The Un-PC thread about hair

[nikkivale]

I have been thinking about something for quite sometime. I try to be respectful in terms of discussing hair with other black women, then I find myself not really expressing how I feel about certain issues. Whenever I touch my hair, sometimes it is hard and not soft as desired. I could contribute it to anything, ie dryness, protein deficiency,etc, but the fact remains it feels hard. Eventhough this is actual truth, I find myself not wanting to use the word hard because with our history of despising our hair, I know that the term hard is an adjective typically thought of when mentioning black hair. If it weren't so, then so many of us would not receive responses with this burst of amazement from others such as 'Wow! Your hair is so soft!!' It is like some of us can't seperate the actual reasons (ie dryness, too much product weighing the hair down, etc) why one's hair might not be as soft and swingy as desired without automatically thinking that's just how our hair is. This is why I watch my words when disussing my hair or others. Some people get offended by stating the obvious truth (with respect) about one's hair so it's always a battle for me. Can't use nappy with some, can't use kinky for some *sigh* Heck you can barely use curly with some people because some have the idea that because they have a naturally curlier texture, they are not truly natural or 'fully' black. I mean seriously, how can we describe our hair without being so PC and with the understanding that we are not necessarily belittling our texture or it's manageability?? I know several natural ladies (including myself, Lord forgive me) who have verbally beat down another for simply stating the truth about THEIR hair being hard to manage. Off the bat we think that that person abhors their hair texture without digging in with more questions.

I see what your saying, I always like to use the word 'kinky', it sounds cutier to me than nappy, but some ppl don't like that word either.
I think its true that if you complain about your hair to some ppl they can take it the wrong way even when your not making a negative statement at all to belittle(sp?) your texture, but only the condition that its in at the moment. And I think some of the ladies who have responded have made very good points about the difference between the 2.

For instance I have kinky hair and right now my hair is very hard and unmanageable because the pj in me wanted to try something new and my hair is a nightmare and i complain about 'how terrible my hair is' but i know once i go back to what i know my hair will be soft and manageable.

 

[pattycake0701]

Until I learned how to handle and care for my hair I hated it too.

When my natural curls were brushed with a regular brush I had a huge mass of frizz, not pretty kinky/nappy/curly/wavy hair, but frizz that tangled and knotted. Before I learned to deep condition my hair it was often dry and breaking off once I added heat to the mix.

I can honestly say I HATED my hair before. I didn't know how to take care of it at all, and in my eyes it was "bad hair".

So I can understand when someone is frustrated with her hair and doesn't like it. Sometimes just learning what your hair needs is all it take to turn a head of "bad ugly, unmanageable hair" into "good hair".

Just my two cents.

I'm glad you said that because there are people I know that would swear that a person with your texture had absolutely no hair problems or no bad hair days. And your absolutely right, learning what your hair needs are and what products and routines are compatable with what's on your own head can make a world of difference.

 

[dynamic1]

Bublnbrnsuga, your hair is amazing.

On topic - I understand oh too well, what you are saying. I am often around individuals that believe hair is not “done” unless it is straight. I describe my hair as nappy at times and immediately wish I could suck the words back into my mouth. I know I am going to be reprimanded or someone is going to try to make me feel better. "Awwww, your hair is not nappy, poor thing." What some do not understand is that I don't think nappy hair is bad, a problem, or an affliction. Do I have a love hate relationship with my hair? Yes, many women do. But not because it's nappy. I am learning to deal with it in its nappilicious natural state, which is new and a challenge at times. I did not care for my own hair the last time I was natural (until 12).

I have used the following analogy with some who do not understand why the term nappy is okay with me.

Imagine if blue eyes were vilified, demonized and there existence caused ridicule and scorn.
Parents of blue-eyed children quickly ran to fit their blue-eyed children with brown or green contact lenses.
Little kids on the playground without brown contacts were teased and the blue eyed kids wished there eyes were at least green, because those were "good eyes".
Finding PC terms to describe blue eyes does not make them any less blue! It is what it is.
​

Well, eyes are not blue but my hair sure is nappy. I love it!
Now who wants to come wash and rod my hair before my flight in the morning?

 

[mango387]

I have been thinking about something for quite sometime. I try to be respectful in terms of discussing hair with other black women, then I find myself not really expressing how I feel about certain issues. Whenever I touch my hair, sometimes it is hard and not soft as desired. I could contribute it to anything, ie dryness, protein deficiency,etc, but the fact remains it feels hard. Eventhough this is actual truth, I find myself not wanting to use the word hard because with our history of despising our hair, I know that the term hard is an adjective typically thought of when mentioning black hair. If it weren't so, then so many of us would not receive responses with this burst of amazement from others such as 'Wow! Your hair is so soft!!' It is like some of us can't seperate the actual reasons (ie dryness, too much product weighing the hair down, etc) why one's hair might not be as soft and swingy as desired without automatically thinking that's just how our hair is. This is why I watch my words when disussing my hair or others. Some people get offended by stating the obvious truth (with respect) about one's hair so it's always a battle for me. Can't use nappy with some, can't use kinky for some *sigh* Heck you can barely use curly with some people because some have the idea that because they have a naturally curlier texture, they are not truly natural or 'fully' black. I mean seriously, how can we describe our hair without being so PC and with the understanding that we are not necessarily belittling our texture or it's manageability?? I know several natural ladies (including myself, Lord forgive me) who have verbally beat down another for simply stating the truth about THEIR hair being hard to manage. Off the bat we think that that person abhors their hair texture without digging in with more questions.

First and foremost, I think that you have beautiful hair, and I do not pass out compliments for the heck of it.

Now, I must say after reading the responses in this thread AND your original post, I see something that I am not sure about. You and several others in this thread have what people outside of LHCF would consider "good" or "better" hair. I am pretty sure that unless you grew up in a white neighborhood or had sibling/cousins with 2a/b hair, no one made derogatory comments about the texture of your hair. They might have said that it was thick, but that is not a bad thing IMO.

I get offended by the word "nappy," because it has always been used to describe my hair when people were yanking on it, just finished muttering under their breath that I had "***** hair" or worse. (I am 22, and these things happened when I was a minor. If it happened now, I would walk out of the salon not feeling bad AT ALL ). I know that my hair is rough, because I have actually fully transitioned to natural two years ago. During that time, I learned to love my kinks and naps (Yeah, I said it). At the same time, I still have issues with the word "nappy" because I do have 4bbbbb hair with the exception of half of my nape that has been commented negatively on since I was a little girl. I do not know what your experience has been, but "nappy" is usually associated with so many other things.

BTW, I am going back natural, because I liked my hair. I am just avoiding salons, because I can do without the comments. Even stylists who specialized in natural hair would talk about the texture of my hair negativelyerplexed.

ETA: Just wanted to write, I do feel that a person can describe his/her as she/he wishes.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

See, that's sort of the issue I have with these sort of topics. It's a fine line between someone saying "I cannot manage my natural hair" versus "my natural hair is unmanageable." One statement is qualified (acknowleding that it's "my" problem and presumably something that can be overcome) and the other is unqualified (my hair is the one with the problem and it is inherently flawed). It's a subtle difference, but it's there.

I have no issue with people making qualified statements about their hair, like Camellia or Nikkivale did in this thread. I will probably always have issue with people making blanket, unqualified statements about their hair's condition, texture, or appearance. YMMV.

Very nicely stated.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

See, that's sort of the issue I have with these sort of topics. It's a fine line between someone saying "I cannot manage my natural hair" versus "my natural hair is unmanageable." One statement is qualified (acknowleding that it's "my" problem and presumably something that can be overcome) and the other is unqualified (my hair is the one with the problem and it is inherently flawed). It's a subtle difference, but it's there.

I have no issue with people making qualified statements about their hair, like Camellia or Nikkivale did in this thread. I will probably always have issue with people making blanket, unqualified statements about their hair's condition, texture, or appearance. YMMV.

Sorry you have an issue with this topic, but by no means do I feel there's a fine line between actually stating a hate for something that is given to them at birth vs stating at that moment what condition that person's hair is in.

 

[Dee-Licious]

ETA: Just wanted to write, I do feel that a person can describe his/her as she/he wishes.

and there it is folks!

 

[RosesBlack]

I don't have issue with how people talk about their own hair. I do however take issue when people talk about my hair in the context of telling me what is wrong with what I do with my hair.

This mostly stems from years of wearing super short hair, various colors, weaves, braids, etc.

I really cannot deal when people make how I wear my hair into a political statement without asking me first.

For the record my hair is not now, nor has it ever been a political statement.

Right now my hair is texlaxed. It has been natural, relaxes bone straight, pressed, braided, blablabla.

I personally have a hard time taking good care of my hair and managing it when it's natural. When it was natural it was fairly short and it's just not for me. Although my hair texture has changed as I've gotten older I might go natural again at some point I can't say.

As a whole I think black hair is beautiful. Nappy, natty, relaxed, swingin', roller set whatever. There is strength and beauty in diversity which is one thing I really LOVE about LCHF.

 

[spiceykitten]

Sorry you have an issue with this topic, but by no means do I feel there's a fine line between actually stating a hate for something that is given to them at birth vs stating at that moment what condition that person's hair is in.

I can understand what Bublin is saying. I was a bit alarmed with the words "I hate my hair". I think if women with non-straight textures are taught to love their hair from day one than there would be more positives about keeping non-straight textures in its natural state. I get quite unnerved when people say "I must relax ".

Now to topic, I think if there is more positive discussions about non-straight textures and children are taught to embrace their hair than there would not be such offense to such words as "nappy". I use the word nappy all the time I think and know non-straight textures are a problem for all races. Yet, as hair boards become more prominent I think more people will learn to accept their natural non-straight hair textures. I think a lot more children in the future have much to look forward to because a lot of mummies now are instilling a love for their non-straight hair and hopefully will pass this love on to their babies.

I think the one thing that affects non-whites is a lack of love for themselves. If you truly love yourself then there is little room for anyone to tear you down or make you feel something is a must. You know and understand the truth. You accept what you are given and find it beautiful. Because let us face it, there is more blacks and latinos saying the word nappy to each other or girl get your hair done. We got to break down the negative mentality so that the words are not taken offensive or not needed at all.

I will not be on the hair boards by the time I have children but I am going to pass the information learned from you ladies. I want my babies to see a head full of nappy or straight hair and feel both are equally beautiful. I hope my children will feel no need to be pc-correct and just say "Gosh her hair is beautiful"! and not think about what texture it is. Children become what you teach them and I plan on teaching them well.

 

[Cheleigh]

Sorry you have an issue with this topic, but by no means do I feel there's a fine line between actually stating a hate for something that is given to them at birth vs stating at that moment what condition that person's hair is in.

Actually, I was agreeing with you.

 

[Str8~Curly]

Let me just say this: IMO, I t doesn’t matter what word is used to describe the texture of one’s hair. It is the underlying meaning attached to whatever term is used to describe that type of hair. I understand that ladies here embrace and love their textures, but the truth of the matter is that this board is not representative of the black population. It is blaringly obvious that black people in general are wounded by the myths affirmed by society that our hair is inferior to that of other races and thus do not like their hair. This parallels with this rampant classification system of “good” hair versus “bad hair”. My point is, you could call nappy/kinky/curly hair whatever you want with the most pleasant connotation and some people would still be insulted.

 

[Brownie518]

I have no problem with the terms nappy, dry, or whatever. If that's how your hair is, that's how it is. Sometimes the truth hurts. It's just the history of the term 'nappy'. It has been used by white folks as a way of putting us down (nappy-headed fool, nappy-headed n---). We even do it to ourselves. I can remember us saying it as kids to make fun of each other. It was used to cause shame and feelings of unworthiness and it worked. It's something some of us will never be able to get over, I think. Unfortunately.

 

[envybeauty]

My hair is coarse and I hate it in its natural state. I relax it so I can COMB THRU IT. If people have issues with how I talk about my hair they can come wrestle with it!

I can't help but have an issue with this sentiment, why? Because this is beyond just describing the hair, but it's an attitude. Why hate how your hair grows out of your scalp? This is a deeper issue. I started this thread to dialogue with the ladies here who can't seem to describe their hair or others hair for that matter without stepping on eggshells, not to put express hate for our hair's texture unless it's chemically/heat altered. I know, we are all entitled to our own opinions, but I really don't want this thread to go down the path and yes, it bothers me when one says they hate something that's so beautiful. I will wrestle with it, why? Because this is a nonstop cycle that's being passed along to our children who will feel inferior to those of other races. We really have to stop this.

I don't see the difference between what she said and what you said. She said "course" and you said "hard". You don't like hard hair and she does not like course hair.

 

[envybeauty]

I have no issue with people making qualified statements about their hair, like Camellia or Nikkivale did in this thread. I will probably always have issue with people making blanket, unqualified statements about their hair's condition, texture, or appearance. YMMV.

Why? If the comment is specifically about THAT person's hair, body, or skin. If the comment is about EVERYONE's hair, then it is a blanket statment that one could find exceptions to, but what is wrong with someone commenting on HER OWN attributes?

I ask because at times, I will say my hair is hard, dry, and course AS ALL HE!!. It is my perception of my hair. I will not say every black person has hard, dry, or course hair because that is simply not true, but the hair on MY head, that I was born with, that I have dealt with for some upteen thousands of days, is the hair that only "I" can best describe.

I'm trying to understand why others (not just you specifically) would have a problem with that.

 

[envybeauty]

Sorry you have an issue with this topic, but by no means do I feel there's a fine line between actually stating a hate for something that is given to them at birth vs stating at that moment what condition that person's hair is in.

Ok. so I read this after I made my post. Still, I don't judge others for what they have to deal with on a day to day basis (in terms of dealing with their own hair). If they don't like it, they don't have to IMO.


When others are stretching for 6 months and telling me that I can too and that black people don't have to perm any earlier, that black hair won't break off, that I should be using better products for black hair, that I should this and that, I'm the one suffering with long broken strands every wash and seeing my hair on the floor instead of my head because I should this and that.

I had to give up my long stretch and say...heck no...I NEED A PERM! My point is that because someone found products that work for them, because they found a regimen that works for them doesn't mean that others will too. Some never do. In the meantime, let them express how they feel. We all get to different points in our lives through different thought processes.

 

[pattycake0701]

I can understand what Bublin is saying. I was a bit alarmed with the words "I hate my hair". I think if women with non-straight textures are taught to love their hair from day one than there would be more positives about keeping non-straight textures in its natural state. I get quite unnerved when people say "I must relax ".

Now to topic, I think if there is more positive discussions about non-straight textures and children are taught to embrace their hair than there would not be such offense to such words as "nappy". I use the word nappy all the time I think and know non-straight textures are a problem for all races. Yet, as hair boards become more prominent I think more people will learn to accept their natural non-straight hair textures. I think a lot more children in the future have much to look forward to because a lot of mummies now are instilling a love for their non-straight hair and hopefully will pass this love on to their babies.

I think the one thing that affects non-whites is a lack of love for themselves. If you truly love yourself then there is little room for anyone to tear you down or make you feel something is a must. You know and understand the truth. You accept what you are given and find it beautiful. Because let us face it, there is more blacks and latinos saying the word nappy to each other or girl get your hair done. We got to break down the negative mentality so that the words are not taken offensive or not needed at all.

I will not be on the hair boards by the time I have children but I am going to pass the information learned from you ladies. I want my babies to see a head full of nappy or straight hair and feel both are equally beautiful. I hope my children will feel no need to be pc-correct and just say "Gosh her hair is beautiful"! and not think about what texture it is. Children become what you teach them and I plan on teaching them well.

Yep I agree with your entire post! It always makes me cringe when I hear folks say "I need a relaxer". I'm not anti-relaxer or anything because I have put several in my mom's hair since I've been natural. But, I consider things like water, shelter, food, etc. as a need.

I'm rearing my children (especially my daughter) to be proud of herself and her features. There's nothing wrong with admiring the woman with the stick straight her down to her butt, but she should also realize that what she has is equally as beautiful.

 

[Nightingale]

when it comes to hair, the only thing that bugs me when addressing it is lableing hair types as "good" or "bad". Like anything from 1 to 3b is "good" hair. I once had a black friend with 4b hair who only wanted to date white (or non black) guys because she wanted her babies to have "good" hair (and light eyes... but thats another story). I think all hair types is good if you take care of it. If its dry and chemically damaged and you call that hair bad and you call a healthy lush head of hair good, thats ok. But calling natural 3c or 4anything hair bad or undesirable and anything below that good, thats what i dont like.

We've all had THAT friend.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

I don't see the difference between what she said and what you said. She said "course" and you said "hard". You don't like hard hair and she does not like course hair.

In one breath she described her hair and the next stated she HATED her hair in its natural state.

 

[dicapr]

My hair is coarse and I hate it in its natural state. I relax it so I can COMB THRU IT. If people have issues with how I talk about my hair they can come wrestle with it!

Thanks for being honest. This is the Un-PC thread and you expressed an unpopular opinion. I take no offense, even though I am natural. We all hate certain things about our bodies. I don't think that just because you hate the coarseness of you hair you have some deep seeded racial issues. Plus, I have never had to deal with your texture. I can't comment on how much or how little of a pain it would be to deal with on the daily basis. I hate my thick thighs-it doesn't mean anything except I don't like that feature on my body.

 

[Energist]

Because so many people are trying to assimilate into a "White America" although America really is very multicultural, it makes it difficult to be "correct" as opposed to "pc" at all, because it seems that just about everyone has ethnic sensitivity issues. I wouldn't express my honest opinion to anyone without knowing them enough though, because I am just careful about everyones feelings.

Growing up, I had a slight identity crisis and that came from not having enough Black people in my circle. I thankfully outgrew that as my friends grew to be more diverse, but it was a hard transition. I'm not afraid to talk about my "kitchen" or edges kinking up now, because well that's what it is and had I not gone natural for 7 years, I'd never truly appreciate my natural hair texture. I embrace my hair, knaps and all now.

OP: you've got mail!

 

[meaganita]

I was around some people who had never seen my hair in it's natural state before, and I had it pulled back in a loose bun. My hair was parted down the middle, but very poofy and the bun was just tucked in the ponytail holder. My hair looked extra ethnic (nappy). A male friend of mine said, "Well, at least now we know you're not mixed!" -And I was like, "What do you mean, I've never claimed I was mixed?" --And he was like, "Yeah I know, but this is very different from how you normally look." --I'm still like, okay??? What does that have to do with me looking "mixed" or not? -And he said, "Well let's just say you went from being a SIS-TER to being a SIS-TAH!" I guess he was trying to be funny...but basically he was trying to say that my hair was nappy, and that before he saw it in it's natural state, he thought I might have been mixed.

First of all, I don't think I look mixed AT ALL. But I can't lie, what he said kind of irked me a little, just because he made such a big deal out of it. He just kept going on and on about it. It was like somehow, the fact that I'm not "mixed" was a negative thing or some kind of problem???...

Anyway, I refer to my own hair as being nappy all the time. But I think it's different if someone else says my hair is nappy - somehow it feels more like an insult. Of course, it depends on who's saying it, and the context it's being used in and whatnot, because it could all be in fun and no big deal. But I think a lot of times people do use "nappy" as an insult when refering to someone else's hair. Whereas "nappy" is almost like a term of endearment when referring to your own hair.

I dunno, but I can best liken it to a "Don't be talkin' 'bout my mama" analogy...Basically how I can say whatever I want about my mama, but if someone else says something sideways about her, it's a problem.

 

[shawniegee]

I feel ya bubblin! It seems nappy has become the other n word to some. I personally don't think the word is the problem. I think it's the intention behind the word that causes problems. Very seldom do you hear anyone go, " Your hair is so nappy and beautiful". To me it's all about what's accompanied with the word and who says it. But people are always going to have different associations with nappiness. Nappy or kinky hair is not the problem, I think it's just rude narrow-minded people that's the problem. But dare I say your nappy hair is gorgeous!