What my hair goes thru for love

[chocobuddah]

Have you ever had a SO whose close friend's/family member's opinion mattered so much, you'd stop at NOTHING to get that person to like you? I'm talkin bout a best friend or sister, or in my case His MOTHER. Normally after a couple of futile attemps to get someone to like me, I give up and stop trying, but you guys he loves and respects her so much that it's been 2 and 1/2 years here i still am...ffrant:

yesterday SO thought it would be fun to pay a christmas eve visit home, and my family's out of town so I tagged along (against my better judgement). We got there when she was curling her younger daughter's hair; after telling me about some of the products and irons she uses, she said, "I'm done and could do YOUR hair too!"

Ya'll, I know I wasn't looking amazing. I'm about 10 weeks post and I had a headband and a weave bun. It's not that I can't do my hair, I just didn't think I needed to. I politely refused. she politely pushed. "come on, I can work with what you got" (referring to my partial tracks) I politely refused again. I looked at my boyfriend like, and can you believe this guy was like, "Go on baby, My mom'll hook you up". What was I to do?

I sat down and she got to work putting cholesterol (yes, the conditioner) in my hair, followed by let's jam (yes the brown gel) and raking a brush over my self-sewn tracks. "We gon have you lookin right, girl!" you guys should have seen the perma-smile plastered to my face, when on the inside i was.Then came the the curling iron and which point SO says, "is her hair supposed to smoke like that?" She insisted it was just the fake hair. I felt differently.

She had me check out the finished product: a (very high, very tight) half pony tail slicked down in the front, bumpy from loose tracks. let's not talk about the crispy spirals. I looked like the little girl on the just-for-me relaxer box. on crack. She asked me what I thought and I told her I really liked it inocchio.

What would you have done? Normally I could have a backbone about this, but..*sigh*

 

[latingirly020488]

Oh no!! I feel so bad girl .. If it would have been me I would have made some story up how my head hurt or anything not to let her touch my hair.

 

[Dymmeonds]

The good part about it is that she seems to have meant well. For next time, give her the "nah, I'm good" (NY speak...but "No, Thank you" is the appropriate way to say it) instead of turning to the SO b/c they rarely choose you over their mother's will..... We all do our time baby.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

[TrustMeLove]

Is this a type of relationship you can live with for 30+ years? If not than you need to rethink your relationship with your SO and his mother.

Some things we settle for at 20 or 30 isn't going to work in our 50's. You need to let him and his momma know ASAP if you expect to be happy. Because it is obvious if you marry him you are marrying into his family too (mother specifically).

I've been where you are, straightened my hair to death to impress someone because I knew they liked my hair freshly done. I stopped that maddness.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Op I forgot to add that you'd better get to deep conditioning your hair asap from the abuse you endured. You are going to need to stop trying to please folx if you want any hair left on your head.

 

[DarkHair]

Sorry you went through that. I agree with pp, put that in check.

Next time let her know that you are happy with your hair right now. BUT, you need to reprimand your man for hanging you out to dry.

 

[**SaSSy**]

The next time you see her you should politely tell her that you would perfer her not touching you hair, and that you are satisfy with what you do to it on your own. One of the main things that are important to me is respecting my personal space, and she kind of violated your personal space by you saying you didn't want her at first to do your hair, but then you let her. It's like if someone doesn't like your personal style and keeps saying to you "Girl, I'll give you a makeover"! So you really should talk to her and your SO so they will understand.

 

[Millahdoowop]

I just would have kept saying "no thank you" until she stopped. Why don't folks understand no?

 

[TrustMeLove]

Also say something other than no. I like to limit my heat usage.

Oh thank you so much, it is obvious that you very talented, but I am going to have to pass. I plan on getting my hair done really soon. But, that was so sweet of you to offer.

My hair reacts badly to jam..to gel...to non ceramic curling irons. I have a very strict hair regimen and if I deter from it my hair starts breaking off. Thank you..I really do appreciate you wanting to do that fo rme..very sweet and caring of you..

YADDAA YADDA YADDA... You see how much stuff I came up with? You can too. Get creative..use your imagination. And always say it really nicely and as if you were touched that she would offer such a thing. GL in the future.

 

[JerriBlank]

I'm sorry op,but ain't no way i would have let that lady have me walking around looking a plumb fool
When she got done,you should have said "Now i'll do yours!!!!"
And keep insisting and see if she would have let you do that to her!!!!

Did you have a full weave,or did you have hair out?

 

[MA2010]

OP you told that story so well. Just reading it placed me right there in the mist of it all....lol. You were being polite, nothing wrong at all.

If I heard the word "smoke" and "hair' in the same sentence it would have been another ending.

However, I would have done and said anything for her not to touch my hair to begin with.

 

[Calia001]

I just would have kept saying "no thank you" until she stopped. Why don't folks understand no?

Because to some people, "no" means "if you keep asking me I'll eventually give in. I'm just saying no because I've actually never tried it and I'm scared and self conscious about new things"

 

[naturalmanenyc]

After over 2 years with SO, he should know about your hair care preferences.

I think it was a mistake to give in to his mom because she will think that she can convince you of more than screwing up your hair...presuming this will be a long term relationship. He can love and respect his mother, and he should, but if you were to become his wife then you come first.

Next time, be honest and tell his mother that your hair care regimen is not something you are willing to change right now....but of course you should be polite and thank her for the offer to do your hair.

 

[hairedity]

bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

My exact sentiments "just for me -on crack"

...Next time try to say no thank you. ,and I agree, an immediate deep conditioning session should be in order.

 

[Vinyl]

You should have gotten up, looked to the Mom and said, "Okay, your turn! "

 

[Transformer]

It doesn't sound like the mother was malicious. Maybe she just likes to play "Barbie." I do my daughter's hair---rollersetting. DS's girlfriend seems to always drop by when I'm playing Barbie. She has hair challenges due to perms/braids/weaves and I've tried to convince her to go natural and straighten by rollersetting.

I've made comments like "I'm playing Barbie and the chair will be open in 10 minutes." I then show her how well DD's bra strap length hair comes out without the need of a relaxer. Due to this thread though, I'm now sensitive to how the comments might be received. I really do like to play Barbie...I will braid the little girls in the neighborhood hair in a second!

By the way I also play "Ken Doll"---DH's name is Ken and when he wants some pampering he hops in the chair and say "me Ken doll."

 

[EMJazzy]

Oh hell no THAT would NEVER have happened. Girl you betta give your backbone some extra calcium if you plan to stay in that relationship.

 

[Whisper29]

You poor thing. She seems real persistent and if you plan on being with him for the long haul you are gonna need to learn how to handle her. She know you love her son and would do anything to please her to make them both happy. ( I agree with The Dreamer) Next time flip it on her and say as long as you let me do yours we have a deal and just laugh it off...i bet she wouldnt let you touch her hair.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

What a tragedy! Lawd.... Well, luckily my mother in law has SHUT up now that I have lots of hair..... NO one TOUCHES it.

 

[PuffyBrown]

:hardslap: (my first thought!)

Wow, I I am surprised that people like that still exist.
That would have made me feel horrible. I would inspit of her
get my hair hooked up for the next visit (if there is one), and be like

 

[Nenah]

Wow!!!!!! you must love that man but on the serious side. I would have told her politely no, thank you and quickly changed the subject.
There is no way I would’ve let her slap all that goop and a curling iron in my head. Never look to the man he don't know better. Oh well, start pampering your hair.

 

[Puerto Rican Princess]

I'm sorry for laughing, but you were so funny telling the story. I do feel your pain. I am active duty military, currently on a deployment, and I had to leave my 2year old baby with my mother in law. She ruined her hair! She keeps her short curly hair into a high and tight pony tail, and managed to break off about 2 inches of hair from around her hairline all around her head. I can't say anything because I know she loves her grandbaby, and I don't want to start an argument, but, grrr! Every time I see her on the webcam I just want to scream!

 

[Taina]

I've refused her "offer" not everybody know how to deal with my hair, and i just don't want a setback in my hair. Sometimes polite doesn't work, is not to ne all rude, but let her know that you just don't wanna do it. Is better to tell the truth than look like an 11 yrs old girl and maybe have all your hair damaged.

 

[BostonMaria]

Oh I don't know what I would've done. I won't even let my own mom do my hair, let alone my MIL. I'd probably jump out the bathroom window or something LOL