Why Men Cheat

MissJ

MissJ

Well-Known Member
Men cheat on women they’re in relationships with because their desire to enjoy their lives is greater than their interest in upholding their word to you. There are lots of other reasons, but let’s start with that one. It’s really very simple. The same way he told you he was going to take out the garbage and then DIDN’T, he told you he was only hooking up with *you* and he ISN’T.

That would be known as a lie. Lies are often told to get people to do something.. In your case, lay down and spread your legs. He knows you’re not going to do that (or at least you’re going to make a big deal about it) if he tells you he’s tappin’ other chicks, so he lies, you give it up, and all is right with the world. :D

This leads to the question “How could he lie to me? :O”. Because it’s effective. It works. It’s the same reason that people cross the street when the sign says “don’t walk”. They get where they were going faster.


So, reason #1 why men cheat is.. They felt like it. \o/

Sexual Pressure
This one’s more of an excuse than anything else, but I still need to bring it up. Women are drugs. Asking a guy why he ****** that chick is like asking a drug addict why he smoked whatever he smoked. It’s what occurs to you to do. It’s like when you walk up to a door, you elect to open it instead of walking through the glass.. it just OCCURS TO YOU to open the door. Same thing with chicks. If she’s hawt, it just naturally occurs to you to **** her. :D

To be clear, this is quite different from the much heralded and lately overused “I’m A Sex Addict” excuse. I’m not saying that guys can’t control themselves. I’m saying the desire is automatic.

Lots of guys claim they’re going to be faithful to their girlfriends or wives while they’re in a state of no other women throwing sex at them. It’s very easy to claim you’re not going to do something that you have no opportunity to do anyway. I can say I’m not going to climb The Great Wall of China because I’m not in China. However, if I were standing right next to the wall with the proper equipment, hehehe >:D

So a lot of guys get caught out there when women press up on them because they’re not used to the rush. They’re not used to the concept “I could actually have sex with this woman right here”, and in some cases, it’s just too much for them to pass up.

Yes, I know that’s a sign of weakness and not upholding their word, etc. I agree with that entirely. I’m just saying that there are SOME times where guys legitimately expected and fully intended to be faithful to their women and just plain FAILED in the face of real opportunity. I’m not saying they should be excused for their behavior, just mentioning a possibility.

“Strange”
There’s also the concept of “Strange”, which is short for “Strange *****”, which basically means a female you haven’t had sex with yet.

A lot of guys will hook up with a gal just because it’s going to be a DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE from his regular chick. Her body is different. Her movements are different. The way she sounds is different. Her motivations are different. What she’s willing to do is different…

Sometimes, guys cheat just to see how it is.. Try something different for a change. Actually, sometimes, this works to his girlfriend’s benefit because he has such a wack experience that he realizes how good he has it at home and reapplies his focus to his woman! :D

Breach of Contract (Looks)
This is partially the guy’s fault for downplaying the importance of his physical attraction to his woman in describing the reasons he decided to “Wife her up”, but attractiveness & access are built in parameters to romantic relationships. The reason he chose you is that you were more attractive than other women he met, or perhaps that you were LESS attractive, yet way less of a PITA (Pain In The ***). Either way, at the time he kicked it to you, you were above a certain threshold of attractiveness according to his personal tastes.

Therefore, you may be found to be in Breach of Contract should your physical appearance change dramatically. If you were slim when he met you and then you cold lamped on the couch with the bon bons and the remote control until you put on 30-40 pounds, he just might not be interested in hooking up with you anymore.

Same thing in the other direction. If he completely enjoyed the fact that you have more bounce to the ounce and then you decide to starve yourself so you can look like the stick-figure mannequins they put on fashion show runways to emulate walking coat hangers, he just might not be interested in hooking up with you anymore.

If he liked your long, flowing dark hair and you cut it and dye it blonde, he just might not be interested in hooking up with you anymore. You don’t have to like it or even believe it. It’s just a potential fact. Apply some basic logic.. Guys don’t like hooking up with chicks that don’t turn them on when they’re SINGLE!.. Why in the hell would they want to do that when they’re in a relationship? O_o

Breach of Contract (Action)
Similarly.. If he still *IS* attracted to you and you decide to stop hooking up with him for whatever reason(s) you have, that’s tantamount to Breach of Contract as well. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t claim exclusive domain over a guy’s sexual satisfaction and then not give it up. hahaha Sorry. It doesn’t work like that. :D

Is it your *RIGHT* not to hook up with him? Absolutely!.. Unequivocally! :D … And then right after that, your man’s going to figure out how he’s going to get laid since you abdicated your position. If you’re not getting under the desk with the cigar, some other chick will.. Capisce? haha YA FEEL ME? :D

Power / Ego
Lots of times, guys cheat in order to prove to themselves that they can.. that they’ve still “got it”. If he’s a Hunter, for instance, he’s not going to be satisfied with resting on his laurels and relying on old-*** memories of Glory Days in way-past history to validate who he is today by recalling who he used to be.

So you pulled one chick 20 years ago, or 10 years ago, or last year or last month or last week or yesterday, who cares? That was then and this is now. What can you do TODAY? >:D Can you still pull chicks with your looks, style, charisma, gift of gab, gimmicks, lies, authentic interactions, whatever? Who are you NOW? Can you still make it happen?

This is probably one of the more unfortunate reasons because it has nothing to do with whether his current relationship is satisfying or even stellar. It just has to do with his desire to prove something to himself that hooking up with his woman AGAIN isn’t going to validate for him.
 
Belief System
There are some people, myself included, that just don’t believe in traditional relationships at all. I believe in real relationships. There are people that I’m down for and people that are down for me and we demonstrate that towards each other with our actions throughout history. There’s a gal I’ve never officially dated, but we’ve been together for ~14 years now. She’s met some of my girlfriends, I’ve met some of her boyfriends. If you ask the drones, I have no relationship to her at all because we’ve never declared ourselves “an item”. Meanwhile, my relationship to her is one of the most realistic that I’ve had in my life and probably will EVER have in my life. She does her thing, I do my thing and when we come together, that’s how the day went.

Unfortunately, guys find out rather quickly that if they want an actual girlfriend, they’re going to have to verbally commit to her, truthfully or otherwise. It’s like how when you go to court, they have you swear on The Bible to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.. but what if you’re an Atheist? O_o They’re accepting your oath about something you don’t believe in in the first place.

So there are some guys that don’t believe that their girlfriends or wives don’t have any say over what he does with his personal life and promising her fidelity is completely meaningless. It’s just something she has to hear in order to get down with the program.

Revenge
Even though I think it’s extremely corny, I’m sure there are lots of times that guys hook up with other chicks in order to “get back” at their girlfriends or make them feel poorly. An argument jumps off or he feels disrespected in some way and he decides that he’s gonna “show HER!” by acting out and doing something he knows she’s not going to like.

Of course, this could lead to a spiral of revenge where she gets him back for getting her back and then he gets her back for getting him back ad nauseam. If that’s the case, you’re probably better off just breaking up with each other and saving yourselves and your friends that have to hear about and get dragged in to the drama from the misery.

Attitude
Believe it or not, there are guys that are turned off to having sex with a chick because she’s a JERK! :D

It’s kind of funny how women seem to believe that they can dump all kinds of negativity on a guy and he’s still going to be interested in hooking up with her like he was when everything was fun between them. Meanwhile, that’s why he hits the bar for two hours after work before coming home to you. First of all, so he can avoid you for two hours.. Second, so he can have pleasant company between being at work and being at home, and Third, so he can be drunk by the time you start running your mouth about nothing important.

Some guys end up cheating because they just simply have a nicer relationship to other women than their girlfriends/wives. It’s like “This side-female is doing for me and making my life wonderful while my main chick nags and gets on my nerves every chance she gets.. Why am I doing more for a troublemaker than someone who’s on the same page with me?”.

Again, this is partially *HIS* fault for not telling his woman to shape the **** up and stop being such a pest. It’s also his fault for not screening her properly before selecting her for a long term relationship. He would have known she had a crabby demeanor if he had been talking and LISTENING to her when they went out on dates instead of ignoring her babbling and hooking up with her until she accidentally got pregnant and he got stuck. \o/

Peer Pressure
When guys are hangin’ out “gettin’ girls”, there’s a lot of peer pressure for everyone to participate. It’s actually like a little side-game to see if guys that swear up and down that they’re not interested in women other than their girlfriends change their minds in the flow of the evening.

This is another unfortunate reason, because, again, it has nothing to do with satisfaction or dissatisfaction with the current relationship. A lot of guys get caught up in this, especially when alcohol is involved, and they wake up regretting it or not being able to look their woman in the eye or feeling like they need to fess up and let her know what they did behind her back. On top of that, they don’t even have a good excuse.. Not that ANY excuse for infidelity is “good”, but “I don’t know… It just happened. \o/” is entirely horrific. :D

The other problem with this is that some dudes just don’t want to see other dudes happy so they try to get them to hook up on purpose, specifically so they can get busted and their relationships might end. :/

It’s just sex \o/
Most of the time that you hear about guys cheating, they’re admitting that they got busted. Normally, they don’t get busted QUICKLY after they start cheating. You hear stuff like “I’ve been hooking up with a least 14 chicks that you know of for the last three years”. “I’ve been hooking up with some horrific-looking tattoo female for 11 months”. “I spent $4,000 on hookers”. “I skated to South America on the sneaks to spend time with The Love Of My Life”.

None of this stuff is new. This means that for a year or more, all of these women enjoyed perfectly normal relationships to their men while these guys were getting their side action. That’s because that’s what it is. Action. Recreation. Something to do. These guys didn’t tell their wives they wanted a divorce. They fully expected to continue having their cake and eating it too.

Clearly, as far as they were concerned, fidelity or monogamy had nothing to do with their marriages. They knew who they wanted to have sex with and they knew who they wanted to come home to.

The obvious exception to this is the “Love Of My Life” Governor-dude, because if he was so in love, how come he didn’t just divorce his wife and spend his days in South America with the woman he really cares about? O_o

Anyway.. A lot of guys cheat because it “Don’t Mean Nuthin’ \o/”. They can do it, enjoy their lives and get away clean with it without their wives finding out. Of course, it’s a gamble because if their wives DO find out, they could lose the Kids, the Cash and the Crib! :D

Biology & Statistics
There have to be another thousand reasons why guys cheat that I haven’t mentioned in this post. In fact.. I’m sure there are more reasons why guys DO cheat than there are reasons why they DON’T. If you can think of any, post your favorites in the comment section, below.

Some people like to roll with the biology excuse. I’ve brought it up myself to explain why monogamy isn’t natural, but I don’t believe it usually applies to this particular topic. I don’t know anybody that has sex with the actual INTENTION of having kids. It’s usually like “Whoops! \o/”.

Even though it’s true that having children with different women increases your offspring’s chances for viability in the next generation due to differing genetic combinations, I REEEEEEALLY don’t think that’s what anybody’s thinking when they decide to screw some chick other than their girlfriend or wife. It’s about fun, sensuality, recreation, variety, enjoying the day.. Lots of things.

The only way around this, IMO, is for women to get involved with men that are looking for one girlfriend to begin with. Good Luck with that because there are so many women that are ready and willing to sell out at the drop of a hat that guys looking for long term relationships tend to go off the market relatively quickly, if not instantly.

I’m not saying that all guys cheat, but the infidelity statistics for relationships (men and women combined) has hovered around 50% for the longest. That’s 1 out of every 2 people that cheats at some point during their relationship. IMO, all you can do is put your best foot forward, bring your A-Game to the table, spend a good amount of time getting to know what your Significant Other thinks and feels, and hope for the best.
 
I understand completely what you’re saying and I don’t take it as flattery because I’m not talking about things that I’ve made up myself. I’m talking about obvious, natural motivations for guys to do what they do as naturally felt by and expressed from a guy who feels such motivations as poignantly as I feel wind against my skin on a windy day or a bed beneath me when I lay down on one.

I don’t know anyone that pursues women they’re not attracted to. I don’t know anyone that wants to have sex with a female that physically repulses him. I don’t know anyone that would select a woman with a crabby personality over one with a fun, lovely personality if all other things were equal. I *DO* know guys who think their girls are STONE COLD IDIOTS but stay with them because being smart wasn’t involved in their job description in the first place. I *DO* know guys that put up with crabby attitudes because the sex is good. All I’m doing is describing life as usual, not writing descriptions of some fringe lifestyle I made up in my own mind.

As far as women seeing the truth, it’s tough. The Truth undermines all the brainwashing you received from before your earliest memories that you now have access to. I’m not saying, by ANY means that *ALL* guys cheat. I’m saying that the statistics have been 50% every time I’ve ever checked, so selling the “Happily Ever After” fairytale is disingenuous at the least and sinister at the most. SOME people subscribe to that particular dream and others don’t. If you subscribe and you come up against someone that doesn’t in the dating game, they’re going to eat your lunch.

If you can’t see the *POSSIBILITY* that a guy’s going to cheat on you, you won’t see him cheat on you. If you are TOLD that he cheated on you, you’ll probably get mad at the person that told you that for bursting your bubble.

What’s funny about this whole situation is that the only way to even HAVE a strong relationship with someone is to embrace the potential for treachery. You have GOT to see it as “He COULD cheat on me but elects not to because he feels XYZ about me” instead of “There’s no way he’s going to cheat on me because he said so” or “There’s no way he’s going to cheat on me because I know that I’m better than other women”. Ask Halle Berry and Sandra Bullock about that one. Remaining blind to the game just makes y’all back seat drivers. It doesn’t increase your chances of having a monogamous relationship. It DOES increase your chances of THINKING you have a monogamous relationship, which doesn’t do you an ounce of good AND could end up hurting you eventually.

What inspires me to keep stating what I consider to be the obvious is that it’s really, really, really, really, REALLY ANNOYING to me to keep running into sleeping women. Sleeping. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. It’s so annoying to run into yet another woman that’s clueless about what’s really going on in her love life that you wouldn’t even believe it. Hooking up with chicks is literally like stealing the proverbial candy from the baby. A SLEEPING baby, at that! :D So annoying.

I’m a sportsman. I enjoy The Game. I enjoy interacting with women that are intelligent, awake and aware. If that makes it harder for me to get on, so be it! :D I’m bored to death with the concept that I can chat some chick up, tell her we’re boyfriend & girlfriend or that I want to marry her or whatever I figured out she wanted and then she’ll hand over her entire life to me on the spot. Bored.

I’m hanging out with this chick, right? and she claims that she’s over her ex-boyfriend, except every time dude texts her, she hops on her phone and texts him right back with something she thinks is snide and condescending. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t respond. It’s painfully obvious to me that she was interacting with him because she’s still addicted to him. I could see the HOPE on her face when her phone would buzz again and she would check to see what he replied to her reply.

I’m tired of women that don’t realize how easy they are to manipulate. I write about this stuff so I can get it out and let it go. If I didn’t say anything about it, I’d be mad at myself for not doing so. I’ve been writing my blog for 3 or 4 years now and it NEVER occurred to me to write something so simple as “Why Men Cheat” because I thought we were all operating with this stuff as a ‘given’. It’s only been recently, and mainly though my conversations with reader “Sophia” that I’ve realized how entrenched and invested women are in the concept that when they select a man, that’s all she wrote and he’s never going to hook up with another chick while they’re still together, even though statistics and HISTORY have shown that 50% of relationships involve cheating.

My other reward, besides self-therapy is the few times that women that didn’t get it before ACTUALLY get it and learn new tools to select mates in a better fashion and look out for themselves more when they’re already in relationships. There are lots of women who are hip to the game and have been for ages. They’re not the ones I’m mainly speaking to. They’re just as amazed/appalled as I am about how easy lots of women are to get over on.

A reader came through a month or more ago talking about her boyfriend was drifting away from her, partially because she hadn’t hooked up with him in the 9 months they had been dating and that she was thinking about giving him some to rekindle the relationship. I’m like “WHY IS IT that NOBODY told her that’s not going to work?”.. This is what I mean. It’s the blind leading the blind and generation after generation of females get told the wrong thing and make the wrong decisions. According to what she came back and said, she changed her mind after our conversations and let the situation go. If that’s true, I feel like her life is going to be infinitely better for not tossing sex at him and having him take it and STILL leave her.

So I write stuff so I can personally get over it. I said what I had to say about the topic. It’s out there. I’m not being part of the problem by staying quiet about it. That’s good enough for me. Also, when things like this come up in IRL conversation, I can link chicks to my blog instead of saying all this stuff over and over and over.

Make no mistake.. I’m all for the fellaz bagging chicks and getting laid. I’d just personally rather see more girls and women making EDUCATED DECISIONS instead of being clueless or deliberately deluding themselves so they can pretend they’re living out a fairytale they were sold when their parents gave them baby dolls & tea sets to “play” with and painted their rooms pink because that’s what their parents did to them and that’s what their parents parents did to them…
 
I'm done trying to understand why men cheat. I will just leave if I find out he is.
I'm done psycho-analyzing the male species. I think women should spend a lot of that time and effort on themselves.
 
I don't disagree with any of these. The only thing I would add is that I think ego drives most all of this. So much of a man's sense of manhod is tied up to his sexual prowess so they cheat because otherwise they feel like less of a man. I also think some men who have issues with intimacy use sex as a surrogate. A guy I knew once told me he liked that he could pretend to feel love during sex. but that it was over once the deed was done. :nono:

I know one thing, I know a man's sex drive has nothing to do with cheating even though they try to sell us that line. If men were so ready for sex all the time, 24/7, then why are male sexual enhancers flying out the door?
 
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Whats the point

I read from that man that wrote the book Why Men Cheat that was on Oprah, that a certain percentage of men will cheat no matter what.

But that most of them are unhappy.

This man here is saying they cheat because they like sex, its fun/something to do, and they will cheat when they are unhappy, or know they wont get found out...and they will lie about it, and you shouldnt ever exclude the possibility.

What a sad world.
 
So basically there's nothing a woman can do, except be "on 24/7. Look perfect, never be upset, never nag, never argue, do everything he wants and cater to his every whim? That's not a relationship, that's just. . . . I don't know what to call it. Men are so effed up.
 
Kurlee said:
So basically there's nothing a woman can do, except be "on 24/7. Look perfect, never be upset, never nag, never argue, do everything he wants and cater to his every whim? That's not a relationship, that's just. . . . I don't know what to call it. Men are so effed up.
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And don't we all know women who've tried to do this and STILL get cheated on? I think it's about selecting the right man. I know a few marriages where I would be shocked if hubby cheated...they're just good honest, decent men and always have been.
 
Well thanks for the PSA OP...like I didn't have enough to be depressed about.:ohwell:

What's the point of even making an effort if all men eventually cheat for one reason or another.....:look:
 
ElegantPearl17 said:
Well thanks for the PSA OP...like I didn't have enough to be depressed about.:ohwell:

What's the point of even making an effort if all men eventually cheat for one reason or another.....:look:
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I vote for a moratorium on why men cheat; how to please a man; why men do this, why they say that.

I am in a relationship and I want it to work and I want it to be successful...gotta keep it positive. An amazing man will be honest and treat his mate with respect and be faithful to her. That's what I want and I don't want to hear any different.
 
if guys r going to cheat physically (its just sex type) dose it make it acceptable for a female to cheat emotionally (hes just a friend type)?
 
Maybe there should be an article about why men STAY faithful and how to weed out cheaters so that women can find faithful men. Perhaps interview men who a faithful for a change.

This whole list is usleless and redundant: men are going to do it, and all the ways and whys or how and when they do it is annoying. I think it makes women (or most I'd say) assume they have to deal with this crap and also it make some men believe they can get away with it. I don't care about the men who cheat. I care about the ones who don't.
 
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Kurlee said:
So basically there's nothing a woman can do, except be "on 24/7. Look perfect, never be upset, never nag, never argue, do everything he wants and cater to his every whim? That's not a relationship, that's just. . . . I don't know what to call it. Men are so effed up.
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Exactly. If a man believes that, that's a man I should ignore immediately. Because eventually you're going to slip up. No one can be perfect. And that's the perfect excuse for him to cheat right?That kinda person doesn't want a relationship he wants a doormat. Why would I set myself up for that situation and then later cry to my frieds about it. please. I'm not a masochist. Just the fact that someone thinks like that is alarming and automatically I would weed them out of my life. I don't think all men are effed up but men who think like this are.
 
AND what about when a man messes up...should we just run out with someone else? Shouldn't he be on his ps and qs too?

WHERE are the articles instructing men on how to walk the line for us, and don't mess up and keep that beer gut in check, and don't talk back, and on and on so that we dont' cheat? I would like to see some of those. The mind squeeze that the media is doing to women is sickening.
 
MissJ said:
I’m tired of women that don’t realize how easy they are to manipulate. I write about this stuff so I can get it out and let it go. If I didn’t say anything about it, I’d be mad at myself for not doing so. I’ve been writing my blog for 3 or 4 years now and it NEVER occurred to me to write something so simple as “Why Men Cheat” because I thought we were all operating with this stuff as a ‘given’. It’s only been recently, and mainly though my conversations with reader “Sophia” that I’ve realized how entrenched and invested women are in the concept that when they select a man, that’s all she wrote and he’s never going to hook up with another chick while they’re still together, even though statistics and HISTORY have shown that 50% of relationships involve cheating.

My…
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To the bolded it's said that 50 percent of men cheat. funny that it doesn't mention it's pretty similar for women to. Who are they cheating with lol! So that's means 50 percent of people cheat.

I know 1) I'm not one of them so that means there's a guy out there like me.

I also know that

2) It wasn't in my brother. I remember when I was younger, watching him as he was older than me. He was the "pretty boy" that girls went gaga for with the hazel eyes and rock (talking dwayne johnson) like body and tall with a ridiculous sense of humor to boot. And they would constantly ask me about him. And they'd do anything to throw themselves at him. And as we are close he'd confide in me. He was pissed when a girl threw herself on him and tried to kiss him when he was in a relationship.

I learned a lot watching my brother as opposed to my dad who'd say ridiculous thinks like the woman tempts the man. But of course he'd then say he didn't cheat but yeah right. When you're making excuses whatever. Inconsistent conversations means divided thoughts and hidden agendas.

However my brother just didn't fall prey to that pressure. From the time my brother was 16 till he got married , I watched as his friends joked about how if they were him they would get all the women they could, and they would just go behind his girlfriend (at the time) back. If they got the play my brother got...what they'd do and blah blah. But he never did. I remember once he confided in me that he just couldn't and didn't know why anyone would cheat. Well guess what? I'm the same way so I guess we are related (and so's my mome). When I am with someone my eyes a are only on him. I know there are other guys out there like that. Who do not cheat on women period. I believe I found one or I wouldn't marry. However I am not stupid and keep my eyes open of course.


So really I just don't believe that I should believe a guy will cheat so that I won't be heart broken. That's ridiculous logic. BUT I do believe that eyes should be opened, instincts should be followed and cheaters should be weeded out so that the real mean can step forward. They DO exist and they're not unicorns. Actually it's every other guy so that's actually comforting to know. And when they do step forward you should be optimistic unless you're given a reason not to be. Who wants to live llife with low expectations.
 
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Heaven forbid men start realizing that relationships aren't ALL about them and what they like, need, want, etc. If he can't handle the reality of being in an imperfect relationship with an imperfect person, staying single/unattached is ALWAYS an option.
 
luckiestdestiny said:
AND what about when a man messes up...should we just run out with someone else? Shouldn't he be on his ps and qs too?

WHERE are the articles instructing men on how to walk the line for us, and don't mess up and keep that beer gut in check, and don't talk back, and on and on so that we dont' cheat? I would like to see some of those. The mind squeeze that the media is doing to women is sickening.
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Of course not!! Boys will be boys, but women must be ladies. :yep:
 
Kurlee said:
So basically there's nothing a woman can do, except be "on 24/7. Look perfect, never be upset, never nag, never argue, do everything he wants and cater to his every whim? That's not a relationship, that's just. . . . I don't know what to call it. Men are so effed up.
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AND if you don't do all these things to the nth degree, he is justified to cheat. :rolleyes:

Its a mans world fa sho.
 
luckiestdestiny said:
The mind squeeze that the media is doing to women is sickening.
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More and more I think women are being socialized to lower our expectations when it comes to men. Have you all noticed how many articles have been out lately about how men are losing economic ground to women. One article was even titled "The End of Men". Today on my way in to work I was listening to an NPR show about how it is inevitable that women and men will change roles with women becoming the breadwinners and men being the homemakers because women are not only outperforming men in school, the types of jobs being created are more amenable to women. They even had an at-home Dad on the show talking about how great it was that he didn't have to work and his wife took care of all that.

Now I don't have an issue with folks who decide it makes more sense for wifey to work, and the hubby to stay home. Folks should do what works for them. But I do object to the non-stop sales job we are getting about lowering our expectations when it comes to men. It's like we should just be jumping out of our skin to get ANY man under ANY circumstances since they are so lame and yesterday.

I don't think the answer is to be single forever, but to me it's about having clear expectations about what you want and need from each other and doing your best to select a mate that is in alignment with you. There are no guarantees, but at least that way you don't go into relatinoships expecting (and getting) so much less then what you need and deserve.

It also helps if you don't fear singleness. Women who are afraid of ending up alone send off some seriously desperate vibes and they attract the worst of the worst becuase of it.
 
I love men, but they are pretty inferior to women, IMO, when it comes to things like having a strong sense of self which includes our sexuality. It's an extension of our intellect, our emotions, even our spiritual selves. Men? Their sexualities are running on an circuit totally independent of their higher minds. I read an article once (maybe it was on here, I forget) that claimed that women think about sex on a daily level almost as much as men do. But to actually go out and act on those thoughts, men run circles around women. I am convinced that it's because women don't have that sense of detachment from our higher selves that men seem to have.
 
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MissMasala5 said:
I love men, but they are pretty inferior to women, IMO, when it comes to things like having a strong sense of self which includes our sexuality. It's an extension of our intellect, our emotions, even our spiritual selves. Men? Their sexualities are running on an circuit totally independent of their higher minds. I read an article once (maybe it was on here, I forget) that claimed that women think about sex on a daily level almost as much as men do. But to actually go out and act on those thoughts, men run circles around women. I am convinced that it's because women don't have that sense of detachment from our higher selves that men seem to have.
Click to expand...

I'm not so sure about that. I do think that being somewhat spiritual (not to be confused with religious) can possibly keep cheating at bay. I also think it's a choice.But we're just as bad (with cheating) as them. Society only fools us into thinking it's only the men. Uhm...they are cheating with someone. I think women would also lie more in the studies too as not to be perceive badly (societal pressure). So I think our #s are close or just as high as our counterparts.Whereas men do not feel badly saying they cheat to an anonymous source...how could they with articles like the one we're discussing circle arguing that its their nature.

Regardless psychology today states:
Why Women Have Secret Lovers | Psychology Today
Estimates of infidelity range from 30-60 percent of women compared to 50-70 percent of men. The gap is closing. Why then do so many women take secret lovers? Why do they cheat?
--------------------------------


I think more women are speaking the truth as our society changes but I'm pretty sure some are zipping that lip and shaking their head no while the men proudly say yes. Either way the "gap is closing" according to the article (imo the truth is coming out more than in the past). So women aren't better. We're just as bad in that respect.

So the answer to cheating is innate for some, and should be a choice for others who don't have that innate connection as you call it. They should think long term about the consequences of destroying their relationships, and also possibly compromising the heath of another person (but then that indeed does mean taking a more spiritual approach and thinking outside of the self.). And really I don't know if this is possible. Sounds pessimistic but here's where my optimism comes in. I don't ignore reality but I find a way to put the odds in my favor without compromising my integrity or living in denial:i

What I do know instead is that I don't worry about that. My goal was to find that other 50 percent who know better and do not cheat whether innately or by choice. It's not like it's 1 percent or some impossible mission. Its EVERY OTHER guy. I could be wrong, anyone could...but I'll keep filtering until I find him (and if he's 50 percent that means that every other guy someone dates should NOT cheat. And hopefully a person could recognize the other type and filter super fast instead of trying to change him. If a person finds it's every guy..refer to the studies. Not all mean cheat so there's another issue at hand. What signs did you ignore? I'm pretty sure a person's gut instinct most of the time was screaming but they pressed the delete button and KIM for a number of reasons from trying to give him a "chance", to thinking he looks good on paper so maybe...., to just plain ignoring signs blinded by his looks, or ignoring double talk (when a person says on thing and then another, or his actions are inconsistent with his words and his moral compass is off in some way or another). And with some, the assumption that a man cheats attract men who know they can get away with it. Hey you're the
perfect woman. You'll get mad, but you'll accept it, right? Cause they all do it?).

I'm all for the pro active non helpless approach: not just wringing my hands and sighing, crossing my fingers hoping I found the right guy while thinking it's a hopeless situation that really is a crap shoot. 50 percent don't cheat. Its not hopeless. Those guys are enough for me. Could we make a mistake? Sure but not EVERY time. It's impossible. Flip a penny and you have 50/50 chance of getting heads or tails. That's the same if we lined up every guy. Now add instinct, and awareness (not ignoring details) and we cut that down even more if we insist upon finding faithful partners. The odds are actually on our side if we accept them and work through them.
 
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MissMasala5 said:
I love men, but they are pretty inferior to women, IMO, when it comes to things like having a strong sense of self which includes our sexuality. It's an extension of our intellect, our emotions, even our spiritual selves. Men? Their sexualities are running on an circuit totally independent of their higher minds. I read an article once (maybe it was on here, I forget) that claimed that women think about sex on a daily level almost as much as men do. But to actually go out and act on those thoughts, men run circles around women. I am convinced that it's because women don't have that sense of detachment from our higher selves that men seem to have.
Click to expand...

Girl we are >>>here<<<

Shoot my day to day thoughts are seriously X rated, but I am not promiscious in the least. I think women tend to be less impulsive, less into immediate gratification, and more concerned about the impact their behavior as on others...and I'm pretty sure brain science backs up this notion that our brains tend to funcition differently then mens.

But luckiestdestiny has a point. More and more women are adopting "male" behaviors and attitudes...mostly as a survival tactic if you ask me. The question is it really serving us...and to the point your raising is it serving our soul. I think not. I personally think we need to resist all the forces that try to undermine our "feminine" strengths like compassion and vulnerability. As I'm writing this I'm thinking about all the amazing African sisters I've met who are women through and through but who have no problem standing up for themselves and what they believe.
 
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