What does your man feel about you transitioning or being natural?

Ishtar

Ishtar

New Member
So I've been single for a while now and I've been thinking that maybe...just maybe I would like to start dating again. So I've met this cute guy who goes to my church. Whenever there are events I want to look my best. Like Steve Harvey said men are attracted to women who are "shiny". I know that my transitioning hair doesn't always look fresh. I want to resist the urge to always straighten when I'm going out.

The one thing I have been dwelling on is that this man definitely has seen my hair curly, kinky, frizzy and he still seems to like me and pull me aside to speak with me. So it's possible that it's not something that will cause him to lose interest.

Ladies, how do men in general receive your natural or transitioning hair? How about when you're on the dating scene? More importantly, how do you feel about your hair and dating?
 
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First of all, if a man is only interested in your hair, he's not the one for you. Secondly, when I told my SO that I'm trying to go natural, it didn't really faze him. He doesn't mind as long as my hair looks nice. And there are PLENTY of styles that look good for transitioning hair. Yes, I will admit that I have my HAM days, but who doesnt? Even though he always asks me "Are you natural yet?" Lol. Its kinda cute...
 
I think that transitioning hair is beautiful. It's nice to see the texture coming in and feel it on wash days. However, I'm VERY aware that not a lot of people see it this way. To them, it's like what's going on with her hair? So I try to keep it in a neat bun or a halfwig if I'm feeling antsy about my bun. Not that exciting, but it keeps me from having to straighten and makes me look "shiny" lol.

About hair and dating: if he has already seen you with the hair all over the place, and still likes you, great! He thinks you're hott no matter what you do with your hair. Cool! But with attracting other men, keep in mind that they like what they like. The ones that don't like your hair will be instantly weeded out b/c they won't talk to you in that way. So don't worry about it. Rock your shiny look, keep your hair neat, and the ones that will notice and like it, will notice and like it. HTH
 
I was wearing weaves when I met my SO. When I decided to wear my natural texture he was very supportive. He didn't like the BC, because he likes longer hair, but after a week he totally understood why I did it. Indirectly my BC and wearing my natural texture has raised his awareness of blacks with natural hair. He doesn't like the plaits though, in the front they usually point up (making me look like Krusty the Clown) and the satin sleeping caps (bedroom).
 
My SO loved the entire transitioning process, lol! He loved playing in the new growth as it came in, he would help braid the hair for braid-outs, everything. I guess I was lucky in that my hair was only ear length when we met because I like it short. When I started to transition I was around SL, so he'd seen my hair at different lengths. Now it's approaching APL straightened, but is still short (EL-NL) when curly. I completely agree with Miryoku about the weeding out process; I knew men who couldn't stand that I was going natural, but the one who matters most was the most supportive.
 
Most men will say they hate natural hair, but very few are dumb enough to not date someone just because they are natural (or transitioning).

My SO met me when my hair was straight and perked up when I let him know I am natural. He later asked to see my hair curly, and washed it for me. He loved it....I don't think it is possible for a man to be more supportive than him. Then again, his mom has always been natural and his sister BC'd a few years ago, so he's had some exposure to it.

There's another thread on this somewhere around here. Very informative.
 
Who are all these men who care so deeply about hair?

Other than gay men, I've never encountered men who knew transitioning from a transistor, texlaxed from a text-message. Only thing average men know is long hair and short hair - they may have a preference, but they couldn't tell you anything else about it. Well, they know what dreads are, but short of that, they haven't a clue.

OP, any guy who worries about your hair being natural or relaxed is a little odd. A man with a messed-up mentality is probably not what you're looking for, in any case. Let the natural hair haters weed themselves out for you.

Keep it moisturized and wear it w/confidence. When you have poofy/frizzy/crazy hair days, just wear a fabulous hairtoy and a cute outfit so it looks like you wanted it to look that way, lol. Natural hair can look very upscale/fashion forward - even moreso than relaxed hair, IMO. You just gotta learn how to rock it!
 
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My SO is supportive of my transitioning journey; however, he has gotten so into that he keeps asking me to do my BC. It gets a little frustrating at times because he doesn't understand why I just won't cut it already.
 
My DH was supportive during my transitioning stage, even when my hair looked a HAM. He loves my hair whether its curly or straight, but I think he prefers it straight because it shows the true length (see my siggie). If he didn't like it I'd tell him to kick rocks LOL

Like somebody else mentioned, its all about how you take care of your hair. My hair is always well groomed whether its curly or flatironed. I always try to look my best for him.
 
sipp100 said:
Other than gay men, I've never encountered men who knew transitioning from a transistor, texlaxed from a text-message. Only thing average men know is long hair and short hair - they may have a preference, but they couldn't tell you anything else about it. Well, they know what dreads are, but short of that, they haven't a clue.
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My DH had no clue when I first started transitioning. Of course as I learned I would share my experience with him. He always tells me he loves my natural hair. He knows "natural" but if I started to explain regimens he'd do this :ohwell::perplexed:rolleyes::wallbash: LMAO!! He says "hair stuff" and that's the code word for everything I do to my herr.
 
I think that with most men as long as you seem really confident with your hair (as well as any other choice you make), they will find you sexy. When women have a mindset thats like "This is how I want to look, I LOVE IT, and if you don't then hunnie I definately can find someone who will"...I think men like that lol.
 
I've never had any issues with men or attracting them when I was transitioning or when I did the BC. I met my last boyfriend when I had a TWA and even though he wasn't crazy about short hair he was still attracted to me so it didnt matter.

I also find that many men actually appreciate natural hair and for those who do not don't even matter.

I believe as long as you have confidence and your hair is healthy (whether it is relaxed, natural, or in between) your hair won't be an issue.
 
He's 100% supportive. He's not really that interested BUT will get me whatever I need whenever I ask (and most times I don't have to. If I'm running low he'll just pick it up). There's no as long as I keep it neat because my hair is always neat. Otherwise I don't leave the house. But I'll be honest, If I walked outside with him with a matted afro he wouldn't give a rats behind lol
 
SO is very supportive- He just wishes I would wear my natural hair out since I made the decision to cut off all of my hair and chose to be natural.

He does not understand the whole protective styling route that I am going for.

*sigh* I am seriously impatiently waiting for APL. At that point I will bun like a feign.

Until then. Weaves/wigs it shall be
 
I've had to educate my SO on everything related to hair. He's white and I'm black, so explaining all the differences and extra steps was funny to me.

After I BC'ed, I was really nervous because he seemed to like straight, longer hair on me, but come to find out, he thought I would be rocking a baldie after I BC'ed. He thinks the style is cute and sometimes plays in my kinks and comments on how my hair is curling up. It's really cute.
 
I'm transitioning one year post and my boyfriend doesn't have a problem with it at all. He says he likes to play in my naps and that my hair looks healthy. I'm in kinky twists extensions right now and he loves them, which surprised me.

I think MOST men just want your hair to look nice/groomed and flattering on you, regardless of whether it is straight, curly, kinky, whatever. For me honestly, a bad hair day is a bad hair day, an unflattering style is an unflattering style, period. I had many, if not more, bad hair days as a relaxed head as I do now.

Random OT- My bf has always commented on how clean and nice my scalp looks:lachen: Which I thought was really odd at first, but he is fairly tall, so he was like, yeah, a lot of females he dated before he could look down directly at their head and see lots of dandruff and caked up dirt all the time. :nono:

I did date this guy one time who seemed kinda anti-natural hair. However, he was very "simple" and close-minded about ALOT of other things as well, so we would've never (and didn't) worked out anyway.
 
Mine hated mine when it was shorter. Now he likes it ok, but he prefers styles like twists and twist outs...nothing too big though, too bad for him :)
 
My SO is white so at first I thought he would be a little "eh" about the whole thing, but when I actually take my install out, he'll come in the bathroom and help me take it out then shakes my hair when its done lol. He loves saying "look at all that curly hair!!!"
 
Netta1 said:
Great, does not like weaves/perms or the like. The nappier the better for my DH.
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THIS!!! My hubby couldn't wait until I went back natural. He met me natural. In fact I was wearing a braidout when he met me on a day many people were like:ohwell::perplexed:nono:. He was the ONLY one who stepped to me to tell be how beautiful I was:spinning:. Til this day he prefers my natural(all 4a/b kinks) hair over long relaxed or straight hair.

As someone has posted, you weed out the ones that arn't for you. Be yourself and how you want to be and the right person will be attracted the it. It really is true:grin:.
 
My DH was NOT supportive...He gave me HELL. (we'd been married a little over a year when I bc'd).....Its just the honest truth. He was raised conservative (no makeup, perms, long hair....natural hair = nappy, dry, ugly, wild hair.....I know...ignorant right?):nono:

He embarrassed me in front of his relatives when my TWA was shrunken under a scarf once by pulling it off....this guy was crazy:wallbash:.....Thankfully I am a Christian and didn't embarrass him in front of said conservative relatives with my "southern girl charm"....Hey I may have a few degrees, but he knows I will take it to the street....in his parent's presence and all....But I held my tongue and rolled my eyes:ignore:....cause my hair is longer and healthier than all of them now........(prideful moment....I'ma mess)....:yep:


Not his fault....society's fault.....


I stuck to my guns but compromised with weaves.....12 months post BC he became a believer when my hair was already past SL....

18 months post BC I was past APL.....I overheard him telling his friend that black women with natual hair can grow it long....my wife's hair is proof...her sister's hair is even longer and blah blah blah....our future daughters will not be getting perms either...blah blah blah.....I just laugh and shrug....He's since apologized for being bad.....but he had to be taught, and I had to stay strong.....He see's me with new products for my hair and knows not to say a word cause he knows that I know what I'm doing......he encourages other men to embrace it too. He realizes natural hair is beautiful.....All is well of course.....:happydance:

I am glad I stuck with it.....but men can be brutally honest....
 
sipp100 said:
Who are all these men who care so deeply about hair?

Other than gay men, I've never encountered men who knew transitioning from a transistor, texlaxed from a text-message. Only thing average men know is long hair and short hair - they may have a preference, but they couldn't tell you anything else about it. Well, they know what dreads are, but short of that, they haven't a clue.

OP, any guy who worries about your hair being natural or relaxed is a little odd. A man with a messed-up mentality is probably not what you're looking for, in any case. Let the natural hair haters weed themselves out for you.


My husband was a natural hair hater in all honesty....But that wasn't a deal breaker for him or me....However...buddy boy had to be taught.....:yep:
Cause he knew what (who) was good for him....ME!
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My Fiance only cares that i keep my hair long as that's his preference.

He doesn't really want to me BC just yet but is fully supportive of me growing out the relaxer.

However if i did decided to BC now i know he wouldn't really mind.
 
DH was kinda iffy about the transitioning, but once I explained why I'm transitioning, he didn't say much. Then I showed him different hair styles that I plan on wearing and he became more supportive. At 16 weeks post, when I was ready to give in to the creamy crack, he didn't want me to give up after coming so far.
 
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