kandiekj100
Well-Known Member
I received a compliment on my hair today. Was it a backhanded complimented? Not really. But it still irked me nonetheless.
Here's a little backstory. I was speaking with one my White co-workers one time about hair (not sure how we got on the subject) and she mentions that she feels bad for one of her nieces because she has bad hair. She goes on about about the how the little one's sister has the good curly hair (think 3a/b) and she has the bad curly hair. I don't remember word for word but she basically said if she was black, she'd fit right in.
From my avatar, you can see I'm natural. I do a wash and go curly fro a lot of the times, which I think I was sporting on that day, so I really scrunched my face at her when she said this. 
erplexed Then I proceeded to tell her that her niece's hair isn't bad, her mom probably just doesn't know how to handle it. I told her about cowashing and not touching the child's head with a brush, b/c it will only make it more frizzy. I don't think she heard any of what I was saying.
Anyways, that is what makes today's compliment all the more annoying. She said in a really pleasant voice, "oh Amber, I meant to tell you I really like your hair". I am wearing a freaking wig. It'd be one thing if she complimented my regular hair, whether it was styled in a wng, a braid out, twist out, bun, updo, whatever, but the first time I get a compliment from her is when I'm wearing this fake loosely curled half wig. WTF ever...I gave a sheepish "thanks". And she said I didn't sound like I liked it. I said it was okay, but I honestly wish it was bigger, which I do. I wish it looked more like my hair. I just wanted to give my hair a break for a week.
Had we not had the previous conversation or if someone else had said they liked my hair, I would have said a thanks and kept it moving. I wouldn't have given a second thought.
It's not the first time she has said something totally stupid. Just another example. She said that Blacks look "weird" with light eyes. She gave an example of Terrance Howard.
I pretty much told her she was crazy. She mentioned later that she tans and lightens her hair, and so I told her think White people look like zombies when they have dark hair, blue eyes, and pale skin.
My husband told the next time she says something dumb, to ask her if she ever considered that what she is saying may be deemed offensive by others? Being that she didn't say anything offensive today or really hasn't since, I have not had the opportunity to politely check her.
Anyone else had this happen? Not that the person is being mean, but you know they have preconceived notion of what "good" or nice looking hair is, so it makes their compliment of your wig or weave a bit...Idk unsettling or offputting?
Here's a little backstory. I was speaking with one my White co-workers one time about hair (not sure how we got on the subject) and she mentions that she feels bad for one of her nieces because she has bad hair. She goes on about about the how the little one's sister has the good curly hair (think 3a/b) and she has the bad curly hair. I don't remember word for word but she basically said if she was black, she'd fit right in.
From my avatar, you can see I'm natural. I do a wash and go curly fro a lot of the times, which I think I was sporting on that day, so I really scrunched my face at her when she said this. erplexed Then I proceeded to tell her that her niece's hair isn't bad, her mom probably just doesn't know how to handle it. I told her about cowashing and not touching the child's head with a brush, b/c it will only make it more frizzy. I don't think she heard any of what I was saying.Anyways, that is what makes today's compliment all the more annoying. She said in a really pleasant voice, "oh Amber, I meant to tell you I really like your hair". I am wearing a freaking wig. It'd be one thing if she complimented my regular hair, whether it was styled in a wng, a braid out, twist out, bun, updo, whatever, but the first time I get a compliment from her is when I'm wearing this fake loosely curled half wig. WTF ever...I gave a sheepish "thanks". And she said I didn't sound like I liked it. I said it was okay, but I honestly wish it was bigger, which I do. I wish it looked more like my hair. I just wanted to give my hair a break for a week.
Had we not had the previous conversation or if someone else had said they liked my hair, I would have said a thanks and kept it moving. I wouldn't have given a second thought.
It's not the first time she has said something totally stupid. Just another example. She said that Blacks look "weird" with light eyes. She gave an example of Terrance Howard.
I pretty much told her she was crazy. She mentioned later that she tans and lightens her hair, and so I told her think White people look like zombies when they have dark hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. My husband told the next time she says something dumb, to ask her if she ever considered that what she is saying may be deemed offensive by others? Being that she didn't say anything offensive today or really hasn't since, I have not had the opportunity to politely check her.Anyone else had this happen? Not that the person is being mean, but you know they have preconceived notion of what "good" or nice looking hair is, so it makes their compliment of your wig or weave a bit...Idk unsettling or offputting?
) but there IS a bright side because you don't have to be that way (make sure you have the biggest smile on your face
) then walk away.
..(don't let her make you feel a certain kind of way) then walk away
. At that point she can just talk to herself.
