but that is truly a shame. Children pick up on things earlier than what adults believe. If this is the case she will definitely have self image issues in later on. It's disgusting that parents pick physical attributes instead of simply loving a child for who they are.

To add to that..TV & other media outlets etc dont make it any better..
I pray for her/Mother too!


Happy Hair Growing!

 

[Natirelle]

I've done witnessed and experienced this .

 

[Carisa]

Hopefully that was not the case but this happens often and typically the parent makes derogatory statements to let the child with tighter coiled 4b type or short hair know how "bad" it is or how "difficult" their type of hair is to manage and say things like "you aint got that good hair like your sister".....without realizing that may play a role in lowering their self esteem.

 

[EllePixie]

I wouldn't assume that at all...the older one may have new clothes and the younger one gets hand me downs, the younger one might play outside more or get dirtier...etc etc. That being said, I do believe that it can happen where the child with "good" hair gets special treatment...I just wouldn't assume it without talking to the children or the mother.

 

[Myjourney2009]

Nope I have never seen or experienced it.

A little background
my sis 35 and I 35 have the same mom & dad and we have completly different textures. When did I figure this out ummmmmmmmm... last year. How, well we were in a resteraunt and she wore it in its naturally curly state. She is a 3bc and I am a 4ab

She went natural back in the early 90's but always had it in its combed out state.

I never realized how curly it was and I was shocked, not jealous though. Why, because my mom nor any other family members made a big deal out of it EVER!!!!!! That is how it should be
In the 80's when the jerri curl was huge, I got that and she got a Wave Nouveau , I just realized this year that the Wave Nouveau is for people with finer hair. My great aunt also mentioned that she had a different texture than me, she just mentioned it this year.

All the playing we did in each others hair and I had no clue.

However when I think about it, most curly heads back then did not wear there hair in its uber curly state. It went from, wash, grease, braid and that was it.

We wore the same type of clothes and were treated equally.

Forgot to add she is what is considered "red bone" I am a skippy pnut butter complexion. Hell we used to barely look like sisters at one point in our lives and we are only 11 1/2 months apart (she has a fraternal twin who looks like he could be her cousin). We alll look totally different from each other its pretty funny actually IMO (I know a little off topic)

 

[kmn1980]

so tonight my friend invited me to this christmas party at her church ( i just came back from it) and while i was there i noticed this 7-8 year old girl with long shiny&wavy butt-length hair. She was wearing brand name clothing and looked very "well-done."As i was watching her i noticed that she was very spoiled&bratty and treated all the other girls like ****.Her mother was also giving her a lot of attention.
A couple minutes later while i was sitting down a little girl..i'd say she was about 5..came up to my friend crying about how her sister hit her etc.etc. and when i asked who her sister was my friend pointed at the girl w.the long hair. I was in total shock because the 5yr old was dressed in clothes that looked like they came from k-mart[and they didnt even match..], looked really dirty(she looked like she hadn't taken a shower in a week...literally), and when i was wondering why she looked so unkept while the other girl looked like she just modeled in an add for Oshkosh b gosh, i noticed she had very kinky,short NL hair
I mean maybe their treatment had nothing to do w.their hair but in my opinion i think thats the main reason why
And just to add both of these kids were the same complexion,they were dark-skinned so i know for a fact it has nothing to do w.their complexion (ex. favoring a lightskinned child over a darker one)

has anyone else witnessed this or experienced this with an older or younger sibling???

Yup. Between a boy and a girl sibling. They were twins. He had the 3b hair and she had the 4a/b hair. The mom treated him better and even some of the teachers would give him more breaks (he was bad as hell) and make comments like, "wonder how the boy got the good hair..."

 

[NaturalBeauty<3]

that would be really sad if that was the reason
my mom has always treated my sister better...
but I was just bad...lol. Terrible teenager.
Soooooooo...i figured thats kinda understandable.
But never did she ever treat her better because she's lighter than me.
Or..well..we kinda have the same hair texture...but she calls us both beautiful. *shrug*

 

[lovegymnasts]

It could definitely be the case.
The child least favored is called the scapegoat child.
The reasons for being treated differently may be tangible or not.
It may be due to the way a child looks, behaves, who their biological father/mother is or isn't, or a reason that no one can figure out.
It can happen among multiples (twins, triplets, etc), siblings, or step-children.
It can be so severe it results in the physical, sexual, or emotional abuse of a child. It can result in the death of a child (beating, starvation).

You may not have wanted to know all that.

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

i experienced it personally. not from my mom but from other family members. on my moms side i have the kinkiest hair and my mom really didnt know how to handle it so a lot of times my hair looked a HAM (not to mention i was young and my mom was never one to stop me from playing and being a kid so i would play crazy hard lol)

my family members would make comments and stuff. not just about the hair though. i'm also the darkest one on that side and comments were often made about that too

but oh well, you either grow up and get over it or live your life based on others opinions

 

[bride91501]

I am a mother, to 3 girls in fact, and I can tell you that I can't think of a reason why one of my children would be "clean" and "dressed down" while the other 2 were unkempt. Motherhood just doesn't work that way (all my moms know what I'm talking about). A REAL mother is going to want ALL of her children dressed nicely and looking well, especially at a social function.

Just to appear reasonable, I'd mentally examine all possible explanations for the differences in appearance and treatment, but unfortunately, I'm inclined to believe the OP. Just sad.

 

[TrueToHair]

.............................

 

[Mrs. Verde]

Even if the hair thing isn't an issue, and I pray it isn't, why is one child cleaner than the other? Even if the clothes were hand me downs I would never have one child wear something that looks dirty and old. Something is amiss here.

 

[discodumpling]

This is sad. I favour my olest BECAUSE his hair is the nappiest...he reminds me most of the men I respect & admire in my family! His hair is as versatile as mine...I struggle with the textures on my other 2 kids, it's fun but challenging figuring out what works for their different hair types.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

No, but I do have a friend (who is biracial) who didn't want to have a girl because she didn't want to have to deal with "that" hair.....(if you know what I mean)

Thank goodness she has a boy....

 

[TLC1020]

Yes I witnessed it and it happens all the time.. It happens when kids are young and it happen to adults... I mean society has been doing this for the longest so yeah I can see when a mother favor one over another.. I can see it the kid with the longest hair or light skinned get better treatment than the short hair or dark skin kid.

Yes it is shocking but it should not shock you..

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I've done witnessed and experienced this .

I've experienced this too, by my own father.

He never said anything bad about my hair, but my sister, who had 2-something waist length hair, always received attention from him about her hair while no compliments were ever made about my hair.

That hurt

 

[pookaloo83]

I've experienced this too, by my own father.

He never said anything bad about my hair, but my sister, who had 2-something waist length hair, always received attention from him about her hair while no compliments were ever made about my hair.

That hurt

*looks at your siggy* Girl Your hair is beautiful!

 

[Whimsy]

Oh this is a heart hurter.
I haven't witnessed this or experienced it thank goodness.
I really feel for that lil girl. That mama should be ashamed of herself!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

This is sad. I favour my olest BECAUSE his hair is the nappiest...he reminds me most of the men I respect & admire in my family! His hair is as versatile as mine...I struggle with the textures on my other 2 kids, it's fun but challenging figuring out what works for their different hair types.

Just curious, don't you think this is the same as what the op is speaking of?

 

[empressri]

who knows if it's hair...could be something deeper.

i had a situation like that with my last job. two little girls, two different fathers. the woman's fiance was the last child's father but he would dote upon this little girl and told the mother that she had to take care of "her" daughter. wtf if you love this woman like you say you do (though he was cheating on her) you take EVERYTHING that comes with her, no conditions! his daughter would have new this, new that and the other one come in looking like she had no parents.

we got on her too! hell you're still her mother, stop trying to look cute your damn self and make sure your child looks like she has a mother. clothes didnt fit, shoes didnt fit, hair was unkempt ALL of the time, had a little ashiness and had to break out some lotion.

but the other one...new clothes, new little shoes, the whole nine.

 

[Christa438]

I really dont know what the case is. I dont like it though. Im not sure if hair plays a role in it, it's possible. Im going to try to be somewhat understanding and say that maybe she feels the five-year-old is too young to care about her image and plays a lot and makes her clothes and hair messy, whereas the 7/8 yr old cares more about how she looks. However, this is funny because my daughter is only 4 and will tell me "mama are you going to do my hair?" if she thinks it may have slipped my mind or she can tell me what hair style she wants and she will change out of dirty clothes real quick. I just know that if I had two daughters and we were at church or out somewhere, one will not look cute while the other looks a mess. That doesn't really make sense to me. I would not even be out lookin good myself while my two daughters look like crap. again thats crazy to me.

 

[EllePixie]

OP, just wondering, is this the first time you've seen the girls look this different, or is it always like this? I wouldn't judge off of one instance. For example, I know there were a few times when I was little and we were about to go somewhere, so my mom told me not to go get dirty, but then I went out and played with my friends and she didn't have enough time to redress me before we had to go out...boy, was she mad! But yes, it could be a number of things (none good), like the other posters said, especially if this is a common occurrence.

 

[Legally Natural]

I have experienced this happening as well, but it was based on skin color. In high school, the cheerleading coach had two twin girls, one light skin and the other dark skin. Most people would fawn over the light skin twin talking about how pretty she was and would show such little attention to the darker skin one. What bothered me about the situation was that the mother never picked up on the situation and it would occur so frequently.

The color/hair phenomenon is so entrenched in the Black (and other people of color) community. I have done so much research on these issues and I can honestly say that this will not be a quick fix. However, I love when I hear about parents trying to combat these problems by moving children away from situations where biases are displayed or making sure to tell each daughter that they are both beautiful and unique.

 

[BostonMaria]

Over hair?!! That's so sad

 

[Whimsy]

This is sad. I favour my olest BECAUSE his hair is the nappiest...he reminds me most of the men I respect & admire in my family! His hair is as versatile as mine...I struggle with the textures on my other 2 kids, it's fun but challenging figuring out what works for their different hair types.

Are you joking or serious?

If you're serious, you're just as nutty as the mom the OP is talking about!

I'm mad anyone is favoring a child over HAIR!!!

I mean.....hair though?

 

[ladyviper]

Kids should be equally loved by their parents. You can't handle that kind of responsibility..keep your pants on and your legs closed. This kind of behaviour corrupts our community and kids self esteem. It's hard enough to be made out "different" by others you don't need to feel less by your own circle. Society has that one covered.

 

[Glamiam]

I wouldn't be surprised if hair is the reason why the older sister gets treated better than the younger one. I mean look at the world we live in now smh.