Never again will I offer my hair care knowledge...

[Miss AJ]

...when someone starts telling me they want to grow their hair out. Once I say something they don't agree with they make it seem like I'm acting like I know everything. I got called the Queen Of Hair today in a very sarcastic tone so w/e. We'll see who is the queen of hair when mine is all down my back and you're still struggling to get yours past your shoulders.

 

[Bouncin&Behavin]

I hear you. My friend was just complaining about her shedding problem (she flat irons daily and NEVER moisturizes). I tried to tell her what she could do to stop the shedding and she told me, "Well, no. That wouldn't work for me because I get my hair professionally done!" Heifer....I got my hair "professionally done" all my life and like yours, it's been the same boring SL forever. They'll see.

 

[EMJazzy]

You can show'em better than you can tell'em.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I'm very short on patience when it comes to people and their excuses.

When it comes to anything which requires change on one's part, I have many personal struggles... so when I make any success and someone asks how or why, I may answer but I won't invest too much into them because more often than not, they want things handed over TO them.

 

[Loves Harmony]

I totally feel you. I was trying to help my with her hair. I was trying to get her to moisturize her hair because it was dry. Well she told me she dont wash it until she can get to the hair dresser which is one a month. She dont believe in washing her hair, condition, or moist but she wraps her hair at night. I ask how can you go that long without a wash, she explain the dirt makes her hair grow.... lol lol okay whatever.. I had to tell her off because she was going to get a perm the other day (post 5 weeks). I told her thats why her hair is broken off. I just give up. The only person that listen is my sister and that the only person im going to help out unless someone ask.

 

[Jas123]

unfortunately, sometimes you just have to play "dumb" and kim... and then 3 mos 6 mos a year down the road your hair is bangin and there is just

 

[Adaoba2012]

You will be lucky and run into the 2 or 3 people who actually take your advice seriously. But there are others who are stuck in their ways and have been for a very long time. I just laugh and keep it movin because once my hair reaches my goal length thats when they are going to come back and expect advice and who knows..I may not be so open to giving it to them.

 

[Keen]

You can show'em better than you can tell'em.

Yeah but then nobody remember your hair wasn't long before. They start believing that your hair is long and healthy because you have "good hair". You can never please people like that.

 

[melodies815]

This is very, very interesting to me. Hmmm.... *thinking aloud while writing*

When we moved back to the US last summer and joined our church, there was a lady there who had the same length of hair I did. It was so neat. But....she was always doing something to hers, like flat ironing or wearing it out most of the time. She didn't satin cap-it at night, she trims on a schedule but doesn't aggressively handle single strand knots as they show up and just basically didn't understand moisture/protein balance. In the beginning, I kind of had a hair friend, but then she just kind of stopped talking to me about hair frequently.

We have different textures, but that ultimately doesn't matter because she didn't have the best practices. We are both slow growers and BC around the same time.

Today, her hair is nearly the exact same length that it was last summer. I am retaining length, thus making it appear that my hair grows quickly when it definitely does NOT. My hair is about 1.5 times longer than hers for the reasons listed above. Recently, though, she has changed some bad habits. Probably in the next few months, if she keeps it up, she will start to see some retention.

She now texts me regularly to ask me what to do...what styles to wear...how I do my twists...etc. I love her to pieces, but she can be so strong willed when it comes to hair. I do agree that people "see" better than they are told...

...though I have to admit that I have no interest in "showing" her anything. It's just that we met at approximately the same length and it would be so cool to share some of our "growing pains" with one another. I don't need to know everything at all...I just wish that the hair journey wasn't so lonely right now.

You ladies are my hair family!

Great thread, OP...this is something I never really thought about regarding my friend at church...I wonder where that stubborness comes from. I never had that when learning how to grow my hair...

Hmmm....

cj

 

[30something]

You know what, let people be. Seems like everyone is a know it all, even when they are asking you for advice.

I don't even know why people knock healthy hair practices so fast.

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

yeah.. i hate it when some one asks "i want to grow my hair out like you! what do you do?" and then quickly starts with the "oh no! you're doing too much! i dont have time for that! all that stuff is going to make your hair fall out!" yes... my HE LTR and evoo will make my hair fall out much faster than the relaxer you're putting on your whole head every 4wks with out any moisture or protein balance or any of the such... yeah, keep believing that. its ok, i'll wait for my hair to fall out while i'm inching closer to wl and beyond. no, its ok, i'm waiting. i'll moisturize while i do so.... lol

TELL UM OHIO!!!! ggrrr!

 

[yeahisaidit]

I hear you. My friend was just complaining about her shedding problem (she flat irons daily and NEVER moisturizes). I tried to tell her what she could do to stop the shedding and she told me, "Well, no. That wouldn't work for me because I get my hair professionally done!" Heifer....I got my hair "professionally done" all my life and like yours, it's been the same boring SL forever. They'll see.

People are crazy as hell sometimes!! They keep doing the same things over and over again, but they expect different results... That's basically the definition of INSANITY!!!

My patience for stupid people is ZERO, so my advice to you, and everyone else that has the same problem, is to K.I.M.!!

 

[Amber_moon]

Ill never stop offering advice. You wouldn't believe how many times people have had to tell me something before I believed it (especially if it sounded different from what I was told by "professionals")

What I wont do, is argue. If I say something and they dont believe it.... I usually just say "oh yeah? Hmmm, thats interesting, let me know how it works out for you ok?" and shake my bouncy hair around a little

I had a girl a few weeks ago tell me how "eccentric" and "odd" I was for tea rinsing. Now, this girl WORKS in a hair salon, promotes them HEAVILY, gets "her hair done" (in quotations because she is FOREVER getting weaves nothing is EVER done with HER own hair) by the professionals in that salon ALL THE TIME. And yet, a two weeks later I see her FINALLY without a weave and her hair is this nasty chewed up neck length and I could see the other side of the room through her ends. But IM odd?

She has the nerve to ask me am I wearing tracks... so I told her "Nope, girl I didnt feel like hiding my own hair today, it came out so well dont you think?"

I got a look from her and I just changed the subject. Shell come back when she wants advice. If not then, whatever. Ill always give if someone asks... but Im not going to stress myself out if they go bananas and reject it. I need that energy to get to waist length.

 

[BostonMaria]

Queen of hair, huh?

Well I offer advice to whoever will listen. I can usually tell when its falling on deaf ears. I will say the minimum like "oh I use coconut oil and I do hot oil treatments once a week" and if I ask them a few weeks later if they did just THAT and they give me excuses then I don't bother anymore.

Like for example I mentioned to a cousin that I don't trim, just do search and destroys. Her hair has been nape length for 12 years, but somehow she felt the need to say "that's ridiculous, you're supposed to cut every 8 weeks" I said, well maybe that's why your hair is so short and mine is not. Plus you cut every 8 weeks to maintain a certain haircut, not to grow your hair. She didn't believe me. I said this a year ago and her hair is still nape length.

 

[BostonMaria]

BTW OP, sometimes when people act like that its because they're defensive and really don't understand what you're talking about.

I remember when 9 years ago my sister gave me a bottle of Amla and told me that her sister in law, who is married to a Pakistani, was using Amla oil and her hair grew very long. I got all excited and put the oil in my hair. It stunk to high hell and it sat in my cabinet for years. The truth is I didn't know how to apply it, never bothered to google it or ask, thought I was going to see results in ONE day, so I chucked it up to maybe it worked for my sister's SIL and can't work for me. Fast forward to today and here I am using Amla powder (still can't stand the oil), but now I have more details on how to use it and how often.

Don't give up on her just yet. I have a feeling she'll be asking for advice again.

 

[Bene]

I don't give hair advice unless asked about it. Mostly because I don't want to insult people. Maybe they like their hair looking like a family of small rodents has been snatching bits away to use as nest filler? I don't know. Or maybe they think my hair looks like crap and they figure I'm the last person on this planet who should be giving hair advice. Kind of like the fat lady giving dieting advice? I don't want to be that story that people go home and tell their friends about


When people do ask, I answer as honestly as possible. I don't have any information that isn't available for other people. I have noticed that when I tell them what products I use (V05), I get two reactions. 1) That person's eyes glaze over because (I'm guessing) they can't understand why in the world I'm using such cheap products or 2) They give me the total stinkeye because they believe that I'm deliberately withholding some major beauty secret.

I get the feeling they'd be totally satisfied if I told them I take some mystical Asian herb and use some high end product, or some magical hair growth technique.

 

[blacksapphire]

i give advise to those willing to listen now; at first I when someone came to me with a hair issue I'd try to tell them all I know to help them out, but after a while I'd feel like I'm trying to force them to take proper care of their hair

fast forward to last week when when I rollerset my hair and leave it out for a bit, everyone was like OMG your hair grew! what did you do etc ect

I was thinking really? and this family friend that had the same ear length hair as me when I started my journey in late august, early September still has the same the same length of severely damaged hair while mine has become healthy and grown

So now I just tell those who ask the basc things and leave it up to them to decide if they wanna follow my advice, If i see that they do, like my big sis, them I go more detailed into one or two other things.

 

[Misseyl]

I don't offer/tell anyone about how to take care of their hair anymore. I guess they say my hair is bra strap length, so what do I know. Anyway, I've noticed recently that my family -- mom, sister, niece and cousin have been asking me about hair care and they have also gone out and purchase products that I recommend, so I guess they see something in my hair that they love.

Now, it has been my experience that if I ask anyone about hair, who does it or what products are they using, they don't want to tell me. On this hair site, many of us appear to be approachable but I bet any amount of money, if I were to see you guys in person and ask you about anything hair, you would blow me off.

In the end, my hair care regime is a personal matter and I do it for me. Whatever the outcome, I live with it and appreciate the fact that I've come a long way since getting a relaxer every 6 weeks and not moisturizing regularly.

 

[peachykeen]

Queen of hair, huh?

Well I offer advice to whoever will listen..., well maybe that's why your hair is so short and mine is not. Plus you cut every 8 weeks to maintain a certain haircut, not to grow your hair. She didn't believe me. I said this a year ago and her hair is still nape length.

Okay your hair is the bomb, the hat is cute too! I just had to add that two cents.

 

[D.N.A.]

Now I'm no hair expert, but I've learned to quickly differentiate between those who genuinely want advice and those who want you to suggest a miracle product that'll grow their hair out from shoulder length to butt length in two weeks. I start off with very basic things like laying off heat, moisturizing and deep conditioning. If they dismiss my advice, I simply shrug and wish them luck and if they seem receptive, and I have the time, I'll explain further. And of course, I only give suggestions when asked.

 

[MsLizziA]

I hear you. My friend was just complaining about her shedding problem (she flat irons daily and NEVER moisturizes). I tried to tell her what she could do to stop the shedding and she told me, "Well, no. That wouldn't work for me because I get my hair professionally done!" Heifer....I got my hair "professionally done" all my life and like yours, it's been the same boring SL forever. They'll see.

I HATE that type of comment. How do you know whats not going to work if you NEVER tried it?

 

[O-ren]

After being on here for so long, I tried to take what I learned and help out my niece. So I told my sister to try the coconut oil instead of the... Pink Oil Lotion but she just won't listen. She replied, "Well mama used it on your hair and it didn't stop it from growing!" There is nothing I can say so I
Hopefully one day I'll be able to address my niece directly and she'll listen and be willing to try things out.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I'm about done with giving hair advice. People don't want to listen, so I'll save my breath. That includes posters who want to sent 75 PMs trying to dissect why they aren't retaining, only to find out they are neglecting to do the very basics (like covering hair at night, and wearing PS at least SOME of the time. SMFH.)

 

[exoticmommie]

I too see that, if you try and give advice, and it's something basic, yet something that has to be done with consistency. They don't want to hear it. They want some magic elixir, or something to be like a quick weave, like BAM over night. I have learned to keep it simple in what I share, and if they are really interested they will come back for more advice.

 

[Bnster]

Patience ladies, I think the ones with negative feedback that you are giving advice to are not yet at the same mental place as you are. I am happy to give advice when asked and when not as well (feel more at ease with family)and get excited about hair care. I am happy if someone will listen but I won't preach. Maybe my excitement and my growth will affect them too. If they follow they follow, you and I can't control that. Just be tolerant and do not let your HHJ become negative in any way. IT IS NOT WORTH IT!

Throw out all those negative thoughts, yes you will become frustrated I do not doubt and have I don’t care attitude, but that is the devil helping Africa American Hair Women around the world continue to have short damaged hair! The resistance from them I think is that we were taught bad hair practices from generation to generation and it takes time to break out of them. They will listen when they are ready and want it badly enough.

When they are ready your advice I hope you will be there to help them, as the sisters on this board have offered us all in the past, currently and in the future. When they ask again, your knowledge will be more receptive.
HHJ, POSTIVE THINKING!

Well I do not want to be preaching, but I am so happy you ladies are here to help me even when I don't listen. Thank you!!!

 

[coolsista-paris]

people call me " the professional hair adviser".. you know in a weard way sometimes. a girl at work to was saying her hair is long cause its not curlyn her sisters hair doesnt grow caus its a (3 b or c). so i explained that at SL be careful with this, do that... i f....ken waisted my saliva for NOTHING. she told be "no what yor saying doesnt go for her"miss professionnal". im like whatever its your life.

she was saying black people have short hair ,and if its long its a wig. i wanna screaaaaaaaaaaam sometimes

 

[drappedup]

No! :\ Too many people in here are being discouraged by the people who happen to want super instant results and with no effort or real change to their hair care efforts at all! I promise not everyone who asks for help, or advice is like that! I actually do not see how people wouldn't want to help someone when they ask for help and you feel savvy enough to.

 

[brucebettye]

I total understand how you feel. I tell people what I do and they tell me I wash my hair too much or I will get a cold having water in my hair. I am tired of telling people what I do and I don't bother to tell anyone either anymore
.

 

[Polka Dot Chic]

I just subscribed so that I could post here. I was chatting on the phone with one of my friends last night, and I told her that I was conditioning my hair with egg. Her response was "quit putting them *bleeping* eggs in your hair." I explained to the benefits of eggs for hair and she was like "I don't wanna here that *bleep*." I also was trying to tell her how she can get rid of her dandruff problem with olive oil, but she wasn't trying to hear that either. She is always giving me grief because of all the different products that I've tried. I am transitioning, so because of that I have been trying to find what works for me. She is always telling me that using "all of that stuff" is the reason why my hair won't grow. What she doesn't understand is that we have different hair textures; I am like a 4b or c and she is like a 3 b. She is constantly trying to get me to put "grease" in my hair. Her hair has been shoulder length for years and I am finally catching up with her. I can't wait till I am bsl so that she can see that I knew what I was talking about.

 

[Lovie]

My husband shared something valuable with me once. He gently reminded me that if I ask a person for permission to share wisdom, knowledge, or speak into their lives, then I didn't risk their criticism and often misjudgment.

Matthew 7:6
"Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."

Many people are selective about who they let speak into their lives. More of us should be. We should also be selective about whose lives we speak into. I know that I have had a difficult time with this in the past, as my heart has always had good intention. I mean, who doesn't want pearls?!

Wisdom and life lessons are expensive, like rare pearls that are one of a kind. It also takes special care to keep their brilliance and avoid cracks and peeling. tIt's not uncommon for us, in our excitement, to share our victory or wisdom with those who may not appreciate it. When we do this, we subject ourselves to their criticism.

But thats OK. A wise and kind response to a person's bad attitude just adds to your pretty strand of pearls to display for later. )