To relax or not? Need Advice!

[rafikichick92]

I am at a crossroads in my hair journey. For the past 3 years, I have had a permanent curl (Waves by Design) and now I'm ready for a change. My hair is just too mushy and breaks too easily. It only looks nice when I've just had it done like in my fotki. All the other times, the curls fall from a 3c look to a 3a look.

Before I got my curl, I was natural, but I don't remember much about it because I was still fairly young (early, early teens). The problem is I would like to go natural to experience it again now that I have knowledge about hair growth, etc, but my mom doesn't think I should (she hasn't decided if she will let me or not). We had a heart to heart the other day and kind of settled on a texturizer as a compromise, but I'm still not exactly thrilled about it.

I'm hesitant about a relaxer because I've never worn my hair straight ever in my life (my mom would press it then immediately plait it up, so that doesn't count, and I don't straighten my curl at all) and I don't know if I would like the look on myself. Anyway, this is just kind of a vent and if you have any suggestions of other options, post here or PM me.

 

[Nonie]

From what I'm reading, what you don't like about your hair is when it goes limp...and loses its curls becoming more wavy, right? Methinks if you relax, you will really miss your curls even more. Texturizing might be a better move, but I believe you'll only be able to do this to the new growth...and I don't know how the two different textures will work for you (twist-outs?)...till you have enough growth to cut the old hair. Hopefully someone who's made the change will come and give advice.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Sounds like you need some protein.

What is a permanent curl.....?

 

[Evazhair]

My personal opinion is you should transition out of the curl to natural, since you are used to pressing. The thioglycolate from your curl and lye or no-lye do not mix. I have heard numerous horror stories of hair falling out after doing this. After you have enough new growth you could texlax or relax if you want to.

I have an older cousin who has a curl, but she doesn't use the curl products. she does wash and goes and sometimes rollersets it. I wouldn't press the hair with the curl in it.

 

[fluffylocks]

My personal opinion is you should transition out of the curl to natural, since you are used to pressing. The thioglycolate from your curl and lye or no-lye do not mix. I have heard numerous horror stories of hair falling out after doing this. After you have enough new growth you could texlax or relax if you want to.

I have an older cousin who has a curl, but she doesn't use the curl products. she does wash and goes and sometimes rollersets it. I wouldn't press the hair with the curl in it.

Yea I agree.

And it does sound like you need a protien treatment.

I would probally wear lots of braids and buns and things like that for about a year.

They have a product called "New Era" that is desgined to help people go from a curl to relaxed hair. I dont remember how you use it though (Do you use it one time, then relax, or do you use it on all of your hair and newgrowth untill your grow your curl and then relax?)

 

[rafikichick92]

Yea I agree.

And it does sound like you need a protien treatment.

I would probally wear lots of braids and buns and things like that for about a year.

They have a product called "New Era" that is desgined to help people go from a curl to relaxed hair. I dont remember how you use it though (Do you use it one time, then relax, or do you use it on all of your hair and newgrowth untill your grow your curl and then relax?)

You are right I need to do a protein treatment. I do aphogee every 6 weeks and my mom washes my hair every 2 weeks and I do GPB protein treatments then, but I do not think it is often enough. I have tried to convince her to do it more often (once or 2x per week), but she consulted the hair dresser who said that it's "not necessary". So I am stuck.

I think you are right, Nonie, I'm afraid of losing my curls--I hate that wavy look. If I were to texturize, I would transition as if going to natural, but just texturize. This is actually part of the reason I agreed to do so, because I figured if I transition and she sees my natural hair, maybe she will let me keep it natural--foot in the door so to speak.

 

[rafikichick92]

Oh, and I don't use curl products either. I use aloe/water/glycerin. It works lots better. LunadeMiel, a permanent curl is the modern day version of the jheri curl. If I decide to relax, I would do what Shamboosie reccomends in his book in the back appendix--protein treatments 2x a week for about 6 weeks and an aphogee 1 week before the relaxer.

Thanks ladies for your opinions/help! Anyone else?

 

[Neith]

I say go natural.

First off, you have the curl in your hair and you can't put a relaxer over it or anything like that... you're going to have to grow it some.

Since you're indecisive, the best thing is to just lay off the chemicals. Even if you don't decide to stay natural, at least you'll have healthy, chemical free hair to work with in the end.

It would suck to texturize/relax, then find out you want to be natural and have to grow THAT out too.

And it'd be bad having any complications with overprocessing by getting relaxer onto the permed parts.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[naijamerican]

I agree with Evazhair. I think you need to transition to natural for a bit and then texturize. I know that there is a way for you to relax your hair as is after strengthening it, but I suspect that your hair will be weaker in the long term as it's inundated with all those chemicals. Those are my thoughts on the matter. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

[rafikichick92]

All of you are really saying what I'm thinking. It's just convincing my mom to let me go natural. I've tried to explain this to her, but she thinks I'm naive as to the effort being natural requires--according to her I can't remember the bad about going natural. I convinced her I know about shrinkage, but not heat damage. She thinks there's no such thing because in her 20 or so years of being natural and mostly, she didn't get heat damage at all (like Pinkskates). I guess that's good for me though, because I didn't get heat damage from presses as a natural either, so if I wanted to I could probably wear it pressed all the time with no problems.

Detangling is our major issue right now. She claims she's done everything LHCF has prescribed for detangling (though if my memory serves me well, she hasn't ). Any suggestions on how to detangle natural (and transitioning) hair are appreciated.

As an aside, does anyone have any reccomendations for combing through new growth? I'm about 10 weeks post and my new growth is impossible to get through. I'm losing a lot of hair because my mom insists on combing it out daily with a medium tooth comb. Usually I don't comb the roots at all, but she is insisting I do it.

Oh well, another long vent. Help, ladies, help.

 

[Neith]

How old are you rafikichick92?

I understand that your mom wants the best for you... but it may be time that you start taking care of your own hair.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I wish I could see your hair. I'm sure it looks beautiful. Look at You tube videos. There is a lot of info there on natural and relaxed hair. I am sorry that I'm not much help, but I hope your mom will see it your way.

 

[cupcakes]

i think you should transition to natural

 

[rafikichick92]

How old are you rafikichick92?

I understand that your mom wants the best for you... but it may be time that you start taking care of your own hair.

I'm 16. I think she should let me take care of my hair myself as well, but she disagrees (and there is no arguing with her, it only makes her more resolute). In her mind there is no such thing as taking care of your own hair besides daily styling and such. She thinks in order for hair to grow, you cannot wash it yourself (she uses the fact that she has long hair from following this method--about 2 inches below APL--to justify it). I guess her idea of me taking care of my hair would be going to the beauty shop to get it washed instead of her doing it ... It's very complicated.

 

[Neith]

I'm 16. I think she should let me take care of my hair myself as well, but she disagrees (and there is no arguing with her, it only makes her more resolute). In her mind there is no such thing as taking care of your own hair besides daily styling and such. She thinks in order for hair to grow, you cannot wash it yourself (she uses the fact that she has long hair from following this method--about 2 inches below APL--to justify it). I guess her idea of me taking care of my hair would be going to the beauty shop to get it washed instead of her doing it ... It's very complicated.

Aww, that's too bad.

I can really relate to arguing not being effective. I'm assuming that straight out refusing would make WWIII break out at your house? My mom gets the same way (still does) when she thinks (or knows) that she knows better than I do... and not just about hair

I love her, but sometimes she makes me want to pull it all out

I hope you figure out a way to take care of your hair even in this situation!

For getting through newgrowth why don't you dampen it with water or a spray bottle, then apply a good moisturizer or oil before combing?

 

[rafikichick92]

I'm assuming that straight out refusing would make WWIII break out at your house?

Lol at WWIII. Actually I've never tried it. Me and my dad talked about almost a year back, but I've never had the guts to actually do it ...

 

[nomoweavesfome]

listen baby, whatever you do, tell mommy that if you put a relaxer or texturizer (sodium hydroxide over thioglycolate(curly perm/wave neuveau) the mix you get is a dilapatory(think neat to remove hair off your legs!) you will absolutely be frustrated. Just convince mommy to transition.

 

[Neith]

I'm sorry to even suggest this, but maybe your dad can help you out. I'm unsure how much he actually cares about hair, but maybe if you really have a heart to heart with him, he can help to deal with your mother.

 

[imaccami]

Well, I think that you're probably going to have to do what she tells you to do. Just be sure to make her understand that a relaxer over a curly perm will make your hair fall out.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

ITA on going natural. Those two chemicals don't mix and you could end up bald start off with well cared for natural hair and see how you feel.

My recommendations on detangling (btw, me and you could be texture twins )

- braid your tangled hair in 8-10 braids (you're gonna keep them in for this entire process)

- Wet your hair

- Unbraid one braid, saturate it with a good ultra slippy conditioner like Trader Joe's NourishSpa or Aussie Moist (my two faves) add more conditioner if you feel its lacking....you want it saturated.

- Begin detangling from ends to roots using a wide toothed comb....once detangled immediately braid it up tightly and repeat this process until each section has been detengled.

Now you're ready to style! (you could leave them in and air-dry in those braids as well)

I think taking charge over your own haircare is immensely important...you should have a serious talk with your mom and frame the argument in your favor saying you feel you're ready to care for your own hair and you want to take this burden off of her so she'll have one less thing to worry about. Even if she's not receptive immediately keep up with it until she trusts you.

Once I started taking care of my own hair it took off and improved by leaps and bounds. For now I think you should educate yourself as much as humanly possible on how to care for type 4 hair properly...you'll be amazed at all the looks you can achieve

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Please don't relax over a curly perm! You will lose your hair! ITA w. going natural. Your product choices already agrees with natural hair. I think you have to transition from your curly perm so you can have the hair you desire.