Whose Day Is It?

[tapioca_pudding]

I didn't want to derail someones personal thread, but I have been bothered by this for many years.

I never understand when women say 'its my day!' with regards to the wedding.

Like it wouldn't even be a DAY if your fiance hadn't proposed. The day is for the both of you. If it's YOUR day then marry yourself.

I do not understand the notion that all the groom needs to do is 'show up' and it's 'not about him'. It's a WEDDING CEREMONY, not your personal fashion show/display. It's the celebration of your marriage, not the celebration of you in a fancy dress.

Some men have always had an idea of what their wedding will be like just like women may. And regardless, unless he explicitly comes and says to you, "Babe you handle everything and I'll just show up", why wouldn't you get the input of the man who asked you to marry him, aka made this day possible, aka you're about to spend forever with? I don't get it.

I have another opinion on the effect this line of thinking brings into the marriage over time, but I'll save that for another day/if it comes up.

Would love someone to explain this logic. I'm not intending to be inflammatory so I would hope others are not as well. I just cannot get a clear picture of how this way of thinking came about and is acceptable.

 

[tapioca_pudding]

If this should be in OT or something thats fine.

 

[ladysaraii]

If this should be in OT or something thats fine.

If you want more views, you should probably post it in OT. I think it could be a good discussion

 

[PrissiSippi]

OP I agree with ya. I think women say it's my day because we're the ones who care about the logistics like that.

I literally spent 30 minutes deciding on what color gray would be appropriate for the wedding. light gray, medium gray. or dark gray. DH Did not care. He would have been in a plaid suit and he would have been chill lol.

I believe wedding are a union of the two families so I believe both the groom and bride should plan it, but guys simply don't care as much. I remember wedding planning it was like pulling teeth. One time I exclaimed, "You just don't care" while tryna decide between chicken or roast beef. lol

DH said I care about you not the wedding, just tell me how much money you need for the food...hell get both chicken AND roast beef I don't care lol. I think we involved in the whole scheme of things. I wanted the guests to have a GOOD time, eat good, drink good, and have fun within my whole little theme lol. DH Was like Let's do this hahaha.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Usually the whole "it's my day" sentiment pertains to other meddling family members, not the groom. If there is something specific he wants, he should be able to give his input, and then the bride handles the rest. In-laws, cousins, grandparents, etc. are notorious for trying to impose their wishes on the bride, in which case I agree it's her day, not theirs, and she should be able to do what she wants as long as her groom is on board.

 

[LiftedUp]

Honestly it depends on the couple to me. Everything outside of the actual marriage ceremony is just a party too me. Most men care less about the latter, some do, a lot prefer to give their women the shine, some want to share the spotlight. However since the most men aren't into all the details, it becomes about the women. Carrying over the details concerning party planning into one's marriage is just silly to me.

 

[BGT]

OP I agree with ya. I think women say it's my day because we're the ones who care about the logistics like that.

I literally spent 30 minutes deciding on what color gray would be appropriate for the wedding. light gray, medium gray. or dark gray. DH Did not care. He would have been in a plaid suit and he would have been chill lol.

I believe wedding are a union of the two families so I believe both the groom and bride should plan it, but guys simply don't care as much. I remember wedding planning it was like pulling teeth. One time I exclaimed, "You just don't care" while tryna decide between chicken or roast beef. lol

DH said I care about you not the wedding, just tell me how much money you need for the food...hell get both chicken AND roast beef I don't care lol. I think we involved in the whole scheme of things. I wanted the guests to have a GOOD time, eat good, drink good, and have fun within my whole little theme lol. DH Was like Let's do this hahaha.

Not married, engaged, or dating. but I agree with this. It's definitely our day, but I think men just don't care about most details and things like that. When I do get married, I want to incorporate things that both of us love. Besides food, liquor, and music, I don't think most men want to deal with anything else at a wedding.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

A lot of men care. I wanted to elope. DH wanted the big wedding and attended almost all of the vendor meetings.
If it was up to me, we would have been married on the beach in Mexico with maybe 20 guests. He wanted open bar, hundreds of guests and no carnations. lol