"It's ONLY hair..." Objectionable or Not?

[Laela]

What's your take on this comment: "It's only hair, it'll grow back"


Some scenarios:
A- Someone's employer (a non-profit) 'forces' him to cut his dreads or walk; a close friend told him "It's only hair.." and he got offended.
B- You don't want to chop your long hair but it has some severe damage in some areas, and that was said to you by someone who wants to encourage you to chop it all off.

Feel free to add any RL scenarios...

 

[JustKiya]

For the boss situation, I'd say 'If it was 'only' hair, they wouldn't be asking me to cut it off.'

For the friend situation it depends on how long their hair is. Folks who haven't put in the work/time can't/won't understand that it might be more than 'just hair' for you.

 

[LaToya28]

I think it depends on the person/situation. My mom was roughly brushing her wet hair one day and I told her to be gentle with her hair and she was like "it's just hair!" To her it's just hair, to me it's an investment! lol

Now when it comes to cutting my hair I tend to believe that it's just hair because it will eventually grow back, but to me that's different because either way it's healthy.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Well to bring up my own scenario: I think anyone thats a paying member on here that says that to another member is being disingenuous. We're all hair enthusiasts stop actin brand new you paid and post on here regularly like the rest of us, obviously its not "just hair" to any of us....just had to get that off my chest

The employer scenario: Depending on the person, that employer may be infringing on that man's religious beliefs so thats definitely not appropiate....

The friend scenario - Well since you specified "severe damage" then theres really no use in holding onto it and you probably should cut it off.

 

[Seraphina]

I don't particularly find it offensive. More like insensitive and presumptuous.

 

[NJoy]

I'm guilty of having the "it's only hair" attitude towards myself. In fact, it's exactly what I said right before I had my layers cut. So, I don't see anything wrong with it when said for yourself.

But, if you're saying it to someone else, it could be offensive or insensitive. It really does depend on the situation and who's saying it.

In the employer situation, if that's their policy, there's a choice to cut it or leave. If the employer said it's only hair, that would be offensive. But, if a close friend said it, maybe they were trying to ameliorate the request, or to help the person bear it and keep the job.

The second example of the friend, sometimes we don't want to admit something needs to be done. The friend is being a friend with the truth and also help them bear it.

Nah. I don't think there's anything wrong with it unless it was used maliciously or with the intent to hurt or hate on someone.

 

[julzinha]

The one vivid memory I have of hearing that was from my sister who say me doing a wash, two dcs, a protein treatment after I took out my braids and i refused to relax and hot comb my hair. She said it's only hair. And I was thinking WHAT!! this is coming from girl who has spent hundreds on weave and it's only hair

 

[MonPetite]

I'd have to agree with the above posters.

In the work scenario, that may be grounds for a lawsuit.

From a caring friend, that sees you wasting money on a few inches that will never look healthy, due to to the ravages of time or improper hair care techniques, it should not be taken with offense.

Coming from someone frenemy/family/etc. who has length envy or a scissor-happy stylist, it does not offend me as a "hair matter". I have learned that quite simply, it IS "just hair", in the larger scheme of things (I use to feel quite differently and hung onto inches like I would my life). It would offend me, because they meant me harm and want to strip me of something they clearly value and wish they had for themselves; yet, feel I should not enjoy. Despite my hard work to gain it!

Whenever I must cut my hair and I hesitate, I ask myself: Why? Is it fear? Fear of what? What is so great, that God's grace, a healthy sense of self and some time can't remedy? I refuse to allow fear of anything (male response, familial response, a drop in self esteem) rule decisions I make in regard to my body, health, life, relationships, etc.

Then I cut, without tears, concern or worry -because, then it is...JUST hair.

Just hair in between the scissor blades.

Just hair on the floor.

Just hair...(re)growing, healthy, lush and thick, from my scalp once again!

....Other times I may want to cut out of boredom and I tell myself to put the scissors down and back my little, golden behind up! LOL!

 

[KiniKakes]

I hate when ppl (off the board) make the "only hair" comment. I find its usually said by folks who have never been able to grow their hair long before (maybe they never tried, or maye tried and couldn't). But regardless, it's a thoughtless comment to make to someone who you know cares very much about their hair.

 

[**SaSSy**]

I voted yes before I read your scenario but in this day and age I don't feel any employer would make anyone cut their hair. I know there are social sigmas in the work place to look presentable but if an employer ask a person to cut their dreads they need to tell men who have really long hair to do the same or mullets, or whatever

 

[caribeandiva]

I voted no but it depends on the situation.

 

[ChristmasCarol]

It's not objectionable when referring to oneself - it IS only hair to me - it's not a liver or a kidney,etc. That phrase is only objectionable when said flippantly to someone who is having a setback or other hair issue.

 

[bahamababe242]

my response: "your hair might be "only hair", now go away"

 

[Aviah]

Its only hair
Its only clothes
Its only make-up
Etc.
It is what it is to you. No one can fight you on the value you place on something.
Scenario A:
What's more important? Any hair or damaged hair?
Scenario B:
What's more important?
A job or your dreads?

 

[Whimsy]

It depends on the situation and who's saying it.

 

[Anew]

well I've been telling everyone about my plan to BC this March and everyone is telling me not to cut my hair, its grown so much. And my reply is, "its just hair, it'll grow back", lol.. I don't care anymore.

Personally I wouldn't say to anyone else. When I first started the growing process I got annoyed by people saying that to me. The damaged hair scenario, I still wouldn't say to anyone, but I would seriously advise rethinking keeping that damaged stuff

 

[JustKiya]

I think that any time you say it's 'Only hair' and you are talking about your own hair, it's cool. Otherwise? erplexed

 

[orchidgirl]

It would depend on the situation...If some really close said that to me because of badly damaged hair..and I knew it was damages too.. and asked her opinion...Then no I would not get offended.

 

[Britt4209]

Uhhh I used to HATE when my mom said this..She actually just said it recently when I had a small setback..Like, if it was only hair, then it wouldn't have taken me 22 years for it to grow and only be at shoulder length, GOSHH! lol

 

[Laela]

Good point!

For the boss situation, I'd say 'If it was 'only' hair, they wouldn't be asking me to cut it off.'

For the friend situation it depends on how long their hair is. Folks who haven't put in the work/time can't/won't understand that it might be more than 'just hair' for you.

Glad you got that off your chest... It's all good. On the Employer scenario, it actually was the other way around...the employer was a church (non-profit) that didn't want dreads.

Well to bring up my own scenario: I think anyone thats a paying member on here that says that to another member is being disingenuous. We're all hair enthusiasts stop actin brand new you paid and post on here regularly like the rest of us, obviously its not "just hair" to any of us....just had to get that off my chest

The employer scenario: Depending on the person, that employer may be infringing on that man's religious beliefs so thats definitely not appropiate....

The friend scenario - Well since you specified "severe damage" then theres really no use in holding onto it and you probably should cut it off.

Unfortunately, Sassy in this day and age, the employer did...

I voted yes before I read your scenario but in this day and age I don't feel any employer would make anyone cut their hair. I know there are social sigmas in the work place to look presentable but if an employer ask a person to cut their dreads they need to tell men who have really long hair to do the same or mullets, or whatever

my response: "your hair might be "only hair", now go away"

Aviah, thanks for your comment. ITA @ the bolded... it does come down to what's more important to the person being affected, and no one else...

Its only hair
Its only clothes
Its only make-up
Etc.
It is what it is to you. No one can fight you on the value you place on something.
Scenario A:
What's more important? Any hair or damaged hair?
Scenario B:
What's more important?
A job or your dreads?

True...and the sensitivity aspect I believe has a lot to with who says it. Some people can accept a crass remark from a very close friend...but let a stranger say the very same thing...

I think that any time you say it's 'Only hair' and you are talking about your own hair, it's cool. Otherwise? erplexed

 

[Laela]

Me too..... chopped it all off, then got mad at myself when it wouldn't grow back quickly enough...

I'm guilty of having the "it's only hair" attitude towards myself..

at the bolded, especially if the person has tenure and the 'rules' changed long after they grew their dreads. But in the end, their job was more important to them.

Excellent point on hesitation and being honest with myself on WHY I'm cutting my hair! Even though it'll grow back...not everyone's hair can grow fast.

I'd have to agree with the above posters.

In the work scenario, that may be grounds for a lawsuit.

From a caring friend, that sees you wasting money on a few inches that will never look healthy, due to to the ravages of time or improper hair care techniques, it should not be taken with offense.

Coming from someone frenemy/family/etc. who has length envy or a scissor-happy stylist, it does not offend me as a "hair matter". I have learned that quite simply, it IS "just hair", in the larger scheme of things (I use to feel quite differently and hung onto inches like I would my life). It would offend me, because they meant me harm and want to strip me of something they clearly value and wish they had for themselves; yet, feel I should not enjoy. Despite my hard work to gain it!

Whenever I must cut my hair and I hesitate, I ask myself: Why? Is it fear? Fear of what? What is so great, that God's grace, a healthy sense of self and some time can't remedy? I refuse to allow fear of anything (male response, familial response, a drop in self esteem) rule decisions I make in regard to my body, health, life, relationships, etc.

Then I cut, without tears, concern or worry -because, then it is...JUST hair.

Just hair in between the scissor blades.

Just hair on the floor.

Just hair...(re)growing, healthy, lush and thick, from my scalp once again!

....Other times I may want to cut out of boredom and I tell myself to put the scissors down and back my little, golden behind up! LOL!

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I agree hair is just hair but at the same time I'm not going to cut it just because somebody else wanted me to. I don't think the statement is something to get offended by IMHO

 

[BillionaireHopes]

It is just hair and it will grow back erplexed.. I don't find this offensive at all.

 

[Junebug D]

Unless they belong to a religion or culture that specifies no hair cutting...

Otherwise, I don't think its offensive. It's the truth. But I realize that people do wrap up their beauty, their self-worth, their self-esteem, their womanhood, their identity in their hair, so in that sense, it IS more than hair. I think that's destructive.

 

[IDareT'sHair]

When You've experienced the "MUTHA OF ALL SET-BACKS" then yes, personally, I think this can be offensive.

Because the other person, does not know the severity of the situation if there is any long-term damage, lasting effects....etc..... And You Lose it All.

I use to say that "it's only hair" when I was "Younger" because I could relax, dye, cut, chop-off, bleach, highlight, fry....You Name it, I did it (at the Salon). I never ever "worried" about my Hair, because it Always came back Healthy, Nice & Strong.erplexed

Now....ehhh.....Not So Much.

Being over "30" I am now realizing it's not as easy to "recover" from a MAJOR Set-back as it once was.

For Me, This go-round, it has definitely been hard.

 

[Miss AJ]

A guy I work with made that comment about me being on hair sites and always postin on FB/myspace about my hair, so i told him his car is just a car....he understands now lol.

 

[Dragone]

If anyone ever said that to me they'd get a 2x4 of STFU.

So yes, to me it is offensive

 

[arosieworld]

I have made other people mad when saying that phrase but I truly do feel it is only hair right now it maybe one of my favorite things but "it is still only hair".
I have lost my hair and shaved my head. I have felt it taken from me and given it away and it has made me realize a lot. I won't cry for my hair again.
I reserve those emotions for the people I love and lose.

 

[Katherina]

A guy I work with made that comment about me being on hair sites and always postin on FB/myspace about my hair, so i told him his car is just a car....he understands now lol.

Maybe I should tell my boyfriend this? He so doesn't understand ... lol

If anyone ever said that to me they'd get a 2x4 of STFU.

So yes, to me it is offensive

I love your SIG PIC!!! LOL! It's so cute and hilarious!

 

[PJaye]

For Scenario A, I would be offended if an employer said this to me due to the probable racial underpinings of the request, not because of the idea of cutting my hair.

For Scenario B, if the friend and I had discussed the damage to my hair and the proposal to cut it prior to her stating, "It's only hair" I would not take her words offensively.

Personally, I place more emphasis on the reasonings behind a statement rather than the statement itself.