When men cheat, is it the woman's fault?

[gone_fishing]

Do you all honestly believe that the ONLY reason a man cheats is because the woman isn't taking care of business?

I have never understood why women who sleep with involved men make this assertion? Is it so they can feel better about what they are doing? I don't get it.

I've seen men who did cheat and then afterwards realize how wrong they are and that the woman they cheated on is now really the only woman they want. I've had men crying in my office over women who now wanted a divorce. Some women leave and the man feels sorrow for a long time but some women stay and forgive and they make it.

If the only reason a man cheated was because she wasn't doing something correctly, then that circumstance I mentioned above would not exist.

 

[MzLady78]

Not necessarily. I think it could go either way. It can be because something's missing in the relationship or he could just be a triflin' negro who can't keep his d--k in his pants.

But I think that women who automatically think that the man is cheating with them cause the other woman ain't handlin' business are dellusional.

 

[mermaid]

As many times as this topic has come up, I don't think anyone here ever would lay the blame on the cheated on spouse; the genereal consensus has been to lay the blame on the cheater.
The person who cheats could always end the relationship if they were getting enough, or could drag the other person to counceling or SOMETHING instead of cheating.

 

[Iansan]

When cheating occurs it's always the cheater's fault. If they are unhappy in the relationship and feel unfulfilled they should have respect for their partner and just leave period.

 

[envybeauty]

why is the victim always blamed?

 

[Summer_Rain]

Personally, no - I don't feel this way at all. Actually, I'm more likely to think that there is very little "wrong" with his woman. Men cheat because they crave newness, they cheat out of boredom, "they" cheat because it's in their hearts to do so. They may use other things to justify, but rarely isn't it THE reason.

 

[gone_fishing]

As many times as this topic has come up, I don't think anyone here ever would lay the blame on the cheated on spouse; the genereal consensus has been to lay the blame on the cheater.
The person who cheats could always end the relationship if they were getting enough, or could drag the other person to counceling or SOMETHING instead of cheating.

I understand what you are saying but it was said a few times on the other thread that if "she" had been taking care of business he wouldn't be cheating with the other woman. It was also said that if the man is willing to cheat he wasn't with her to begin with? I'm just trying to get a feel for how many people subscribe to this line of thought.

 

[MzLady78]

I understand what you are saying but it was said a few times on the other thread that if "she" had been taking care of business he wouldn't be cheating with the other woman. It was also said that if the man is willing to cheat he wasn't with her to begin with? I'm just trying to get a feel for how many people subscribe to this line of thought.

It was said but that opinion was the minority.

 

[MzLady78]

Personally, no - I don't feel this way at all. Actually, I'm more likely to think that there is very little "wrong" with his woman. Men cheat because they crave newness, they cheat out of boredom, "they" cheat because it's in their hearts to do so. They may use other things to justify, but rarely isn't it THE reason.

You ever see "Someone Like You" with Ashley Judd and Hugh Jackman?

It's the "new cow" theory.

 

[locabouthair]

Not necessarily. I think it could go either way. I can because something's missing in the relationship or he could just be a triflin' negro who can't keep his d--k in his pants.

But I think that women who automatically think that the man is cheating with them cause the other woman ain't handlin' business are dellusional.

ITA!

And sometimes the man is crying over his wife divorcing him cause he knows she's gonna take him for everything he has

 

[mermaid]

I understand what you are saying but it was said a few times on the other thread that if "she" had been taking care of business he wouldn't be cheating with the other woman. It was also said that if the man is willing to cheat he wasn't with her to begin with? I'm just trying to get a feel for how many people subscribe to this line of thought.

I think if someone blames the cheated on spouse, then it is out of snideness, lack of compassion or people who are of the mindset to also blame the other woman (who may or may not know of the marriage status) instead of her own husband, or herself- anyone but the cheater because some people are so deserate to keep a man that they excuse his behavior.

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

Women often make this assertion because the men blow their heads up, pitting the SO/wife as a terrible person, and the new girl as the most wonderful thing he has ever come across.

 

[gone_fishing]

Thank you all for your comments. They are appreciated.

 

[MzLady78]

ITA!

And sometimes the man is crying over his wife divorcing him cause he knows she's gonna take him for everything he has

For real!

I've said to bfs in the past, "if you ever get to the point where you feel like you might wanna cheat, do me a favor and just bounce".

I'd rather you leave than cheat.

 

[Junonia]

When cheating occurs it's always the cheater's fault. If they are unhappy in the relationship and feel unfulfilled they should have respect for their partner and just leave period.

This is exactly how I feel. A man can have a woman that fulfills his every need and desire and still will cheat, out of greed.

 

[Iansan]

I understand what you are saying but it was said a few times on the other thread that if "she" had been taking care of business he wouldn't be cheating with the other woman. It was also said that if the man is willing to cheat he wasn't with her to begin with? I'm just trying to get a feel for how many people subscribe to this line of thought.

I'll try to add on. I had a male friend who was cheating on his wife and his reasons were that she didn't "keep herself up" enough, wasn't attentive, didn't cook, and was boring in bed. Actually most men that I know that are with someone and try to approach me or are friends of mine that are cheating use these excuses. I've only met one man that kept it real and just said that he wanted new p*** and his extracurricular activities had nothing to do with what his wife did or didn't do. Hmm...

 

[Dee-Licious]

ITA!

And sometimes the man is crying over his wife divorcing him cause he knows she's gonna take him for everything he has

that's EXAAAAAACTLY the first thought I had when i read about ole dude crying and ish

i think it has more to do with that alimony/divorce settlement

 

[Finesse]

There are so many other woman that tell themselves that crap. Partially because they allow the cheating husband to fill their empty heads up with lies about the wife. I was a big dummy at one time and fell for that mess. But, one day I woke up and ask myself and him....if she is so bad why are you still there?

 

[locabouthair]

For real!

I've said to bfs in the past, "if you ever get to the point where you feel like you might wanna cheat, do me a favor and just bounce".

I'd rather you leave than cheat.

i said the same thing but he still cheated Some men just wanna have their cake and eat it too.

I feel like men try to make it seem like it's the women's fault men cheat but women do it also. I hear women all the time say well "I gotta do x,y,z cuz if I don't another one will" I dont get why its so hard to understand that some men will cheat no matter what you do.

 

[MzLady78]

I'll try to add on. I had a male friend who was cheating on his wife and his reasons were that she didn't "keep herself up" enough, wasn't attentive, didn't cook, and was boring in bed. Actually most men that I know that are with someone and try to approach me or are friends of mine that are cheating use these excuses. I've only met one man that kept it real and just said that he wanted new p*** and his extracurricular activities had nothing to do with what his wife did or didn't do. Hmm...

Okay, I can see where this may be a problem (especially the boring in bed, that would irk the hell outta me ) but I wonder, did he address these issues with his wife? Sometimes folks avoid convos like these because they're uncomfortable but the truth is, all of those things can be worked on with some effort.

 

[caltron]

I think MOST of the time when a man cheats, it's not the woman's fault. But relationships are all about give and take, and there are occasions when one party is not holding up their end in meeting their partner's emotional or physical needs. I'm not talking about petty stuff like not being in the mood as often as he is, or gaining a little weight, but just taking your mate for granted in general and not working on the relationship. I don't subscribe to the theory that both people are equally at fault when a relationship is in trouble. Most of the time, one person is more to blame than the other.

I don't think it's always so easy to just pick up and leave when you love someone in these situations. I'm not saying cheating is ever right, but in some situations I understand what led to the cheating.

That being said, it seems that men can cheat on their mate without having a "reason," but women only do it when something is majorly wrong in the relationship.

 

[MzLady78]

i said the same thing but he still cheated Some men just wanna have their cake and eat it too.

I feel like men try to make it seem like it's the women's fault men cheat but women do it also. I hear women all the time say well "I gotta do x,y,z cuz if I don't another one will" I dont get why its so hard to understand that some men will cheat no matter what you do.

Well, he go into the trifling negro catagory then!

I don't know, man, sometimes I think I need to just stay single and avoid the bs.

I can't stand the deception and games that people like to engage in these days.

 

[CoCoGirl821]

I dont think that it is ever the woman's fault. You choose to cheat. However, a man can be driven to cheat just like a woman. I have seen instances where a woman may drive her husband away. Just because u get married doesnt mean the fun stops. You have to keep the"fire" in the relationship. If that fire stops, someone is bound to ind it elsewhere...thats human nature. However, you cant fault the spouse when that other person cheats. He should have brought this to the wife's attention, gone to counseling, and done everything in his power to save his marriage.

When you are just dating (no marriage or engagement), things are a little different. I think men that cheat while dating are just dogs. Its soo much easier to break up when you dont have a piece of paper tying you two together...no exceptions/excuses for a man in this instance.

 

[LovelyZ]

nope, never an excuse for cheating. try to work it out, if you can't then leave. but to do the wrong thing and blame someone else for it is KRAZY.

 

[camellia]

No.

If someone cheats (man or woman) it is his or her fault alone.

 

[foxy kc]

No.

If someone cheats (man or woman) it is his or her fault alone.

ITA........

 

[blasianbeauty]

Not necessarily. I think it could go either way. It can be because something's missing in the relationship or he could just be a triflin' negro who can't keep his d--k in his pants.

I think this is what it boils down to, it's either one or the other.

 

[Amber_moon]

Do you all honestly believe that the ONLY reason a man cheats is because the woman isn't taking care of business?

I have never understood why women who sleep with involved men make this assertion? Is it so they can feel better about what they are doing? I don't get it.

I've seen men who did cheat and then afterwards realize how wrong they are and that the woman they cheated on is now really the only woman they want. I've had men crying in my office over women who now wanted a divorce. Some women leave and the man feels sorrow for a long time but some women stay and forgive and they make it.

If the only reason a man cheated was because she wasn't doing something correctly, then that circumstance I mentioned above would not exist.

ARE YOU SERIOUS????? HELL NO. When a man cheats it has NOTHING to do with the woman!! It usually has to do with insecurity or disloayalty on his end.

Any woman who blames herself for a mans disloyalty is stupid. And futhermore any MAN who blames himself for a womans disloyalty is also stupid.

Cheaters have problem with themselves. And they have to resolve those problems for themselves. It has nothing to do with their SO. NOTHING AT ALL.

 

[DragonPearl]

Women cheat too. When it happens, is it the man's fault?

People cheat because they wanna. Some people are serial cheaters, some people are once-in-a-lifetime cheaters, some are in-between. Though each group may do it for various complex reasons, bottom line still, it's because they wanna. It's never the other person's fault. People always have the option of bailing out of a relationship if they can't deal with the other person.

While it's NEVER the other person's fault, imo cheating signals that something vital is amiss in the relationship.

When there are children involved, they may be the glue that keep the cheating person in the relationship. I've seen it. There are many people whose sexual and emotional personas conflict with their parental personas, and for them, cheating is one way for them to handle the conflict.

 

[Golong]

Do you all honestly believe that the ONLY reason a man cheats is because the woman isn't taking care of business?

I have never understood why women who sleep with involved men make this assertion? Is it so they can feel better about what they are doing? I don't get it.

I've seen men who did cheat and then afterwards realize how wrong they are and that the woman they cheated on is now really the only woman they want. I've had men crying in my office over women who now wanted a divorce. Some women leave and the man feels sorrow for a long time but some women stay and forgive and they make it.

If the only reason a man cheated was because she wasn't doing something correctly, then that circumstance I mentioned above would not exist.

This is what men would like women to believe....unforturnatly some women do .