VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay....

[Crystalicequeen123]

....but when it comes to "us" as black women, people get all up in arms or act funny if you want to wear your hair natural? This aggravates me to no end!

I've been seriously thinking about going natural lately, and so I've been doing quite a bit of research online, in books, asking friends who are natural, etc. The one thing that bothers me the most is that it seems like when it comes to "us" going natural, people seem to act like you've committed one of the seven deadly sins or something!! I keep reading on message boards how our fellow black sisters are being treated and ridiculed for wearing their natural hair, especially by some (*SOME*) black men who (by the way) have the SAME exact hair growing out of their OWN freakin' scalps themselves! People always want to talk about our hair like it's making some kind of "statement". Ummmm....no, how about I'm just growing my REAL hair?

UGh.....it's just really disheartening. Other women (white, asian, hispanic, indian, etc) can all wear their natural hair and have it grow healthy and long w/out the use of chemicals (if they chose) and nobody says a PEEP! But let a black woman do this, and oh boy....you would think World War 3 has started.


Okay....I'm done with my vent... *sigh* I just don't get it. I mean, when you look at it abstractly, why would people want to deter or discourage you from wearing the hair that naturally grows from your scalp? Have we been that conditioned in society to think that our hair is so "ugly", "difficult to manage", etc that we can't even be happy for one another when one makes the decision to stop putting harsh chemicals in their hair?

 

[beans4reezy]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I feel you. I am not natural- but I haven't relaxed in over a year. My family thinks I have committed the worst sin on the planet. You can really see folks' ignorance pertaining to our hair come out when you make the decision to go natural. People honestly believe that our natural hair just isn't "pretty" enough. It doesn't seem to fit into what "pretty" is in our society.

If you choose to go natural, do it for you and tune the rest of the ignorance out.

 

[danigurl18]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I feel you. When I first went natural, I had to endure all kinds of comments from family, friends, coworkers, and even a guy who decided that he couldnt' stand to be with me with my short natural. I'm glad he's gone.. what a creep! It's a struggle and it's frustrating but I feel like I've grown as a person so much more and I have a deeper appreciation for the hair that God gave me.. forget everyone else and do what's best for you. We can't change everyone's opinion but we can try one head at a time

 

[kinkycurlyB]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I was saying that exact same thing to my boyfriend last night. I just started my transistion and he would rather me loc up then sport my curly texture. I just don't think he understands how versatile natural hair is. All, he kept saying is, "You're going to wear an afro". I'm not even telling my mom that I'm going natural cause she might have a stroke or something, she is so against it and it makes me sick to my stomach. Just do what you want and don't allow anyone to deter your decision. Do whatever will make your happy, relaxed or natural. Forget everyone else!

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Girl I feel your pain. I'm a year natural, but when I decided to go girl why the girl who does my hair when I asked her to bc for me said, "Well how are you gonna wear it?" WTF! Then my brother....he calls me Sideshow Bob...my nephews talks talk, my friends' bf says rude things....it's ashame.

 

[shenitab]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Going natural as an adult is a journey. I really thought it was just about me wanting to do something different with my hair because what I had been doing (relaxing) was not working for me long term.
It's been about a lot more than hair. It's been about doing what I wanted to do in spite of what other people had to say. It's been about having the courage to look "different". It has been interesting.

 

[Golden75]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I feel both of you. It's hard not take these things a certain way, especially without support from fam & friends. But at the end of the day, it's all about you and what you want. Gotta also remember, some people are negative out of jealousy. And as far as other AA's not excepting natural hair, that's their choice, it's sad, but that's how they feel. Until it becomes the norm, maybe, one day it can be embraced by everyone.

 

[Charz]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

:shrug:

I don't give a damn about what people think of my natural hair. To me it's ok and that's all that matters.

 

[Almaz]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

This is just sad all the way around. Black women should be able to wear their hair natural without any issues. IMHO I think that some people are really insecure about who they are. shoot me if you want but as I keep living I truly believe that there are tons of Black folk who would REALLLY want to be white if they had the opportunity this is just a small manifestation of that sickness it starts with hair. They won't admit it but I see it and I know its there

 

[ceebee3]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

.... Have we been that conditioned in society to think that our hair is so "ugly", "difficult to manage", etc that we can't even be happy for one another when one makes the decision to stop putting harsh chemicals in their hair?

YES

This is just sad all the way around. Black women should be able to wear their hair natural without any issues. IMHO I think that some people are really insecure about who they are. shoot me if you want but as I keep living I truly believe that there are tons of Black folk who would REALLLY want to be white if they had the opportunity this is just a small manifestation of that sickness it starts with hair. They won't admit it but I see it and I know its there

Black people would spend billions if that pill ever came out.

 

[curlyninjagirl]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

ffrant:Yeah dangit! I've been natural for 8 years now and I feel like I have to hide my hair unless it's been properly tamed or shalacked down or weaved up! While white women like Paris Hilton get weaved up one day and the next they're rocking a 1 INCH ponytail WITHOUT ridicule!!!

One time, I had enough courage to actually let my best friend (white) see my hair not quite "done" yet. Of course, he made a dumb comment, "Whoa, you're hair looks crazy." And I militantly ripped him a new one!

Sometimes I hate that my hair is seen as some big political statement or that I get pigeon-holed in some way or another. But I still love my kinky curls

 

[cocoaluv]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

:shrug:

I don't give a damn about what people think of my natural hair. To me it's ok and that's all that matters.

Exactly. In the beginning I was so nervous about what others would think but seriously why the hell would/should I care about what people with bad weaves or high ponytails with scrunchies ( indian chicks at my job) think about my hair???? I damn sure dont want my hair to look like theirs so I do what I want with mine.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I have been natural since 2004 last night my sister says it's like you have to different heads of hair..how come the back does not look like the front? I just ignore anyone that does not like my hair I tell them don't look at me then.

 

[MsLizziA]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I honestly don't give a damn what people think. That may work with me or against me, i don't give a damn but i think its just stupid. PERIOD! I don't have to justify wearing my own hair. That's stupid.

In all honesty, i think society has watched one to many Roots Episodes cuz when you talk about afro hair, thats all people think about. Lets get some education people and come up a notch before you just assume sh$t cuz life is not like TV

 

[Sade']

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Yeah I am just about fed up with "straight" hair being the only acceptable look. I get so many compliments on my hair when I have fried it with a flat iron to achieve a look. My mother gets SO upset when I attempt to let my hair fall in it's natural state. I just don't get it. People look at you crazy when you wear your hair natural as if you have committed a sin. The famous statement that I hear is "That is not very becoming of you" I am like what is wrong with cornrows or natural twists. My hair was designed to be coily so why not let it do what it's supposed to do. Am I not pretty if I let my hair down and stay natural? HELL it saves me more money.

 

[BostonMaria]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

The one thing that bothers me the most is that it seems like when it comes to "us" going natural, people seem to act like you've committed one of the seven deadly sins or something!!

There were a few people in my family that made fun of me and asked me if I was going through some kind of mid-life crisis LOL I took it with a grain of salt, didn't pay them any mind. It was between me and God, nobody else. That's what I kept saying to myself.

BTW a few people that laughed at me now ask me for help transitioning. I even found out that I inspired a co-worker that I don't even know to transition. To this day I still don't know who she is. You'd be surprised who you will inspire, even if its indirectly.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I guess it depends where you live regionally and the type of people you associate yourself with, b/c I never met anyone say anything negative to me while I was transitioning or presently. Even if anyone did, I guarantee my past shoulder length natural hair (past APL when straightened) looks better than 95% of the hair I see in my area.

 

[jry2lnghair]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

This is just sad all the way around. Black women should be able to wear their hair natural without any issues. IMHO I think that some people are really insecure about who they are. shoot me if you want but as I keep living I truly believe that there are tons of Black folk who would REALLLY want to be white if they had the opportunity this is just a small manifestation of that sickness it starts with hair. They won't admit it but I see it and I know its there

========

I totally agreed with this statement. That is why some date white only for that reason, because they don't want their kids to be "black" or have "nappy" hair.

 

[LadyRaider]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

My brother only sees me late in the evening (long story, but basically he's just using my house occasionally as a hotel when he travels) so I'm all wrapped up for bed by the time he gets here.

I told him I had a big afro under this wrap, and he said, "But what if I don't like big afros?" And I was like... what would I care? Lol.

I'm really not brave enough to wear a big afro, actually. But right now I'm rocking a cute braidout. Can't wait to wear my hair like this at our family reunion.

 

[ssstephanie1715]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I am just starting my transition to natural and when I told my mom about it she was praising me. Her and my younger sister are both natural though. My sister has always been natural and had a hard time trying to figure out her hair. Now I go to her to see how she manages her tresses so I know what to do with mines. A lot of my friends are natural and I remember being that person that would compliment them on their hair but said there was no way I could be natural. It's just ignorant. For so long we have thought our hair was unmanageable but we just needed education. The majority is straight so joining the masses was a way to survive. But now - set my hair FREE!

 

[Eritreladiee]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Honestly, you gotta just love your hair that much more to withstand the ignorant comments that sometimes come along.

And at the end of the day, no one is losing sleep over how I choose to wear my hair, so why should I lose sleep over their opinion regarding it.

 

[MizzBrit]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

maybe im the odd one out...but ive never had any negativity when it came to my natural hair..i only hear about this stuff online actually

 

[30something]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Whoa, who are these people in your life giving you so much negativity. I would just not talk to them or return the same negative feelings back at them. One time someone said something negative to me about my hair and I snapped on them, never criticized my practices again... haha this was my mom you know mothers never hold back criticism too.

You gotta do you, I'm sure you would inspire another lady to go natural and you wont even know it. Set a good example like the ones that inspire you. Maybe they will come around like a lot of us have... if they don't forget them

 

[shortycocoa]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Girl I feel your pain. I'm a year natural, but when I decided to go girl why the girl who does my hair when I asked her to bc for me said, "Well how are you gonna wear it?" WTF!

The lady I went to said the same thing. I didn't understand that either, but I told her that I was going to wash it, condition it, and moisturize it and wear it how I see fit.

Another time when I was stretching my relaxer and I went to her for the last relaxer I was ever going to get in my life, (I thought I was transitioning but clearly I fell into getting a relaxer one last time) I was wearing a curly braidout. She was touching my hair and looking at it like she had never seen anything so miraculous. She told me it was pretty and she asked me how I got my hair like that.



I thanked her but was thinking to myself (before I answered her) "surely as a cosmetologist you have to know that this is just braided hair that was rolled on perm rods?!?" but clearly that was not the case.

I told her how I did it and she said it looked nice. I don't think she had ever seen my hair like that when I went to her.

The bottom line is, when you're ready to go natural you should just stand confident and proud and do you! They will either fall in line or come around eventually.

I know my mom did, along with some of my friends who were shocked.

 

[Aviah]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

It is sad OP. However the only way it will change is if you stand strong for what you want, and show them that black natural hair is also beautiful, acceptable, and (will be) normal.
Don't sweat it. You have to deal with your hair when you go home, not them.

 

[*crystal*]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Exactly. In the beginning I was so nervous about what others would think but seriously why the hell would/should I care about what people with bad weaves or high ponytails with scrunchies ( indian chicks at my job) think about my hair???? I damn sure dont want my hair to look like theirs so I do what I want with mine.

I KNOW thats right!!! We as AA's have a SERIOUS problem. And what's worse, the whole world knows about it, and the world continues to capitalize on our insecurities and hatred of the features GOD gave us. Especially AA men! If anyone on this board has seen Chris Rock's doc, "Good Hair", you can see the ignorance of our own men, as well as the billions of dollars being made off our self-hatred.

 

[joytimes10]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I hear you, OP. One has to decide what's really important. After that, just live your life, natural hair and all! I can't wait to be done transitioning. I don't give a rip about insignificant people and their "opinions". HHJ

 

[Janet']

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

As a long term transitioner, I had more questions regarding why half of my hair is really thick and the other half looked really thin, lol...Once I became completely natural, people didn't really say too much. Perhaps it's the area in which I live, but natural heads abound, so I wasn't doing anything out of the way...

 

[*crystal*]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

[/B]
========

I totally agreed with this statement. That is why some date white only for that reason, because they don't want their kids to be "black" or have "nappy" hair.

Not that I am against interracial dating, just THAT reason for interracial dating. And I want to clarify what I said in the earlier post so it doesn't get twisted: I am NOT against relaxers and weaves; just the coersion to get them by ignorant people. plenty of white women apply chemicals and extensions to their hair, they just don't receive fallout for wearing their own, natural hair. I wear my hair heat straightened from time to time as well as natural, but I could care less what someone elsethinks of how I wear my hair.

 

[Blackbird77]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Girl I feel your pain. I'm a year natural, but when I decided to go girl why the girl who does my hair when I asked her to bc for me said, "Well how are you gonna wear it?" WTF! Then my brother....he calls me Sideshow Bob...my nephews talks talk, my friends' bf says rude things....it's ashame.

My brothers called ME Sideshow Bob! But I've been natural 11 years now and I don't plan to relax ever again.