The Un-PC thread about hair

[Bublnbrnsuga]

I have been thinking about something for quite sometime. I try to be respectful in terms of discussing hair with other black women, then I find myself not really expressing how I feel about certain issues. Whenever I touch my hair, sometimes it is hard and not soft as desired. I could contribute it to anything, ie dryness, protein deficiency,etc, but the fact remains it feels hard. Eventhough this is actual truth, I find myself not wanting to use the word hard because with our history of despising our hair, I know that the term hard is an adjective typically thought of when mentioning black hair. If it weren't so, then so many of us would not receive responses with this burst of amazement from others such as 'Wow! Your hair is so soft!!' It is like some of us can't seperate the actual reasons (ie dryness, too much product weighing the hair down, etc) why one's hair might not be as soft and swingy as desired without automatically thinking that's just how our hair is. This is why I watch my words when disussing my hair or others. Some people get offended by stating the obvious truth (with respect) about one's hair so it's always a battle for me. Can't use nappy with some, can't use kinky for some *sigh* Heck you can barely use curly with some people because some have the idea that because they have a naturally curlier texture, they are not truly natural or 'fully' black. I mean seriously, how can we describe our hair without being so PC and with the understanding that we are not necessarily belittling our texture or it's manageability?? I know several natural ladies (including myself, Lord forgive me) who have verbally beat down another for simply stating the truth about THEIR hair being hard to manage. Off the bat we think that that person abhors their hair texture without digging in with more questions.

 

[Kimberly]

I know what you mean, I think.

The other day I told the coworkers that my natural hair is "kinky, curly, nappy"...I then explained to them that, to me, "nappy" was not a bad word...it was just the best word to describe my hair. Pre-Imus, I'm not sure if I would have went into that explanation (with non-AA women, esp.). Sometimes I think people should lighten up. I've had people get upset with me about how I describe my own hair. It's MY hair...I think I know if it's nappy or not....or hard....or whatever.

I am careful as to not offend others about their hair, though.

OT: I love your hair! You are the reason I'm transitioning my daughter to natural! I'll be in Memphis this weekend to get her and I can not wait to BC her hair!

 

[LadyD]

Well it was my intention to reply to your post and then I scrolled to the end and saw your hair and lost my whole train of thought! You have the most beautiful natural hair I have ever seen!

You are dead on with your post. Nappy and such words do not bother me however I have friends who would eat me up alive if I referred to their hair as such.

 

[bLackButtaFly]

Hmmmm... ITA. I think it's hard for many to hear from someone on the outside giving us what we perceive as judgement. It's always easier to take the sugar with sour, and I think that's why we tread lightly around the issue. It's hard b/c as a natural it's assumed you did so for sush and such reason, like all the naturals drank this one cup of water that made them want to get back to their roots. And people want you to love your texture, but sometimes they get too sensitive. If you think your hair feels hard, then dagnabit, it's hard! Nothing wrong with that! Shoot sometimes I get hard hair too. to hard or any other un-pc term used to describe our hair! stepping down from soap box):

(I think that's what you were talking about, sorry if I miscontrued your post )

 

[Dee-Licious]

People will find something wrong with ANYTHING.


So, I just say what I mean and if they take it wrong oh well. I know I didn't mean any harm by it.

 

[camellia]

First, I love your new sig! You look so pretty! And that hair!

Kinky, curly nappy... I think I've used all of them to describe my own hair at different times, but like you, I try to be careful when talking about someone else's hair. Some people feel that certain words are negative and will never accept them.

 

[audacity.]

first of all bubln your hair is absolutely GORGEOUS!!!!!!! And i mean GORGEOUS!

now, to add my 22 cents...

to me the words nappy, kinky, coily, and even black all exude pride and power! i am proud to be black and love everything about blackness: our culture, our people and even our hair - regardless of how one feels the need to describe her hair. i mean it is what it is. i honestly feel if more of "us" truly knew who we are as a UNIT, perhaps folks wouldn't be so offended with the un-PCness of such words. JMO, though. i sometimes think that i am a rare bird, though...

thinking to myself "power to the people" raising my fist!!!


​

 

[chica_canella]

Well, I don't see anything wrong with the word nappy but since other people will try to use that word in a venemous manner, I am more apt to not talk about hair. They just don't understand alot of things, period.

 

[Radianthealth]

I don't mind calling my own hair nappy...I don't call it nappy very often because textured and kinky sound sexier

Nappy also brings back memories of my mom trying to wash/groom/press my "nappy" hair. Hours of being brushed and yanked and popped when all I wanted to do was go outside and play. Anyone remember being told "stop jumpin, that's just the grease melting" when they were having their hair pressed....ughhhhh!!!!

I think coming from other people nappy can be seen as an insult. If a natural posts her progress pics and I go into the thread and post

"Wow, you have really nappy hair!!! "

I don't think many would take that well. Nappy just has a negative connotation if you are using it on people that you are not very close/intimate with (family, cousins, close friends). It also depends on the situation.

It is like calling an administrative assistant a secretary. IMHO

I don't like to call my admin a secretary, and if I were a secretary I would prefer to be called an admin

For me in a higher ranking/paying position to refer to my admin as a secretary could come off as condescending. The same could be said for a 1a - 3c person calling the hair of a 4a -4z nappy.

 

[sistawithsumthin]

INappy also brings back memories of my mom trying to wash/groom/press my "nappy" hair. Hours of being brushed and yanked and popped when all I wanted to do was go outside and play. Anyone remember being told "stop jumpin, that's just the grease melting" when they were having their hair pressed....ughhhhh!!!!

Are you my long lost sister because we were raised by the same mother. This is how we'll know check the tops of your ears and see if it is shorter because of being burned so many times.

Ok back to the thread.

I just remember on Martin, Gina yelling back "I'm happy to be nappy Cole!"

And I am!

 

[ladylibra]

It is like calling an administrative assistant a secretary. IMHO

I don't like to call my admin a secretary, and if I were a secretary I would prefer to be called an admin

For me in a higher ranking/paying position to refer to my admin as a secretary could come off as condescending. The same could be said for a 1a - 3c person calling the hair of a 4a -4z nappy.

that's ironic... cuz i work in admin/HR positions, and positions titled "secretary" have higher salaries than "admin assistants" and "receptionists" even though they're all basically the same jobs to me...

but that's way off-topic... who cares what my jobs have been called in the past... LOL

i try to be PC with people, but what gets me is they don't try to be PC with me... or even polite. if i were to call my hair good they'd be quick to remind me how nappy it is... but when i refer to it as nappy i hear psssssh please you got good hair. if i call it curly people correct me and say it's coily, if i call it coily people say isn't that the same as curly? if i describe someone else's hair as kinky someone will point out that my hair isn't all that curly, it's got kinkiness to it too. then when i describe someone else's hair as a looser curl pattern, i get told my hair is curly too and that person's hair isn't any better than mine.

i don't think my hair is "better" or "worse" than anyone's based off of texture. we can be different and still all have gorgeous hair. people are so stupid sometimes... hence why i don't have many hair-related conversations outside of hairboards...

 

[Radianthealth]

that's ironic... cuz i work in admin/HR positions, and positions titled "secretary" have higher salaries than "admin assistants" and "receptionists" even though they're all basically the same jobs to me...

but that's way off-topic... who cares what my jobs have been called in the past... LOL

i try to be PC with people, but what gets me is they don't try to be PC with me... or even polite. if i were to call my hair good they'd be quick to remind me how nappy it is... but when i refer to it as nappy i hear psssssh please you got good hair. if i call it curly people correct me and say it's coily, if i call it coily people say isn't that the same as curly? if i describe someone else's hair as kinky someone will point out that my hair isn't all that curly, it's got kinkiness to it too. then when i describe someone else's hair as a looser curl pattern, i get told my hair is curly too and that person's hair isn't any better than mine.

i don't think my hair is "better" or "worse" than anyone's based off of texture. we can be different and still all have gorgeous hair. people are so stupid sometimes... hence why i don't have many hair-related conversations outside of hairboards...

It all boils down to "perception" and everyone has a different one

 

[imstush]

The only thing that irks me is when people start talking in disgust of people with locks. I don't mean unkempt, lint trapped, smelly ones because that seems more hygiene issue related than anything, but anyhoo. I always think what do you think some people of other races think of our hair in general.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

NAPPY IS BEAUTIFUL!!!


There, I said it...


...and I'm not saying it because it's PC. Nappy really is beautiful!!!

 

[sareca]

I like nappy.

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

First, I love your new sig! You look so pretty! And that hair!

Kinky, curly nappy... I think I've used all of them to describe my own hair at different times, but like you, I try to be careful when talking about someone else's hair. Some people feel that certain words are negative and will never accept them.

Right! Some people are either ignorant or overly sesitive on such issues. I totally embrace nappy and refer to myself as nappy al the time. It is not a bad word but a state of hair.

 

[turnergirl]

I have kinda given up on really discussing my hair with anyone because it feels pointless. Unless I am sure the other person knows something about natural hair and has an open mind, I will not go there. I hate having to tell people I am not bi-racial, that I do not have a texturizer or even defending my right to be displeased with my hair. I only discuss these issues with women who know better.

 

[AwesomelyNappy]

when it comes to hair, the only thing that bugs me when addressing it is lableing hair types as "good" or "bad". Like anything from 1 to 3b is "good" hair. I once had a black friend with 4b hair who only wanted to date white (or non black) guys because she wanted her babies to have "good" hair (and light eyes... but thats another story). I think all hair types is good if you take care of it. If its dry and chemically damaged and you call that hair bad and you call a healthy lush head of hair good, thats ok. But calling natural 3c or 4anything hair bad or undesirable and anything below that good, thats what i dont like.

 

[AwesomelyNappy]

I like nappy.

I think nappy is ... AWESOME!!!

 

[SkinnyMocah]

My hair is coarse and I hate it in its natural state. I relax it so I can COMB THRU IT. If people have issues with how I talk about my hair they can come wrestle with it!

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

My hair is coarse and I hate it in its natural state. I relax it so I can COMB THRU IT. If people have issues with how I talk about my hair they can come wrestle with it!

I can't help but have an issue with this sentiment, why? Because this is beyond just describing the hair, but it's an attitude. Why hate how your hair grows out of your scalp? This is a deeper issue. I started this thread to dialogue with the ladies here who can't seem to describe their hair or others hair for that matter without stepping on eggshells, not to put express hate for our hair's texture unless it's chemically/heat altered. I know, we are all entitled to our own opinions, but I really don't want this thread to go down the path and yes, it bothers me when one says they hate something that's so beautiful. I will wrestle with it, why? Because this is a nonstop cycle that's being passed along to our children who will feel inferior to those of other races. We really have to stop this.

 

[turnergirl]

I think nappy is ... AWESOME!!!

IA. I am happy nappy even when my hair is giving me a hard time there is still nothing like it in the world. I love my hair.

 

[Str8~Curly]

...Exactly

I can't help but have an issue with this sentiment, why? Because this is beyond just describing the hair, but it's an attitude. Why hate how your hair grows out of your scalp? This is a deeper issue. I started this thread to dialogue with the ladies here who can't seem to describe their hair or others hair for that matter without stepping on eggshells, not to put express hate for our hair's texture unless it's chemically/heat altered. I know, we are all entitled to our own opinions, but I really don't want this thread to go down the path and yes, it bothers me when one says they hate something that's so beautiful. I will wrestle with it, why? Because this is a nonstop cycle that's being passed along to our children who will feel inferior to those of other races. We really have to stop this.

 

[camellia]

Until I learned how to handle and care for my hair I hated it too.

When my natural curls were brushed with a regular brush I had a huge mass of frizz, not pretty kinky/nappy/curly/wavy hair, but frizz that tangled and knotted. Before I learned to deep condition my hair it was often dry and breaking off once I added heat to the mix.

I can honestly say I HATED my hair before. I didn't know how to take care of it at all, and in my eyes it was "bad hair".

So I can understand when someone is frustrated with her hair and doesn't like it. Sometimes just learning what your hair needs is all it take to turn a head of "bad ugly, unmanageable hair" into "good hair".

Just my two cents.

 

[Bint Yusef]

And it looks absolutely fabulous in that pic.

I have been wanting to try it on my hair bought thought it turn out a frizzy mess. I think that is one of the best rollersets IVe seen on natural hair.

Did you use a setting lotion of serum?

IA. I am happy nappy even when my hair is giving me a hard time there is still nothing like it in the world. I love my hair.

 

[Str8~Curly]

I understand what you mean, it was hard for me accepting my hair as a child. Now that I know how to properly care for it, I really do love it.

Until I learned how to handle and care for my hair I hated it too.

When my natural curls were brushed with a regular brush I had a huge mass of frizz, not pretty kinky/nappy/curly/wavy hair, but frizz that tangled and knotted. Before I learned to deep condition my hair it was often dry and breaking off once I added heat to the mix.

I can honestly say I HATED my hair before. I didn't know how to take care of it at all, and in my eyes it was "bad hair".

So I can understand when someone is frustrated with her hair and doesn't like it. Sometimes just learning what your hair needs is all it take to turn a head of "bad ugly, unmanageable hair" into "good hair".

Just my two cents.

 

[nikkivale]

I used to have issues with my 4b super coarse, super thick hair too, not only the combing but the negative attitudes others had with it when I came to the states and started going to salons. I've learned to embrace it especially after spending more time on LHCF I've been able to learn from other women (esp those with my hair type) the techniques and products they use and it has helped me tremendously because i've never been well educated on my hair and now that i have a better understanding of how to take care of my hair I really love it. It just takes some time to "re-learn" your hair but in the end my hair has thanked me.

 

[Cheleigh]

I can't help but have an issue with this sentiment, why? Because this is beyond just describing the hair, but it's an attitude.

See, that's sort of the issue I have with these sort of topics. It's a fine line between someone saying "I cannot manage my natural hair" versus "my natural hair is unmanageable." One statement is qualified (acknowleding that it's "my" problem and presumably something that can be overcome) and the other is unqualified (my hair is the one with the problem and it is inherently flawed). It's a subtle difference, but it's there.

I have no issue with people making qualified statements about their hair, like Camellia or Nikkivale did in this thread. I will probably always have issue with people making blanket, unqualified statements about their hair's condition, texture, or appearance. YMMV.

 

[guesswho]

OMG! I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR HAIR! its beautiful, oh and about the topic I agree with you

 

[dillard]

See, that's sort of the issue I have with these sort of topics. It's a fine line between someone saying "I cannot manage my natural hair" versus "my natural hair is unmanageable." One statement is qualified (acknowleding that it's "my" problem and presumably something that can be overcome) and the other is unqualified (my hair is the one with the problem and it is inherently flawed). It's a subtle difference, but it's there.

I have no issue with people making qualified statements about their hair, like Camellia or Nikkivale did in this thread. I will probably always have issue with people making blanket, unqualified statements about their hair's condition, texture, or appearance. YMMV.

Beautifully stated. ITA!!