Hey DD,
I feel your pain, I've been there, too. I think you need to assess your hair and figure out the look you're going for, then ask yourself can your type of hair achieve that look, then determine what ingredients can get you to that point.
Become an ingredient reader. I always read ingredients before I buy and I make sure that I use the product according to the directions and then I try it to see if I'll get the result I'm aiming for. I'm very realistic about what my hair can do. If the product promises to soften, shine or moisturize, then I look for that. I don't care what the product has done for other people, even people who seem to have my hair texture. The ingredient list usually tells me what I need to know.
Many products that I've tried that enhance/define my curls that I already have, with no product, are likely to leave it a bit crunchy. Once my hair is dry, I simply scrunch with a bit of serum, or leave-in or oil to remove the crunch. If I purchase shampoo that is too drying, I use it as hand soap or body wash.
I also clean my tub with it. If I purchase conditioner that is too thin, doesn't detangle etc. . . I use it as a rinse, or leave-in or shaving cream (for arm pits). You get where I'm going with this. . .
Bottom line. Do your research. Figure out what nourishing ingredients are cool for your hair and look for it in your products. Don't jump on bandwagons. Trust me, once you find products that you luv, you'll have enough problems with your own bandwagon.